Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (8 page)

Not moving a muscle, Horatio just watched him, wanting to get up and dance with him, but a little nervous about where it might lead. He’d had a ton of daydreams and sleep dreams about making love to Max – had even had a few wet dreams. He had no doubt he would enjoy it, but what if Max decided he didn’t like doing it that way? What if it turned him off guys? Horatio would go crazy if Max stopped being gay and didn’t want to be his boyfriend anymore.

“So? You gonna dance with me or what?” Max moved towards him, body curving to a tune only he could hear. Horatio grinned when he stepped over the top of him, straddling his body, and began to descend and ascend, dropping his hips down and nearly grazing Horatio’s crotch before rising up again, his body so beautiful in the moonlight. Max peeled off his shirt in a very sexy manner and let it drop down on Horatio’s face.

Laughing, Horatio grabbed it and tossed it aside, then grew still when Max fingered the snap of his pants. “What’re you doing?” Horatio breathed, a short laugh puffing out.

Max just gazed down at him, a half smile on his gorgeous face. “Dance with me.” There was shift to his tone that grabbed at Horatio’s heart. “Please?”

“Okay,” Horatio groaned, his pulse quickening. Max stepped away and let him crawl to his feet. He fidgeted anxiously. “Shouldn’t we have music or something?”

Max gripped his waist and pulled him against him. “We can make our own music,” he grinned and nuzzled his neck. His fingers squeezed Horatio’s skin, and he began to move the younger boy’s body along with his own.

“I feel kind of stupid,” Horatio smirked but didn’t try to pull away or make him stop.

“Just close your eyes,” Max said. “Think of a song and feel the music, then just let yourself go.”

Horatio frowned. “Since when can you dance, anyway? I’ve never seen you do it before.”

“Maybe I practice in my dreams,” Max grinned.

Rubbing his hands up Max’s arms, Horatio rolled his eyes. “Right.”

They fell silent as the frogs and crickets around the pond created their own natural symphony that Horatio found oddly romantic and titillating. He flattened his palms against Max’s warm chest, then dragged his fingertips down over his hard stomach before rubbing his hands back up to his chest again. Max slipped his arms around his waist, and his hands went under Horatio’s shirt, caressing his back sensually. Horatio pressed closer, amazed at how his body moved with Max’s. The guy felt so good as he flattened his hands on Horatio’s lower back and held his hips against him as they began to rock together, hips rolling smoothly, crotches rubbing and massaging.

Horatio’s breath caught and staggered, his head going light as he heated up from his hairline down to the tip of his toes. His short nails dug into Max’s biceps, and his breath quickened. Max held him tighter, hands slowly venturing down over his rear, gripping firmly as their hips glided and rolled together.

“Max...” Horatio shuddered.

Hot breath puffed into his hair as Max brushed his lips across Horatio’s ear. “I love you, Horatio,” he whispered, a slight tremor to his voice. “I’ll always love you. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you.” Horatio began to tremble as Max drew back just enough to kiss his mouth; they had never said “I love you” to each other before. They both had known they were in love, but they had never said it aloud. Horatio drank in his kiss, then gasped softly when it ended. “Do you love me too, Horatio?” Max kissed him again, softly, “Please say you do.”

His throat working but producing no words, Horatio nodded then finally managed – “Yes.” His heart threatened to implode, and he wrapped his arms tight around Max’s neck and hugged him hard. “I love you too, Max.” He shoved his face against his neck, and Max’s pulse pumped hard against his lips. Tears rose up without warning. “I’m crazy in love with you.”

Max squeezed him in his arms, clinging to him. “I want to be with you, Horatio,” he choked out softly, emotion breaking his words. “I want to be with you tonight.”

Be with him? Horatio frowned. He was already with...

Horatio’s heart began to thump and pound as he realized what Max was saying; he wanted to make love to him. Horatio tensed inside Max’s embrace. It was what he had been dreaming of since Max’s first kiss, but now that the moment was really here – he was scared.

“Max, I...” he rubbed his hands slowly down Max’s bare arms. His skin beneath his fingertips felt so good, every ripple of his steadily developing muscles causing tingles to rush through his body.

“We don’t have to, Horatio,” Max whispered. “I just wanted you to know that when you’re ready, I am too. But I’ll wait, for as long as you need me to.” He kissed the corner of Horatio’s mouth. “You’re the only one I ever want to be with, for the rest of my life.”

