Me After You (18 page)

“Dang, Sawyer, you make black look good,” a voice murmurs near my ear.

I turn to see Garrett Walker, a guy I went to school with from kindergarten through our senior year. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but we weren’t not friends. We hung out in the same crowd. Exchanged ‘heys’ and ‘how’s it goings?’but nothing more than that.

“Thanks?”

“You don’t look like you just lost your husband. It’s been what, a month?”

Wow
.
You have no social skills whatsoever. Now I know exactly why we weren’t friends.
“Eight, actually.”

He nods like I said something really interesting. He must be hammered.

“Garrett!” Alix hollers. He bobs his head to say hey to her and she says, “Get lost.”

He backs away with his hands in the air. “Just wanted to say hey to my old friend, Sawyer, here, but all right.”

“I don’t care. Leave,” she asserts, and he does as he’s told.

“Thanks,” I mutter.

“Anytime.”

We continue to dance and get lost in the music, until I hear Janna squealing again. I peer through the archway into her foyer to see who she’s welcoming now and wish I hadn’t. I was just easing back into my easy fantasy world as Catwoman. Why couldn’t my fantasy world last a little bit longer? Lily walks in with Dean in tow, and my heart surges. I’m instantly back in high school.

Dean didn’t do his hair. It’s falling across his forehead, a mixture of shaggy and bedhead. His jeans are a little tighter, and he’s wearing one of his old Blink 182 t-shirts with black converse. His wrist has a thick leather band wrapped around it, and he even shaved, leaving a faint five-o’clock shadow. He looks just as lost as he did when he used to walk through the halls of our high school.

“You’re a rocker! I
love
it, Dean!” Janna’s voice is only partially drowned out by the blaring music.

He’s not a rocker. He’s Dean from six years ago.

Across the crowded hallway our eyes meet, but it’s as if no one else exists. An impish smile tugs the corner of his lips as he tucks his hands into the front pockets of his black jeans. Through the years I’ve only seen him with two people: Josh and Aiden. Dean doesn’t easily let anyone in, but he let me in. Being his exception makes me believe that even the most seemingly impossible relationships can last. If we’re willing to try, we could last forever.

We meet halfway, and he takes my face tenderly in his hands, kissing my lips before I say anything. Everything else disappears. It’s always that way with Dean. He has the power to make me forget girl drama and petty fights with my brother—things that don’t actually matter. He gives me perspective.

“Somehow I’m lucky enough to get to kiss this mouth,” he says against my lips.

“Funny. That’s what I was thinking.”

Dean smirks and kisses me once more. “I’m going to help Aiden with some yard work at his grandparents after school, but then I was thinking we could take a ride on my bike. It’s going to be a perfect evening for a cruise.”

“All right, Romeo. Just toss a pebble at my window. I’ll be waiting.” I wink.

“You did not just call me Romeo.”

“If the shoe fits.”

He barks out a laugh. “
That’s
been my problem my whole life. I’ve been wearing the wrong
shoes
.”

“Just needed little ol’ me in your life to get you the right ones,” I say, using my best Southern accent and trace the band logo on the front of his shirt.

His amusement continues as he shakes his head at my ooey-gooey cheesy lines. “Where do you get these lines? You’re too much sometimes.”

“But you can’t resist me.” I lace my fingers behind his neck.

His arms tighten around my waist. “I won’t dispute that.”

Once more, his mouth takes control of mine and I let the kiss pull me under.

I feel faint as though he’s pulling me under now. My legs waver like I’m floating in water. They could give way at any moment. “Sawyer.” I hear the alarm in Alix’s voice when she steadies my arm. “Sawyer, you okay?”

Dean’s eyes drift over the crowd, landing on me, and it’s a shot to my heart. His gentle smolder has me captured. I can’t breathe. He’s
my
Dean.
No!
But he’s not. Lily’s latched onto his right arm, leaning her head against his shoulder in a frilly fairy costume. It feels so wrong—my stomach churns with nausea—I’m going to throw up.

