Memorizing You (21 page)

Things had gone subtly strange at Ryan’s house as well. His father began working later and later at work. His mother had grown more distant. More bottles of scotch began to disappear from the cabinet. They rarely had dinner as a family anymore. He noticed it all, told us about it like it was a concern, and then tried to dismiss it like it was all right with him because he didn’t have to endure the insolent stares of his father. We all had our suspicions of what was going on. But not one of us vocalized what lurked in the back of our minds.

I bought my own set of weights and a cheap bench and set them up in my basement. It wasn’t anything like what Ryan had, and as I looked at it sitting there on the concrete floor next to the furnace, I felt a little down. But I’d learned enough from him to continue doing my own workouts. I was just going to miss his company. It was one of the things to which I looked forward. When I thought about that, it made me angry. When I got angry, I attacked the weighs with a vengeance. My body grew out of sheer frustration.

Rosemary began to run with me during the times I used to with Ryan. She was purposely filling the gaps so I wasn’t hemmed in by my frustration.$ tabley fy

“It’s all going to work out,” she’d reassure me. “Things just change. If there’s one thing we have to get used to…it’s that we can’t get used to things.”

She always made me feel better. I’d never thought of myself as being a worrier, but as my time with Ryan grew smaller, I began to fret unnecessarily. When she saw that happening, she was always there to intervene. We began doing more things together when Ryan was unavailable.

Going shopping, to the shows, riding bikes. The irony of that was it was all the things we would have been doing if we had been dating. Now our friendship had put us in those situations. And we’d grown to love each other in an alternative manner. People began spying us together almost everywhere we went. I’m sure it confirmed in their minds that we were, indeed, a couple. We were always hugging or holding hands or kissing each other. And it was very comfortable between the two of us. It was funny how appearances could be so broadly interpreted.

My parents were delighted to see Rosemary back in my life. She became a regular fixture around our house again. My mom, particularly, appeared to enjoy that. The fresh-baked cookies began to show up again.

“I’m so glad you two are friends again,” she told her.

“I couldn’t imagine not being friends with David,” she said to my mom. “He’s an important part of my life.”

The great thing about having her around was she was a perfect study partner. Every one of my grades improved that year because of her. Well, every one but math. She was a whiz at it. I was average. C-average, in fact. We’d study most of the night, me waiting for the phone call from Ryan when he was done with practice or training with coach Bruce. Then mom would shoo everyone into the living room so I could have some privacy in the hall to talk with him. He was missing me as much as I missed him. I could hear it in his voice. We were always trying to find a time that would work for both of us to get together. Both of our schedules were working contrary to our desires. The hardest part of the conversation was saying good-bye.

We knew we would both go to our respective beds, wishing the other was there. Not being able to do a damned thing about it. More often than not, Rosemary ended up staying the night. My mom had prepar$ My fy ed the guest bedroom for her that was adjacent to mine through a connecting door. She’d fall asleep there, but always sometime during the night, would get up and move to mine. The first time she’d done this, I’d tried to get her to go back. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. She waved that notion away.

“I’m the one crawling in your bed. I think of you as my teddy bear,” she explained. “You don’t have to sleep alone if you have a teddy bear.”

I never said anything more after that. And I didn’t mind. In some people’s eyes, I’m sure it would look strange. But she was my best friend. I didn’t think anything strange about it at all. I’d wake up with her curled around me, her face peaceful and content.

We’d both fallen asleep around midnight when I heard that scuffling noise outside my window, I’d heard once before. I saw that same shadow of a finger raise itself to my window and tap. Quietly, I extracted myself from her arms and moved to the window and opened it. It was Ryan. He greeted me with a huge grin, and then a kiss. He crawled over the ledge and inside. I put a finger to my lips, pointed to Rosemary asleep in the bed. He snickered. We both knew how it looked, and it was funny.

He was carrying clothes under his arm. “My dad never came home. I thought I’d come here to be with you,” he explained. “I brought my jogging clothes and thought if he came home early in the morning, I could tell him I went out jogging. Just leave my other clothes here. You could bring them to me at school later.”

