Mars (5 page)

11

All of our stars

Finally, I am left alone with Logan. His parents and Ella went down to the cafeteria to get some dinner. He grins at me and shakes his head. His face is less pale than before, and there's some color in his cheeks and lips.

"What?" I exclaim, tucking in a loose strand of my hair.

"You came here."

I shrug. "Of course. That's what friends are for."

"Friends?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Oh my God," I sigh. "Masterson, when are you going to get over the idea that I don't like you in that way?"

"Well, Wolfe, I can't 
get over 
a lie. You're lying to yourself," he stopped at my glare, "fine, but don't blame me when you hear the 
I told you so, 
in a few months."

"I swear, no one is as persistent as you are."

He chuckles. "Not even Mr. Ethan?"

I groan at that, because Ethan has called me at least five times since I'd gotten to the hospital. I answered him on the fourth call, in front of Logan's whole family. He wanted to make sure that I was okay after what had happened in school earlier. Then, he called again, but that was when I decided to put my phone on silent.

"I don't even know what's up with him."

Logan looks at me as if I'm stupid. "He's still in love with you, 
duh.
"

"I know that, but I told him that I don't feel the same about him anymore. I even told June to ask him out for a movie or something."

"Amaryllis, who called the ambulance when I so-gracefully lost conscience?"

I roll my eyes, knowing that he already knew the answer. "Ethan."

"Obviously, he is madly in love with you, although I don't blame him."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I crack a small smile.

He shrugs. "I mean, the poor guy doesn't stand a chance. You can't blame him for being in love with you." The way he says that just makes him look so freaking handsome, it's incredible.

"He's the one who let me go, Logan." I ignore the double meaning in his words.

"He wants you back, Amaryllis."

I sigh. "But I don't. Now can we please stop talking about him, please? He's not the one in the hospital. What happened?"

"I fainted?" He grins. "You were there."

"Logan, I meant-"

"I know what you meant. Well, I'm about to get all medical so listen," his eyes flash with a momentary sadness. "The first time I had leukemia, it got cured by chemotherapy. Then,
during a blood test, the doctors found a high level of white blood cells. There was also a low level of platelets and hemoglobin.”

I blink to keep track of everything. "And the treatment for that is?"

"Radiation and chemotherapy."

Tears gather in my eyes, because I hear so much about both treatments. Chemotherapy, though, will make him suffer, but it will hopefully help.

"Yes, I know why you're crying."

I wipe my cheek with the back of my hand. "Why?"

He does a miserably failed hair flip. "The hair will be gone."

I let out a small laugh.

There's a short comfortable silence that Logan breaks.

"I'm going to be at the UC Davis Comprehensive Cancer Center a lot now. And I'm going to be missing a lot of school."

"So?"

"Sadly, you won't see me as often as you'd like to," he yawns and slips into the bed more.

I scoff. "Are you stupid or are you stupid? I'll come see you as often as I can."

He smiles and closes his eyes. "Are you sure you don't like me?"

"Positive. Now sleep."

12

I want you bad

“Really? And he fell asleep while you were there?” exclaims Jenna, taking a handful of popcorn and shoving it in her mouth. I nod, taking a bite of the pizza in my hands.

I grimace. “I’m so worried, though, Jen.”

“About him?”

I shrug. “Yeah, I mean he’s going to be taking chemo soon. I heard that it makes you puke and sleep a lot, plus the hair loss.”

“I know, but at least he has you,” says Jenna.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying, he’s going to go through torture for the next period of his life. You promised to be there for him, and maybe in a way, that helps him.”

I sigh. “I guess, yeah.”

There’s a small silence as Jenna looks at something on her phone.

“Ethan talked to me; after you left, I mean.”

I raise an eyebrow. “About?”

“You, dumdum.”

Groaning, I put my face on her pillow. “Don’t tell me what he said.”

Jenna stares at me and shakes her head. She types something on her phone and puts it away. She lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling. I soon imitate her.

“How’s it with Ryan?” I ask, for the first time in forever.

There’s a pause.

“Good, good.”

“Good.”

“Hey, Amy?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Logan’s right?”

I yawn and slip under the covers. “About?”

“Do you like him?”

I close my eyes and refrain from answering. Even I don’t know how to answer that. Do I like him? Was it possible to like someone you’ve known for only a few weeks?

“You don’t know, do you?”

“You know me best,” I answer.

