Maybe (25 page)

I am naked and warm beneath the comforter, with Tyler’s head on my chest. His ear lies against my heart, and I run my fingers through his hair while he hums and presses in closer.

“Can I record this?” His face turns so that he can place a kiss where his ear just was. “I want to listen to it all the time.”

“Sure?” His hair tickles my chin, and it makes me laugh before I try to blow it out of the way.

He descends, and I feel his lips press to my stomach, then lower, until I’m spread wide open and his tongue begins to move. I arch and shift, pulling him closer to fist his hair. I’m already beginning to sweat, so I throw the covers off and am met with a fantastic view.

“Come here,” I gasp, my back arching under his expertise. “Come up here.”

His head rises from between my thighs, and he leaves a wet trail of kisses up my stomach to my neck before our lips touch. I shift and reach between us, eyes trained on his when my fingers wrap around his cock and I guide him forward.

There is nothing greater in this entire world than the first few seconds of Tyler Macy entering me. The trust between us, this monumental thing that happens when he’s inside and doesn’t pull away, makes me grip tighter and push him farther. I beg him to go faster. This is what I need today. I want it hard. I am needy and have too many decisions to make.

“Harder,” I moan and latch my mouth onto his shoulder, biting down when he gives me what I ask for. It’s so good, and it hurts, but it’s beautiful pain that drives away the anxiety. His hips snap back repeatedly, and I hold on, knees pulled up against his ribs to brace myself for each thrust.

I want to see that look on his face, the one from last night. I want to see it when it happens. He pushes upward, hands planted next to my head while he gives more, and I take, squeezing his arms with every last ounce of energy I have. I don’t know how much time passes. I don’t care. This is what I need before I walk out that door and change my life for good.

I slither my hand down my stomach, and my fingers circle while he watches, eyes smoldering and filled with lust. “That’s so pretty, Peach. I fucking love watching you.”

I’m stretched thin, one arm above my head gripping the sheets while the other rushes me toward the release I need. I’m right there at the edge, and I can feel my muscles tense, ready and shaking when everything seizes up and I call his name, his real name, so loud.

So loud.

He’s still going, and I’m gasping for air when he whispers something under his breath, and what I’d deemed fast before is nothing compared to him now. The vein in his neck bulges, and his mouth drops open, eyes half-shut when he lets out the softest moan.

And there it is—the crescendo. I’ve finally seen it by the light of day.

He lays limp on my chest, unmoving except his labored breaths. “Don’t move.” His face is pressed to my sternum again, and he peppers small kisses there, moving over to take a nipple into his mouth. “Are you sure you have to stay another day?”

“Yeah, but I’ll meet you in Syracuse. I just have to go into the office.”

“Four more stops and we’re back in Texas. I have a little time before we leave again.” He rests his chin on my chest and gazes up at me with bright eyes. “I don’t have a place anymore. Maybe I can come stay with you?”

His hair feels featherlight between my fingers, and I grin. “Let’s talk about it later. I have to get ready for that meeting with Rynn.”

“Right.” He slides off and rolls over onto his back, one arm over his forehead and the other across his stomach. “You should get moving, then, because the sooner you leave, the sooner you come back.”

“I can’t argue with that logic.”

Within an hour, I am ready to go, and he’s wearing a towel, fresh from the shower. We linger at the door, and every last question I’ve had about this disappears between his lips.

“I’ll call you when I’m on the way.”

I don’t see anyone else when I walk through the foyer, but it is still pretty early by their standards. Checkout isn’t for another hour. I push my sunglasses down over my eyes and confidently hail a cab to take me to corporate.

The elevator to the eighth floor is faster than the one I used in Texas. It makes me smile to remember the doors opening on each and every floor. When this one stops on eight, I step out and put on a brave face.

Rynn’s assistant has this face that never looks happy or sad. She’s just blank, her eyes almost void of emotion. I figure she has to be that way to work for our boss. Rynn is a succubus.

I’m allowed entry into the office, and Rynn immediately points to the chair in front of her desk. She’s facing the window, her chair swiveling back and forth while she finishes up a phone call that ends with, “Test me, motherfucker.”

When she swings around to acknowledge me, my gut tightens.

“Where’s my story, Portman?”

I slide papers her way and stand back on my feet. This meeting will be short. “You need to find someone else to follow the story you want. I’m not going to do it. These are good people who
love
music, Rynn. They have families. They just want to play while they can, and if that’s not forever, it won’t break anyone’s heart. They’ll be huge and things will happen, but I won’t be the one writing about it.” I tap my finger on the papers once and move them closer. “You want a story? Figure out what the hell is going on with Shae.
Follow the story, Rynn
, but leave these people alone.” I start toward the door, half-expecting something to go flying at my head, but she’s eerily calm.

“Sit your ass back down before I ruin you.”

When I look back over my shoulder, I’m not smiling. “In case I wasn’t clear? I don’t work for you anymore. Find someone else to ruin.”

