“Hello there, youngsters!” Dylan flung the front door open wide and glanced from him to Julia and back. They both jumped, and he wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or grateful for Dylan’s interruption.
“Thanks for bringing her home, buddy.” Dylan raised his arms high in the air accompanied by an exaggerated yawn. “It’s been a long day, don’t you think? Time to say good night, Jules.” His voice sounded more fatherly than brotherly.
Those mesmerizing eyes lifted to his. “Thanks for bringing me home, Jake. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He nodded. “Good night, Julia. Are you helping out at Ed’s Christmas tree farm tomorrow?”
“We sure are,” Dylan answered as Julia moved past him and into the house. “We’ll see you there, bright and early. Sweet dreams. Say hi to Bailey for me.”
Headed back to his truck, Jake raised his face to the night sky, inhaling deeply and blowing it out. As he climbed inside the cab, he heard the carolers singing “Silent Night.”
“Lord, please give me strength.” Starting the engine, he drove off without looking back. As he often did while driving, he launched into a prayer, eyes wide open.
I’m glad You’re in charge, Lord, because I don’t understand what’s happening with Julia. OK, that’s a lie. I know what’s happening, but it
can’t
happen.
“It can’t,” he murmured. His heart sank even lower.
Bailey was going to get a whopping earful tonight.
15
Jake always enjoyed helping customers at the tree farm. Dylan and his two boys worked alongside him while Julia helped the ladies serve food and refreshments to the workers. Talking with the townspeople who’d come to pick out a tree, he kept one eye on her. He overheard Dylan introduce her around, but wasn’t surprised most already knew her. Seemed she’d spent her time in Starlight helping several groups with something or other. The winks and knowing glances sent their way didn’t help his cause of trying to keep his distance. Determined to be the best
friend
he could be for Julia, Jake focused on keeping their conversations light. He only stumbled over his words a couple of times. Being with Julia felt more than comfortable. It felt
right
. And that’s what made it so wrong. Maybe. It was confusing.
Julia scolded him when he tried to lift something he shouldn’t, and he called her bossy. Jake discovered she hated chartreuse and burnt rust-colored metallic cars, pistachio anything, and couldn’t pass college astronomy after two attempts. In turn, he told her lovely things about himself like how he couldn’t eat peanut butter and kale together without getting sick. Or how a bad pass in football once knocked him out cold for over twenty minutes.
At the end of the day, Julia gave Jake a hug, her eyes bright and full of emotion. “I promise we’ll talk when I come back to Starlight.” With her arms around him, he closed his eyes and held her longer than he should, reluctant to release her. He wanted to know what she needed to tell him but couldn’t gather the courage to ask. Julia left with Dylan, and Jake drove himself home to Bailey. Life was the way it should be. So why did it seem empty?
That feeling only intensified when Julia returned to Cedar Rapids the next day. He considered sending her e-mails or calling her, but that wouldn’t be appropriate. Every time he recalled the way she pitched in to hand out gifts at Regency Hall, assisted with senior swim, carried a ball of yarn in her pocket to help match the dye for Hannah, cleaned his house, and gave him direction with Bailey, Jake smiled.
Images of Julia captivated his waking moments at the station. He wasn’t doing much more than going through the motions. Above all, he couldn’t allow his distracted thoughts to put anyone in danger if they were dispatched on an emergency. He knew Dylan noticed his preoccupation but kept his observations to himself for once. Thoughts of Julia came to him at random moments: sitting at his kitchen table, repairing the toys—often with Andrew by his side—and even while reading his evening devotions. He spoiled Bailey, perhaps, by allowing her to curl up beside him, but she was good, warm company.
“I’m in a real situation here, Bailey,” Jake said, stroking the puppy’s soft fur. “I’m in love with a woman I can’t have.” He barely knew Julia, yet what he felt for her in such a short time was so much more than what he’d ever felt for Nicole. If nothing else, his time spent with Julia had shown him it was best to wait for the
right
woman. He needed to trust the Lord to work everything out in His timing and in His will, not his own personal timeline.