“Sawyer, you don’t look so good.” Alix stands in front of me, blocking my view of Dean. I let my eyes focus on her and blink.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

She instantly links her arm with mine, resting her hand on my elbow and leads me to the front door, toward Dean.
No, no, no.
Why hasn’t she seen him yet?
I try to stop her, but I don’t have the strength in my legs to stop with enough force. He’s watching me with worry and confusion. It’s almost as if he wants to take a step forward, to reach out to me. I equally want him to and know I couldn’t take it if he did.

“Alix,” I finally find my voice, but it doesn’t matter. She’s placed him lingering in the entryway and immediately understands my unease. We halt in place.

“Holy emo Preston, Batman.” She mutters a few other choice words under her breath, echoing my unspoken sentiments. “I think we just went back in time.”

“Alix,” I warn. The churning in my stomach is making its way up, and the last thing I need is to make a bigger scene by upchucking all over everyone around us. I wrap my arm around my torso and try to keep it down.

Her head turns to me, trying to get me to focus on her. “C’mon. You need air. The front door is closer. I’m sorry.” She tugs my hand, and we skirt passed them without a word. Dean makes like he’s going to offer his help, but he doesn’t. His hand hovers outstretched by his side, the slightest effort to touch me. He watches us as we go and thankfully doesn’t say a thing.

L
ILY
AND
J
ANNA
continue talking at my side about who knows what. They didn’t notice Sawyer stumbling out, though it was hard to miss her. Or maybe it was hard for me to miss her. There are like a thousand people in this place and the music is blaring through the roof.

I should go after her and make sure she’s all right. She’ll probably spit in my face. I know I’m the last face she wants to see, but I have to go to her. What if something is really wrong? I’d never forgive myself if I could have done something to help. The battle in my head ends when I make up my mind. I know she’s not mine to take care of anymore, but I guess some instincts never fade.

“I’ll be right back,” I say to Lily.

I don’t wait for her to respond before I’m out the door. I close it behind me and jog down the stairs.

Sawyer is bent over near the bottom of the stairs, puking into the bushes. At least she sounds like it. I’m not sure if anything is actually coming up. All I hear are her dry heaves. Her dark silhouette retches forward. Alix is standing over her, rubbing her back and holding her hair out of the way. I don’t think. I go.

“Is she okay?”

Alix looks up, and as soon as she realizes it’s me, her eyes narrow. “Does she look okay to you, Preston?”

I bite my tongue, though a million things run through my head to snap at her. “Is there something I can do? Do you need me to take her home?” Alix grimaces. “If you want to stay and party, I wouldn’t mind taking her.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Alix retorts.

“Felix, shut it,” Sawyer mumbles and slowly stands up straight, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She takes a breath. “I’m fine, Dean. You can go back to the party.”

She won’t look at me. She’s blatantly refusing to as she tugs on her clothes and tries to fix her hair. She fluffs it forward, letting her long curls drape over one of her shoulders. I so badly want to reach out and run my hand through those curls. She looks so beautiful. I know she was puking her guts out, and I should be disgusted, but she’s beautiful. Her skin looks porcelain under the moonlight, and her brown eyes deepen in the dark.

“I wanted to check on you. You didn’t look so good. Was it something you ate or drank?”

She winces and shakes her head but finally looks up at me. When she does, the frown I’ve become accustomed to is absent from her face. She looks puzzled, but she meets my stare. Her eyes glide over me for a few moments, taking in my appearance from head to toe, and then her eyes droop in sadness.

“Wow,” she breathes. It probably wasn’t something she meant to say or wanted me to hear. I don’t know what she means by it. ‘Wow,’ like, I can’t believe this idiot is still trying? Or ‘wow,’ like, she appreciates the way I look. She wouldn’t think that. Not now. Her head shakes again as if she can’t believe what she’s seeing. I don’t get it. Then Alix bows her head near Sawyer’s ear and whispers something. Sawyer nods and blinks, looking away from me.

“Thanks for your concern, Preston, but I’ll take it from here.” Alix reaches around Sawyer’s waist to lead her to the car, but Sawyer pushes away from her grasp.

“I’m fine. I can do it myself,” she mutters adamantly and puts one foot in front of the other. She’s not steady, but she doesn’t look unstable. I repress my instinct to go to her and lift her in my arms to carry her home. I clench my hands into such tight fists my short nails dig into my palms.

