Meant to Be (11 page)

He grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. His arms wrapped around me and held me close. Warm lips pressed to my forehead and his hand moved through my hair. The solid chest against me made me feel a little better. Sean always made me feel better. “You okay, baby?” he whispered.

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I spoke to Cassandra.”

He sighed. “Didn’t go well I take it?”

“Not at all.”

“Man, I wish this wasn’t happening.”

“Me too.”

He held me in the driveway then kissed me on the forehead again.

“Have fun tonight?”

“We had a good time.”

“Your
dad get hit on?”

He chuckled. “Like you wouldn’t believe. Mike was shocked.”

“Is he still here?”

“Yeah.”

I sighed. “I don’t know if I should ruin his night.”

“It’s going to be ruined when he gets back to his apartment, right? At least he’ll be prepared.”

“Yeah…”

He grabbed my hand and walked with me to the door. When we were inside, Mike and Andrew were sitting on the couch.

“How many phone numbers did you get tonight?” Mike asked.

Andrew pulled out the napkins. “One…two…five.”

His mouth dropped. “Five? Five women came up to you and just gave you their phone number?”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m cute.”

Mike shook his head. “I don’t get it. They were all hot.”

Andrew tossed the napkins aside. “Too bad all the guys are
n’t single. They could have them.”

“You aren’t going to call any of them?” Mike asked incredulously.

“Nah.” Andrew leaned back and watched the TV.

“Dad…
are you gay?”

He chuckled. “Definitely not.”

We came into the living room and sat on the other couch.

“Where were you?” Mike asked.

“With Ryan,” I answered.

“Cool.”

We fell into silence while we watched TV. When it got late, Mike looked at his watch then stood up. “I should head home. My baby can’t sleep when I’m away.”

Ugh. I didn’t want to have this conversation.
“I’ll walk you out.”

We headed down the driveway to his Jaguar.

“My dad is such a stud,” he said. “He got five numbers but he’s not going to call any of them. Fucking psycho.”

I smirked. “He’s too much a gentleman.”

“No, he’s just crazy.”

He unlocked the car with a press of a button then hugged me. “Night.”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“You want me to beat up Sean for you?”

I laughed. “No. It’s something else.”

“Can Sean not get you
pregnant so you want me to step up?” He winked at me.

“I’m not going to tell my husband you just said that.”

He nudged my stomach. “Come on. Our baby would be beautiful. If you have one with Sean, it’ll look like an ogre.”

I smiled at his words. He was such an upbeat guy and I didn’t want to drag him down. I wish I could just brush this under the rug and forget it ever happened. “Mike, this isn’t easy for me to say.”

His eyes darkened as he became serious. “Okay…”

“I had drinks with Cassandra.”

He took a deep breath but didn’t speak.

“She’s never going to change her mind about marriage. I did everything I could to persuade her that
the relationship with you was completely different, but no matter what I said or how I said it, she wouldn’t budge. I’m sorry…”

Mike sighe
d then swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thanks for trying.”

I hate
d seeing the sadness in his eyes. “What are you going to do?”

He shrugged. “I can’t live without her, Scar…”

“But love is about compromise. Can you really be with someone that’s only willing to give you a fraction of what they are? You deserve more, Mike. You deserve a happily ever after—even if it isn’t with Cassandra.”

“She’s my whole world, you know?” His eyes were slightly red.

“I know.” I rubbed his arm.

“What do I do?”

“I can’t make that decision for you. But, if you really want a wife and kids, it doesn’t look like you’re going to get it with her.”

He looked at the house and studied the lights that shined through the window. It suddenly became very quiet. No cars were on the road, and even the crickets were silent. Mike look
ed like he lost his whole world, that everything had suddenly come to an end. “I’ll never have what you and Sean have. Maybe I should stop trying.”

“No,” I said firmly. “Don’t ever say that again.”

Wordlessly, he walked to his car and got inside. The engine started and he pulled onto the road, driving faster than he normally did. I watched his car until I could only see his tail lights. And when those were finally gone, I went back inside to my perfect husband and my perfect life.

13

Mike

I took the long way back to New York. I exceeded the speed limit and drove recklessly but I didn’t care. I had a feeling my life was going to be over when I got home anyway.

Just when I thought everything in my life was perfect, it wasn’t. Cassandra was the first woman who actually made my heart beat. She made me nervous without even trying. The beauty of her face always made me forget the words on my lips. But she didn’t want me.

I did everything I could to convince her I was trustworthy. The last thing I would ever do is cheat on her. Even if I didn’t love her anymore, I still wouldn’t. I would end the relationship if I were that unhappy. The future wasn’t set in stone and anything could happen, but I controlled my own destiny. If she was so scared I’d cheat on her, did she really trust me? I think the answer is no.

When I finally walked into the apartment, all the lights were off. I assumed she was already in bed. I checked all the locks then headed to the
bedroom, hoping she was there. Maybe Scarlet scared her off.

