Me & My Invisible Guy (23 page)

“Please, don’t tell Mom I told you.”

“That cheerleading camp this summer. Did you have to miss it… because of me?”

I paused, but why try to hide anything now? I nodded.

“That’s why you have to work for Dad, too?”

“I like working for Dad. But, yeah, it gives me a completely flexible schedule.”

Darby sat cross-legged on my bed and put her hands on her knees as if she was trying to steady herself.

“I guess we were all afraid… you know, that you might…” I couldn’t say it, but Darby did.

“Try to kill myself again?”

And with those words, the words that had never been spoken between us, I felt both a terror and a release. A
terror for the fear that merely saying the words would cause them to happen. Release for the realization that by
not
saying them, I hadn’t actually taken a breath in a long while.

Darby scooted even closer. “Mallory. You don’t have to be scared. I’m sad right now, and I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’m not going to kill myself. That part of my life is over. Do you hear me?”

I did, but now that the words were out, I didn’t want to stop talking about it. “That day. I thought you were already dead.”

Darby grabbed me and squeezed. “I’m so sorry that you found me like that. I wasn’t thinking about you, or anybody else. I was only thinking about myself. That must have been horrible for you. I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry, Mallory. What I did, that one stupid decision, it derailed us all, didn’t it?”

I nodded.

“I feel like I’ve taken so much from you. Please forgive me.” Darby wiped at her tears. And even though I had never wanted an apology from her, at that moment I saw that maybe I needed one.

“But Mallory, hear me when I say this. Even if I had died that day, it wouldn’t have been your fault. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s decisions—the bad ones or the good ones. You don’t have to protect me anymore. I’m not your job or your responsibility. I’m your big sister, and I’m supposed to be here for you. And I will be. From now on.”

“Mom’ll be mad at me. For talking to you,” I told her.

“Mom has her own issues to work through, and those
aren’t your problem either. Let’s just concentrate on the things that
are
your problems.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s start with Liam, since he’s the easiest.”

“Easiest? He started this whole mess.”

Darby shook her head. “No, my dear, he was just the one who made it public. The mess was all yours. So cut him some slack. After all, I forgave you for going public with my secret.”

Good point.

“I still can’t believe you made up a boyfriend just to hide being a virgin. I mean, I’m really glad you’re not sleeping around like I was, but I’m surprised you did it that way.”

“Well, that was mostly because of you.”

Darby looked surprised. “Me?”

“At first I just didn’t want to, but then all that stuff happened with you, and I don’t know, it didn’t seem like having sex was worth the risk. Todd made it easier for me to avoid any pressure to do it.”

Tears started slipping down Darby’s cheeks, and I panicked.
Did I say too much?
I tried to think of a way to end the conversation when Darby squeezed my hand.

“Thanks for that,” she said.

“For what? I didn’t do anything.”

“Trust me, you did. And I don’t have any advice about Tess or what to do at school, but I promise I’ll think about it. And I’ll be praying for you.” Darby reached over and hugged me, then left the room.

Strange.

Not only did I not know what to do, but my mom was going to freak when she found out that I’d confided in Darby.

Having a mom who works in the school system is a major disadvantage. Other kids could skip school and get away with it. Not me.

Mom pounded on my door at precisely 3:45. “Mallory. Are you in there? You’d better be violently ill.” She pushed open the door.

“Now you’re skipping school, too?”

“I’m sick,” I said. Then I coughed.

“Yeah. Your principal said that you were part of some school-wide vandalism? Are you kidding me? Does this have anything to do with Darby?”

Darby?
I couldn’t help myself. I got mad.

“Darby? Darby? Why does everything always come back to Darby? The world doesn’t revolve around Darby, Mom.”

“I don’t think the world…”

“Yes, you do. We all revolve around her like some crazy merry-go-round. It’s all about making sure everything is nice and calm, that things aren’t too stressful, that we stay upbeat. That we pretend that everything is perfect. Well, my life is about as messed up as I can possibly make it right now, and I can’t fix any of it. I can’t be upbeat or calm or nice.”

Mom stared at me, surprised at my outburst, I guess.

“And just for the record, I didn’t vandalize anything.” I pushed past her and ran down the stairs and straight out the front door.

I automatically walked toward Tess’s house, knowing she would still be at practice. There were no cars in the driveway, so I sat on her front porch.

A group of kids were playing hockey in the street, yelling
and having fun. I watched them for a while and fiddled with my new phone while I tried to figure out what I could say to Tess.

“She’s not here.”

I looked up to see Tess’s neighbor lady standing on the driveway wearing a bright-blue running suit and lots of jewelry. She walked over and sat beside me.

“I’m Kay Baker, I don’t think I formally introduced myself the other day.” She held out her hand, and I shook it.

“Mallory Dane.”