He undressed to his underwear and crawled in under the sheets next to me and Rosemary. I was the meat. They were the bread. A friend and lover’s sandwich. I felt surrounded by goodness.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Rosemary and I had been making big plans for a celebration for Ryan at the end of the football season. The team had a bad season altogether. Had only won two out of nine games. But the season had been great for Ryan stat-wise. He was an incredible runner and scored most of the touchdowns single-handed. He was definitely the school $stairsy actually hero, even if the team wasn’t collectively. They had one more game at the end of October, and whether they won or not, we planned to make it memorable for him by inviting the team to my house for a party, a barbeque, and ice cream from Velvet Freeze. Rosemary and I had gone to Arlan’s Department Store to shop for music to play. She turned that into a half-a-day event.

I planned to make the announcement after the game in the locker room when I was picking up his gear.

Lo and behold, they won their third game in that last game, thanks to a touchdown by Ryan. Three total for the game. He was a superhero. The team carried him off the field on their shoulders, holding the winning ball high next to him as they chanted his number. The stands had gone wild. Rosemary and I nearly scalded our throats shouting. It was while we were hugging each other, waiting for our aisle to clear, that I spied Ryan’s mom seated at the far end. Alone. Looking at me like she was trying to send a private message through the air via her gaze. Ryan’s dad was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t like the feeling of that. I looked to the exiting throng. I couldn’t find him in there either. I had a nagging suspicion he’d stepped down from the stands prior to the explosion of cheers after the win. I had an even stronger notion of why he’d done that, and where he’d gone.

I began at a trot, pushing my way through the crowd to the gym. When I got past the knot of people, I ran full out. Like I was in a race. And, in fact, I knew I was. I was at the locker room door in seconds. I could hear the raucous noise beyond it. I pushed through into the bustle of bodies. They were in the middle of a cheer. When it died down, I could hear a voice. Ryan’s dad. I fought to see through the bobbing heads. He was up front, gripping his son in a bear hug. Smile wider than the Grand Canyon. It was like he was trying to fuse himself with his son in the victorious moment.

“Dinner is on me for the whole team tonight at John-John’s Pizzeria!” he finished his announcement.

The team erupted in a giant cheer once again. I was crushed by it. Utterly crushed. Every ounce of me collapsed because he had destroyed my plans.

They filed to the showers to scrub up for the occasion.

I made my way to Ryan’s locker to retrieve his bag and wait for him. I was, instead, met by Ryan’s dad.

“That’s been taken care of, David,” his voice was Z.Imytaut. His face was more stern than his tone. “You won’t be needed.”

I appraised my opponent. I could feel the anger churning in me. I struggled to control it. “We’d already planned a party,” I informed him. I modulated my voice so that it was matter-of-fact.

He found that amusing. “That’s unfortunate. That’s not your job.” He jerked the bag out of my hands. “That’s his dad’s job. Your job is…well mowing lawns, isn’t it?”

I found I couldn’t back down. “I know why you’re doing this,” I told him, my eyes locked with his. Defiant. Something in my gut told me I had to face this jerk down, word for word.

He didn’t blink. “That’s a part of a much longer conversation that you and I will never have,” he said. He thumped the bag down on the bench like a punctuation mark. “Smarter people would know an inappropriate discussion. Perhaps, one day, they’ll educate you on those finer points.”

I didn’t want to lose my temper. I could feel myself moving closer to the inevitability of that. I swung to leave.

“Ryan has a great future. I made certain of that. And I will protect his right to that future by keeping him away from any…insignificant thing…that might get in the way of it.” The words ground out of his mouth like shards of sharp glass. He was spitting them my way, hoping to find critical veins.

The sarcasm seemed to build a suit of armor around me. “Is that what Ryan wants?” I asked. I surprised myself with the hostility in my own tone.

A gray caterpillar eyebrow raised. Crows-feet crinkled with an evil smile. “Whyever would you think Ryan’s future should ever be a concern of yours, lawn boy?”

