Maybe This Christmas (28 page)

Pieces from the past fell into place, forming a hideous picture. Finally, he understood why Brenna had been so reluctant to tell him the name of the person who had made her school life a misery.

Janet Carpenter was the bully.

She’d done everything she could to make Brenna unhappy, and he’d unwittingly been part of it.

He closed his eyes, but all he saw was Brenna, her face pinched and white as she’d struggled into school each day. Finally, he had a name and a face for her tormentor. But he knew that whatever pain Janet had caused Brenna, it was nothing compared to what he himself had done.

He knew now that the reason Janet had pulled him into the Carpenters’ barn that day had had nothing to do with sexual chemistry or even teenage lust. She’d wanted to hurt Brenna, and she’d used the weapon she’d known would cause the most damage.

Him.

He waited for the door to close behind her and just made it to the bathroom before he was violently ill.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

B
RENNA
LET
HERSELF
into the house along with a flurry of snow. “It’s freezing out there.” Shivering, she kicked the door shut and peeled off her coat. “Tyler?”

She knew Jess was still out on the mountain with the rest of the ski team, so when she’d seen his car outside her heart had lifted. They could snatch some time together without worrying about anyone else.

She walked into the kitchen, made herself a coffee and sipped it while looking at the reflection of the sun on the snowy trees. The lake was frozen over, and she could see people skating at the far end.

Hearing the sound of a heavy, masculine tread, she turned with a smile on her face. “I was hoping you were here. What did you—” The words died on her lips as she saw his expression. “What’s happened? Are you ill? Has something happened to Jess?”

“No.” He leaned against the door frame as if his legs weren’t able to hold him up without help.

“Then what?” She put her coffee down and walked across to him, a feeling of sick dread heavy in her stomach. “Are you hurt? Is it your mother?” She knew that only something happening to a member of his family was likely to affect him this way. “Has something happened to one of your brothers?”

He stared down at her, his eyes blank. “Why didn’t you tell me? Right from the start you should have told me, and then none of this would ever have happened.”

She felt as if a yawning hole had appeared beneath her feet. “What should I have told you?”

“That Janet was the bully. It was Janet who made you so unhappy right through school.”

He knew?

Brenna’s legs started to shake. “How did you find out?”

“Answer my question. Why didn’t you tell me?” He spoke through his teeth, right on the edge.
“Why?”

She’d never seen him like this before. She backed away from him until her thighs were pressing against the kitchen table. “Because when I was with you, I forgot about it.”

“You let her get away with it.”

“That wasn’t how it was.” She scrabbled for the words that would help her explain. “She tainted the whole of my school life, I didn’t want her tainting our friendship. I didn’t want to let her do that. Can’t you understand that? I didn’t want to give her that power. That part of my life, the best part, was mine, and I didn’t want her to touch it.”

“But she did.” His voice thickened. “And because I had no idea what she was doing to you, because you hadn’t given me even the slightest clue and refused to give me a name whenever I asked you, I wasn’t even suspicious. When Janet walked into the barn naked that day, I didn’t even pause to wonder if there was a reason other than the obvious. I didn’t stop to ask myself why she’d picked me.”

The pain of it whipped across her skin. “You’re blaming me for the fact you had sex with her?”

“No. The responsibility for that was all mine. But had I known how she was treating you, it would never have happened.” His face was ghost-white. “It was nothing to do with me.”

“So now your ego is bruised?”

“My ego is fine. This isn’t about my ego, it’s about you and all the things you didn’t share with me. She did it to hurt you.”

Brenna swallowed. “Yes.”

“You knew?”

“When she discovered she was pregnant, she came to see me.” Brenna closed her eyes, remembering how her mother had urged her to get out of bed, forced her to get dressed and face her tormentor. How she’d given her makeup to cleverly conceal the ravages of misery and pulled out a dress she’d bought that Brenna had never worn. The irony was that on that one occasion, Brenna had finally been the daughter her mother had always wanted.

She’d walked down the stairs on wobbly legs, wondering how she was going to do this, and then she’d felt her mother by her side, felt the strength that came from female solidarity.

“Congratulations.” The word had been forced through her stiff lips, and Janet’s eyes had narrowed, and it was obvious she wasn’t sure if Brenna was congratulating her on the baby or on the fact she’d scored the winning move.

“Why did she come and see you?” Tyler’s harsh question dragged her back into the real world.

