Masquerade (16 page)

It’s so close to what I said to her not long before. Words are trapped in my throat, clogged in my brain as I try to figure out how to reply to her. Instead, I do the only thing I can think of—try to take care of her.

She doesn’t say a word as I slip out of the bathroom. I grab the saran wrap and find some medical tape in the cabinet. Bee is right where she was when I left her, only again she’s looking at the tattoo.

“Let me wrap it for you.”

She nods. The plastic wrap sticks to her tattoo because of the Vaseline. I tape it down to be safe. It’s a short distance to bend forward and press my lips to the back of her neck, where it meets her shoulder. This time, it’s Bee who turns to face me, looking up at me with a look in her eyes I’ve never seen from her.

This frenzied need explodes inside me. Nothing can keep me from tasting her. My lips cover hers, soft, pleading for her to let me have her. To give herself to me the way I want to give myself to her.

Her mouth opens and I slip my tongue inside. My hands squeeze each side of her waist. It fucking kills me not to press her against the wall but I don’t want to hurt her tattoo.

Her hand goes between us and I’m scared she’s going to push me away but instead her hand goes down… down until she cups my erection. “Fuck,” I hiss, pulling away from her. “I want you, baby. Fuck the rules. Let me have you.”

Bee steps back and it’s like a fist slamming into my gut. I need her beneath me. Need her bare skin under my hands and mouth. I don’t think I can take it if she says no.

“Bee—”

Her voice cuts off my plea. “If you want me, take me.”

Maddox doesn’t give me time to contemplate my words when his mouth swiftly comes down on mine. It’s stronger, fiercer, and more intense than any kiss we’ve ever shared when his tongue passes between my lips and into my mouth. Even though I know it’s only been seconds, it feels like years that I’ve been waiting for him, and I immediately melt into the kiss.

My hands touch his face, feel the rough stubble. It might be one of the best feelings in the world. I keep going, continuing to touch him before tangling my hands in his hair. He palms my ass and then lifts as I wrap my legs around his waist.

“Christ I’ve wanted to do this again for so long.” His lips are moving across my neck and… down, as he starts to head out of the bathroom.

“Me too.” I lean back, hating the honesty that flows out of me so easily. Confused as to why I
do
want him so much. Or maybe not confused but scared. I don’t want to fall in love. It makes people do stupid things.

“Which door?” Maddox’s gravelly voice sounds almost like a growl.

“What if I don’t tell you?”

His grip on me tightens. “Then I’ll use the wall.”

He backs me up until my back is only an inch from the hallway but stops. Without him saying a word, I know exactly why. My heart turns to putty. I want to harden it, put in cement, but somehow he won’t let me. Even something as simple as him worrying about my tattoo makes me feel soft in a way I’m not sure I ever have.

In a way that I should?

No. I shove those thoughts out of my head. I want to enjoy this too much without thoughts of trying to be someone I’m not.

“The door across from where you tatted me.”

Maddox carries me inside, his mouth back on mine again. I dig my heels into him, trying… needing… to pull him as close to me as I can. He’s busting down those walls inside of me, getting closer and closer whether I want him to or not.

Maddox turns before sitting on my bed. I’m straddling his lap, the hard length of his erection nuzzled right where I want him to be.

“Are we doing this?” he asks. The question surprises me. Makes me wonder if I should want to run.

“Don’t ask. Just do it.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Not this time. I want you to tell me, no rules. Just us.”

Desire and… love? Need? I don’t know what it is but they lure the words from my mouth. “No rules. Just us. We’re totally doing this.”

His fingers slide across my belly as I stand up. My hands tremble as I push my shorts down.

His eyes skate up and down my body like a gentle caress. I’ve never been embarrassed of my body before. I’m not now. Still a small urge to cover myself sneaks up on me. It’s more personal being naked around Maddox than it’s ever been with anyone else. Like he sees more of me than I show. Before I have the chance to think about it, his voice breaks through my nerves. “Jesus Christ, you are so fucking beautiful.”

Maddox leans forward, his tongue slipping out of his mouth, flicking the piercing in my belly button. I have the urge to do the same thing to the one in his nipple but know it has to be tender still.

