Maybe This Christmas (30 page)

“And glitter. And maybe we could buy a small tree for his room.” Jess scooped up snow and threw it back at Brenna, who ducked and skied fast down to the bottom of the mountain.

If this was going to be the last Christmas she spent with Tyler and Jess, she was going to make it a Christmas to remember.

* * *

T
YLER
OPENED
THE
DOOR
to Lake House, fell over Jess’s boots and was assaulted by both dogs.

Feeling as tense as he used to before a big race, he was relieved to hear laughter coming from the living room.

“No way. We can’t.” That was Jess. “Dad will kill us. Seriously. We’ll have to move in with Grandma, or maybe even go to the North Pole and live with Santa.”

Tyler smiled. Jess may be a teenager, but there were still moments when she was closer to being a child. Wondering what Brenna had done to make his daughter laugh on a day that must have been filled with stress and tension, he pushed open the door and stopped, his vision assaulted by what appeared to be a million tiny lights twisted around the beams and across the windows.

“What the—?”

“Is this straight?” Brenna was balanced precariously on top of a ladder, trying to fix another garland. “Is it the same height as the other one?” As she reached across, the ladder shifted, and Tyler crossed the room in two strides. “Come down.” Steadying the ladder, he spoke between his teeth. “I’ll do it.”

“Don’t be sexist. I’m quite capable of fixing lights and garlands.”

“She is.” Jess handed up another garland. “She’s done all the others. Isn’t it beautiful? We decided to make it extra Christmassy this year.”

“So I see.” Still holding the ladder tightly, Tyler scanned his living room. “It looks like a fairy grotto.”

And, more to the point, his daughter looked happy.

If the meeting with her mother had unsettled her, there was no sign of it.

“Isn’t it cool? Brenna bought every single decoration Ellen Kelly had in the store. Her eyes were almost popping out of her head.”

Tyler looked up and met Brenna’s gaze. “You hate clutter.”

“This isn’t clutter. It’s Christmas.” She secured the final garland and descended nimbly. “So what do you think?”

Tyler refrained from pointing out that with all the fairy lights and tinsel, there was a strong chance he’d need to wear his sunglasses indoors. “I think it’s great.”

“Santa needs to know which house to call at.” Jess pushed a pair of toy antlers onto a long-suffering Luna. “There. She’s my reindog. Where have you been, Dad? We were expecting you back hours ago.”

Tyler stood for a moment, wishing he could postpone the conversation. He didn’t want to be the one to ruin the happy moment. “I had a few things to do.”

The laughter in Jess’s face was replaced by anxiety. “You saw Mom?”

“Yes. We had a conversation. A conversation that was long overdue.”

“Does she want me to go back with her?” Jess wrapped her arms around Luna. “She came here.”

“I know. Uncle Jackson told me everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

“Brenna was awesome.”

“She’s always awesome.” Ash sprang at him, and Tyler pushed him down, his gaze fixed on Brenna. “Thank you for what you did.”

“I didn’t do anything. Simply had a conversation that was also overdue.”

Was it his imagination, or was there something different about her? She radiated a confidence that he normally only saw when they were out on the mountain, and she was smiling as she gathered up branches of mistletoe from a pile on the floor. “So how did the conversation go?”

“Better than I was expecting.” He turned his attention back to Jess. “She doesn’t want you to go back with her. That’s all sorted. You’re living here with us, and that isn’t going to change. She’s flying back tomorrow afternoon, but she has a gift for you, and she wants to give it to you in person. She wants to talk to you. I told her I’d ask you. If you’d rather not, that’s not a problem. I’ll fix it so you don’t have to see her.”

Jess stroked Luna’s fur. “Why didn’t she give it to me this morning?”

“I think she had a lot of things to work through in her head.”

“And she’s done that?”

“I think she’s taken a step. Talking to Brenna gave her a few things to think about.” He wondered what they’d said to each other. What truths had been exchanged that might explain the new, subdued Janet he’d talked to that afternoon?

“Where would we meet her?” Jess was looking worried. “Here at the house?”

“I thought somewhere public might be better. I suggested the café in town.”

“Wouldn’t people gossip?”

Tyler shrugged. “That’s not our problem.”

“I guess not.” Jess kissed Luna on the head and took her time before answering. “Maybe we should see her. We could take Luna. She could wait outside. What do you think, Brenna?”

