Melting His Alaskan Heart (12 page)

“Would you stop already? You’re going over old stuff that we’ve already discussed. Well, except the mistake part. It wasn’t a mistake to me.”

“You didn’t talk to me for days afterward. The only reason you called me at all was because you needed my help.”

Damn. He was right, but not about everything. She had to make him understand. “Okay, maybe I thought it was a mistake initially, but now I don’t.”

“You aren’t making any sense.” He shook his head.

He was right, of course. She didn’t make sense, even to herself sometimes. She decided to come clean. “I wanted to call you. Yes, I used the interview with Dane as an excuse, but I wanted to call. Using Dane was just a way for me to get to you.”

He crossed his arms across his broad chest. The muscles of his forearms flexed. “This is a new concept. Using Dane to get to me? Not sure if I’m buying that.”

“It’s the truth, and you didn’t call me, either.” She let her eyes slide down the length of his tall frame. To her, his scarred eye only made him sexy, maybe even a little dangerous looking.

“I didn’t have your number.” He narrowed his eyes at her, following the way her lingering gaze soaked him up.

“You didn’t ask,” she replied quickly.

“Carly, listen…” He rubbed his hand across chin.

“No more rehashing the past. Let’s move forward, okay?” She took a step closer to him. The stubble on his cheeks had grown and she wanted to feel the scratch of it.

“I don’t date,” he stated.

“Why?” She tucked her hand firmly back at her side, even though she longed to reach out to him.

“Not interested.”

He firmly erected a wall between them, and she had to find a way to break it down. “Elaborate.”

He ran his hand across his forehead, no doubt frustrated with her impertinence. Wouldn’t be the first time she’d annoyed someone with her constant questions.

His expression became serious and subdued. “I married the love of my life,” he said quietly. “We were married less than two years when she died.”

She sucked in a breath. Okay, so she wasn’t expecting that. She contemplated how to navigate this conversation in the best way possible. “I understand, but what does that have to do with you dating?”

He looked at her as though she’d asked the most idiotic question ever.

She decided to throw caution into the wind. She’d never been good at side-stepping issues anyway. “No one will ever match up, so why bother. Is that it?”

“Something like that, yeah.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with her anymore. He turned and stared into the orange and blue flames of the fire. “Actually, no.” He lifted his chin and stared at her again. “It has to do with me. I have nothing to give. I gave what I had, and it’s gone now.”

Hearing the words were a blow to her midsection. The wall he’d carefully erected was reinforced not just with mortar, maybe more like titanium. His stare was so intense she felt it in her core, in her own heart. “You still have a heart, Ethan.”

Whether he knew it or not, she wouldn’t give up, not on him, not yet. But she also knew that she was asking too much too fast. She had to back off. She could read people better than most and she knew this subject might push him away for good.

“Okay.” She put her hands up. “I understand, kind of.” She had to tread carefully and lighten the mood that had grown so somber. “Basically, you’re telling me you aren’t good boyfriend material—that’s fine, I get it, but how about a friends-with-benefits arrangement? Would you be open to that?”

E
THAN WANTED
to ask Carly to repeat herself, but he knew what he heard and he knew what it meant. He just couldn’t believe it.

He also knew he only needed a split second to decide. He had to say no to her proposition. But right when he was about to respond, his brothers and sister-in-law barged through the front door with about as much noise as a herd of caribou. A cold rush of air blew across the entryway. Ethan turned back around. “Let’s go up to my room so we can finish this conversation.”

“Perfect,” she said. “That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say.”

He suddenly felt cornered and didn’t like the feeling, but he needed to set her straight right now. She had to understand he had nothing to offer her other than the opportunity to interview his brother. He never promised anything beyond that. He gestured toward the stairs. Carly walked in front of him.

“Where are you guys going?” Travis asked.

“We’re going to call it a night,” Ethan said, as he gently placed his hand at the small of Carly’s back, just like he’d done the evening of the fundraising party. His hand fit perfectly, like it was meant to be there, and for a moment he remembered how his hand felt on Richelle’s back. He pulled away as though he’d been burned.

