MASON (Second Chance Novels Book 2) (23 page)

"Sofia…" I try to say. I want to express how sorry I am, but I know she would be upset by the apology. This evening was her way of calling me out, and she succeeded. She's not sorry, and I shouldn't be either. Somehow she loves me more now than she did before. I can see it in her eyes. She understands so much about me, and I have no guard left. Not with Sofia. That fiery phoenix burned away my defenses.
 

"This is just me," she reminds me softly. "Just me, ready for you."

I sigh deeply and flex my muscles before I can look at her again. "There's too much," I finally say.

"Start small," she answers.

Without being able to look at her I take a final deep breath. "There's nothing small about any of this."

She waits for me to continue and I love her for offering patience and silence. She allows me the chance to find my resolve. Since I can't start small, I simply start at the beginning.

"I trained hard for years," I say flatly, detached. "I learned more ways to fight than I can count. I can break any bone I want to. I don't even have to think about it. I learned four languages and anti-interrogation techniques. I have skills with a field knife a person shouldn't be allowed to have. I've perfected infiltration, rescue, stealth recon, everything. I soaked it all in so fast, Sofia. I was fucking made for it. I got promoted every time it was possible. I lived and breathed my career. There was nothing else, and I didn't want anything else."

She listens to me with zero emotion displayed on her face. As always, there is no drama. She waits patiently for me to continue and makes no fuss over my story. God, I love her so much. She makes me want to keep talking. She rests her fingers on my chest, linking us again in such a simple display of connection. Her touch sparks my need to continue, and brings my appreciation of her to yet another level.
 

"I finally had a family worth something. Growing up, my parents were fuck-ups and my sister died of an overdose when I was fifteen. The Army gave me a chance to leave, and gave me a place to be important. I always knew I could be more, but I never realized how much until Bash took me under his wing."

"Bash?"

"The senior member of my Special Forces team. Callen 'Bash' Reed. He saw me for exactly who I was, almost immediately. A lot like you did. He was my first brother, and closer to a father than I ever had. Then I was surrounded by even more brothers, and life was how it was supposed to be. For years."

I take a deep breath, because this is when the story gets hard. Sofia waits patiently, and I love her even more for all that she is. Too long passes, but still she waits. I take one final deep breath before I make myself keep going.
 

"When they took me from Special Forces into intelligence, they took me away from home. I was ripped from who I was, but I refused to let that affect my work. I had orders and I executed those orders with efficiency and without question. I was damn good at my new job…until I had questions, all about Command Sergeant Major Reginald Griffith."

"Who was that?" she asked simply. She doesn't want me to stop talking. And finally, I don't want to stop. She is my safe haven.

"He was the officer directly over me in the Intelligence Unit. He was always looking for the next mission that could make a name for him. He had his sights set high and the reality in front of him mattered very little. He wanted to ride on the glory of others' accomplishments. I hated him for it."

"Sounds like Garrett."

"Exactly like Garrett. Power-hungry and stupid."

I choke up when I think about my next words. I can't stop now, but I've never told the story…I'm not sure how. I'm silent for a few more moments and Sofia begins tracing her fingers softly along my back, circling the evidence of the bullet wound gently. "Tell me," she says softly.

I breathe out a heavy breath. "I was captured once and held for two days…two very long days. Half of my scars are from those same two days. I wasn't the only one. I never knew details of how we ended up there, but I know the entire mission was a disaster. Then I find out Griff deployed us into that fuck-up. I hated him in that moment, but he was my superior officer. That line doesn't get crossed. I shut my mouth and saluted him daily."

Sofia waits again. I control my breathing to finish my story. Her intelligent eyes watch me keenly, and somehow softly. In her eyes I find the shelter for the rest of my story…
we drag it out and we take it on. That's how we do things.
I take a deep breath.

"I handled working for him every day. Then a few months later, we sent out my old unit. From what I could tell, we were working off intel which was sketchy at best, but Griffith swore by his source. The target was a big name, and Griff was out for the win at any cost. By the time the smoke cleared, half my team was down, killed on enemy soil. Two bodies never came home. My brothers were taken down on a mission they never should have been on," I squeeze out. I can barely talk, but I hold myself together. "Four of my brothers. Gone. And suddenly, Griffith became the clearest enemy in my path."

"What did you do?" she asks quietly.
 

"I lost it, Sofia. In total defiance of my training, I reacted without thinking. I strode up to him, and I broke his jaw."

She looks at me softly, without judgment like she promised, and waited. Her fingers never broke our connection. I'm trying to recover, but my throat stays tight. I try to swallow down the emotion, but the pressurized force from years of suppression will no longer be contained.
 

"I should have been disciplined," I push through my tightened throat. I can barely speak. "I should have stayed in a cell on base for a good long time. Demoted. But Griff pressed. He worked his contacts and his stripes until I was forced away with a dishonorable discharge."

"Mason…"

"Don't you dare pity me," I warn, hearing an apology in her voice.

"You know me better than that," she scolds quietly. "I don't pity you, but I don't want one man's power game and one piece of paper rule your world, either."

"Hard not to," I say bitterly. "Try getting a job with a
dishonorable
on your resume. Do you know how many things I
could
do? Even without the military, I'd have my choice of jobs if not for that piece of paper you're so quick to dismiss. Private security work for a guy with my skills can earn a salary off the charts, and give me the adrenaline I used to live for."
 

"Are you still angry?"

"You know I am," I say flatly. "Don't get me wrong. I love the bar. Working with Ledger is great, but all this…this is nothing to me. There's no point. I miss Bash. I miss the rest of my brothers. I miss the purpose. This isn't living."