My phone rings and I jump in bed. I shuffle around for my phone and Jenna does the same. Soon enough, I realize that’s the ringtone Logan set for himself, 
Bad 
by 
the Cab. 
Jenna tosses me my phone and I catch it despite my horrendous reflexes. Indeed, a horrible selfie by Logan is on the screen. I put it on speaker for the sake of Jenna’s uncontrollable curiosity.

“Hello?” I answer, making myself comfortable on the bed.

“Did I wake you?”

I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. “Uh, no?”

“Good.” I could 
hear 
him smiling.

“Why’d you call?” I ask.

He chuckles. “I figured you already missed me.”

“Do I, now?”

“And plus, I got bored when I woke up.”

I raise an eyebrow. “So I’m your entertainment.”

“Depends in which way,” he laughs and I feel myself lighten. “I just winked at you by the way.”

It’s my turn to laugh. Jenna grins like a Cheshire cat. “You’re such a freak.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Shouldn’t you defend yourself? I called you a freak.”

“Nah, I think being weird or freaky is a good thing. I wouldn’t want to be plain and normal now, would I?”

“Oh, of course, not! You should be proud.” I smile.

He chuckles. “Thank you for the support.”

“You have a nice phone voice!” blurts out Jenna on the phone, blushing deep red.

“Do I, now? Thank you, Ms. Jenna.”

I furrow my eyebrows, “How did you know it wasn’t me?”

“Because your voice is too witty and cute.”

I blush even though I don’t want to. “Did you just say that I have a cute and witty voice?”

“YOU HAVE A CUTE AND WITTY VOICE, AMARYLLIS GRACE WOLFE,” he shouts into the phone. Startled, I jump.

“Now, why aren’t you asleep?” He says in a perfectly composed voice that won’t damage my ears.

“Well, I have this semi-handsome friend who keeps on calling me and interrupting my almost-sleep.” I clasp my hand on my mouth to keep myself from bursting into laughter at his expression for calling him semi-handsome.

“Semi? I think your friend is more handsome than you think. Plus, you should take in his attractiveness before he becomes bald.”

I laugh. “Really? Maybe I need glasses. I can’t see what you’re talking about.”

“You hurt me, Amaryllis. You hurt me right here,” he says. “By the way, I just pointed at my heart.”

Oh, God. This conversation may be the reason causing me to dream of a certain gray-eyed boy with a big smile and an even bigger ego.  

13

Latching onto you

One week.

It's been one full week since I've seen Logan.

I don't think I've ever missed anyone more, besides my mom, of course.

God, it's just that he has this 
way
of living instead of just existing without a reason.

He lives.

He has this 
smile. 
It's like the whole world lights up and everything is better, because he's happy. He has become the sun in my life and after Ethan, I never thought it would happen again.

"Mars?"

Speaking of the devil.

"Hi," I say feebly. He sits down one seat away from me. I am eating lunch alone while listening to music and "doing" homework. These are the kind of days where Jenna spends the whole lunch with Ryan.

He smiles. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, no. I was just enjoying being alone," I say. "So, what's up?"

"I want to talk to you about Logan," he confesses, the smile falling.

I shrug. "What about him?"

"Do you," he gulps, "have feelings for him?"

I stare at Ethan and feel annoyance building up in me. Can't he just 
sto
p? I thought we got over this whole "I have feelings for you" affair.

"I don't believe that's any of your business," I reply, a little colder than I intended.

Ethan reddens. "I was just asking, because you act in this way and you worry about him and-"

Something in me just snaps like a branch.

"Look, Ethan. I don’t mean to be mean, but get over yourself! I already told you, 
us
is over. Whether I like Logan or not is 
my
business. The way I act or worry about him shouldn't concern you," I say in a sharp voice. "For crying out loud, he's 
dyin
g! A teenager is dying and all 
you
're worried about is whether I have a crush on him."

I've never been so mean to someone before.

Scratch that, I've never been so mean to Ethan before.

My phone buzzes on the table with 
Logan's Mom
written on it. I pick up my books and my phone and leave the food.

"Hello?" I answer as soon as I'm away from Ethan.

"Amy? Hi-hi, um, I-" Her voice is shaking and she seems to be crying. "Do you think you can come see Logan soon?"

My heart drops.

"Why? Is he-" 
Dying? 
But I don't dare finish that sentence.

"No! No! His first chemo session is today and he's having trouble. I think he needs a friend. I don't have any of his other friends' numbers and his phone has a code on it. Could you come, please?"

My answer is automatic. "Of course."