He hadn’t thought about Richelle while in the presence of another woman in a long time. In fact, he couldn’t remember a time. His eyes shifted to Carly’s wavy red hair and noticed how different it was from Richelle’s straight dark hair. The idea that he was comparing them gave him pause. He shook his head, as though that could release the memories.

Carly asked quietly, “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, then cleared his throat when it didn’t need it.

Travis called out, “Sure you don’t want to hit the hot springs with us?”

Carly turned to them. “We’re sure, but thanks. Maybe tomorrow.”

Ethan noted the
we
again. They weren’t a couple, and the sooner she knew that the better. He watched her hips sway as she walked up the stairs in front of him. Damn, she was beautiful. She had to know how beautiful she was. She could date or have a friends-with-benefits arrangement with anyone she wanted.

She had a determined pace to her steps that matched the sway of her hips. Her hourglass shape had a little extra padding on her backside, which he loved. Then he reminded himself to quit looking. She wasn’t his, and wasn’t going to be his. However, she was on a mission, and whatever ideas she might have about him and her as anything remotely resembling a
we
had to stop. She stepped inside his apartment.

He closed the door behind her and before he even had his hand off the doorknob she said, “Ethan, I understand you’ve had your heart broken. I get that. Well, let me rephrase that.” She strode across the room to stand in front of him. “You’ve had your heart broken. I can’t know exactly how that feels. Especially since I’ve never been married and I’ve never had a spouse die, but I do know that you’re alive and have every reason to live.”

As beautiful and tempting as she was, he had to shut her down. “Carly, I’ve heard this all before from my family.” He got closer to her face. He had to make her understand. If he needed to scare her away, by God, he’d do it. “In fact, did you consult with them on the party line? Get Ethan to socialize more, get Ethan to do something besides work, get Ethan—”

“Stop it. I haven’t talked with them. I just met them. Why are you being an ass? Is that your party line? Be an ass, so no woman will be attracted to you?”

She’d called him an ass at the hotel, too, and he knew it was true. Being an ass was easy, because it was safer that way. “I don’t have to worry about women being attracted to me. Unless scars are your thing? And being an ass is how I normally act, so yeah, whatever…”

Carly grabbed ahold of his face. She had her long fingers on each side of his cheeks and her voluptuous breasts plastered against his chest. “I’m ridiculously attracted to you, even when you act like an ass, and yes, I suppose scars are my thing because I’m so hot for you. And to me, your scar only makes you sexier.”

She pulled on his neck and kissed him on the mouth. She wasn’t soft about it, either. She demanded the kiss from him. She didn’t ask. She just took.

His heart raced and he ached to press his body into her softness. He wanted to take that red hair of hers, fist it in his hands, yank it back and take everything she was offering. But he refused to go there; he refused to kiss her.

She pulled away for the briefest of moments. “Kiss me, dammit. I know you want to.”

She tightened her grip on his neck, pushed her breasts harder into his chest and kissed him again.

He wanted nothing more than to grind his hard-on into her willing softness, but instead, he gripped her shoulders. “Carly, you want more than I have to give.”

Her breath came in shallow gasps. Her hooded gaze and flushed cheeks nearly undid him. She said, “We can be friends-with-benefits.”

Logic inched into his brain. He needed to convince her that he wasn’t good for her. “You deserve more than that.”

Still clinging to him, she said, “I deserve someone…something. I deserve you.”

“Me? I’m just an ass, remember?” He had his “being an ass” down to a science, and he wasn’t about to let a demanding redhead with stunningly sexy hips sway him, no matter what she did.

“That’s what you want everyone to think, but I know you’re not. I know how you acted that night. You had a mask covering you, so you acted how you really are.” She stepped away from him and ripped the turtleneck shirt out from being tucked in her jeans. She pulled the shirt up and over her head, then threw it over the side of his couch. “I remember every detail of how you made me feel, even if I did have too much to drink.”

“What are you doing?” His mouth watered at the sight of her lacy black bra, full breasts, and freckled skin. “Get your shirt back on.”

