Maverick (Star Valley Book 3) (12 page)

“They said I’d probably never have children. They thought all my eggs were damaged. From the chemo.” She sniffed and looked away. “I was alive but couldn’t have a life. Or give one. But…” Her hand fluttered to her belly. “I guess they were wrong.”

“Okay,” he said numbly, though none of it was okay, not one single bit of it. How awful to survive something like that only to be told you were permanently scarred by it. “So…you’re keeping the ba—”

Her head snapped back forcefully and she pinned him with a look so intense he nearly shrank away instinctively. “This is
my
baby!” she hissed, leaning forward in her chair. “My
baby
! And I am
not
getting rid of it! Not for you, not for
anyone
.”

“Leah, no one’s asking you to—”

“Maybe you should go,” she said, her voice getting louder now. “Go back to Star Valley. Forget about me, about
us
. We’ll be fine.”

“Leah, you came to
me
.”

“You’re not who I thought you were,” she said. “Or…you’re not who I wanted you to be. But I did what was right. I told you. You know. So, I did my part. Let’s not pretend like this is normal or fixable. You should go. I won’t ever ask you for anything.”

“Leah—”

“That’s what you want, anyway. You told
me
to leave. So, I did. Now I’m telling
you
to leave. Go ahead and go. And we never have to think about each other again. I’ve got this, Austin. I never knew how much I wanted it back when I thought it could never, ever happen. But now that it has…”

Austin saw a look of fierce determination cross her face. It was admirable, if not a little disheartening, to know she was making plans to do this all alone.

“I’ve got this,” she repeated. “I can do this.
I want this
.”

He passed her a napkin since it looked like she was going to cry again and then he kicked himself for not being more helpful, for not knowing what to say. Table manners were no substitute for actual human kindness and Austin realized that so far, since he’d met her, he hadn’t shown Leah any kindness, not at all. He’d used her to have himself a good time without giving her even a second thought. And when she needed him after, he’d abused her again.

“I’m not going to just go away, Leah,” he said gently. “And I don’t think it’s realistic for you to try to do this all by yourself.”

Once more she looked like a trapped rabbit, scared and unsure. There was nothing cute about it this time, though, and Austin felt like an asshole. He waited patiently but got no response.

‡

L
eah knew he
was right, of course, but she had no idea what to do about it. It seemed daunting, a near-Herculean task, to raise a baby on her own. She knew she’d find a way, of course, but the details were…sketchy at best. Both her parents worked and so they couldn’t provide child care while Leah was working herself. And just the thought of burdening her parents again made her stomach turn. The baby could share her room but she couldn’t afford a car seat or a car to put it in.

“Leah?”

She stood up suddenly, lurching to her feet. “I don’t feel well,” she said, which was true enough. “I need to go home and lie down.”

He frowned and for a moment she thought he would argue, push the issue, but he simply opened his wallet and left some cash for their drinks and guided her to the street and into the truck. She put her head against the cool glass, which did nothing to slow the whirlwind of her thoughts, but felt nice in the summer sun.

He left her alone on the drive back, which she fully appreciated. There was only the hum of the air conditioner and the sound of midday traffic. It felt oppressive, though, this relative silence. Each second that ticked by
felt
heavier, more urgent. She flipped the plastic vent so that the blast of cold air was directed right onto her skin but she thought the resulting goosebumps might have been from something else altogether.

Like the air before a lightning strike.

She had the door open before he even came to a complete stop in the empty space in front of her apartment.

“Leah!” he shouted as her feet hit the pavement.

She slammed the door, harder than she meant to, and wanted to call out a word of apology but it got stuck in her throat like a slimy, thick frog. She heard
his
door open and picked up speed, heart pounding in her chest. She wasn’t afraid of Austin, specifically, only in general, in the way he saw her and their situation, in the way he wanted action when she was paralyzed and couldn’t take any.

She moved quickly, as though putting some distance between them would allow her to breathe again. She just needed one minute, just one, to think. When she reached the door, she sighed in relief as the knob turned easily. She ducked inside and slammed it behind her, shutting him out, along with the rest of the world, putting a solid wall between herself and all her problems, just for a second.

She leaned against the frame, eyes closed, and waited on the other side, taking each breath as it came and letting it out slowly. She listened for bootfalls on the concrete walkway. Seconds passed, half a minute. Silence. The knock finally came softly and she’d been expecting it. She braced herself against the door, to keep him out, just for one more minute, one more second, one more moment of a life that was hers and hers alone…and the baby growing inside her.

Her hand rubbed along the jutting bones of her hips, crossing the softer flesh as though she could feel him there. Or her. Him or her. It made no difference. Just that a baby, a life, existed at all where there wasn’t supposed to be one was more than enough to satisfy her.

Austin knocked again. “Leah,” he said, his voice just as quiet as his knuckles on the door, like he knew she was there, too.

She sighed, opened her eyes, and pushed herself away from the door. Turning, she twisted the knob and pulled.

He stood in front of her, looking as good as he had that night. But Leah knew him for the snake he was. He’d bitten her once. He’d do it again. “What are we going to do, Leah?”

She pressed her lips together because she didn’t have an answer.