“She wanted to make sure I knew. She apologized for hurting me, for the fact that you’d chosen her over me. And I wasn’t feeling great,”
sick, heartbroken, dying a thousand deaths of misery,
“but I could see she wasn’t feeling great, either. And that made me feel worse, because she had what I’d always wanted, and it meant nothing to her.”

Tyler closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “She told me today that she’d wanted a termination but her parents wouldn’t allow it.”

Brenna felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. “I’m so thankful for that.”

He paced over to the window. “Why didn’t you tell me later on? Maybe not before, but when the whole thing exploded, you could have told me.”

“For what purpose? The whole situation was stressful enough for everyone without me adding in that extra pressure. And I wasn’t really thinking about you. I was in agony.”

He turned to look at her, his expression loaded with guilt. “Do you know the craziest thing about this whole situation? Yeah, it was all my fault—I was irresponsible and I thought with my libido and not my brain—but if I say I wish it had never happened then that means I’m saying I wish Jess had never happened, and that isn’t how I feel.”

“Of course it isn’t.”

“She’s the best thing about this—” he swallowed “—and the worst thing is the fact that I hurt you.”

“It’s in the past, Tyler.”

“Is it? Janet was in my house this morning. Like it or not, she’s Jess’s mother. She’s always going to be part of my life.”

“No, she isn’t.” A shaky voice came from the doorway, and they both turned.

Jess stood there, her face the color of a fresh fall of snow. “She was the bully. My
mom?
That’s true?”

Brenna stood there, helpless, horrified, wondering how much she’d heard.

It was Tyler who spoke. “It seems that way. And I’m sorry you heard that, sweetheart.”

“I’m not. I want to know—” visibly distressed, Jess dug her hands into her hair and then dropped them again, a look of revulsion on her face “—why would she do that? Why would anyone do that?”

It was a question she’d asked herself repeatedly. “I think she was unhappy,” Brenna said quietly. “Things weren’t great at home. And I think she genuinely liked your dad.” It had taken her years to see that possibility through the twisted complexity of Janet’s behavior.

“If you think that then you’ve never heard the stuff she says about him.”

“I think she was hurt that he didn’t share her feelings.” She saw Tyler look at her, saw the shock in his eyes.

“I offered to marry her.”

“But out of duty, not because you loved her. Because you thought it was the responsible thing to do. I think that was hard for her. She was lonely, scared and very unhappy.”

Jess made a disgusted sound. “She made you unhappy. I can’t believe she’s my mother. She’s a monster, and I hate her.” She started to cry, great tearing sobs that ripped through her chest. “I wish she’d never had me. I wish I’d never been born.”

Brenna was across the room in an instant, but Tyler was there first.

He hauled Jess into his arms, ignoring her attempts to push him away, holding her tightly, murmuring against her hair as she cried and sobbed. “I’m glad you were born. You’re the best thing in my life. Always have been. We all love you. Gramps, Grams, Grandma, Uncle Jackson, Uncle Sean, Brenna—” he smoothed her hair “—so many people love you and care about you. And your mom loves you, too. I’m sure she does.”

“No, she doesn’t, and I
never
want to see her again. Never, ever—” Jess was crying so hard she couldn’t speak. “Make that happen! I want you to get lawyers or whatever but promise me you’ll make that happen. Dad?” She raised a blotchy face to his. “Do you promise?”

Tyler looked shaken. “I think we need to talk about this when you’re calmer.”

“I want you to promise!”

He took a deep breath and met Brenna’s eyes over the top of her head. “I promise that if that’s what you want when you’ve had time to think about it, then we’ll make it happen.”

“Why did she even come here?” Jess scrubbed at her face with the heel of her hand. “I haven’t seen her, she never shows any interest in what I’m doing, she doesn’t even
call
and then she shows up at the door. Did she bring Christmas presents or something?” She pulled away from Tyler and glanced between the two of them. “Well?”

“I’m not sure.” His voice was rough. “If she did then she probably wants to give them to you in person.”

“You’re trying to make me feel better. But I still don’t understand why she even came here.” Jess broke off and her eyes filled with anguish as the truth dawned. “She came because I told her about Brenna. It’s
my fault.
I told her Brenna was living here and how great that was and how much fun, and it must have made her angry and jealous.”

“It’s not your fault,” Brenna said quickly, but Jess wasn’t listening.

