Melting His Alaskan Heart (15 page)

E
THAN WORKED
three days at the fire station and was off for two days. Friday had arrived and he wasn’t scheduled, but he was on call. He filled his off work hours researching a snow machine race he hoped to get started. Similar to the Iron Dog from Anchorage to Fairbanks, he wanted a race between Fairbanks and Gold Creek. He had a list of possible sponsors to call. He also had welding projects to complete, but no matter what he did, his thoughts turned to Carly.

She wouldn’t leave his head no matter how much he tried to fill it with activities to keep his mind busy. During the night was the worst. He kept reaching for her warmth between his sheets, even though they’d only spent two nights together—he couldn’t forget her.

When he got groceries, he noticed any woman with red hair. When he rode his snow machine, all he could remember was the feeling of her arms wrapped around his waist.

Finally, Friday evening arrived and he planned to watch Dane play against the Maple Leafs, but again all he could think about was the hockey he’d played with Carly and his family on the outdoor rink in Gold Creek.

The woman was like a parasite in his brain, and he failed miserably at being an exterminator. Maybe because he wasn’t really trying. He missed her.

An hour before the game, his phone chimed with a text message from Dane.
The team is going to the Borealis bar after the game if you want to join us.

Sounded like a great idea. He didn’t like the idea of being in a crowded bar, but he’d at least go long enough to say hello to Sven and Trent. Besides, the longer he stayed up, the more exhausted he’d become and therefore maybe he’d be able to sleep tonight. He texted Dane back.
See you there.

The Fury beat the Maple Leafs 4-2. Ethan loved the box seats and he had never missed a game. Dane scored one goal and had one assist. He managed to only spend two minutes in the sin bin. It was probably a record for him. Ethan was proud of his little brother and he looked forward to meeting up with the team. His social life was pretty limited. He didn’t maintain friendships. After Richelle died, he just relied on his family. Any friends that he and Richelle shared had only reminded him of his married life and subsequently of the accident that claimed her life. He’d cut ties with all of them. But the days he’d spent with Carly the previous week had him re-thinking the life he’d made for himself.

Maybe cutting himself off from others wasn’t the way to go.

After the game, near the gate entering the parking lot, he heard a voice behind him call out. “Ethan? Is that you?”

Ethan turned around and immediately recognized one of Richelle’s best friends. “Hello, Holly.”

She looked the same, except she had a bigger belly. “I haven’t seen you in forever,” she said. “How are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good. I’m pregnant.” She practically glowed. Her cheeks were rounder too, but Ethan never remembered her looking prettier.

“You look fantastic.”

A quiet moment filled the space between them and Ethan wasn’t sure what to say. “A-are you married?” That was probably an inappropriate question to ask. “Who’s the happy father?”

“It’s Julius Donald. We got married about five years ago. Not long after…about six months after Richelle died.”

“I’m sorry.” Ethan felt like an idiot. “I remember now. You sent me an invitation.”

Holly reached out her hand and placed it on his forearm. This was why he didn’t go out much. He hated the look of sympathy on people’s faces. “Ethan, you know Richelle would want you to be happy.”

He wanted to pull his arm out of her grasp. “I know.”

She pulled her hand back and he was happy not to have the physical contact with her. “You say that you know, but she’d be pissed at you for not moving on and finding someone else to share your life with.”

Ethan bit back a retort. He didn’t need to take out his grief on a pregnant woman, but he still intended to tell her to mind her own business.

Her husband walked up beside her. “Ethan.” He nodded. “Nice to see you.”

“Julius.” Ethan bit down on the jealousy that flared in his gut. “I understand congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you.” Julius looked at Holly, then back to Ethan. “We’re really excited.”

“I need to get going.” Ethan strode toward the exit and waved. “Nice to see the two of you.”

Confusion coursed through Ethan. He wanted to punch something. That should be
his
life and his pregnant wife, but that life was stolen from him.

Usually the bitterness ate away at him, especially after seeing friends from his life before the accident, but he didn’t have the energy to be angry. He marched across the parking lot to his truck. He gripped the door handle and tried to make sense of the wave of emotion hitting him all at once.