“Thanks, Dean,” Sawyer mumbles over her shoulder, but refuses to look at me as they walk away.

I don’t say anything else as I watch them go down the lamp-lit street and out of my sight.

***

“Where did you go?” Lily lifts up on her toes and kisses my cheek. “I missed your face.”

I find her mingling with some of her friends on the outskirts of the living room. I can tell her the truth, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings or start anything tonight. “Someone left looking pretty sick, so I went to see if there was anything I could do.” It was the truth, just not the whole truth.

“That was nice of you.”

I shrug and don’t answer. She lets it go. Her friends continue talking, and I stand there wondering what happened. Sawyer seemed so disoriented. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought she was drunk, but she’s never had a drink in her life. Though, we’ve already established that people change.

Aiden finally shows up with some girl I’ve never seen before, but at least now I’m not completely alone. I seriously considered peacing out almost immediately after Sawyer left. I can lie to everyone else, but I can’t lie to myself. The only reason why I agreed to come with Lily tonight was because I hoped I would see Sawyer. There was no way Lily was getting me to dress up. She finally suggested I wear what I used to wear in high school since it could pass as a guy in a band. The pants were a little snug, and so was the shirt, but Lily said I nailed it.

I wasn’t planning on talking to Sawyer. I wanted to see her face. That girl is a freaking drug, and I’m going through withdrawals trying to keep away. Focusing on Lily diminishes it for a little while. I don’t know why I thought it would go away completely when it hasn’t over the last several years of staying away.

“You just missed Alix,” I say to Aiden when his date goes to the ‘powder room’.
Who says that?

“Are you
freaking
serious?” Aiden’s hands toss up in the air. “That’s the whole reason why we came here.”

“You brought your date to a party so you could see Alix?” I chuckle to myself and shake my head at the ground. We’re horrible excuses for human beings.

“I wanted to mess with her head. It always makes her fly off the handle when she sees me with someone else. I love watching her squirm. I think I’m starting to wear her down.” Aiden rubs his hands together with a wide smirk.

I release a laugh, thinking of Alix’s annoyed face whenever she’s in the same vicinity as Aiden. “The only expression I’ve ever seen on Alix’s face when she sees you is irritation—like she’s about to pummel your face in.”

“Hey,” he says, “it’s better than indifference. I get under her skin. That’s passion. Eventually, she’ll cave.”

“I really hope that, man. For you sake.”

Aiden smiles, peering over at me. “Oh, ye of little faith. You say that as if you don’t think I can do it.”

“I know you can. I’m just not sure how long you’re going to last in a ring with Alix. Even if she does finally cave to you someday, if you can make it through all twelve rounds, you’ll find yourself knocked out by the very end. Alix will sit on top with her fists pumping in the air.”

He hums. “You don’t realize how badly I want that.”

“I do actually,” I say, nodding and laughing. “I really do. I just don’t get the appeal, Aide. She’s freaking crazy and kind of a wench.”

“Just the way I like them.” He waggles his eyebrows and smirks. “And she’s only a wench to you. For me, it’s playful banter.”

I lift an eyebrow. “Lucky me.”

I finish out the night at the party with Lily. The entire time I want to leave, but I stay for her. No sense in starting a fight I know she’d put up if I tried to leave. With Aiden at my side, I’m able to bear the obnoxious gossip and pointless small talk. After I drop Lily off at her house I debate stopping by Sawyer’s house to see how she’s doing, but I know that won’t fly with anyone.

I accept my defeat and head home alone.

I
TOLD
P
OLLY
I would lock up. She looked especially dead on her feet when seven o’clock rolled around. Today was an especially crazy day since we had an order of six-dozen cupcakes that needed to be picked up the following morning. Once the bakery closed, it took me nearly two hours to get everything cleaned and straightened up to be ready for tomorrow so it wasn’t until after ten o’clock that I began turning off lights.

“Sawyer Hartwell.”

I turn my head at the sound of my name as I twist the lock on the bakery. Josh Duncan is strutting toward me with a slightly clumsy stagger.

“I heard you were back in town, but if I had known that age would treat you this well, I would have sought you out a lot sooner.”

“Hi, Josh,” I say stiffly. I can smell the alcohol before he’s even in arm’s reach.