“I can’t stay any longer,” he told her. “And we both know you need more than just a check once a month. My sister-in-law is a nurse. And my brothers, well, they’ll do anything you need done. And Sofia, you’ve met her.”

“She makes good cookies,” said Leah quietly.

God, she honestly could not remember ever being this tired.

“Yeah,” he replied with a smile. “She does.”

That smile.

That evil, awful, snake-in-the-grass smile.

Even now her belly fluttered at the sight of it.

“You and the baby need a home, Leah.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “And you’re going to give it to us?”

He scraped his boot along the concrete doorstep. “Well, I have one. And it’s safe, filled with people who will help you. No rent, so you can pay your bills easier. Or save your money and I’ll take care of them. Whatever you want to do, Leah. You set the boundaries. But I don’t think you really want to be on your feet all day long. And you don’t have an extra bedroom for a nursery. We’ll…we’ll figure out
us
at some point. That doesn’t matter. What matters is the best situation for you and the baby. Whatever you want to do. Just tell me and I’ll make it happen.”

She closed her eyes again and sagged against the door frame. Whatever she wanted to do.

She wanted to ride a horse.

She wanted to climb a mountain.

She wanted to sing.

And she still wanted a cowboy. But not this one. Some other one. One who hadn’t made her feel lower than the dirt he was now knocking off his sole.

She wanted to
live
, with a husband and a baby and a little house on a little hill. But God wasn’t going to give her all that. He’d let her live, though, apparently. And He’d given her a child. That would have to be enough. She opened her eyes.

“Come home with me, Leah.”

She’d seen Austin Barlow’s home. Star Valley. There were worse places. The truth was there were few places more beautiful on this Earth, not that she’d seen much of it in her short, complicated life. “Home,” she echoed. She could give it a try, for the baby’s sake, anyway. She could always come back to Cody if it didn’t work out. “Okay. I’ll go home with you.”

‡

A
ustin spent the
next morning carrying Leah’s only suitcase to the bed of his truck. He’d hadn’t arrived particularly early, assuming she wouldn’t have much to take with her. The sad fact was, she had even less than that. She left her roommate with her bed and dresser with instructions to sell it and pocket the proceeds. Candace, for her part, tried to argue and insist that she’d mail Leah the money, but Leah wouldn’t hear of it. She also insisted on nearly wiping out her checking account to pay her portion of the next two month’s rent.

Candace cast him a furtive glance and he waved her off. “She’s practically broke now!” she whispered to him fiercely while Leah was in the bathroom.

“I’ll handle it,” he told the brunette. “It’ll be fine.”

There was no way he’d let the mother of his child want for anything.

Leah emerged carrying a small backpack and looking around the apartment one final time. “I guess that’s everything.”

“Call me,” Candace demanded, sweeping her into a hug. “The second you get there.” She eyed Austin warily before turning back to Leah. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you to your parents?”

Leah shook her head. “No. I can handle it.”

Candace frowned. “Okay. I guess. But no matter what, call—”

“I will,” Leah promised. “I’ll call.”

“You better.”

This time he helped her up into the cab of the truck and then shut the passenger door. As he rounded the front end to get behind the wheel, he made a mental note to show her kindness whenever and where ever he could. It was the least he could do.

It took no time to get to the north end of Cody and turn down the driveway of Leah’s parents’ house. It was a one-story affair with a well-cared for lawn but a porch that needed new steps and shutters that could use a new coat of paint.

Leah leaned away from him but stopped suddenly, grasping the door handle. “Just…could you…” She sighed heavily. “Could you not let them know we don’t know each other? Could you make them think…we’re together?”

“So you want me to lie?”

“Don’t lie,” she told him. “Just don’t…”

“Just don’t tell the truth?”

She glared at him. “I don’t want them to worry, okay? They’ve had enough of that, my whole life. I don’t want them to worry ever again.”

Austin was so surprised he leaned back in the seat and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He’d assumed she wouldn’t want to face her parents’ wrath, that she’d lie to avoid the shame and stigma of an unplanned pregnancy with a man she didn’t even know. To hear her say it was to spare
them…
well, he couldn’t fault her for that, could he?

They didn’t make it to the door before it flung open. An older woman, thin with shoulder length blonde hair gasped as Leah and Austin stepped onto the porch. “We weren’t expecting you!” she cried.

“I know. I should’ve called.”

Mrs. Pierce turned her gaze toward him, blinked, but didn’t speak.

“Mama, this is Austin.”

“Ma’am,” he said with a nod of his head.

“Well…come in, come in,” the woman said, holding the front door open. “Carl? Leah’s here! And she’s brought…” She turned to Leah, eyebrows raised.

Leah bit her lip and glanced over her shoulder at him. Austin could tell she was pleading silently with him. He gave her a tiny nod.

“My boyfriend,” Leah said, turning back to her mother.

“This is Leah’s boyfriend,” the woman beamed to the man seated on the couch.

Carl Pierce didn’t have much to say about that but he assessed Austin with an eye that was practically slitted. Austin had no idea if he was living up or down to the man’s expectations.

“Well, come sit down! Come sit down.” She gestured to two chairs opposite the couch. “How did you meet?” Mrs. Pierce asked him.