He should just go home, but he’d told Dane he’d meet him at the bar. If he went home, he’d just think about Carly and how horribly he’d handled things with her.

Ethan climbed into his truck and drove to the bar. He could really use a beer and conversation with the players to take his mind off things. In the Borealis parking lot, he spotted what looked like Carly’s slate gray SUV. He looked in the driver’s side window and saw her pink mittens sitting in the passenger seat.

This was his opportunity to leave. He didn’t want to see her. Did he?

Or, at least that’s what he told himself. Their liaison had been a temporary arrangement. A means to an end—a way for her to get her interview with Dane. Their association was done now, but her words replayed in his head:
why do you keep pushing me away?

He couldn’t explain that to her. He couldn’t even explain it to himself.

If he went inside that bar, he’d see her and she’d talk to him, then he’d end up hurting her feelings again. He knew that was the way things would play out and yet his feet kept shuffling toward the front door of the Borealis Bar.

His eyes locked onto her within seconds after stepping inside. Her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but that wasn’t what drew his eye. Her legs caught his attention as she sat on the bar stool wearing a skirt. He hadn’t seen her in a skirt since the masquerade party where they met. He never considered himself a leg man, but Carly made him reconsider a lot of things.

She tipped back her head and laughed at something Dane’s teammate Sven Larsson said. Her eyes were alive with light and Ethan wanted to punch Sven for sitting next to her. He should be sitting next to her and making her laugh, not Sven.

“Hey, bro, glad you could make it,” Dane said before taking a swig of beer from a longneck bottle. “You look like you’ve got a bad case of indigestion. Everything okay?”

He narrowed his gaze at Dane and pasted on a fake smile. “What’s Carly doing here?”

Dane shrugged. “Not sure. I think she’s friends with Iris.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Dane tipped his head toward the bar. “Or she’s here to meet more of my team mates. She can talk sports. So she’s easy for the guys to talk to, even Sven.”

“What do you mean, even Sven?” Ethan asked.

“You know, sometimes Sven can be a little shy around the ladies.”

Ethan glared at his brother. “No, I didn’t know that.”

Dane raised his eyebrows. “Are you angry? You seem angry.”

“I am angry,” Ethan said simply. “I should leave.”

“But you haven’t even had a beer yet.” Dane placed his hand on Ethan’s shoulder and gently pushed him toward the bar. “Let me buy you a beer first, then you can leave.”

Carly chose that second to shift her gaze in Ethan’s direction. She stared at him, expressionless, blinked, then turned her attention back to Sven.

Well, that certainly wasn’t the way Ethan expected their meeting to go down. She was supposed to talk to him, like she’d done before, but maybe his insistence that he wasn’t interested finally got through to her. He should feel glad about that.

But he didn’t.

Dane steered him farther down the length of the bar, creating distance between him and Carly. It was better this way, Ethan told himself.

Ethan slid onto the bar stool and ordered an Alaskan Amber on draft. Hopefully, the alcohol would dull his senses. He’d make his appearance and talk with a few of the players about the game, then he’d leave.

However, he didn’t even get a chance for that first swallow before his peripheral vision caught the familiar sway of Carly’s hips as she moved toward his end of the bar. He wanted nothing more than to reach out his arm to stop her, but he wouldn’t. Instead, he propped his elbows on the bar and stared straight ahead, waiting for the bartender to bring him his beer.

Next thing he knew, he felt a tap-tap on his shoulder. Of course Carly would do that, of course she wouldn’t just let him be. It wasn’t in her nature to just let things sit between them. He swung around, put his hands to his side, and nodded his head. “Carly.”

“I saw you come in,” she said. “I thought maybe you’d say hello.”

“That was my intention, but you were talking to someone else,” Ethan replied.

“Sven.” She tipped her head and leaned inside his personal bubble of space. “He’s really nice. He said he’d give me an interview.” Her warm breath radiated across his cheek.

“Good for you,” Ethan grumbled.

Carly leaned back out of his personal space. “I was hoping we could talk a minute.” She glanced around the crowded bar before whispering in his ear, “In private.”

“There’s nothing for us to talk about,” Ethan said with finality.

