Mated (The Sandaki Book 1) (13 page)

“
Talla
, you do not understand—”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. And you don’t want me to,” she cut him off. “Thank you for setting me straight before I did something stupid like get attached to you or think that I could really be a part of your life. Man, that would have been way stupid of me. You reminded me of what I was invented to be, and from now on, I’ll make sure I remember.”

“I will not let you leave,” he said.

“I am so tired of people telling me where to go and what to do and how to be. I know you believe I don’t have a choice in whether I stay with you or not. You already told me that. Right now though, I don’t want to be in the same room with you. Besides, we already fucked so I’ve served my purpose.”

Laira squared her shoulders and stared him in the eye. Whatever he saw made him step aside so she could walk out of the room. She’d be damned if she would cry. She wouldn’t. She didn’t need anyone or anything. She never had and never would. No matter what happened, she could take care of herself.

Zarak fell into step behind her and she stopped. “Whatcha need, pal?”

He immediately dropped to one knee and bowed his head. “
Taja
, I am to stay with you.”

“Nope,” she said, shaking her head. “First of all, my name is Laira. I am not Taja or
talla
or anything else. Second, I don’t need you to stay with me. I’m heading down to my friends.”

“You are the mate of the
Taj Katan
,” he said, speaking with his head bowed. “You are the
Taja
. I am to make sure you are safe until you are with the
Taj
.”

Laira gritted her teeth.
No tears. No tears.
“Look, dude, you are so obviously confused. I am not the
Taja
or whatever, I am
not
Sandaki. So you will either call me Laira or nothing. Do you understand? Oh and the bowing stuff, forget it. Get up. I’m a Silarin slave, so I’m sure the Sandaki don’t bow to someone like me.”

Shaking her head, she started down the corridor. She didn’t hear Zarak climb to his feet, but she knew he was behind her. She chose to ignore him. All she wanted to do was get back down to her friends. She needed to put all this Rakin mating shit behind her and figure out what she was going to do. She knew she couldn’t go home. The Silarin made sure of that. Perhaps if she could get some of the other freed slaves home then she could feel as if she accomplished something.

Hell, could any of them go home? She knew Isha couldn’t, since her planet was water, and Chal and Garja both had said they couldn’t, but what about the other women? And if one of the other women had a beautiful planet, who was to say all four of them couldn’t get off and live there? Fuck Rakin and his claims of not letting her go. Who was he to make decisions for her? He hadn’t paid for her. He didn’t own her. No one did. She belonged to herself and she made the decisions about her life from here on out.

Concentrate on helping the others, she told herself. Think of something else, anything else. That’s what had helped her get through the first few days on the Silarin ship. She would help who she could and start exercising again. Get stronger, she told herself. The Sandaki were a warrior culture, so she couldn’t show any weakness. She had to toughen up, put her emotions behind a wall. That was the only way she knew she could survive any of this.

Rakin stood in the empty room not understanding what had just happened. One moment, his mate had been wrapped around him, and the next she had gone. She was obviously upset, but she had asked about the Sandaki, and that was something none of them talked about. They had not been born as other races, but created. Constructed for one purpose. To fight. That was it. If they died in the process, there had been nothing lost, since the machines could make more of them. They’d eventually rebelled and destroyed the people who’d produced them. From the moment their people had fought and won freedom, they had decided never to speak of their beginnings to outsiders. This was why they had locked their space down. No one would ever know, could ever know. Obviously, the technology had gotten out.

Created. The word raced through his mind. Laira had told him he should pay the Silarin for producing her. Did that mean the mating urge between them was not real? No, he wouldn’t believe that. He had never been attracted to another woman as he was to her. Her scent, her taste affected him. His beast longed for her, wanted to mate with her, claim her, protect her.

He’d hurt her. She had tried to hide it, but his words had wounded. He hadn’t thought when he’d said them. As soon as she started asking about his people he’d cut her off. The tenuous bond they had started to build was damaged. He knew it, but how to fix it? Could he fix it without sharing the history of his people?

And did he have time to worry about any of this? Someone gave the Silarin a semblance of the technology built to create the Sandaki. They had to stop them from continuing to employ it. That meant war. He was going to lead his people into a war, and they would die. Didn’t Laira have a right to know since the technology manipulated her DNA?

Dev. He needed Dev to make sense of everything. But what would happen now that he had a mate? Dev was his
Kalkan Arkadasi
, but now that Rakin had Laira, Dev would have to find someone else. Sandaki males had to have an outlet for their aggression, or it would drive them crazy. Pain, like nothing Rakin had experienced before, lanced through his chest. In the heat of finding his
talla
, he hadn’t spared a thought for the male who meant more to him than life. What did that make him? Unworthy, he was unworthy. Not only of Laira but also of Dev. It was good that his mate had left him.

He sat on the bed unsure of what to do. Before he could even formulate an idea, the Communications Console sounded. Rakin approached, and Dev appeared before him on the screen. The two men stared at one another, and Rakin hoped something else hadn’t happened. He didn’t think he could take more bad news.

“What is wrong?” Dev asked, watching him closely.

Rakin shook his head, confused. “Nothing.”

“You are lying to me. Why is that? I can feel your pain from here.”

“I am not damaged,” Rakin said simply.

Dev stared at him. “You are in distress. I know it. I can sense it.”

Rakin lowered his head. Why had he tried to lie to Dev? The man always knew when there was something wrong, as he knew when Dev was hurting. They had been this way since the beginning. He thought back to Laira saying something similar to him. She told him she could sense his worry. Is this what the mating bond had created? He thought about her, reached out to her as he did with Dev, and anguish overwhelmed his mind. Was he truly feeling her emotions, or was the thought of how he’d hurt her causing him to ache?