She was lying on her side when I walked in the room. I kicked of my shoes then undressed myself, concentrating on her deep breathing. I knew she was awake. When I was naked, I lay
beside her, not touching her.

“Did you have a good time?” she whispered.

“Yeah. The ladies were all over my dad.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” She didn’t turn over.

I decided to rip the Band-Aid off. “Scarlet told me about your conversation.”

“I figured.” A little
resentment was in her voice.

“I think we should talk about this.” Actually, I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to avoid it until the problem went away. It was too heartbreaking to face head-on.

She turned over then rested her hand on my arm. The gentle touch made my spine shiver. She was wearing my t-shirt and no bottoms, sexy as always. “Mike, we already talked about it. You said you accepted my decision.”

“I know what I said,” I whispered.

She rubbed my arm. “Have you changed your mind?” The sadness was in her voice.

I looked at the ceiling because I couldn’t meet her gaze. “It’s something I really want, Cassandra.” I never said her name. It was always baby.

She took a deep breath. “Mike, I’m just—”

“I’m not proposing right now. Not even in the next few months for the next year. I’m not asking you to rush into anything. But I would like the possibility. The fact you’re turning me down indefinitely makes me realize this relationship will never grow. We’ll always be the same. You
’ll always just be my girlfriend…”

“I promised myself I would never get married again.”

“I thought you trusted me.” I felt the bitterness in my voice.

“I do—”

“No, you don’t. I’ve never done a single thing to make you suspicious of me. I’ll be a damn good husband and a great father. I will always put you first and make sure you’re happy. The fact you don’t believe me just hurts…”

Cassandra gripped my arm but held her silence.

“So, when it comes down to it, you’d rather lose me than commit to me?”
Please say no. Please say no.

“It’s not like that.”

“Yes, it is.” The command in my voice even made me flinch. “What’s it going to be, Cassandra?”

“Are you making me choose…?”

“Yes.”

She fell
silent, her breathing increasing. “I thought you couldn’t live without me.”

“I can’t. Believe me, I’ll be miserable. But this is something I really want. I want a woman to have my last name. I want the trust between us. It’s not the same if you aren’t married. I want that commitment and trust my brother and sister have. No matter what happens, they always have each other’s backs. They don’t even look at other people because they’re so obsessed with each other. I want a partner for life. I want my wife to stand outside and wait for me to pull in the
driveway after work. I want her to kiss me like she hasn’t seen me in years even though it’s only been a few hours. I want her to be fat and pregnant with my kid. I want to make love to her every night knowing I’m the only person she ever wants. I want a wife that only looks at me and doesn’t care about any other man. I want my dad to call her his daughter. I want a house in the country where we can spend every Christmas in the snow. I want everything, Cassandra, not just a part of it. I want more.”

She sniffe
d quietly.

“Please give that to me. I want it to be
you. I can’t imagine anyone else’s face but yours. Please.”

She turned her face toward the pillow, completely out of my peripheral. “I don’t want to lose you…”

“Then say yes.”

“I can’t. You’ll never understand how much he hurt me. I can’t go through that again. I’ll break.”

“I’m not him,” I said harshly. “Stop assuming all men are abusive dogs that can’t keep their paws to themselves. I’ve more than proven how trustworthy I am. Don’t throw us away based on something that happened in the past.”

She released a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Mike.”

The doom hit me straight in the heart. “That’s your final answer?” The pain was in my voice.

She sniffed again. “I do love you…”

“Just not enough.”

She wrapped her arm around my waist and pressed her face into the crook of her neck. I felt the tears lath
er my skin. She cried in my arms, trying to stay quiet. My arm moved around her waist and rested on her lower back. I wasn’t an emotional guy, but I couldn’t fight the pain that welled inside me. Against my restraint, my eyes burned and a few tears fell.

I was losing the love of my life. And it wasn’t fair.

I held her in my arms the entire night, not closing my eyes other than to blink. She didn’t move from my embrace. We mourned together, knowing this was the last night we’d be together. Hours passed and no words were said.

I cherished the smell of her hair and the feel of her slight body in mine. I needed to remember all the little things about her I loved. Her slight breathing always lulled me to sleep. The way her arm rested on my chest, directly over my heart. The way she looked in my t-shirt that was way too big for her. That playful look she gave me when she teased me.
The heat in her eyes when I made love to her late at night and early in the morning. I would miss all of it. Every day. My memories would have to last me a lifetime.

Since it was already so hard, I decided not to drag it out. The next morning, I called the movers and bought her an apartment near the office. I wasn’t going to leave her without knowing she wasn’t taken care of. I knew she didn’t want my money, but she didn’t object to it. I could tell she was too heartbroken to function.

When I got dressed in the morning, I tried not to look at her. I thought I’d choke up then change my mind about the entire thing. But I knew I needed to hold on to what I believed in when I was able to make the decision, even when it got too hard when I was in the darkness.