“She’s married. She has another baby, and she still has to come rushing here when she thinks Brenna might be in a relationship with you. She can’t have you, and she doesn’t want anyone else to have you, either.”

Tyler’s face was pale. “She wanted to see you.”

“Dad, I’m not six years old. If she’d wanted to see me, she would have called me and told me she was coming. We both know she isn’t interested in me. She’s told me that so many times I’ve stopped counting, so stop lying and covering for her.”

“I’m not covering, but I think relationships are often complicated and messy things. That’s why I’ve always avoided them.”

Brenna felt as if she’d missed her footing and stepped off a cliff.

She told herself that his words weren’t intended for her, that he was trying to comfort his daughter, but still it felt as if a dark cloud had suddenly appeared in the sky and cast a shadow over her happiness.

“I hate her, and I never want to see her again.” Jess sprinted out of the room, and Tyler inhaled sharply.

“Jess!” He ran his hand through his hair and cursed under his breath. Then he glanced toward Brenna, visibly torn.

“Go.” She wrapped her arms around herself, thinking only of Jess. “She needs you.”

“I’m saying all the wrong things.”

“That’s not true. There’s no right way of smoothing out a situation like this one. All you can do is be there and listen.”

“What about you?”

“She’s the one that matters right now.”

“You and I have to talk.” His gaze held hers, and she saw the uncertainty in his eyes.

“She is the priority. I can take care of myself.”

And they had nothing left to talk about, she knew that.

The fact that he knew the truth about Janet didn’t change the basic facts.

He didn’t want a relationship for the long term.

He was never going to be able to get past that fear of commitment no matter how much she wanted him to.

She had no doubt that this latest crisis with Janet would fade, but the real problem wasn’t Janet.

It was Tyler.

And no amount of talking was going to change that.

* * *

“
S
HE
’
S
ASLEEP
. F
INALLY
.” Looking wiped out, Tyler sprawled on the sofa and closed his eyes. “What a day.”

“You’ve been up there for hours. What were you talking about?”

“Everything. Her feelings. Janet. You.”

“Me?”

“She finally talked about the kids who have been bothering her at school. Finding out that Janet was the one who bullied you seemed to unlock something. It all came tumbling out.” He opened his eyes, blinking like someone who had walked out of darkness. “I’ve never felt so helpless. I wanted to drive down to the school and sort it out, but she doesn’t want me to do anything, which puts me in an impossible position. If I ignore her wishes, I lose her trust. I won’t risk that, but nor can I let this carry on.” He was silent for a moment. “I hate it when she cries. It feels as if someone is twisting a knife in my gut.”

“She was crying?” Brenna was on her feet, as stressed as he was. “Should I go up and check on her?”

“No. She wore herself out. She’s asleep on Luna. I left the door open a crack in case she wakes again.”

“You let the dogs in the bedroom?”

“If you’re going to lecture me on consistency in parenting, save your breath. And it was only Luna. I banished Ash. I was worried he’d wake her up.”

“I’m the last person to lecture anyone. I think you’re doing a great job.”

“Yeah?” His voice was loaded with self-derision. “If I’m doing such a great job, why do I have a kid upstairs who cried herself to sleep?”

“That has nothing to do with you.”

“Yes, it does. First Janet and now the bullies. I’m the reason they’re targeting her.”

“Kids can always find a reason if they want one. Red hair. Glasses. Nerd. Tomboy.” Brenna paced across the living room. The lights of the Christmas tree were reflected in the huge window, the festive cheer a cruel contrast to the emotions in the room.

“That was Janet’s excuse?” His voice was rough. “She called you a tomboy?”

“We’re not talking about me.”

“So let’s. Let’s talk about you. It’s a conversation that’s long overdue. Come here.” His voice was soft, and when she glanced across at him, her body heated as she saw the look in his eyes.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“If you don’t come here right now, I’ll come and get you. Your choice.”

“Jess might wake up.”

“I know. I’m not suggesting Christmas tree sex. Just a hug. I need one even if you don’t. Come and sit with me.”

She did, and instantly felt better as he pulled her into the protective circle of his arms. She snuggled against him, needing his strength. “I feel terrible for Jess.”

“Don’t. It was my fault she overheard. I should have been more careful.”

“That wasn’t what I meant. I can’t believe Janet left her husband and baby at home and came here because she found out I’d moved in. It’s been years.”