Maya And The Tough Guy (11 page)

“What’s wrong, Sis?” Kellen, the mind-reader, asked.

She shrugged and closed her laptop. “I don’t get Jayce.”

Kellen’s brows rose in amusement. “What’s to get? He’s a pretty simple guy.”

“Really? I thought so, too, until yesterday. I thought I had him figured out and that he just didn’t like me very much. Now I find out that it’s the opposite. He likes me a little too much.”

Kellen leaned back. “Ah. Did he tell you, or did you just figure it out?”

“A little of both. He says it’s no big deal and we should just pretend like nothing’s going on.”

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“Jayce? No way. I barely know him.”

Kellen was quiet as he studied her. “It’s too soon, anyway, isn’t it? To date?”

“Oh, God. Way too soon. I’m thinking I’ll date in fifteen or twenty years. For now, I’ve got kids to raise and a life to start living. I just wish I didn’t want…”

“Want what?”

She sighed, not sure she could explain it. “Want a man.”

Kellen wisely waited.

She fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “Damon and I had some good times early on, early before I realized what a fool I was for not seeing the monster I’d married for what he was. And since that realization I’ve been really, really…lonely. It got to where the only way he touched me was with anger. Sex was like that, too. He did it in anger. He hurt me. Raped me. Then he’d spit on me and tell me how unsatisfying my body was.” She choked back a sob.
 

“Jesus,” Kellen whispered.
 

She jerked her eyes up to his. “Crap, I’m sorry, Kellen. Sometimes I just forget to filter—”

“You never have to apologize for talking about this with me,” he said, reaching out to cover her hands with his. “I just still find it all so shocking, you know? I mean, I’ve been on the receiving end of his fists myself, but it’s hard to hear about the monstrous things he did to you. Makes me so angry that I couldn’t help you sooner.”

Maya quickly shoved the bad feelings back in their box where they belonged. “You can’t help when you don’t know there’s a problem. You can’t know there’s a problem if the victim doesn’t speak out. That’s on me, Kellen.”

He kissed her on the cheek. “So are you worried that, because of what he did to you, you’ll never have…sexual…feelings for a man again?”

She breathed deeply. “No. I’m worried that people will think I’m a whore
because
I have sexual feelings for a man. Is…is it wrong that I want to have sex?”

To his credit, he didn’t recoil from the question. He kept a neutral expression and placed a hand over hers. “Have you talked to your therapist about this?”

She took in a breath. “A little. I’m just afraid maybe there’s something wrong with me for wanting something that was used as a weapon against me all those years.”

Kellen swallowed and blushed. “Uh, again…talk to your therapist. It always makes you feel better. But for now, why don’t you focus on, you know, self-pleasure. You know, finding yourself and all that.” He actually let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, Maya, we’ve ventured into uncomfortable territory.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Hey. I’m glad you did and I always want you to feel like you can talk to me. I can tell you beyond
 
a shadow of a doubt that there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel. I’m just a little at a loss as to how to offer helpful suggestions. I think taking control of those feelings and knowing that you have a right to gratify them however you want to is probably important. Don’t let the guilt keep you from taking something that you need.”

She nodded. It sounded like a good place to start. She’d been hesitantly taking those steps anyway, it was just nice to have the voice of someone she respected giving her permission. Suddenly she laughed. “Zoey gave me that vibrator for Christmas. I named it Mitch and am always joking about it with the girls. But I’ve never used it.”

“Mitch is probably your best bet for a lover, right now. He won’t talk back. He doesn’t have needs. You can do whatever you want to him.”

She giggled. “That’s what kind of man I want. One who will just follow orders.” She sighed, knowing such a thing didn’t exist, and knowing that she couldn’t have it anyway. She had children and any man she brought into her life, she was also bringing into theirs. “You’re amazing, Kellen. I’m so sorry for putting you through this conversation.”
 

He stood and kissed the top of her head. “That’s what I’m here for. But I’d really like to go back to the math. It was way less painful of a topic.”