Dylan’s comments the night of the soup kitchen nagged at Jake’s brain. It gave him a smidgeon of hope for a future with Julia, not that he’d wish ill will on her fiancé. She didn’t strike him as disingenuous or insincere in any way, and he wouldn’t trade those special moments with her for anything. Yet could he trust a woman who was promised to another yet seemed to flirt and encourage him? What was it Dylan said the night of the soup kitchen? Something about Julia “supposedly” having a boyfriend or words to that effect? Where her mysterious fiancé was concerned, Jake knew nothing at all about him. In his heart, he understood why he hadn’t pushed the issue of Julia’s relationship with her fiancé. He didn’t want to
hear
the truth. In this case, as cliché as it was, ignorance
was
bliss.
Dylan was right to break them apart when they stood on his front porch; he stopped what could have sent him over the edge with Julia. For the first time since his accident, Jake knelt beside his bed to pray. His life was full of irony these days; his physical pain was healing at the same time his emotional well-being was in turmoil. Bowing his head, clasping his hands together, he poured out his heart to his Savior.
Lord, I need Your direction with Julia. Show me Your will. If we’re meant to share a future together, please show me the path. If not, close the door and help me to have a peace about it
.
Climbing back into the bed a few minutes later, Jake grabbed his Bible, and it fell open to the middle. Ah, his other secret. Like most people had an advent calendar, he kept a private one: “Days until Julia’s Return.” For all he knew, she’d be wearing her engagement ring by then. Then again, maybe not. Picking up his pen on the nightstand, he crossed off one more day.
16
Sophie Sinclair arrived two days before Christmas—healthy and robust with a shock full of golden hair like her mother’s. As Julia walked out of the hospital with her nephews after they visited with Hannah and their baby sister, she spied Jake speaking with Caroline in a quiet corridor. The sight of him was enough to make her heart pound. Asking Tyler and Andrew to wait, she walked over to them with hesitant steps. “Hi.”
Jake whirled around so fast, he startled her. “Julia! I thought I might see you here today. Congratulations, auntie.” His smile started out slow and easy before erupting into one of the most gorgeous,
welcome
sights she’d ever seen. The glimpse of that endearing dimple made her weak.
I’ve missed him Lord. More than I realized.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, noting Caroline’s worried expression. “Can I help?”
“It’s Mr. Picasso,” Caroline said, sniffling and pulling a tissue from her pocket. “Old fool was restringing Christmas lights on the roof and fell off. Can you imagine?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I hope he’ll be all right.” Julia enveloped her in a warm hug.
“His pride’s more hurt than anything else,” Jake said. “He fell into fresh snow, and that was a blessing. Ben’s a very fortunate man. No bones were broken.”
“Because he’s so ornery, but for once I’m grateful,” Caroline said, wiping away a tear. “I don’t know what I’d do if—”
Jake pulled her close and patted her on the back. “Shh. He’s going to be fine, Caroline. He’ll be up and around tomorrow, and you two can insult each other like old times.” The older woman laughed a little and swatted his arm. Chuckling, he mouthed to Julia that he’d take care of Caroline.
“I’ll be praying for him. The boys are waiting, so I’d better go. It’s great to see you…both.”
“You too, honey,” Caroline said. “Welcome home.” That sentiment made Julia smile.
“Dylan sent me a picture of Sophie earlier today. She sure is a beauty.” Jake’s brown eyes bore into hers. “He invited me over for Christmas since my folks and my sister are staying in Florida this year.”
Julia wanted to jump up and down with joy, but she nodded instead. “Our parents decided to stay in Arizona, but they’re coming in a few weeks once Hannah and Dylan get more settled with Sophie.” An idea popped into her mind. “Caroline, if Mr. Picasso is feeling up to it, the two of you are welcome to join us for Christmas.” She caught Jake’s pleased expression and noticed he stared at her hand.
“Why, that would be lovely. We’d really enjoy it. Let me know if I can bring anything,” Caroline said.
“Just yourselves.”
Jake smiled. “I’ll try to be on my best behavior, Miss Sinclair.”
“Not on my account, I hope, Mr. Marston.”
He chuckled as Julia headed back down the hallway. Being around this man triggered flirting instincts she didn’t know she possessed. It energized her, but delaying the inevitable made her feel guiltier than ever.
What a fool I’ve been.
