Mating in Captivity (31 page)
Read Mating in Captivity Online
Authors: Esther Perel
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Sexuality, #Social Science, #Sociology, #General, #Relationships, #Dating, #Sex
106
Grown-ups never understand
:
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. 1943
The Little Prince
, trans. by Richard Howard. New York: Harcourt.
106
So, like a forgotten fire
:
Gaston Bachelard, from
http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/so-like-a-forgotten-fire-a-childhood-can-always/363615.html
.
109
The sex therapist Jack Morin
:
Jack Morin. 1995.
The Erotic Mind
. New York: HarperCollins, p. 115.
111
As Roland Barthes wrote
:
Roland Barthes. 1977.
Fragments d’un discours amoureux
. Paris: Éditions du Seuil, p. 44.
113
The psychoanalyst Jessica Benjamin writes
:
Jessica Benjamin. 1988.
The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination
. New York: Pantheon, p. 98.
122
Michael Bader links the idea of selfishness
:
Michael J. Bader. 2002.
Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasties
. New York: St. Martin’s, p. 147.
125
Anne Roiphe
. 2002.
Married: A Fine Predicament
. New York: Basic Books, pp. 149–50.
132
The Italian historian Francesco Alberoni
:
Francesco Alberoni. 1987. L’érotisme. Paris: Éditions Ramsey, p. 28.
138
Sexy Mamas
, by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans
:
Cathy Winks and Anne Semans. 2004.
Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids
. New York: Inner Ocean Publishing.
145
Adam Gopnik contrasts America’s asexual model of reproduction
:
Adam Gopnick. 2001.
Paris to the Moon
. New York: Random House, pp. 299, 301.
152
The whole fauna of human fantasies
:
Louis Aragon, from http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the_whole_fauna_of_human_fantasies-their_ marine/323656.html.
156
The psychoanalyst Michael Bader
:
Michael J. Bader. 2002.
Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasties
. New York: St. Martin’s.
157
Nancy Friday writes
:
Nancy Friday. 1992.
The Erotic Impulse: Honoring the Sensual Self
. David Steinberg, ed. New York: Tarcher, p. 14.
167
The sex therapist Jack Morin
:
Jack Morin. 1995.
The Erotic Mind
. New York: HarperCollins, p. 101.
171
Heterosexual pornography, predominantly produced by and for men
:
Anthony Giddens. 1992.
The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies
. Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, p. 119.
175
Are there any secrets
:
Alain de Botton. 1998.
How Proust Can Change Your Life
. New York: Vintage, p. 171.
175
The bonds of wedlock
:
Alexandre Dumas, from
http://www.jimpoz.com/quotes/category.asp?categoryid=42.
177
The Brazilian family therapist Michele Scheinkman
:
Michele Scheinkman. 2005. “Beyond the Trauma of Betrayal: Reconsidering Affairs in Couples Therapy.”
Family Process
, 44, pp. 227–44.
179
Hence the psychologist Erich Fromm makes the point
:
Erich Fromm. 1956.
The Art of Loving
. New York: Harper and Row, p. 43.
179
The feminist psychoanalyst Nancy Chodorow
:
Nancy Chodorow. 1978.
The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender
. Berkeley: University of California Press, p. 194.
188
Adam Phillips writes
:
Adam Phillips. 1996.
Monogamy
. New York: Vintage.
189
Laura Kipnis says
:
Laura Kipnis. 2000.
Against Love: A Polemic
. New York: Pantheon, p. 78.
190
Excessive monitoring can set the stage
:
Stephen A. Mitchell. 2002.
Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time
. New York: Norton, p. 51.
190
The psychologist Janet Reibstein
:
Janet Reibstein and Martin Richards. 1993.
Sexual Arrangements: Marriage and the Temptation of Infidelity
. New York: Scribner, p. 73.
195
Adam Philips makes the point
:
Adam Phillips. 1996.
Monogamy
. New York: Vintage, preface.
196
The anthropologist Katherine Frank wryly notes
:
“Play Couples in Paradise: Touristic Sexuality and Lifestyle Travel.” Unpublished.
200
Love never dies a natural death
:
Anaïs Nin from
http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/anais_nin/
200
It takes courage
:
Ibid.
201
The evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher
:
Helen Fisher. “The Drive to Love.” Keynote address at the “Challenging Couples, Challenging Therapists” conference, sponsored by the Milton H. Erikson Foundation, Los Angeles, CA, May 28, 2004.
202
The sex therapist Dagmar O’Connor says
:
Dagmar O’Connor. 1986.
How to Make Love to the Same Person for the Rest of Your Life and Still Love It
. London: Virgin, p. 37.