She chuckled and opened up her laptop while he went to the kitchen for a coffee refill. “Here’s a question for you,” Kellen asked. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. I just don’t know. I’ve never been in a position where I was in control of my own destiny. Right now I’m just focusing on this HiSET exam and work. I figure if I work really hard and maybe try out some different jobs, I’ll find something I love to do.”

“You like serving drinks?”

“Not remotely. But I do like being around people. That’s something I’ve learned about myself. I’ll just gather as much information as I can until I can piece together a career path for myself.”

“That’s the way to do it.” He sat his coffee on the table and then turned toward the front door. The tell-tale squeak of the mailbox had alerted him. He opened the door, reached round for the mail, and came back. He tossed a few envelopes on the counter, but was frowning down at a small stack of several envelopes. He looked up at her, still frowning, and handed her the envelopes.

She flipped through them. Five of them. From Damon. He’d been in prison several weeks and not contacted her. He’d violated a protection order by breaking and entering and was doing at least a year for his crimes. She’d assumed he wanted nothing to do with her. Now it appeared that the prison had simply delayed mailing his letters.
 

“Would you like me to read them for you?” Kellen asked. “I can let you know if there’s anything that’s going to interfere with the divorce, or your life.”

Maya wanted to let him. It would be so much easier to let him. But she was tired of being a coward. Tired of living in fear of Damon’s words. “No, thank you,” she said. “I’ll deal with it.”

Kellen studied her for a long moment. “You let me know if you change your mind.”

She nodded and managed to smile. “Thanks. I’ve got this.”

#

Jayce pounded the punching bag like it was his worst enemy. His teeth gritted, loud breaths expelling with each punch, and sweat flying everywhere.

“Okay, come on, man, take a break,” Kellen said.
 

Jayce slammed his fists into the bag, barely hearing. Jab, jab, right cross, upper cut…pound, pound, pound.

“Jayce!”

The voice finally got through. Jayce stopped and then he realized he’d gone too far. He was breathing too hard; his vision blurring at the edges. He fell to his knees and felt a straw at his lips. He drank the water and then fell forward on his hands. He felt his stomach tightening; the nausea growing. There was a cool cloth on his neck and back.
 

“Christ, Jayce,” Kellen said. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Feels good,” he said, his voice barely more than a breath.

“Vomiting and bloody knuckles feels good?”

“Yep.”

Kellen had come in the bar a couple of times since coming home, but this was the first time they’d had a chance to hang out. It was Sunday morning. Norris was standing back, leaning on the boxing ring, heckling him. “You gonna be sick, Jayce? You want me to find your mommy for you?”

Jayce ignored him.

“Come on,” Kellen said. “Get cleaned up. We gotta get to Zoey’s.”

The nausea subsided. Jayce sat back on his ankles. He took another drink of water and then stood. “Gotta shower,” he said.

Kellen tossed him a towel to wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Jayce showered, the whole time thinking how he could probably curl up and sleep right there under the hot spray.
 

He dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and met Kellen at the front door. They rode over to Zoey’s in Jayce’s truck. But when they arrived, Jayce felt even more exhausted. The other night, Maya had barely looked at him, had never spoken to him except to order drinks, and then it was like she’d been speaking to the air around him. He hated himself for confessing his feelings like he had. If only there’d been some way around it.

So now she knew and things were awkward. “Man, I don’t feel real good. I think I’d better just go home.”

Jayce felt Kellen studying him. Avoiding Kellen’s gaze, Jayce stared out the windshield because Kellen had ways of reading his mind, and his powers were enhanced if he made eye contact. “What’s going on?”

Jayce shook his head. “Just don’t feel good.”

Kellen sighed. “Listen. Maya’s like my little sister. She talks to me about everything, man.”

Jayce dropped his head back and closed his eyes.
 

“So, what’s going on?” Kellen asked again. “Is this heartache? Longing? Humiliation?”

“Yes,” Jayce said. All of the above.

“She doesn’t want this awkwardness any more than you do. This’ll help. Hang out with us. You two will get comfortable around each other again and everything will be better.”

Jayce let his hands drop off the steering wheel. He turned off the ignition and got out of the truck.
 

