Maybe This Christmas (21 page)

“I don’t have a type, either.”

“Yes, you do. Why are we talking about this? I came up here to talk about the awards. You should put those crystal globes on display, Tyler. You won them!”

“I know I won them. I don’t need to look at the stupid things every day to know I won them.”

“But you’re making it hard for Jess to learn to talk about things that hurt, because you don’t do it yourself. You’re teaching her to keep things bottled up, and that’s not good.”

Knocked off balance, Tyler stared at her. “Am I missing something here? What does me keeping those awards hidden away have to do with Jess?” He leaned against the door frame and saw her take a step backward. He remembered a time when they’d been comfortable with each other, but that time was long gone. It was like trying to dance when he didn’t know the steps. “Brenna?”

“You need to encourage her to talk to you.”

“Generally or about something specific? A few clues would help.”

“There are plenty of clues, Tyler.” She was still staring at the wall, and he felt a rush of frustration.

“Damn it, Bren, would you look at me when we’re talking?”

“All I’m saying is that you need to foster an atmosphere of open communication, that’s all.”

Tyler gave a disbelieving laugh. “That sounds like something straight out of a self-help manual. And it loses impact coming from someone currently staring at the wall.”

Color streaked down her cheeks. “I’m trying to help.” She snapped the words, and he looked at her mouth, wondering how it had suddenly got so hard to be around her and not touch her.

“Open communication. I guess I can give that a try. How about we have a little open communication here, too, and you tell me the real reason you’re dating Josh.”

“Are you going to stop hiding those balls?”

Tyler tried not to smile and failed. “Anyone else would have thought twice before phrasing a question that particular way, but not you. This is why you’re not ready for emotionless sex.”

“Oh, stop it! For five minutes of your life you could stop thinking about sex.” She sent him a furious look. “And put some clothes on! There’s three feet of snow outside. You shouldn’t be walking around naked.”

He opened his mouth to point out that so far the snow hadn’t entered his bedroom, but she’d walked off.

* * *

T
HE
EVENING
’
S
CONVERSATION
stayed with him and the next morning, he decided to drop Jess at school himself instead of letting her take the bus.

She stared moodily ahead, not talking to him.

About at his limit with moods and unwilling to play twenty questions, Tyler took the direct approach. “What’s up with you?”

“You were mean to Brenna!”

Genuinely astonished, Tyler glanced at her. “Mean? I’m never mean to Brenna.”

“You were horrid. She put the crystal globe out on the shelf because she was so proud of you, and you gave her one of your cold looks.”

Tyler, who hadn’t known he had a “cold look” felt a flash of guilt. Was that why she’d been so angry with him? Had he hurt her feelings? “I didn’t want it on the shelf.”

“So wait until she’s gone to bed and put it back in the cupboard again. Don’t make her feel bad!”

Tyler opened his mouth to point out that looking at the globe made
him
feel bad and then closed it again. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t want you to apologize to make me feel better, Dad! You need to apologize because you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry I upset Brenna. I’m not sorry I put that thing back in the cupboard.”

“You won
that thing!
You beat everyone else down the mountain. Doesn’t it make you proud? You should be boasting about it everywhere to anyone who will listen.”

Tyler pulled up near the school. “I don’t care what other people think.”

“Why? I don’t get it.” Jess looked at him, puzzled and out of her depth.

“That wasn’t why I raced. I know when I won and when I screwed up. I don’t need globes or medals to remind me. I wanted to be fastest down that mountain. That was all.”

The only sound in the car was his breathing.

“And you were. It’s hard, isn’t it?” Her voice was a whisper. “You always refuse to talk about it, but you hate that you can’t race anymore.”

Tyler opened his mouth to make light of it and then remembered what Brenna had said about open communication. “Yeah, I hate it.” The words were dragged from him. “Especially on a day like today when it’s snowing. It gnaws at my insides.”

“I wish it hadn’t happened.”

He stared at the road, surprised to discover that his throat felt scratchy. “Yeah, me, too, but there’s no point wishing something hadn’t happened if it already has. Waste of energy.”