But damn, this was hard.

I told her she could take the day off to pack her things. I couldn’t help her with that. I didn’t want to stand by and watch while she took away every part of her essence. Half of my closet was filled with her things, and soon that half would be empty. She would take her feminine decora
tions and return my man cave to its former glory.

When I was at work, I was a zombie. People said hi as they passed me in the hall but I didn’t even notice them. I told my assistant not to bother me and not to let anyone enter my office for any reason. If people asked where I was, she was supposed to say I was out. And I wasn’t taking phone calls.

I went to work because I had nowhere else to go. I just wanted to be alone, to wallow in my pain in solitude. For the first time, I didn’t want my brother or Scarlet. I didn’t even want my dad. I was in too much pain to speak.

Around lunchtime, my brother pounded on my door. “Mike, you there?”

I stayed silent.

He tried the door but it
was locked. “Open up, man.”

I didn’t move.

I heard him speak to my secretary. “Where’s Mr. Preston?”

“He’s out,” she said quickly.

“Out where?” he demanded. “You said that an hour ago.”

“I’m sorry I can’t help you, Mr. Preston.”

He walked off and left me in peace. But my phone lit up.

Where the hell are you?

I turned it off and ignored him. Instead of working on my paperwork and emails, I lay my head on the desk and sighed, trying not to cry. There were pictures of Cassandra on the surface but I didn’t have the strength to take them down. I wasn’t ready.

When I returned to the apartment, a few boxes were in the walkway. One glance around told me she already got rid of everything. A man walked through the door and picked up one of the boxes. Without speaking, he carried it down the hallway and to the moving truck at the street.

I tried not to cry. This was too fucking hard.

Cassandra emerged into the entryway, her hair pulled back and her skin pale. She wore a baggy t-shirt and yoga pants. She looked distraught and hollow. To me, she was still beautiful.

She took a deep breath and looked at the ground. “I got everything.” Her voice cracked when she spoke.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Need help with anything?”

“No.”

“Do you like your new apartment?”

“It’s very nice,” she whispered.

“It’s still under my name so he shouldn’t be able to find you. If he bothers you, let me know.”

She nodded. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can.”

Awkward silence stretched between us. She still didn’t look at me. Her bag was over her shoulder and her ey
es were rimmed in red like she’d been crying all day. Her face mirrored the pain I felt in my heart.

The mover returned and grabbed the last box. “That’s everything.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

His gaze shifted between us then he cleared his throat. “We’ll wait for you downstairs.” He walked out and shut the door.

God, this was it. I couldn’t do this. It was too hard.

She didn’t move for several minutes. Finally, she moved to the door, walking right past me. She turned the knob then opened the door.

“I hate this.” I tried to still my tears but I couldn’t. “You have no idea how much this is killing me.”

“I do know.” Her lip qu
ivered and she sniffed. The dam of tears broke and she sobbed.

I pulled her to my chest and held her, crying with her. “I will always love you, baby. Forever.”

“I’ll always love you.”

I kissed her forehead then moved my fingers through her hair one more time. “If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. I don’t care how much time has passed. My love for you will never die.”

She squeezed my waist and sniffed again.

We held each other with no intention of letting go.

Finally, she pulled away. “Thanks for everything.”

Reluctantly, my hand dropped from her waist. I wished she’d change her mind and just give me what I wanted. I wanted her every day for the rest of my life. I just wanted to love her. “If you ever change your mind, please come back.”

She didn’t speak. Her lip quivered again then she looked down. “Goodbye.”

I couldn’t say the words back. I couldn’t do it. My throat was constricted. My tongue was useless. This really couldn’t be the end. If I said it, it would make
it true. She really wasn’t mine anymore.

She closed the door behind her, shutting me out completely. I listened to her footsteps as she walked away. When all signs of her existence faded, I finally took a breath and looked at my apartment. Everything that belonged to her was gone. Tears fell down my cheeks and I wasn’t embarrassed to feel them. I’ve never felt pain like this before.

I wandered into my bedroom and saw the bed neatly made. I never made my bed. Cassandra was always the one who did that. But there was a note.

I took your shirt. I figured you wouldn’t mind.

C.

I knew exactly what shirt she referred to. It was my large gray one. It reached her knees and covered her completely. Even though her curves were hidden, she still looked sexy. I’m glad she took it. I could never wear it again anyway.

The closet was empty of her belongings. It was like she was never there. All my suits and shirts were pushed to the side. It made me realize how little I really possessed.

When I got into the shower, her razor and shampoo was gone. Even the sponge she used was missing. The tile was brown and spotless. The water fell on me, reminding me of all the times I showered with her, rubbing my nose against hers and making her moan while I held her against the wall. I shut off the shower after standing there for sixty seconds because I couldn’t take it anymore. I dried off then sat on the couch, still naked. I knew I had to get a new apartment because this one held too many memories. It would haunt me forever.