They walked into the house and into the smell of…something burning. Kellen hurried past Jayce into the kitchen, cloudy with smoke. The smoke alarm was blaring and Jayce hurried to locate it at the end of the hallway. There was no fire in the kitchen, just Zoey crying over something on the stove that was smoking like crazy. Kellen had removed the pan from the heat. Jayce turned off the alarm. Kellen flipped on the attic fan and opened the back door.
 

“I don’t know what made me think I could cook,” Zoey sobbed.

Jayce had been about to make a similar comment, but since she was already crying, he decided to keep his mouth shut. “Where’s Maya?” he asked. He didn’t know for sure, but he bet she could cook.

“At church. She’ll be home soon.”

He wondered if maybe he should start going to church. Maybe she’d like it if he went with her. Maybe she’d trust him more.
 

“What were you making, baby?” Kellen asked, taking Zoey in his arms.

“I was frying chicken. I made biscuits from scratch.” Just then Jayce noticed smoke coming from the oven. He grabbed a hot pad, opened the oven, and pulled out a sheet pan with over a dozen, flat, black discs.
 

“Mother-fucker!” Zoey cursed.
 

Jayce sat the pan on the stove and stepped away from the dangerous woman. He looked at Kellen and raised his eyebrows.

Kellen nodded.

Jayce took his phone, went to the front porch, and ordered pizza. He was returning the phone to his pocket when Maya pulled in the driveway. Not knowing whether to go back in or wait on the porch, Jayce opted to meet her at her door and open it for her.

Maya got out and smiled bashfully up at him. He closed the door and stared down at her, as she held his gaze. It was a miracle after a week of absolute avoidance. The kids got out of the car and ran inside, but Maya kept staring up at Jayce. Into him. Her eyes were so warm, he couldn’t even feel the cold air.

“Hey,” she said, and for once, she didn’t seem afraid of him.

“Hey.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I was hoping we could talk.”

“I’m not much of a talker, Maya.”

“Sometimes you are.”

His lips quirked up.
 

“I’m sorry things have been weird.”

Jayce shook his head. “My fault. Not yours.”

“It’ll be better soon. I just feel…overwhelmed. You know?”

“Yeah. And I don’t want to be a part of that. I want to be helpful to you. I don’t want to add to the weight you carry. So whatever’s going on with you and me, just let it go, okay?”

“See, I can’t do that without talking about it. If you’re just going to clam up, I’m going to keep feeling all awkward and uncomfortable. I guess—I guess I need to understand your feelings better, because right now, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”

“You’re—you’re afraid you’ll hurt me?” he laughed. God, she’d been hurting him pretty much all his life and she didn’t have a clue. Being hurt by her was just a normal, everyday affair for him. But the last thing Jayce wanted was for her to know that. “I just wanna take you to bed, Maya. That’s all. Means nothing. Part of the process I go through with every woman. Believe it or not, I once wanted to take Zoey to bed. It was a very fleeting moment, but it happened. I’m over it. I’ll get over you. So don’t make it out to be more than it is.”

Maya’s face flushed and her eyes widened. “You’re sure?” If he wasn’t mistaken, her voice sounded weaker than before.

“Yeah. Absolutely sure. Can we be friends, now?”

“Friends don’t lust after friends.”

“Well are you going to go to bed with me?”

Her eyes went wide. “No. God, no.”

Afraid she’d hurt him…there she was doing it again. “Well, then, I’d like to be friends. Truth be told, if I can only have one or the other, I’d choose friendship with you over sleeping with you. Friendship lasts longer and I’ve always thought real highly of you, Maya.”

She blushed furiously and looked down at her feet. “Thought highly of me? What did I ever do to deserve that?”

He let out a bitter laugh. Like there was ever going to be a time when it was okay for him to tell her all the things he admired about her. “How about you’re a good friend to your friends, a good mother to your children, and you’re actively looking for ways to make life better for yourself and them.”

“That’s just survival.”

“Okay, so I admire survival. Whatever, Maya, can we be friends or not?”

At last, she smiled sweetly up at him. “I’d like that.”

“Good.”

For an awkward moment, it looked like she might hug him. She froze, her arms hesitating halfway. And then she actually did it. She put her arms around his neck and Jayce tried with all his might not to enjoy it too much.