207
Stephan Mitchell writes
:
Stephen A. Mitchell. 2002.
Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time
. New York: Norton, p. 114.
210
Adam Phillips underscores this point
:
Adam Phillips. 1996.
Monogamy
. New York: Vintage, p. 11.
210
Oscar Wilde wrote
:
Oscar Wilde. 1892.
Lady Windermere’s Fan
, Act III.
211
Gail Godwin wrote
:
Gail Godwin from http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the_act_of_longing_for_something_will_always_be/184996.html.
215
The sex therapist Margaret Nichols
:
Margaret Nichols. 1987. “What Feminists Can Learn from the Lesbian Sex Radicals.”
Conditions: Fourteen
, ed. Conditions Collective. New York, pp. 152–63.
217
Octavio Paz likens eroticism
:
Octavio Paz. 1995.
The Double Flame: Love and Eroticism
. San Diego, Calif.: Harvest, p. 2.
217
The great theoretician of play, Johan Huizinga
:
Homo Ludens
. 1971. Boston, Mass.: Beacon Press.
Books
Alberoni, Francesco. 1987.
L’érotisme
. Paris: Éditions Ramsay.
Alberoni, Francesco. 1983.
Falling in Love
. New York: Random House.
Angier, Natalie. 1999.
Woman: An Intimate Geography
. Boston, Mass.: Houghton Mifflin.
Bader, Michael J. 2002.
Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies
. New York: St. Martin’s.
Badinter, Elisabeth. 1992.
XY: De l’identité masculine
. Paris: Éditions Odile Jacob.
Baker, Mark. 1994.
Sex Lives: A Sexual Self-Portrait of America
. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Barthes, Roland. 1977.
Fragments d’un discours amoureux
. Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
Bataille, Georges. 1962.
Eroticism: Death and Sensuality
. New York: Walker. (Originally published 1957. Paris: Éditions de Minuit.)
Baudrillard, Jean. 1990.
Seduction
. New York: St. Martin’s. (Originally published 1979. Paris: Éditions Galilée.)
Beck, Charlotte Joko. 1989.
Everyday Zen: Love and Work
. New York: HarperCollins.
Benjamin, Jessica. 1988.
The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination
. New York: Pantheon.
Blumstein, Philip, and Pepper Schwartz, eds. 1983.
American Couples
:
Money, Work, Sex
. New York: Morrow.
Botton, Alain de. 1998.
How Proust Can Change Your Life
. New York: Vintage.
Boyarin, Daniel. 1993.
Carnal Israel: Reading Sex in Talmudic Culture
. Berkeley: University of California Press.
Brooks, Gary. 1995.
The Centerfold Syndrome: How Men Can Overcome Objectification and Achieve Intimacy with Women
. San Francisco, Calif.: Jossey-Bass.
Bruckner, Pascal, and Alain Finkielkraut. 1977.
Le Nouveau Désordre amoureux
. Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
Caplan, Pat, ed. 1987.
The Cultural Construction of Sexuality
. London: Tavistock.
Chedzogy, Kate, Melanie Hansen, and Suzanne Trill, eds. 1997.
Voicing Women: Gender and Sexuality in Early Modern Writing
. Pittsburgh, Pa.: Duquesne University Press.
Chodorow, Nancy. 1978.
The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender
. Berkeley: University of California Press.
Davis, Michele Weiner. 2003.
The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple’s Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido
. New York: Simon and Schuster. de Beauvoir, Simone. 1952.
The Second Sex
. New York: Knopf.
De Marneffe, Daphne. 2004.
Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life
. Boston, Mass.: Little, Brown.
Epstein, Mark. 2005.
Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life
. New York: Gotham.
Fillion, Kate. 1996.
Lip Service: The Truth about Women’s Darker Side in Love, Sex, and Friendship
. New York: HarperCollins.
Fisher, Helen. 2004.
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
. New York: Holt.
Frank, Katherine. 2002.
G-Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Desire
. Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press.
Friday, Nancy. 1992.
The Erotic Impulse: Honoring the Sensual Self
. David Steinberg, ed. New York: Tacher.
Friday, Nancy. 1991.
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies
. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Fromm, Erich. 1956.
The Art of Loving
. New York: Harper and Row. Giddens, Anthony. 1992.
The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies
. Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press.
Gopnick, Adam. 2001.
Paris to the Moon
. New York: Random House.
Gilbert, Harriett. 1993.
Fetishes, Florentine Girdles, and Other Explorations into the Sexual Imagination
. New York: HarperPerennial.
Gottman, John. 1994.
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail . . . and How You Can Make Yours Last
. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Guillebaud, Jean-Claude. 1998.