The tears burning hotter, Horatio trembled, “Do you really mean that?”

“I do,” Max confirmed without hesitation. “It’ll always be us, Horatio. Just you and me. Forever.”

Horatio kissed him then hugged him fiercely, choking on a quiet sob. “I want to be with you too, Max,” he whispered thickly, heart racing. “Tonight.”

Max tensed a little. “Are you sure?”

“I am.” Horatio nodded and cupped the back of Max’s head, pushing his forehead to Max’s brow. “I want it, Max. So much.”

Withdrawing his arms from around him, Max cupped his face and kissed him. “I love you so much, Horatio,” he moaned softly. His hands dropped, and he slowly pulled Horatio’s shirt up over his head and dropped it on the ground, then caressed his bare chest. His nipples pebbled beneath Max’s thumbs as they massaged him gently. When Max urged him down on the grass, Horatio didn’t resist. He’d held Max on top of him before, but it had never felt like this, never had this promise of so much more.

Horatio trembled as Max dropped kisses all over his neck and chest and stomach, and then his heart stalled briefly when Max popped loose the snap of his pants. They had never even gone as far as oral sex up until now. At the most, they had fondled each other through their pants, but hadn’t actually touched flesh. Horatio’s senses went wild as Max tugged down the zipper and began to kiss the lowest part of his stomach, where his pubic hair began. A fierce ache shot through his groin, and he moaned loudly without meaning to. But Max seemed to like it and carefully slid his pants off his hips and down enough to expose his throbbing erection.

His fingers gouged the ground, body tense as he could feel Max’s mouth so close to his hardness. He stared up at the full moon as tears slipped from the corners of his eyes, his heart bursting with love for Max. He gasped when Max rubbed his hand up Horatio’s stiff shaft, then massaged the tip with his thumb. His chest hitched and hips jerked, then his whole body reacted to Max’s warm, slick tongue licking him.

“Fuck!” Horatio bucked a little and dug his fingers deeper into the earth. He cried out again, much louder, when Max took him in his mouth. “Oh my god! Uuh! Max!” It was good that they hadn’t tried to do this secretly in one of their bedrooms, because there was no way he could have kept quiet. Horatio would have awakened the entire house. Releasing the ground, Horatio grabbed fists of Max’s hair, panting hard. “Oh god...oh fuck...Max...Ahhh!”

Max stroked up and down on him until Horatio was sure he would go blind.

A soft groan rolled up Max’s throat, and he pulled off him, then wiped his fingertips across his lips and smiled. “You taste really good.”

Horatio’s head dropped back against the grass as a half laugh, half cry burst out of him. “That was...it felt so...fucking amazing.”

“So you liked it?”

Laughing, Horatio yelled, “Yes!”

“Good,” Max murmured. “Because I liked doing it.” He pulled Horatio’s pants the rest of the way off, then sat back on his heels and unfastened his own pants. Horatio watched him, his heart pounding and sticking in his chest. Max stood up and shoved his pants down his legs, then kicked them off his feet. He stared down at Horatio, his beautiful body awash in moonlight, his green eyes slightly shadowed but still catching glints of light.

Sitting forward, Horatio shifted onto his knees and rubbed his hands up Max’s legs. The boy smiled softly and slid his fingers through Horatio’s hair. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Horatio,” he whispered. He cupped Horatio’s face and leaned down, kissing his lips. “Please don’t ever stop loving me.”

“Never,” Horatio moaned against his mouth. “I’ll love you forever, Max.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Before he could pleasure Max as Max had done to him, he was on his back again on the cool grass, Max on top of him, kissing and caressing him. Their naked bodies wrapped around each other – then Horatio was on his stomach, the scent of the fresh grass filling up his nostrils. Max rubbed and massaged the back of his thighs and up over his butt cheeks, then he was kissing him all over. He coated his fingers with saliva then began working them inside Horatio one at a time. “Shit!” Horatio shoved his head against the ground, then cried out shrilly as Max reached in deeper and found a place that exploded Horatio with mind-shattering ecstasy. “Fuck! Max!”

After working in a couple more fingers carefully and gently, Max stroked him until he was nearly crying with the need to come. But before he could go over that edge, Max withdrew his fingers. Horatio panted against the blades of grass, his whole body tingling and sporting an erection like he’d never had in his life.

