Maybe (21 page)

When the lights dim, he doesn’t even wait the appropriate amount of time before he runs onto the stage with his arms aloft, drumsticks in the air. “What’s up, Chicago!” He’s at the mic. He’s not where he’s supposed to be. He’s absorbing that spotlight like it’s the sun in August.

Tyler pretends it’s a joke and nudges him to the side, leaning into his ear to tell him something. Shawn grins, but Tyler does not, and once the overeager tweaker sits his ass behind the drums, the concert begins.

Shae is standing about twenty feet away from me, and whatever jealousy I once had for her turns into outright rage. I’ve taken one step toward her when Hollis grabs my hand and pulls me back.

“Not now. Not back here, Emily. We’ll take care of whatever this is after the show.”

“You know she’s doing this, right? Just because she’s a functioning alcoholic doesn’t mean Shawn can keep up. You know why he’s suddenly the Energizer Bunny?” She shakes her head, and I want to shake her whole body. “She gave him speed, Hollis.”

Her eyebrows pull together, and she purses her lips. “At least it’s not coke.”

“Are you trying to be funny right now?”

“No.” Her grip on my hand is harder. “I’m trying to get through this night. Period.”

It’s their worst show since they started the tour. Shawn cannot keep his timing. At one point, he tries out a new solo that completely ruins the middle of
“Another Face.”
The look that passes between everyone makes my stomach roll, and I know, I just know, that this is the story my boss wants.

I hate her for it.

Shawn hasn’t stepped back on the bus, and Shae’s manager tells Hollis that hers is at capacity, so she’s not allowed on to speak with him. The fury on her face when she enters the back room could catch the entire vehicle on fire.

“We still have six more stops. If he keeps this up, I’m going to have to kick his ass out. He’s a second away from not showing up at all.”

I try to offer a positive in the middle of the chaos. “Shae won’t be going on the Euro tour. If we can stick it out for a few more weeks, things should get better, right?”

Cam reclines and puts his arm above his head while he spits dip into an empty water bottle. “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than you need to. You’re all so boring.” When he walks to the front of the bus, I want to run after him and push him out the door while we’re going over a bridge.

I point and frown. “He’s a problem, too, you know.”

Jon waves his hand in the direction in which Cam has disappeared. “Hooking up with eager groupies in random places does not make him a liability. I guess in comparison to the rest of us, it does seem ‘lecherous.’ But in a few months, it’s going to be different, because Hollis is—”

She slaps his arm so hard I can hear the impact.

“Hollis is what?” Scenarios appear in my head, and the first one to pop up is that she’s going to quit. But she loves it too much, so the next obvious answer is . . .

“I’m pregnant. God, babe. Can you not keep your mouth shut? Our parents don’t even know.”

She’s verbally accosting her husband, but the adoration and excitement in his eyes outweighs her anger.

“It’s early. Not super early, but enough that we need to be cautious.”

My attention is on Tyler because the mention of babies could bring up old wounds that we haven’t properly discussed. Instead, he rises to his feet and pulls Hollis into a tight hug.

She gasps for air and pats his back a little before pushing him away. “This bus will be dry when this kid gets here, you feel me?” We both nod, and then she finishes her thought. “And the no sex on the bus rule still stands.”

The news is a shock to my system. There’s going to be a baby on the bus. The entire dynamic of the band is about to change. I was not expecting this to happen, and a part of me feels a little empty because of it.

Tyler finds me in my bunk, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness. I’m not sleeping—I just need some space.

He pulls back the curtain and leans in, crossing his arms and resting his chin on them. I turn on the light and squint at him until his face comes into focus.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey.”

He pauses, and this is the first time I’ve seen him a little shy. He licks his lips and looks at me for a beat before he smiles. “I have a surprise for you.”

“More underwear?”

He laughs, and it breaks a tiny bit of the tension I’ve been drowning in. “When we get to New York, we’re staying for two days. Since that’s the case, I rented us a hotel room.”

“Oh my God, that sounds so nice. Are you messing with me? If this is a joke, I will unstring all your guitars before we get there.”

The fake shock in his eyes is adorable, and I roll to my side to brace myself for the inevitable when he pushes forward to invade my space, his lips just out of reach. “Why would I lie about
that
, of all things? The chance to get you off the bus and in a huge bed where I can throw you around any way you want? Walls that will buffer that sound that you make when you come? Would I joke about tasting every inch of you in a place where it’s just the two of us?” His fingers are brushing my upper thigh, and I’m so turned on that my knees instinctively part. My sleep shorts are loose around the leg, and his hand creeps inside to brush against me.

If he’d let the curtain close behind his back, I’d welcome that move he’s so good at. That beat he taps deep inside, fingers curled, and the other thumb working overtime on my clit to rush me toward finishing.

“What are you thinking about? I swear you just got wet, and I haven’t even made a move.”

I scoot forward a bit so my forehead rests against his. The shift has caused my knees to widen further, but his fingers remain still. “I’m thinking about how much I miss your fingers and your cock, that’s what.”

His sharp intake of breath makes my heart race. “You have a dirty mouth, has anyone ever told you that?”

My lips are hovering above his when I lift my eyes and smile. “I learned from the best. I’d invite you to close that curtain and do exactly what you’re thinking about, but I bet you’re hard and anyone within a ten foot radius could tell.”