“No.” Her fingers reached for the top button of her jeans. “This is my room, remember? At least for tonight. I’m sleeping here—and I’m hoping I won’t be sleeping alone.”

She shimmied out of her jeans and stood with only her bra, panties, and socks on. He gaped and tried to think of something to say, but his brain froze. “Carly, you don’t want this.”

“Oh, yeah? Do you think I’d be stripping off my clothes in front of you if I didn’t know what I wanted? I’m making a fool of myself, but you’re worth it, Ethan.” She bent over and removed her socks, giving him a view of her chest that didn’t leave much to the imagination.

He tried to think of an appropriate thing to say. What do you say to a woman stripping down to her underwear in front of you with an open invitation like Carly was doing? She reached for her handbag and pulled out her cell phone.

“What are you doing now?” Ethan asked feeling completely out of his element.

“I’m looking to see what kind of music I have on my phone. It’s not every day I do this kind of thing. I need some music to keep me in the moment.”

“Listen, I’m going to go.” Ethan turned and stepped toward the door.

Carly ran around and stood in front of him. “Wait.” She searched his face. “We’re supposed to be a couple. It won’t look good for you to leave me in your room all by myself.”

She did have a point. His brothers would certainly give him grief. He stared into the depths of her green eyes, her disheveled hair, her freckles, and shook his head.

“Ethan, I understand you don’t want to be a couple.” She placed her hands on his shoulders. So close, he smelled her womanly scent. His fingers itched to touch her.

Very quietly, she said, “We’re pretending to be a couple. So it fits perfectly into my friends-with-benefits proposition. We can be weekend lovers for now. If that’s all you want, I’m good with that.”

He contemplated his options, but his hands weren’t listening to his mind. He placed them on Carly’s trim waist and pulled her to him. He crushed his mouth on hers. Their tongues entwined with each other. He couldn’t remember all the reasons he’d resisted her to begin with. His hands explored the curve of her back and her butt. The memories of the night they’d spent together at the hotel came crashing back. His brain remembered why his hands took over, as his baser impulses determined his next move.

He picked her up, breathed in her feminine scent, and took her to his bed.

CHAPTER 14

Carly opened her eyes and peered at the digital clock. It read 6:32 a.m. She lay motionless in a room that was both familiar and strange to her. She breathed in the scent of the pillow and immediately thought of Ethan. Her inner thighs ached but in a good way.

She listened for the sound of his breathing, before she reached her arm behind her and slid her hand on empty sheets. They were warm, so he hadn’t been gone long. She exhaled slowly, sat up in bed, and held the quilt to her chin. Then she noticed the light shining from beneath the bathroom door and heard the sound of water running. After a moment, the door opened. Ethan’s beautiful body was silhouetted from the backlight and she audibly sighed.

“You’re awake.” He stopped at the foot of the bed.

“I am.” She ran a hand through her hair, glad for the partial darkness because she could only imagine her disheveled appearance, but there was enough light from the bathroom to see Ethan was naked. His body was magnificent.

She stared inappropriately, but she didn’t care.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” The morning after wasn’t supposed to be this awkward, but it had to be better than the last morning after they’d shared. She would make sure of it.

“I’m going downstairs to get myself some coffee. I’d be happy to get you a cup, too.”

“Thank you. I’d like that. Do you think anyone is up yet?”

“My family is full of early risers.” He rubbed his chin. “In fact, I’ll make sure you get your interview with Dane first thing this morning.”

“Um, it’s okay. It doesn’t have to be this morning. It’s only Saturday. We still have tomorrow too.”

“The sooner you get your interview, the sooner you can get back to Anchorage.”

His words stomped on her heart. Why did he want to get rid of her so quickly? Or was this a defense mechanism, because last night couldn’t be described as anything but amazing. She glared at him, daring him to say something else about her leaving.

He must have caught the hint in her eyes because he asked, “Don’t you have a deadline on the story?”

“I do.” She chose not to say anything else, but stared at him instead. Sometimes words weren’t necessary, and as much as it pained her to stay quiet, this was one of those times.

He looked away. “All right, then. I’ll get us some coffee. Cream and sugar?”