“That sounds
almost
like grown-up advice, Dad.”

“Does this mean I’m getting good at this parenting thing?”

“You don’t totally suck at it.”

“Thanks. Feedback is important for improved performance.” He glanced at her and found her looking at him.

“You’ve never talked about it before.”

“Just to you, honey. Let’s keep it between ourselves.”

“Oh. S-sure, Dad.” She was stammering, her cheeks pink with pride. “I want you to know you can talk to me anytime.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” He wondered what it was about kids that turned a man from tough to tender in a single glance. “And you can talk to me, too.”

Jess hunted for a grown-up response. “Life totally sucks sometimes.”

Was that a reference to her life or his? Because he wasn’t sure, he kept his response neutral. “It totally does. Things happen. Life happens. If you can’t change it, you have to get on with it, but if there’s something that can make it easier to handle, then you do it. Hey, listen to me.” He winked at her. “That was more grown-up advice. I’m getting good at this. I’m pulling straight
A
s in parenting.”

“And not looking at the trophies makes it easier for you?”

“Some.”

Her eyes burned with love. “I’m going to lock them away where no one can ever find them. I’m going to put your gold medal in the trash.”

The passion in her was disturbingly familiar. “No need to go that far.”

“I’ve been wearing it.” Her eyes were huge with guilt. “I made you feel worse.”

“Having you around only ever makes me feel better. And you know what? I think you could have a medal of your own to hang round your neck someday.”

“You’re joking.”

“I’m not joking. You’ve got something, Jess. We’re going to work on that something together.” He reached out to hug her and then remembered that probably wasn’t cool and pulled back. “Sorry. Forgot we were outside the school. No hugging allowed.”

“I don’t care what any of them say. They’re jealous because you’re my dad.” The way she said it confirmed his suspicion she was having trouble at school.

He struggled to access calm. “Do people give you a hard time over it?”

She opened her mouth to dismiss it and then changed her mind. “Sometimes. Kids are stupid, that’s all. They’d all love to ski with you every day.”

An ugly suspicion formed in his mind. “Jess, you came home in a mess yesterday—”

“I slipped on the ice. I have to go. Bye, Dad.” She grabbed her bag, but he stopped her.

“Wait. I just talked to you. You should talk to me.”

“I do.”

But it was obvious to him she was holding something back. “Do you want to invite someone back this weekend? Sleepover? Because you can.”

“No, thanks. I’m going to be skiing the whole time, and we still need to buy a tree. There’s loads to do for Christmas. Talk about it later, Dad.” She was out of the car before he could stop her, walking fast through the gates of the school, head down, not talking to anyone.

Tyler swore under his breath and fought the temptation to march in after her and demand to know what was going on. Because something was going on, he was sure of it.

He sat back in his seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Was that why Brenna had been encouraging him to talk to her?

Did she know something she wasn’t telling him?

Making a mental note to ask her, he drove back to Snow Crystal. A morning spent with a group of skiers with more money than skill did nothing to improve his mood, and by the time he collected Jess from school, his temper was wearing thin. It was snowing steadily, and there were no signs of it stopping. He wondered if Brenna and Josh might decide to postpone their date or even cancel altogether.

Jess walked out of school the way she’d walked into it, head down, avoiding eye contact, striding toward the bus. She would have walked straight past his car if he hadn’t opened the window and called to her.

“Dad!” Startled, she glanced around her. “What are you doing here?”

“I had to go to the store for something,” he lied, “so I thought I might as well pick you up.”

He saw a group of mothers looking in his direction and realized he’d been blind to how having him as a father might have affected Jess. Did all these people spend their time looking him up on the internet? Were they reading the lies or, worse, feeding those lies to Jess?

She slid into the seat next to him and raked her hair away from her face.

“So how was today?” He’d read that parents weren’t supposed to subject kids to a barrage of questions, and he wondered how that was supposed to work. He wanted to pin her to the seat until she’d told him what was bothering her.

“Fine.”