La Tyrannie du plaisir
. Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
Hanauer, Cathi, ed. 2003.
The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth about Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage
. New York: HarperPerennial, Reprint Edition.
Heifetz, Ronald A. 1994.
Leadership without Easy Answers
. New York: Belknap.
Heyn, Dalma. 1992.
The Erotic Silence of the American Wife
. New York: Plume.
Illouz, Eva. 1997.
Consuming the Romantic Utopia: Love and the Cultural Contradictions of Capitalism
. Berkeley: University of California Press.
Johnson, Barry. 1992.
Polarity Management: Identifying and Managing Unsolvable Problems
. Middleville, Mich.: Polarity Management Associates (PMA).
Jones, Daniel. 2004.
The Bastard on the Couch: Twenty-Seven Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings about Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom
. New York: Morrow.
Kipnis, Laura. 2003.
Against Love: A Polemic
. New York: Pantheon.
Kleinplatz, Peggy, ed. 2001.
New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives
. New York: Brunner-Routledge.
Love, Patricia, and Jo Robinson. 1995.
Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovemaking
. New York: Plume.
Levine, Stephen, ed. 2003.
Handbook of Clinical Sexuality for Mental Health Professionals
. New York: Brunner-Routledge.
Maltz, Wendy. 1992.
The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
. New York: HarperPerennial.
McDougall, Joyce. 1995.
The Many Faces of Eros: A Psychoanalytic Exploration of Human Sexuality
. London: Free Association.
Miller, Michael Vincent. 1995.
Intimate Terrorism: The Crisis of Love in an Age of Disillusion
. New York: Norton.
Mitchell, Stephen A. 2002.
Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time
. New York: Norton.
Morin, Jack. 1995.
The Erotic Mind
. New York: HarperCollins.
O’Connor, Dagmar. 1986.
How to Make Love to the Same Person for the Rest of Your Life and Still Love It
. London: Virgin.
Ortega y Gasset, José. 1992.
Études sur l’amour
. Paris: Éditions Payot et Rivages.
Pasini, Willy. 1997.
La Force du désir
. Milan: Arnoldo Mondadori.
Paz, Octavio. 1995.
The Double Flame: Love and Eroticism
. San Diego, Calif.: Harvest.
Person, Ethel Spector. 1999.
Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion
. New York: Penguin.
Person, Ethel Spector. 2002.
Feeling Strong: The Achievement of Authentic Power
. New York: Morrow.
Person, Ethel Spector. 1999.
Sexual Century
. New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press.
Phillips, Adam. 1996.
Monogamy
. New York: Vintage.
Reibstein, Janet, and Martin Richards. 1993.
Sexual Arrangements: Marriage and the Temptation of Infidelity
. New York: Scribner.
Rubin, Lillian. 1990.
Intimate Strangers: Men and Women Together
. New York: HarperPerennial.
Saint-Exupéry, Antoine de. 1943.
The Little Prince
, trans. by Richard Howard. New York: Harcourt.
Salomé, Jacques. 2002.
Jamais seuls ensemble: Comment vivre à deux en restant différents
. Québec: Éditions de l’Homme.
Salomon, Paule. 2003.
Bienheureuse infidélité
. Paris: Éditions Albin Michel.
Salomon, Paule. 1994.
La Sainte Folie du couple
. Paris: Éditions Albin Michel.
Schnarch, David. 1991.
Constructing the Sexual Crucible: An Integration of Sexual and Marital Therapy
. New York: Norton.
Schnarch, David. 1997.
Passionate Marriage
. New York: Holt.
Semans, Anne, and Cathy Winks. 2004.
Sexy Mamas: Keeping Your Sex Life Alive While Raising Kids
. Maui: Inner Ocean.
Shernoff, Michael. 2006.
Without Condoms
. New York: Routledge.
Stein, Joseph. 2004.
Fiddler on the Roof: Based on the Sholom Aleichem Stories
. New York: Limelight Editions. (Reprint of original script, 1965. New York: Pocket Books.)
Steinberg, David, ed. 1991.
Erotic by Nature: A Celebration of Life, of Love, and of Our Wonderful Bodies
. Santa Cruz, Calif.: Red Adler/Down There.
Steinberg, David, ed. 1992.
Erotic Impulse: Honoring the Sensual Self
. New York: Tarcher.
Stoller, Robert J. 1985.
Observing the Erotic Imagination
. New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press.
Stoller, Robert J. 1979.
Sexual Excitement : Dynamics of Erotic Life
. New York: Pantheon.
Tiefer, Leonore. 1995.
Sex Is Not a Natural Act and Other Essays
. Boulder, Col.: Westview.