“Are you okay?” Max’s voice shook, and he kissed Horatio’s soft rear, then the small of his back.

Horatio nodded, breath ragged. “Uh huh.”

“Do you still want to make love?”

Oh God, yes! Horatio nodded again. “Yes...please, Max.”

Max drew back and slicked his cock with spit, and let more saliva drip down between Horatio’s cheeks. Then he was hovering over the top of him and very slowly pushed inside.

“Uh!” Horatio tensed instantly as, at first, it hurt more than felt good.

Max wrapped his arms around him and held him tight, taking his time until Horatio began to relax and he was able to enter him all the way. It didn’t take long for the pain to subside and the ecstasy to return as Max began to stroke deep inside him, finding that “spot” again. They found their rhythm, and their bodies began to move together in perfect sync.

Pants and cries filled the night. Exclamations of love burst out into the moonlight. Max turned Horatio onto his back and made love to him face to face, crushing him in his arms, kissing him with desperation as their passion swelled until they both cried out in final release, tears streaking their faces as sobs broke them and they held each other tight, clinging together for dear life.

“You promised,” Max pressed his head to Horatio’s brow, tears running freely. “You promised to love me forever.” His hands shoved through Horatio’s hair, and he choked on a sob and kissed the boy. “You have to keep that promise. I can’t live without you. I couldn’t breathe if you stopped loving me.” He dropped his face against Horatio’s neck and cried harder. “I love you so much, Horatio. So much it hurts.”

Horatio cried against his shoulder, hugging him so tight. He understood what Max meant; his love for the other boy clutched at his heart, tearing it apart and at the same time holding it together. And it did hurt. But it was a good hurt. One that Horatio prayed would never let go of either of them.

*  *

H
oratio came back from his tortured memories rather suddenly when the courtroom door opened. He wiped quickly at his face, struggling to erase the evidence of his tears, his pain. He rubbed the sleeve of his suit across his eyes and cleared his throat. But it was all in vain when Max stepped out and that memory of their first time overwhelmed him once more. He turned his back to Max and walked away a few feet. He needed to regain his composure, not allow Max to see again how much he was dying inside. He hated himself, because back inside the courtroom Seth was waiting for him, trusting him at his word that everything was over between him and Max and that he wouldn’t try to go back to the man. But he wanted to. God, he wanted to – so fucking bad!

“Horatio?” Max spoke uncertainly. “Jensen is about to make his opening statement.”

The carpet blurred and swam. “I’ll be there in a minute,” he whispered, voice thick with tears.

Max lingered. “Is something wrong?” Uncertainty strained his words. “Did Jensen tell you something that you didn’t tell us?”

His eyes closed, squeezed tight, and he fought for control.
You have to go back in there, and you can’t let Seth see how upset you are. Get a grip
. “Oh, no.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “No, everything is fine with Abel.”

“Then what is it?” Max’s voice lowered, softened.

Horatio shook his head slowly. “Nothing,” he whispered.

“You were never a good liar,” Max murmured.

Horatio absently massaged the palm of his right hand with his left thumb. “I’m moving away, Max.” He didn’t know why he was telling him this right now. It was hardly the time.

“What?”

Drawing in a deep breath, Horatio turned around. “I’m moving away from the city. Overseas.” He stared at Max and resisted the urge to throw himself into the man’s arm. Their time was over. Had been for a very long while now. “Thinking maybe the French Riviera. Seth and I.” His gaze flitted away from Max’s face as the man just looked at him. “Sell the penthouse and...and leave for good.”

“And never come back?” Max whispered, a slight glitch to his voice.

Shifting his eyes back to Max’s troubled stare, he murmured, “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” His throat squeezed and tears threatened. “For me to go away, make a life for myself elsewhere? Not come around anymore.” His lips tightened, and he lowered his eyes as they began to fill. He swallowed hard. “Leave you alone so you can get on with your life.” He looked up slowly, tears brimming. “I’ll always do whatever you ask me to, Max.”

I never stopped loving you. I kept that promise. But you stopped wanting me to.

♦

H
oratio was leaving – for good?

Max stared at him, the hurt and anguish in the younger man’s eyes too much to bear. “Horatio, I didn’t mean...” He pressed his lips tight, throat thick. “I didn’t mean I never wanted to see you again. Or that you should leave the city.”