“Damn you, Ethan,” she said louder than was necessary. “You know it’s not just anyone who I strip off my clothes for and lay my soul bare.”

The guys sitting to each side of Ethan sat up a little straighter on their stools. Ethan ground his teeth together so hard he thought they might break. He stood up and grabbed Carly’s hand. “Fine. Let’s have a word in private.”

He pulled her across the room. There was virtually no place in the bar for them to be alone, but away from where the players sat would have to do. He let go of her hand and spun around. “Okay, Carly, you wanted to talk? Talk.”

“God, you can be such an ass.” Her ponytail swung around and he wanted nothing more than to pull it back and kiss her.

“So I’ve been told.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“You haven’t called me.”

“I don’t believe I said I’d call you.” He heard the sarcastic tone of his voice and he knew he went far beyond being an ass.

“You’re going to stand there and tell me you want nothing to do with me?” She hissed the question at him.

He said nothing.

“You’re going to let one of these other guys in the bar ask me out? Is that really what you want?” She continued on her rant and her current line of questioning. “There are no shortage of men here, and I can pretty much guarantee that any one of them would be willing to take me home if I asked.”

Ethan knew he should not say a word, but he did anyway. “You don’t want that.”

She stood up a little straighter, eyeing him with that laser green gaze of hers. She huffed. “I’ll tell you what I want. I want you. I want you in my life. Ever since that blasted masquerade, I’ve wanted you.” She took a step back and raised her arms. “But don’t let me stop you from your self-imposed exile from society. By all means, go ahead and live alone and wallow in self-pity because someone you loved died. I’ll find someone else to fill my days.” She took a fortifying breath, then said, “And my nights, too.”

She turned on her heel and her ponytail nearly hit him in the face. She walked away.

Ethan wanted to grab her by the waist and kiss her senseless… He wanted so many things, but he didn’t know if he could let go of his past and his pain. If he did, somehow he knew it would be defiling Richelle’s memory.

He recalled Carly’s words to him at the lodge.
You still have a heart, Ethan.

Yes, he did. And somehow Carly had managed to melt some of the ice he’d erected around it. Some small inkling of hope crept into his brain. He wanted to move forward. He wanted to put his pain behind him and leave it in the past.

He took a step after Carly. He couldn’t let her leave.

Then his pager went off.

He looked at a text on his cell phone.
Structure fire: West Dimond near Jewel Lake
.

Ethan dialed his duty chief and strode toward the bar’s front doors. Dane intercepted him just as his duty chief answered. “Yeah.”

Ethan said, “I’m five minutes away. I can drive a tanker.”

“Great,” his duty chief said and hung up.

Dane asked, “What’s going on? I saw you talking to Carly and now you’re leaving.”

“Structure fire near Jewel Lake.” Ethan pushed on the bar’s front doors. “I’ve got to go.”

CHAPTER 17

Carly was about as tenacious as they came, but even she couldn’t make Ethan want to be with her and give them a chance. She had to let it go. She had to and she would.

She secured an interview with Sven and a couple other players from the Fury team. She left the Borealis Bar with some excellent contacts, thanks to Dane, but her heart lay heavy in her chest.

She shouldn’t have been so bold with Ethan. She’d take it back if she could, but she couldn’t. She would let it go. She would let him go.

The next morning, she started writing. Her job was the best way to keep her mind busy and she loved what she did. Despite everything, taking the job in Alaska was the best decision she could have made.

Her cell phone rang and she saw from the caller ID Vince Merritt was returning her call from earlier in the week. He was the musher she’d heard about while she stayed in Gold Creek with Ethan’s family. “Hello, this is Carly.”

“Yeah, this is Vince. Vince Merritt. Do you still want that interview?”

“Yes, I do. Thank you.”

“Okay, I have a little time this afternoon, if you want to come over. You know where my place is?”

“Yes, I think I do, but I’m not in Gold Creek now, I’m in Anchorage.”

“Oh, okay, well another time then.”

Carly was getting used to Alaskans and the way they scheduled things differently than the rest of the world. “I’ll clear my schedule. I’m sure I can get a flight out there. I’ll stop by as soon as I can.”