“Your turn.” I run my hand through his hair and he looks up at me through his dark eyelashes. Those gray eyes seeking… searching. I’m not sure what for.

And then he grabs the bottom of his T-shirt and pulls it over his head. It falls to the floor before he’s pushing off my pale yellow bed and going for the buttons on his pants. I can’t stop myself from leaning forward. Of letting my mouth taste and tease his bare chest, as close to the piercing as I can.

Maddox hisses. I somehow know it’s not in pain. When his pants are gone, I look down to enjoy the view, but then he’s falling to the bed and pulling me on top of him. This strange happiness bubbles up from my stomach as a laugh tumbles out of my mouth. It’s so foreign-sounding that it makes me want to laugh harder.

“What are you laughing at, baby?”

There’s a playfulness in his voice that I’m not used to hearing from him.

“Just realizing that since you gave me a tat on my back, I get to be on top.” The words weren’t planned but they make his gaze turn dark as his grip on my ass tightens.

“You can be on top of me any time you want to.”

Maddox pulls my hair tie out, and my blond waves fall over my shoulder before he lies down. I go with him, kissing him, because I need him on my tongue.

He palms one of my breasts, playing with my nipple, and even though we just started, I feel the beginning of my orgasm already burning through me.

“I want you,” I tell him.

“Fuck, I love that about you. Love that you’re not afraid to say what you want.”

My body freezes at the word. I know Maddox isn’t saying he loves me. It still makes a cold shiver run through me.

“Don’t. Don’t fucking do that, Bee. You said you want me, so take me.”

That’s what I need to hear. Leaning forward, I reach for the drawer beside my bed to grab a condom. When I do, Maddox’s warm, wet mouth covers one of my nipples. I can’t help but cry out, the need in me starting to blaze again.

I open the wrapper before scooting far enough off of him that I can roll the condom down. He doesn’t stop touching me the whole time, and then I’m straddling him again. I lean forward and can’t help but look down at him. At the stubble on his jaw and the intense stare in his eyes. He’s lying there, waiting, looking up at me as though it’s the first time he’s seen me.

My hair down, brushing his chest, Maddox reaches up and cups my cheek. “If you don’t do this, I’m going to.”

My smile comes out of nowhere.

And then I move, slowly, so so slowly, as I make us one. He’s inside me and we’re moving together and that satisfied burn starts building higher and higher again.

His hands are on my hips as I move. He feels so good and I feel so good that I wish I could hold on to this feeling forever. When his grip on me tightens, I know he’s getting close. Maddox’s hands slide up my body, cup my breasts, and then he rolls each of my nipples between his fingers. That’s all I need to push me over the edge. I’m careening down, but it’s such a wonderful fall that I want it to keep going. It takes me over as my whole body shudders and then he’s pushing deeper and my tremble is transferring to him as he finds the bliss I just held.

Look at him. Look at him, Bee
. Yet I can’t make my eyes find his. This didn’t feel like just sex and I’m not sure how to deal with that.

“I’ll be right back.” Maddox kisses me, one quick, tender peck to the lips and my eyes start to mist. It’s the kiss of a lover. Of people familiar and comfortable with each other in a way I’ve never let myself be with anyone.

He doesn’t seem to notice as he disappears from the room. Fear starts seeping through all the hiding places inside me. I’ve fallen for him. He means something to me, more than I want to admit. What if I hurt him? What if he hurts me? What if I can’t be what he needs?

“Hey.” Maddox stands in my doorway, naked and so so beautiful. “Don’t. Wherever you’re going in that beautiful mind of yours… don’t.”

Without another word he turns off the light. I hear his footsteps on the carpet and then he’s grabbing my comforter and pulling it. When I scoot over, he lies down next to me before lifting the blanket on top of us.

“You shouldn’t be on your back.” Maddox pulls me over, so I’m half on him, my shoulder facing up and away from the mattress.

My body is stiff as we lie silently in the darkness. After what feels like a million years, he whispers, “It’s not easy for me either. Let’s not overthink it, yeah?” Like he’s known for doing, he goes silent after that.

Some of my tension evaporates with his words. Thinking of the leaves on my back and the fact that they’re his mark, I somehow relax. Wrapping my leg over the top of him, I nuzzle into his chest and go to sleep.