Tyler ground his teeth. “For the record,
fine
isn’t an answer.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about Christmas. If Brenna’s going to be living with us, we should buy her a present. A big one. It needs to be a proper Christmas. She can’t be the only one without a pile of presents under the tree and a stocking at the end of her bed.”

Tyler, who didn’t want to think about stockings or beds in relation to Brenna and was still trying to work out how to get something other than
fine
out of his daughter, nodded. “Sure. Whatever. No, wait a minute.” He realized he hadn’t done anything about Christmas gifts. “Who says there is going to be a
pile
of presents for you? Have you sent a letter to Santa?”

Jess slouched in her seat. “I stopped believing in Santa when I was six, Dad. And no one writes letters anymore.”

“So?” Stuck behind a snowplow, he drummed his fingers on the wheel. “Send an email to the North Pole. Message him. Get him on Skype. Do whatever you teens do to communicate these days. The guy needs clues.”

Jess laughed. “Skype with Santa. That sounds like something Kayla would dream up.”

“It does.”

“So you’re basically telling me you don’t know what to buy me.”

“A few hints might be helpful. Do you really think I should buy something for Brenna? I never have before.”

“She’s living in our house. She’s going to be waking up with us on Christmas morning. It’s going to be super awkward if we all have presents and she doesn’t have anything to open.”

He turned left at the sign that said Snow Crystal Resort and Spa. “So maybe she would like to write to Santa, too.”

“He’s going to be a busy guy.” She leaned forward to look at the ski slopes. “The lift is still running. Can I squeeze in one run?”

“You have to do your assignment. What is it?”

“English. We’re studying
Romeo and Juliet.
Kill me now.”

“If your teachers think you should be studying it, then you should be studying it.” He slowed as he approached a couple pulling two kids on a sledge. “I have no idea what to buy Brenna for Christmas.”

“Do you know she was always given dolls and stuff for Christmas? She hated dolls. We should get her something she’d love. I’ll think of something.” She was out of the car before he could ask any more questions, leaving him to follow.

They walked into the house and were almost flattened by Ash and Luna. “You’d better take these two out for a quick walk.”

“I’m going over to Grandma’s later. They can come. Can I sleep over?”

“Sure.” Tyler saw Brenna’s coat hanging on the hook. “Are you eating with Grandma?”

“Yes, but I’ll grab a snack because I want to get this stupid assignment done before I go.”

He probably should have told her that the assignment wasn’t stupid, but she was already gone, her bag swinging against her hip as she walked into the den, Luna at her heels.

He opened his mouth to remind her that the dogs weren’t supposed to be in the den, and closed it again. With Jess occupied, this would be a good moment to talk to Brenna.

He took the stairs two at a time but heard the sound of the shower running and backed away again.

He was in the kitchen, contemplating the contents of the fridge with something close to gloom when she walked into the room.

Tyler almost swallowed his tongue.

Her dress was black and stretchy. Stretchy enough to sit snug and tight against every curve and dip. It was a dress designed for the woman with the perfect body.

And Brenna had the perfect body.

A body he’d made a point of ignoring until recently.

To make things worse, she’d added black stockings and a pair of shoes with heels that could have doubled as a lethal weapon.

If Jess had walked in dressed like that, he would have grounded her.

He slammed the fridge shut. “You’re planning on going through with it, then?”

“Excuse me?”

“This thing tonight. You’re going through with it.”

“It’s called a date, Tyler. And I’m not only planning on
going through with it,
I’m planning on enjoying it, too. Is that a problem?”

Yeah, it was a problem. Decking the chief of police was going to come with consequences. “The weather is bad tonight. Not the best night to be on the roads. You should cancel.”

“Because of the weather? Josh grew up here, like you and I. He’s driven in this weather since he got his license. If we stopped for the weather, we’d stop living.”

“It takes extra concentration, that’s all.” And he was willing to bet Josh would be distracted. Who wouldn’t be, with Brenna next to them? “Is that all you’re planning on wearing? You might want to pick something a little warmer.”