She moves her fingers to my cheek and touches me in soft intimacy. She scoots herself closer to me and kisses me tenderly. She holds my face to hers and opens herself to me. Our connection is gently strong, and she keeps my lips against hers for a few moments before she pulls away to look me in the eye.

"This is living," she says as she pulls my hand to her heart. "And your special forces unit was living, too, but not because of skill or adrenaline. Your brothers were your reason. They are the reason you reacted to Griffith the way you did. Not because of faulty intel. It's
how you love
that defines your ability to thrive, Mason, love of your brothers, me, and love of country. You don't need a piece of paper for that."

I choke back everything. I can't speak at all. She fucking ripped me open wider. My eyes are closed and I shake my head again.
 

"Mason," she tries to start, but I cover her mouth with my hand.

"No more."

She pulls my hand away, but remains quiet. I won't look. She covers my eyes with her hand so I don't have to. She understands everything. This time she traces my lips with her fingers. I have no idea what she's going to say, and I unintentionally hold my breath. I breathe out heavily when I realize she's moving her hand down, stroking me gently to get me hard again, then she rolls me to my back and straddles me. With one slow, silky move, Sofia uses herself as my sheath while she keeps my eyes covered.

I stay back, allowing her to fuck me slow, connecting us deeply. When she finally lets me look, I see her smiling peacefully and with pure love. I see in her eyes exactly what she tried to explain…I can't imagine living life any stronger than loving Sofia, than being loved by her.
 

I close my eyes again and breathe, living this moment. I nod to her, and nothing more.

With both of her hands leaning carefully on my chest, she moves over me softly. I keep my eyes closed and take everything she gives me. I'm
living
.

As I wake up and gaze at Sofia, I see my entire life lying beside me. Last night was a total mind-fuck, but this morning I'm clear-headed. Sofia burned me to ashes, and I'm rising up. I smile, amused that my fiery phoenix is teaching me how to fly. I never thought such a lesson would ever be necessary. This woman.
 

She wakes up to see me staring at her and her soft lips curve to match mine. "Good morning," she says in a sleepy voice. Her skin is still marked, but she remains unaffected. Still, I vow never again.

"Why did you push me like that?" I say, trying not to sound angry. I'm still not sure if I'm angry or not. I reach out to touch a bite-mark on her shoulder and my brow furrows. She moves my fingers away and brings them to her mouth to kiss them.

"Because you needed me to," she says simply, but she can see my angst over hurting her. "Mason, let it go. Do you remember who bit first?"

I clench my jaw.

"I'd do it for you again," she says to me pointedly. She leans in to kiss me and she pulls herself to me. I hold her face against mine. I need her close, and I need to confirm what I've suspected for a long time.
 

"That time you got mugged in college…that wasn't the first time you got hit, was it," I say with confidence in my assumption. She took the pain far too easily.

"Ex-boyfriend."

I nod, feeling like more of a bastard for having hurt her, but understanding how well we are suited. Our scars keep us from relating to the rest of the world, but make us perfect for each other.
 

"Tell me," I say. There's no reason to avoid difficult topics anymore. No matter what she has going on in her life, past or present, I'll be her rock. She's mine. We're stronger together. My phoenix looks me in the eye.

"I dated the same guy my sophomore and junior years in high school. He was the jock everyone worshipped, myself included. I didn't really know who I was back then. I was starstruck that he wanted me," she says simply. She has obviously dealt with this pain a long time ago. "By the end of my junior year, he became possessive and controlling. From there he moved to
physically
controlling. He'd drag me where he wanted me to go, grab my neck to get in my face…then once he smacked me. Then it got worse."

"How long did it go on?"

"Until I graduated. That summer I was in my room changing, and Teo walked in. The minute he saw the deep bruises on my shoulders, he screamed for Papà. I broke down completely in Papà's arms. That was the first time I admitted what was going on, and the last time I put up with anyone else's shit."

I nod. "Your father never got over it."

"Never," she affirms. "But I've shown him every day since that he's my inspiration to be strong and stand up for myself."

I take her face strongly in my hand and offer her a look of quiet pride. She returns my tiny smile and leans in to push her lips gently on mine. We kiss for another moment before I pull back from her, needing her to understand one very important thing.

"I get it, you know," I say, looking in her eyes.
 

"What's that?"

"What you said last night about really living…about what that means. You were right."
 

She smiles softly at me and kisses me one more time without saying a word. She lays her body against me and rests her head on my chest. I trace lines on her back softly. I have a need to be touching her.

"Mason?" she finally says.

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you got that sorted out in your head. But there's one more issue we have to deal with."

"What's that?"

My phoenix looks up at me "Adrenaline," she grins. "It may not be your life, but it's hella fun to chase."

"Did you just say
hella
?" I can't help but grin in spite of my lingering frustrations over how I treated Sofia last night. Oh, this woman. I chuckle. "I'm not sure you used that right."

"Who knows," she dismisses with amused attitude, allowing the final hint of stress out of our morning. Time to move on.

"Then what exactly did you have in mind, phoenix?"

"Take me to the cliffs sometime," she grins. "I want to SpiderMan my way up."

I smile. "We go today. I'll get my gear."

I'm out of bed and in the shower in a hot minute, my angst dissolved by her simple way of pushing me forward. After a mutual decision to take the entire day off from our investigation, we head for the cliffs. A break isn't a terrible idea, especially considering our targets will still be assholes tomorrow. Knowing I'm about to see Sofia flex every muscle in some very tight clothing, all while chasing a rush with me, today is living on every level. I love her so fucking much.