“I think you should do what feels right to you.” Brenna was back on the ladder, this time hanging a large bunch of mistletoe over the kitchen door. “Don’t be late for the ice party, though!”

“We won’t. I’m so excited. Kayla has arranged to have a big ice sculpture in the shape of a moose as a joke because Dad’s always teasing her.” Jess slapped her hand over her mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that!”

Tyler grabbed the ladder again. “I promise to look surprised.”

“And there are going to be fireworks. And Dana is offering sled rides, and Élise is cooking amazing food then the next day is Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day! I can’t wait! Have you finished your Christmas shopping, Dad?” Her gaze slid briefly to Brenna and back to him. “Because you really need to get it done.”

And that, he thought, was his only remaining problem.

He had no idea what to buy Brenna.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“
W
E
’
RE
FULL
! N
O
MORE
room at the inn.” Kayla danced in the snow outside the Outdoor Center and Élise rolled her eyes.

“Me, I do not understand why you are so happy. It means we will all be too busy to open our Christmas presents.”

“It’s fun. Tonight is going to be amazing. You should see the ice carving. Finally, I’ve met a moose that doesn’t scare me.”

“Where is it?”

“They’re bringing it over later. I’m tempted to throw champagne over it and lick it off. We have a fire pit, delicious food and Dana is bringing a dog team over so we can offer short sled rides into the forest. Until I moved to Vermont I thought ice was best in a margarita, but I’m rethinking that. This ice party is going to be great. If it’s a success, we’ll do it every year.”

Brenna checked her phone. She wondered how Tyler and Jess were getting on with Janet. “I’ve spoken to the ski patrol. They’re going to do the torchlight descent before the fireworks start. I hope the weather holds for us. The tree is looking great.”

Kayla glanced upward. The beautiful spruce twinkled with lights, and a carpet of new snow lay in deep folds around the base.

“Jackson and Tyler hauled it over here yesterday. We’re trying to outdo Rockefeller Center.”

“Rockefeller Center doesn’t have the advantage of mountains and forest as a backdrop so I’d say you’re winning.” The cold air wrapped itself around her, and she pulled her hat out of her pocket. “I have to go. I still have things to do before tonight.”

* * *

“J
ESS
? A
RE
YOU
READY
?” Tyler bellowed up the stairs and winced as Jess came thundering down, Ash and Luna at her heels. “You had the dogs in your bedroom again.”

“I’m taking advantage of the fact you’re worried about me.” She reached up and hugged him. “Can they come to the ice party?”

“As long as you keep them on a leash. There will be children there.”

“They’re good with children!”

“They behave as if they’re on drugs.”

“Where is Brenna?”

“She’s already there. The ski patrol is doing a torchlight descent.”

They left the house and walked along the trail that led alongside the lake to the Outdoor Center. The snow lay deep, and the dogs pulled on the leash, following their natural instinct to run.

“They want to pull a sled. That’s the next stage of their training. Dad, are you going to marry Brenna?”

“What?” Tyler stumbled and almost fell. “Where did that come from?”

“I wondered. Now that Mom is being so reasonable and all, there’s no reason not to.”

Panic spread through him like a virus. “No need to rush, Jess. These things take time.”

“Dad, you’ve known Brenna for about twenty-five years, which is a little scary when you think about it. How much more time do you need?”

“
Scary
is the right word. I’m not great at this sort of thing. You know that.”

“But you were the one who told me it’s okay to feel scared. That the thing that mattered was controlling it.”

They’d reached the edge of the path, and the stillness of the winter air was disturbed by shrieks of laughter and excitement.

Jess brightened. “I see Brenna! Come on.” She sprinted across the snow, leaving him to follow.

The next few hours passed in a blur of winter celebration. Tourists and locals mingled together, enjoying the food and the spectacle. Dana was kept busy taking small groups for sled rides in the forest, and Élise and her team circulated with plates of warming snacks and jugs of hot mulled cider.

Brenna had disappeared, swallowed up by the crowd, and Tyler looked around in frustration, searching for her.

They hadn’t had a moment alone since Janet’s unexpected arrival.

Jess was back by his side, munching a slice of pizza when a girl appeared in front of her.

“Hi, Jess.”

Jess paused with the pizza halfway to her mouth. “Hi, Molly.” She said it cautiously, as if she wasn’t sure if what was happening was real or not.