I’m not sure what wakes me later. It’s as though my eyes open and I’m awake. Maddox is holding on to me, his breath in my hair and his chest rising and falling against my cheek.

The ghost of a memory starts flittering its way through my head and I realize what woke me up. I’d been dreaming about Rex and Melody.

“Where’s my mommy?”

“She’s gone. We’re going to take care of you now. She wanted you to be with us.”

Waves and waves of tears had fallen from my eyes. I cried. Cried all night. Cried for days. How could I not have remembered that? How could I not have known I missed my parents? I’d suppressed all that terror.

Not wanting to wake Maddox, I push out of bed as quietly as I can. After grabbing my shirt, I slip it on and go to the room we were in earlier and sitting on the chair. With my knees bent, I wrap my arms around my legs and close my eyes.

They hurt me. Of course they hurt me. They stole me.

It’s this fog in my brain that I somehow contained all these years. I don’t know if I wanted to block out the fact that Rex and Melody had really
hurt
me—that they’d let me cry for the parents I believed were dead. What did I think? That they’d told me and I shrugged that it was okay and that was the end of it?

In the name of love, they’d broken my parents and my sister and…
me
, the one they claimed to care about. And now I have my parents back and I know they love me but they wish I was someone different too. All in the name of love. I don’t get why in the hell anyone would want to feel it.
Why am I considering letting it get its claws into me?

As if I don’t control it, my hand reaches for the phone. I have no idea what time it is. I know it’s late. Still I dial my mom’s number, not sure why I’m doing it.

She answers on the second ring. “Hello?” Mom sounds as perfect as ever, not as though I woke her up when I know I probably have.

“Hey…”

“Leila? Is everything okay?” The pitch in her tone rises a notch.

Bee… my name is Be
… Though I guess it’s really not, is it? “It’s cool. Everything’s… cool. I don’t know why I called. I’ll let you go—”

“No! I’m glad you called. I want to talk to you.”

She does. I know she does but her love and Rex and Melody’s love are still this murky fog that I don’t understand.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Mom asks after a minute of my silence.

“No… not really.”
There’s a guy in my bed. A guy that I might have feelings for when I’ve never let myself really love anyone after I lost you and then Rex and Melody were ripped from me
. “I have a headache.”

“Did you try a bath? That works for me. I keep the lights low, maybe light a candle and lay a wet washcloth over my forehead. It’s really relaxing.” There’s a rustle in the background and I imagine her sneaking out of bed so she doesn’t wake my dad. They’re courteous to each other like that.

“How’s Dad?” I’m not sure why I ask.

“He’s great. He misses you. We all do. We were thinking maybe you could come home one weekend soon. Your sister would love for you to meet her fiancé.”

“Yeah… yeah, we’ll plan something.”

“And you know if there’s anyone special in your life, you can bring them, right? We’d love it if you did. You’ve never brought anyone home, Leila—Bee. I know there has to have been someone. You’re such a pretty, smart young woman. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

“There’s never been anyone, Mom.” And that’s true. There never has been before…
but maybe there could be Maddox now?

“What about… if there’s a woman, that’s okay too. You know we’d love you regardless.”

A humorless laugh falls from my lips. “There’s not a woman. I like men.”

“Honey, we want you to be happy. You’re so alone out there. All you have is that tattoo place. What about—”

“I didn’t call to do this with you. That tattoo place makes me happy. I’m not like Larissa.”
Maybe I could have been. Then we’d all be happy
.

When she speaks again, there’s a slight tremble in her voice. “That’s not fair. That’s not what I meant.”

Time to go. “I know. Listen, I better go. I just called to…” Nothing comes to me because there isn’t a reason.

Mom sighs and she’s quiet for a few minutes. There’s never been a time she doesn’t know what to say. “I love you, Leila. You know that, right? We all do. I want you to trust me.”

Love. There’s that word again. It finds its way into every conversation. Someone is always declaring their love to someone else but it doesn’t stop them from hurting other people.
It doesn’t stop me from hurting other people
. “I know. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

When I hang up the phone, I let it slip through my fingers and fall to the couch, wishing I could be more like her. Wishing I could find the Leila inside me I used to be. Or even Coral. Both of those girls knew how to let people in.