Rosemary met me in the hallway. She determined quickly I was in a bad humor. She waited for me to get near her, probably hoping I would cool down by the time I walked the distance. I didn’t. I was growing more heated. The concern in her eyes grew as I neared. She glanced down to where Ryan’s bag of gear should have been, but wasn’t. anyone who thought they, y fy

“What’s the matter? What happened? David? What happened?”

I kept marching forward, toward the doors. “You don’t want to know.”

Shoes skittered to join me. I was walking fast. I didn’t want to be in the building when my fuse went off. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.

I’d just made it back to the field when I screamed out a line of curse words. Shook fists in the air. I could feel every muscle in my face as I yelled. My temperature bonfired. Rosemary drew away. I screamed another line of curses. Then another, punching the air with each syllable.

She paced around me, worried. When I couldn’t scream anymore, I sat. On the goal line. I had to calm down. I knew my dad was waiting for us in the parking lot. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want to break the news to him. We’d each worked all day on getting ready for the party at our house. We’d spent a considerable sum on the food and drinks. It’d all been shot to shit.

When I finally calmed enough to not shout, I told the tale. Rosemary froze. Eyes doll-wide. Mouth not finding words. She took it no better than me. Just with a lot less shouting and curse words. “What are we going to do?” she asked, after a while, like there was an actual solution.

My eyes Etch A Sketched the apartment buildings in the distance. The night-time street in front of the school. Traffic blazing by. There wasn’t an answer. At least, not in my head.

My dad was in the parking lot as expected. He leaned on the trunk of our Chevrolet Impala, watching as the other cars filled with the players streamed off. I could see the question mark on his face when I met his gaze. I looked away, told him what had transpired. He had the same silence. I knew what was going on inside that quiet. So did Rosemary.

We rode without speaking. Any of us. I let Dad tell Mom. I didn’t have any more words for the subject. I walked straight through the house, out the back door, and sat on the back porch. I looked down at the three barbeque pits smoking, ready to take on the stacks of burgers we’d made for the occasion. After a bit, Rosemary joined me. She handed me a Dr. Pepp$;y fy er. It burned my throat. I had screamed myself raw.

A while later, my dad brought out a small platter of burgers to cook. He had a bottle of Bud in his hand. We could hear Mom through the screen door, packing up the rest of the meat in Tupperware, putting it in the freezer.

We ate at one of the five picnic tables we’d positioned in the yard under the porch lights. Burgers, potato salad, baked beans, and slaw. We had any one of ten gallons of ice cream to choose from for dessert. I had my favorite. Gold Coast. The dark, semi-sweet chocolate. I tasted nothing.

There were no dishes to do. Disposable paper plates and plastic utensils. Dad dowsed the fire on the grills. We shut off the porch lights. I choked down the darkness of the party that wasn’t. Rosemary stood next to me.

“Some people just aren’t nice,” she said. Those were the first words spoken since we’d returned to the house.

Somehow it was ten o’clock. Mom and Dad watched late-night television. Rosemary was still at my side on the porch. I could tell she was depressed as well. She’d spent so much time selecting and purchasing records to buy for the event. Now there wasn’t a soul to hear them play.

“Do you want me to stay? In case you want to talk, or something?” she asked. Her voice was gentle. Kind.

I shook my head. “Thanks. But I’m not good company tonight.” I was horrible company. The rage still crawled inside.

She kissed my cheek. My dad drove her home. I felt selfish. I sat worrying about my feelings, my relationship, what I wanted. It was Ryan who was being held captive by the machinations of his over-bearing parent. It was his life that was being manipulated. I didn’t want to spend time contemplating about how his predicament was messing things up for me. That was wrong. And it was this that was making me feel worse. I needed to think of something that I could do that would help him. There had to be some remedy to the problem. That was the central core of every love story ever written. How to find a way to make it work in spite of the obstacles.

“He won’t win.” It was my mom’s voice from the screen door. “They never do. $ezy fy If we weren’t meant to recognize a bad thing, then we wouldn’t know what we had to overcome.”

“I’m sorry to put you and Dad through all of this,” I said, thinking of all the preparation they’d done for the party. We had wasted so much time. What had begun in high spirits, ended like a bad note from spit in a saxophone.