It feels good to walk out of her office. It feels good to stand in the early morning sunshine and really breathe for the first time in years. I have a plan. Even if it doesn’t work out, I still have all of them. I have Tyler. It’s a start.

My phone has been buzzing since I rode up the elevator, and now that I’m out of the office, I check to see what the commotion is. If it’s Tyler saying he misses me, I will be so pissed.

It’s not, though.

It’s the nightmare I had hoped wouldn’t happen.

The cabbie pulls up to the hospital, and I throw some cash at him then scramble for the door. Only when he yells at me do I remember I have luggage in his trunk. It slows me down and weighs my already heavy limbs. The panic in my chest has manifested in numbness through my arms and fingers. I can barely grip the handle of my suitcase while I make a beeline for the information desk.

“Thoreaux. Shawn. Where is he? Can I see him?”

I’m given the room number, and I leave my bag at the desk so that I can hurry down the antiseptic hallway, my heart in my throat and stomach churning. When I spot Hollis and Jon outside the room, I break into a jog. She turns to see me, and before I can reach her, she’s rushing to meet me and gripping my waist.

“I found him. They let me in his room when we couldn’t get a response.”

“What did they say? Why is he here?”

Jon appears by my side and rubs his palms over his face twice. “Alcohol poisoning. We should have said something earlier, Hol.”

“Do not stress me out right now. Don’t. I’m not in a position to have a breakdown, do you understand?” She has a green pallor, and I can’t tell if it’s this situation or if she’s been having morning sickness.

Her husband steps back and leans against the wall, resting his head. “I have no idea what we’re going to do.”

Tyler steps out of the room, and he looks gray. “He’s got IVs everywhere. And an oxygen mask. What did he do last night?”

I know the answer, and I’m sick of not saying anything. “You need to talk to Shae. Get her off this tour. Get her some help. She can’t take people with her when she destructs.”

“How long will he be here?” Cam has joined us, holding a cup of coffee from the cafeteria.

“Twenty-four hours. Maybe less.” Hollis takes a deep breath. “Cancel or play? You make the decision. I’m too tired.”

No one says that this is all Shawn’s fault, but we know it is. It’s heartless to say that they need to play, but he didn’t give a shit whether he even made it to the last performances.

“Get Bryson. He knows everything about Shawn’s parts. He can do it. I’ve watched.”

“What about Shawn?” Tyler’s face is filled with disbelief.

“I’ll stay. If you want him to finish the tour, I’ll get him on a plane to North Carolina. If you want his ass shipped home to get a grip on reality, I’ll do that, too. Tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. But you need to go. I’ll take care of this.”

They all thank me, but I can’t feel like a good person because maybe I should have stepped in sooner.

Maybe I would have spoken up if I hadn’t been hoping something like this would happen in the first place.

They send him back to Texas, and I’m on the flight by his side. He knows he fucked up. He knows.

He’s coming to terms with who he really is. When I drop him off at his place, I wonder if he’ll try to call Carrie in the morning.

I stay in Texas for a few days, considering my options. I have savings, and I have one more paycheck coming to me. I have two interviews lined up already. This is it, and I don’t have any doubts.

Tyler calls to check in and ask when I’ll be meeting them in North Carolina, but I tell him I can’t finish out the tour. I have some stuff to do, and we’ll reconnect when he gets back. I’m going out on a limb by doing this without talking to him first, but this is my life and I choose this. Texas is my home. It has been, even when I wasn’t there.

For the first time since I was nineteen years old, I want to stop running. I want to stay in one place. I want the lines on my map to stop turning red.

Chapter Forty

I fly back into Texas two weeks later when the first leg of their tour is over. Hollis and Jon have planned a party to announce her pregnancy to their family and other friends, and I’ve promised I’ll be there.

Pulling up in front of the house, I have to take a steadying breath. I’ve been busy since I left, and every time I think I have the courage to tell Tyler about it, I chicken out. But there’s no going back tonight. I don’t have a choice anymore. As before, Hollis sees me first when I tread over the gravel driveway. Unlike last time, her hug is full of affection. We’ve come full circle, I think, from that first night and all the tension in between. We’re not working together. We have a common goal.

“You’re starting to show,” I whisper, and she jumps back, panicked.

“What? Shut up. No I’m not.”

I nudge her chin with my fist and ugly laugh. “No, you’re not, but that was exactly the reaction I was looking for.”

She tilts her head to the side and brushes her bangs from her forehead with a sigh. “Don’t let this go to your head or anything, but I missed you. A little.”

“Same here.”

She’s touching her roots and pressing her fingers against her scalp. “I have to get my hair done tomorrow. Going back to my natural color since you can’t bleach and stuff while . . .” She motions to her middle.

“Do you even know what your real hair color is?”

“Nope. Gonna guess it’s somewhere in the brown range and go with it.”

She’s already decided to finish out the tour because they’ll be done before she’s in her third trimester. Hollis is a lot of things, and hard-headed is one of them. Completely devoted to her husband is another.