Later that evening, on her way to grab a few items for Hannah and the kids at the corner market, Julia slowed the car as she passed Mr. Picasso’s house. Jake was balanced on a ladder, stringing Christmas lights along the bottom of the porch. She needed to confess and tell him the truth on Christmas; it was way past time. He deserved it, and she should have told him before she’d left Starlight earlier in the month. She’d convinced herself nothing could develop between them. With her living and working in Cedar Rapids, how could a relationship work? Plus, she’d wanted to give him space in case he wanted Nicole back in his life—and hadn’t yet realized it.
All excuses and you know it
. Jake wasn’t the only one who’d taken a fall. In certain ways, her fall was every bit as dangerous. The hard truth smacked Julia in the face: once she confessed and told him the truth, Jake might very well kiss her good-bye forever.
Lord, give me the right words.
17
Christmas Day dawned beautiful with sunlight reflecting off the snow and streaming through the windows of Hannah and Dylan’s kitchen. Four more inches had coated the ground overnight.
The ham was in the oven, and pies were cooling on the counter, the delicious aromas making Julia’s stomach rumble. Working together in the kitchen mid-morning, Jake helped her prepare a few casseroles and did whatever she asked without question.
“You’re amazingly adept at this cooking thing,” she said, handing him an onion to chop. She shooed Hannah out of the room a few times and told her to go rest and concentrate on taking care of Sophie.
“Hannah tries to do too much, and I know she’s grateful you’re here running the show today.” The warmth in Jake’s tone suggested he was equally pleased. “And I don’t know about adept, but I’m getting some decent experience cooking for the guys at the station. By the way, they prefer the spicier version of my chili, but I’m learning to make it milder. Think I’ll call it ‘“Julia’s Tame Chili.’” Even his dimple winked at her.
“Better than ‘Julia’s
Lame
Chili,’” she said. “OK, that was corny. Sorry. Seriously, I look forward to trying it, but I’ll still take it with a side of milk.”
They traded favorite holiday memories of people, events and special gifts as they continued their work. Julia had a hard time not staring at Jake. Dressed in black dress pants and a deep red sweater, he was beyond handsome. He also wore a wonderful cologne that reeled her in, making her heady.
Hannah meandered in and out of the kitchen, sometimes with Sophie in her arms.
When Jake offered to hold the newborn, Julia watched with wonder as he held her against his chest. He laughed at Julia’s obvious surprise. “Believe it or not, I’ve held a few babies in my time, although not usually this young.” Supporting little Sophie’s head with his large, gentle hand, he kissed her rosy cheek. “Nothing softer.”
“Here, you might need this,” Hannah said, draping a burping cloth over Jake’s broad shoulder. “After all, you don’t need a girl drooling all over you.”
Julia glared, but Hannah appeared not to notice. As always, her mother’s intuition proved fortuitous when Sophie spit up all over the cloth.
****
A few hours later, Hannah seated Jake to Julia’s immediate left at the dinner table. The conversation flowed lively and loud. Caroline cut Ben’s ham into smaller pieces. He didn’t protest and grabbed her hand a few times with a look of adoration on his weathered face. Falling off the roof must have done something to strengthen the bond between the two, and they weren’t so openly at odds with one another. Tyler and Andrew fought over the last spoonful of mashed potatoes until Dylan solved their dilemma by plopping them on
his
plate. Baby Sophie slept through it all, giving Hannah a break.
Julia’s gaze fell on the infant more than a few times, and she sensed Jake’s eyes on her. She managed to eat most of her dinner, but her stomach was unsettled every time she thought of the upcoming conversation with him.
After their meal, Dylan took his Bible in hand. As they gathered quietly in the family room, Julia chose an armchair, and Jake sat on the sofa between Andrew and Tyler. Children gravitated to Jake, and she could see why. Hannah told her Andrew helped Jake fix a number of the toys for the Christmas drive, but she wasn’t sure which of the two enjoyed it more.
Standing beside the hearth, Dylan read the Christmas story as their dad usually did, and a wave of nostalgia washed over her. She’d need to plan a long weekend in Starlight during her parents’ visit. Focusing on her brother, Julia’s heart swelled with pride whenever one of his sons interrupted with a question. They were thoughtful questions, and both she and Jake joined in the discussion a few times. Hannah rocked with Sophie in one corner, and Julia hid her smile when she noted Caroline’s head rested on Ben’s shoulder as they sat on the loveseat.