“I take it Tess still isn’t talking to you? Well, let’s see where I can fill you in. Mrs. Howard is at a rehab facility over in Orange County.”

“That’s good, right? I mean, she’s not in jail or anything.”

“Yes, that’s good. If she’s willing to take the help she needs. It’s really up to her. Tess and Ashley are staying with Ralph and me for the time being.”

“I thought they might be, but I didn’t know for sure.”

Kay nodded. “Ralph and I never had kids, so it’s sort of like getting to be grandparents for the first time.”

“So she’s okay? Everything’s okay then?”

Kay smiled at me and patted my hand. “Yes, it was all for the best. But Tess, she’s having a hard time. She’s been in charge and on her own for so long. It’s a big change for her, and I’m not sure she likes it.”

I could understand that.

“Mallory, you did the right thing. No matter how Tess feels about it, you did right by her. You were a true friend.” Kay hugged me and stood up to leave. “Tess’ll be back soon if you want to wait over at the house.”

“Thanks, I’ll wait here.”

Kay waved and walked away.

If what I did was good, then why did I still feel so bad?

I waited around until I saw Tess’s Jeep pull into her driveway. She climbed out and slammed the door, staring at me.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was sharp.

“Waiting for you.”

“Then you wasted your time.” Tess threw her bag over her shoulder and walked toward the Bakers’ house.

“Tess, please. Please. You’ve got to talk to me.”

Tess whirled around. “I trusted you.”

“I know.”

“I asked you not to tell anyone, and you stabbed me in the back.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t want this.”

“I know. I know you didn’t want help, but you
needed
it, Tess. It was too much for you, and whether you hate me forever or not, I’m glad I told. Because now your mom is getting help, and you’ve got someone to watch out for you. I know it’s not what you wanted, but it’s what you needed.”

Tess’s face looked angry for a second, then her shoulders relaxed a bit and her bag slipped to the ground.

“The Bakers seem really nice,” I went on. “Even they knew you needed help, and they barely know you. I’m your friend, Tess. Friends fight, and they make mistakes, but real friends help each other, even when it risks everything.”

Tess’s scowl slipped into something sadder, but she didn’t say anything. I took a few cautious steps toward her, thinking that at any minute she was going to turn and storm
away. But she didn’t. I got all the way over to her before she started crying.

She covered her face with her hands and sobbed, and I wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t pull away.

After several minutes she began wiping her face, collecting herself.

“I’m sorry, Tess.”

“Why? You just said you were glad you did it. So which is it? Are you sorry or are you glad?” A smile was playing at the corners of her lips.

“Glad.”

She let out a short laugh. “I guess I can live with that.”

“Good.”

“I mean, it could be worse. At least I’m not a virgin.” She smirked and gave me a small shove.

CHAPTER 19

“You let Samantha Morgan interview you? You’re insane.” Tess was sitting on the floor in the basement of the Bakers’ house. She and Ashley had a nice spread. There were two bedrooms and a small living area. It was a little dark but comfortable. And safe.

“I thought it would be better to tell her the truth rather than have her print the rumors.”

“Yeah, I get that, but why not let it all just go away?”

I thought about that. “Something you said, actually. You said I shouldn’t be ashamed. It’s not like I’m the only virgin in the school.”

Tess shrugged. “But you don’t have to make us nonvirgins feel like sluts either.”

“How am I doing that? I never called anyone a slut.”

“I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose. But that’s the way it feels.”

“Great.”

Tess stirred the ice in her cup. “But you know, if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have slept with Alex.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Not that I’d go announce it in the school paper or anything.”

We ate dinner with the Bakers, and then Tess drove me home. My good mood dissipated the closer we got to my
house. I was beyond happy that Tess and I were okay and that she was safe. But I still had a lot to deal with in my family. I knew my mom would be mad about my blowup, but I was glad I did that, too. I had gotten so used to not saying what was really on my mind that it felt good to finally let it all out.

Regardless of the consequences.

When I walked into the house, I found Mom, Dad, and Darby sitting at the kitchen table with coffee mugs in their hands.

Darby’s face brightened when I came in. “Mallory, come sit with us.”

I walked over but eyed my mom to see what kind of mood she was in. She looked more sad than angry, and she barely glanced up from her coffee cup as I sat down.

“We wanted to talk with you,” Darby said.

Despite her smile, a shot of fear sliced through me.

“It’s not healthy for us to tiptoe around one another, and I certainly don’t want anyone tiptoeing around me anymore. I’m so thankful for each of you, for helping me and getting me through the last year; but it’s time I stood up and became a part of this family again.”

“You’ve always been part of this family,” Mom said quietly.

“Only the part you’d let me see. I don’t want to be coddled anymore. And I have Mallory to thank for that,” Darby said.