“I have hurt my mate,” Rakin finally spoke.

Dev leaned forward. “That is not possible. You are far gentler than I could ever hope to be. A mate is someone cherished and protected since that person was born for us alone. You would never damage her in any way.”

“No,” Rakin said, with a shake of his head. “You misunderstand. I did not hurt her physically. I caused her a great hurt in her heart. She has left me to go to the freed slaves.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Rakin recounted the entire conversation from beginning to end, leaving nothing out. He couldn’t since an eidetic memory was something bred into each Sandaki. When he finished, he actually felt a bit better for the telling of it. Of course, he’d always felt better once he shared things with Dev. Would they have that kind of relationship when Dev bonded to a new Shield Mate? The idea that the two of them would no longer share everything nearly brought him to his knees.

“She is your mate,” Dev finally spoke. “She is also the
Taja
of the Sandaki. For our people to accept her, she must know our stories, understand our struggles. She is not Sandaki, and yet, because the Silarin created what she is now, she is Sandaki because she cannot be as she was. The Silarin stole her home and life from her.”

“And I did the same thing by denying her.”

“Regrets are useless,” Dev said. “It is the decisions we make going forward that count.”

“And you say I am the
Taj
our people need.” Rakin smiled sadly and shook his head. “You are the wise one. Our people need you. I need you.”

“Now tell me what else is causing you pain?”

Rakin hesitated for only a moment. He could not burden Dev with his thoughts. They were weak and unworthy of a leader of the Sandaki. All the turmoil he was feeling had to be about his mate. Nothing more. “It is nothing.”

The two men stared at one another until Dev finally spoke. “I will be with you when you tell your mate about our people, if you wish.”

“Yes, I want that.”

After Dev signed off, Rakin sat on his bed. He was tired, so tired. Yet he knew he would not sleep. He needed his mate beside him to do that. He would not hunt her down. She needed time to heal from his words before they spoke again. Once they did, though, she would never be apart from him, again.

Laira entered the room to find the music still rocking and women laughing. This is what she needed—the noise and companionship of people who knew her. She forced a smile and went over to where her friends were sitting.

“What happened?” Isha asked as soon as she saw her.

“Rakin and I came to a parting of the ways. I realized we’ll never work. He won’t share anything with me other than his body. I refuse to allow him to treat me like a commodity. I have more respect for myself than that.”

Chal pulled Laira down next to her and put her arm around her. “I am so sorry.”

Tears spilled out as Laira angrily wiped them away. “Don’t be nice to me. If you do, I’ll cry, and I refuse. I’m stupid, that’s all, it’s over.”

Isha put her arms around Laira. “You are not stupid. You are wonderful, and if he doesn’t see that, then he’s the stupid one.”

Laira wrapped her arms around herself and laid her head on her knees.
Control
, she told herself,
get control
. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to happen. As the women fussed and hugged on her, Laira began to cry. In all the time she had been with the Silarin, she had never allowed herself to mourn, but she found she couldn’t hold it back anymore. She wept for her lost life and the terror she’d felt when she’d woken in a strange place, she cried for the knowledge she was nothing but a slave and the fear of being separated from her new friends. She cried for the fool she’d been in thinking that perhaps someone would care about her when no one had ever cared about her. She cried for the shattered dreams and the realization that she was, once again, lost and alone. Alone like she’d always been.

Finally, the tears subsided, and she was empty. Empty and exhausted. Soft hands pushed her to lie back on the bed as Isha ran a cool cloth over her face. Chal covered her with a soft blanket, and Garja hugged her tightly.

“Sleep,” Garja whispered in her ear. “We will talk more when you wake.”

Laira did as she suggested and allowed sleep to claim her. Thankfully, it was dreamless so that when she awoke she was relatively rested, but not refreshed. She lay there and stared at nothing, not wanting to get up. She had to. Her body needed to relieve itself, and she wanted a shower. She needed to get the scent of Rakin off her skin.

“Where’s the bathroom?” she asked.

Isha came over to her. “Let me show you.”

Laira followed her across the room to a skinny door. It swished open, showcasing its boring but functional interior. Laira stepped in and let the door close behind her. Quickly, she used the toilet then ripped off the sarong and stepped into the tiny cubicle. Lights flared around her, and within seconds, she was finished. She sniffed herself and thought she could still smell Rakin so she repeated the cycle. When she finally walked out, she could no longer scent anything but her own skin.

Laira went back over to her cot and lay down. She needed new clothing but didn’t know how to go about it. Truthfully, it was just too much trouble to her way of thinking. She also needed to start making plans but couldn’t work up enough energy to care. Instead, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

A few days later, Isha stepped up to the cot Laira laid in and looked at her. “You need to get up.”

“Why?”

“Because you have…wallowed enough.” Saying this, her friend dumped the cot over so Laira rolled onto the floor.

“What the hell?” She scrambled up

“You are not acting like the Laira who is my friend,” Isha said, simply. “I want her back. Now.”

Laira stared at Isha for a long moment then burst into laughter. Her best friend was right. She needed to quit pouting and get her act together. If the Silarin’s kidnapping didn’t get her down, why should a man? Rakin was her past, and she was done with that. Now, she needed to focus on herself and her friends. The ones that could leave needed to go home. As for the others, herself included, she had no clue. She imagined the Sandaki would take them back to their home planet or wherever, then what? Did she want to reside near Rakin? No, she didn’t think so, she’d ask Isha and the girls. No matter where they ended up, the four of them would need a safe place and some way to make money. Don’t think about it, she told herself. Trying to plan for an unknown future would drive her crazy. She’d learned that while with the Silarin. Think about today. What did she need today to get through it?