Her gaze skittered to Tyler and then away again.

He felt a knot of anxiety in his stomach because this was obviously one of her classmates.

Jess shifted awkwardly. “This is my dad.”

“Hi, Mr. O’Neil. Are these your dogs?” Molly squatted down, giggling as Ash put both paws on her legs and tried to lick her face. Her hat ended up on the snow, closely followed by Molly.

“Ash! Down. Sit. Sorry.” Jess was mortified. “I’m still teaching him manners. He’s a slow learner. He’s a Siberian husky, so really he wants to run the whole time. It’s in the genes. I’m teaching him to pull a sled.”

“He’s gorgeous. I really want a turn on the sled but the line goes on forever.” Molly picked herself up, brushed the snow from her jacket and ruffled Ash’s fur.

“I’m taking Ash over there for some training after Christmas. You could come if you like. Dana might take us out if she isn’t too busy.” Jess said it casually, as if she wasn’t bothered either way, and Tyler held his breath because he knew how bothered she was.

“Really? That would be wicked awesome. Thanks. Do you have my number?”

They swapped numbers, talked a bit about school and how anything that wasn’t skiing was a total waste of a life and then Molly shrugged.

“Have you seen the ice sculpture? Want to come and take a look? You could bring your dogs.”

Jess looked at her and then at Tyler, who nodded.

“Go ahead.”

She smiled at him, and he smiled back because he understood. He, of all people, knew how important friendship was. How it felt to have someone you could trust.

He watched the two girls sprint across the snow, hair flying, the dogs bounding next to them.

Thinking of friendship made him think of Brenna, and this time when he searched the crowd he saw her, standing a little apart from everyone else as they waited for the fireworks.

He strolled across, resisting the urge to flatten her to the nearest tree and kiss her until she couldn’t see straight. “This party is a success.”

“Yes.” Her cheeks were pink from the cold, and she had her hands wrapped around a cup of hot mulled cider. “Did I see Jess with a friend from school?”

“You did. Her name is Molly, and they’ve gone to take a closer look at the ice sculpture.”

“I’m so pleased. Hopefully, that’s a step in the right direction.” She took a sip of her drink. “How was your meeting with Janet?”

“Good. I’m never quite sure what’s going on in her head, but I’ve never known her to be so reasonable. Whatever you said to her must have made an impression.”

“Maybe it was time for both of us to move on.”

Something about the way she said that caught his attention.

He couldn’t stop looking at her—at the sooty sweep of her eyelashes and those tiny freckles that dusted the bridge of her nose like the footprints of a butterfly. Her hair, dark and shiny like polished oak, peeped out from beneath her favorite blue hat. “I haven’t had a chance to thank you for taking Jess skiing and for decorating the house. That was generous of you. I was expecting her to be stressed out, but the two of you were having fun.”

“I enjoyed myself. I’ve never decorated for Christmas before.”

The need to be alone with her overwhelmed his sense of duty to his family. “Let’s go back to the house.”

It was a moment before she answered, and when she did, her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. “I can’t.”

“Everyone is watching the fireworks, and Jess is with her friend. No one will miss us.”

“That isn’t why.” She took a deep breath and turned to look at him, her gaze disturbingly direct. “I need to ask you something.”

“Ask.”

“Do you love me?”

Caught off guard, he almost bolted. “What sort of a question is that?”

“A straightforward one. I’m hoping you’ll give me a straightforward answer.”

Panic rippled through him. “I’ve known you my whole life. I have strong feelings for you. You’re my best friend.”

“I know we’re friends. That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if you love me. I want to know if you can say those words to me.”

He looked over her shoulder, assessing the chances that one of his brothers might come and save him. It didn’t look good. “I’ve never said those words. Not to anyone.”

“I know, and I respect that you don’t throw them around lightly, but that makes my question all the more important. And what I want to know—need to know—” she said it clearly so that there could be no mistake “—can you say them to me? Can you do that?”

He stared at her, feeling as if all the oxygen had been sucked from the air. “Brenna—”

“I need to know how you feel about me, and I need you to be honest. Whatever your answer is, I’ll live with it. You’re the one who encouraged me to speak up and say what I wanted. I’m doing it now.” Her gaze didn’t shift from his. “I want the truth. I deserve the truth.”