“I like a challenge,” he whispers before the curtain is moved into place around his shoulders, and then his mouth is on mine. I love his taste and his warmth. I love his tongue and how it swirls around mine unlike anyone else I’ve ever kissed before. I love how he pulls away and takes my bottom lip between his teeth and sucks on it before he starts again.

I love all these things. His fingers are just the icing on the cake. Four of them are flat against me, and they’re patting the space above my clit in the softest way. It’s not enough, but it feels amazing—coupled with his kiss, my raised leg is already shaking. His middle finger curls and slides between, teasing my entrance and making me squirm. There’s already a moan building in my throat when he slips it inside. “Shh. It’s part of the deal. You have to be quiet, or else everyone will know.”

“Oh, God,” I whisper and clench my teeth when a second digit follows the first. There’s not enough room to reach for him, so my hands are fisting my own shirt while he pumps slowly. It’s probably the risk of getting caught that’s upping the excitement, but I’m finding it really hard not to make a noise. Instead, I’m breathing hard and gasping at the way his fingers expertly work me over. I’m so wet, I can hear it.

My left leg starts to fall, and he tsks, so I open wider for him again. “I wish I was inside you right now, Peach. I bet your pussy feels like heaven.”

“Shit, shit, shit. You can’t say that. I’ll crawl right out of this bunk.”

His fingers slow, and my hips rise to push him deeper, but he holds steady. I’m gripping my left breast, the flesh pulled tight, and my lips are parted in desperation. He jerks his chin up and lets out a breathy groan. “Pull the shirt up. Let me see you do that again.” I do as he says, and my palm is squeezing, tugging my nipple while his pumping increases in speed.

My stomach is tightening, and my foot is braced on the far wall when it starts. He lunges forward, opening his mouth to mine, and I press in when his thumb circles my clit so fast I jerk. Open lipped, he covers my mouth, and he’s finally close enough for me to grip the back of his neck while he swallows my scream.

He moans quietly, and my lips vibrate while my high-pitched gasps escape into his mouth. I’m shivering and pulsing around his fingers, and his thumb slows to a gentle circle but never stops. My whole body relaxes, and I pull away to see his face through half-closed lids.

“Everyone is watching a movie,” he whispers, slipping his fingers in once more. “Want to do that again?”

“I don’t think I can.” I laugh lightly, but his eyes narrow in determination while his wrist twists to the side.

“I like a challenge.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

From the Private Journal of Tyler Macy

Everything is so hectic. I need this time to get off the bus. To hold Emily and get away from Shawn’s new bullshit. Distance myself from my best friends, who are about to have this little family together.

It’s a good thing I have Hollis, though. And Laura.

They’re helping me pull something off I’d never be able to do on my own.

—M

Chapter Thirty-Five

Hollis finally corners Shawn and tells him to get his shit together. It looks like he is, but I can tell it will only be a matter of time.

Somewhere in Columbus, all three bands start having secret meetings that I’m not allowed to attend. I have work to do, obviously, but doors being locked to keep me out is really starting to piss me off.

My time is spent doing things in secret, too, but it doesn’t feel the same. Between New Jersey and New York, I’ve had enough.

“Spill, damn it. I want to know what all these secret meetings are about.”

Jon sighs and gives me a wary look. “All I’m allowed to tell you is that we’re doing something awesome for the show in New York. No, you can’t know about it. No, you can’t participate. Yes, you can stand back and revel in the wonder and write a kick-ass blog about it in the morning.”

“You’re a frustrating bastard sometimes, you know that?”

His grin is cheeky. “You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

I’m frustrated and grumpy for many reasons. One, it’s taking too long to get to New York and a real hotel room. Two, I’m nervous about facing Rynn. Third, this stupid thing they’re planning is driving me crazy.

Laura calls as we pull up to the venue and invites me to lunch the next afternoon.

“You’re here? What happened to your assignment?”

“Eh. The band wasn’t my cup of tea, and I couldn’t be impartial when their music made me want to pull my own teeth out of my head because it would have been less painful. Emily, I could
smell
them from the third row.
Third
.
Row
.”

“That’s disgusting. I’m glad you’re here, though. I can’t wait to see you.”

Plans are made before I do my routine—perimeter walk, photos, notes, backstage. It’s second nature to be ushered through doors that have to be opened from the inside. I wear my credentials and a backstage pass everywhere I go now. I have a collection of them in my bag, and I think I might hang them up somewhere. Wherever I decide to stay.

The thought has been weighing on me a lot. Uncertainty holds my hand in a vise grip, keeping me from making a decision.

There’s a new type of energy backstage today, and I can hardly get anyone to sit still. They’ll be doing two performances in New York—one here in New York City and one in Syracuse, which is why we get to stay the night tonight and tomorrow. We’ll head out two days from now, and everything will be exactly as it has been for the past however many weeks. I’ve lost track by now.

On the surface, it feels like everyone is frenzied because they know Rynn is going to be here, but I know it’s because of whatever this secret is that they are keeping.

And speaking of secrets . . .

“My boss will be here in an hour.”

Tyler’s hands are pressing into my spine, crushing my chest against his. We’re in a dark corner behind the stage curtain, stealing a few moments before we have to be on our best behavior. I’ve warned everyone that they have to play it cool. While Rynn said it was okay for me to sleep with someone, I don’t think she’d be okay with exactly how involved we are.