All around them were sounds of the party. Children laughing, adult conversation and then finally the explosion of fireworks complete with “oohs” and “ahhs” from the crowd. It was a time of celebration, the perfect moment for romance, for declarations of love, for promises.

Tyler looked down at her, into the face he’d looked at for most of his life. They’d grown up together, laughed together, fought, argued, made up and fought again.

And they’d made love in the moonlight, the snowy forest their only witness.

And still she looked at him, her gaze steady on his until his silence seemed louder than the shrieks of the crowd and the fireworks that exploded around them.

He saw a shimmer of something in her eyes in the second before she turned away.

“Thank you for not lying.”

“No—wait—I care about you.” It was desperately important that he convince her. “You’re my best friend. My closest friend. I don’t want to lose that.”

“I don’t want to lose that, either, but I can’t be in a relationship that isn’t even and balanced. I won’t do that because I’d always be wanting more, and that isn’t fair to either of us. I love you. I know it makes you uncomfortable to hear me say it, but not saying it is driving me crazy, and I can’t live like that.” She paused as more fireworks exploded in the sky above them. “I deserve more. I deserve a man who loves me the way I love him. And maybe I’m being stupid, and I won’t ever meet that person, but better that than living in this emotional limbo wanting you to feel something you’ll never feel.”

Every person around the fire pit was staring up at the sky. Not him. He was looking at Brenna.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if this relationship isn’t going anywhere, if you really don’t want commitment, then it’s time I moved on. It will be hard, but in the end it’ll be the best thing for both of us.”

“Move on? You mean leave?”

“Yes, I mean leave. You can’t, because this is your home and your family needs you, so I’ll need to find something else.”

Once, when Tyler was fifteen, he’d been caught in an avalanche. He’d felt the slope give way beneath his feet and then he’d been tumbling, spinning, not knowing which way was up or whether he was ever going to see daylight again. He felt the same way now. “You can’t do that. You can’t leave.”

“We’ll give Jess the perfect Christmas and get through this and then I’m moving away. That will make it easier on both of us. I need to build a new life, Tyler, and I can’t do that if I’m going to see you every day.”

He tried to imagine a future that didn’t have Brenna in it.

“No.” He played the strongest card he had. “You love it here. Snow Crystal is your home as much as it is mine, and my family is your family.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t try and stop me or talk me out of it. It isn’t fair. I know this is hard on both of us—” her voice sounded choked “—but I need you to see it from my point of view. In all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never asked anything of you, but I’m asking now.”

“What are you asking?”

“I’m asking you to try and understand how I feel. I’m asking you to let me go.” Her words were punctuated by a dramatic explosion of fireworks. “I need you to do that.”

Without waiting for him to answer, she walked away from him, picking a route that led away from the crowd. She slipped into the snowy forest with so little fuss it was unlikely anyone but him noticed her departure.

He watched until her blue hat was swallowed up by darkness, until he could no longer see her.

He felt numb with shock. Paralyzed by the brutal reality of her words.

I’m asking you to let me go.

“You look like someone stole the last beer from your fridge.” Jackson was standing beside him, a couple of beers in his hand, his gaze fixed on the trail Brenna had taken back to Lake House. “You two had a fight?”

“No.” A fight would have been easier. A fight could be fixed with an apology and make-up sex. This was far more serious.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Tyler, who considered talking about his feelings to be one step up from wearing pink, shook his head. “Nothing to talk about.”

Jackson gave him a beer and lifted his hand to a family who was waving to him from the other side of the fire pit. “She’s in love with you, Ty.”

Tyler ground his teeth. “I remember a time when the conversation around here involved other things apart from love.”

“Yeah, we used to talk about debt and whether we’d lose the business. Those were fun times. I miss them.”

Tyler rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “This isn’t about what I want, it’s about what Jess wants.”

“Stop making excuses. You know Jess loves Brenna. There’s no doubt about what Jess wants, and I’d say Brenna is pretty clear on what she wants, too. From where I’m standing, it seems as though you’re the one who needs to make a decision.” Jackson paused as more fireworks erupted above their heads. “Is it really so hard?”

“Yes, it’s hard,” Tyler snapped. “I’m scared of hurting Brenna.”

“Why would you hurt her?”

“I’m not like you. You’re the stable, strong, dependable one. I’m—” he ran his hand over his jaw “—I’m not. I’ve never had a long relationship.”