Memory Girl (33 page)

“Jennza?” Lila's voice snaps me back.

“I—I'm coming,” I choke out, my throat aching as if on fire, although the cool hall is temperature controlled.

“Our file room.” Lila gestures to floor-to-ceiling rows of metal cabinets.

A hunched-over, aged droll sits in a chair, his hands folded on his knees and his gaze straight ahead. There's no sound in here, not even the breathing of the droll, although I'm sure he's alive. The second room we enter is a startling contrast, echoing with electric humming and beeping. I stare curiously at machines, boxy steel containers, and shelves with odd-shaped jars of tools and wires.

“Only scientists and assistants have access here,” Lila tells me, which makes me wonder—and secretly hope—she'll ask me to be an assistant.

As I draw near the largest steel container, a chill reaches out like icy fingers. Flesh-bumps slither up my skin, and I rub my arms for warmth. Lila isn't fazed by the brutal chill, dipping her hand into her robe pocket to withdraw gloves. She taps a keypad on top of the container, entering numbers so fast I can only remember that they begin with 372. A puckering sound echoes like an icy kiss. Misty air puffs icy clouds as the lid rises, revealing hundreds—thousands—of frozen tubes.

“What are those?”

“Life,” Lila says proudly.

“Medicine?” I scrunch my forehead.

“Medis sustain life; these tubes are the genesis of creation.”

“They look like popsicles,” I say, with an image of sweet iced desserts dripping on a very hot day.

She chuckles. “I haven't thought of popsicles in eons.”

“I didn't think of them—Milly did.”

“Focus on your own memories,” she scolds. “Did the Instructors teach you how youths are created?”

I nod, remembering a hot, sweaty day where Instructor Ivan caught me window-gazing and shut all the windows, adding to the stuffy misery of learning. My born-mates blamed me, shooting angry looks my way, even Lorelei. But I forgot about heat-misery when Instructor Ivan gave a lecture on creation. He said youths began as tiny liquid drops. I laughed because this seemed so unsensical. But as he compared the process to growing seeds in a hot-house, I listened with rapt interest—not glancing out the window even once.

“Youths are created by the health-keepers,” I say, hoping to impress Lila.

“No.” She shakes her head. “The health-keepers finish the process that the scientists begin. These vials contain genetic matter, mostly donated by scientists working here before the Attack. We came from all over the world, ensuring a diversity of genetics so youths aren't biologically related.”

“Where did you come from?” I ask.

“I was born in India, then educated in America,” she answers, her musical accent more obvious. “I met my husband, who was British, in college—which didn't please my very traditional family. Thankfully, such matters are no longer important, and our goal in youth creation is for good health and high intelligence.” She gestures to the glassy frozen rows. “Scientists safe-hold all genetic matter and supply
health-keepers with male and female DNA every twenty-five years.”

“I was … a DNA popsicle?”

She laughs. “You began life in this lab, as did those of all the youths.”

I did, but not Milly. In my mind, I see our mother's stomach unusually large. Pregnant with my little brother. When Mom's stomach is smaller, she holds a blanketed baby. And the look on her face—so content and joyous—is the most beauteous smile ever.

“I would have liked to have my own baby,” Lila admits, frowning.

“The retro way?” I ask, then redden at my rudeness. “Sorry, I shouldn't have asked something so personal.”

“I don't mind. When I came here with my husband—also a scientist—we aspired to save humanity and create a perfect world for our future children. But when ShareHaven was nearly destroyed, our dreams died. How could we save the world when we couldn't save ourselves?”

“You survived.”

“I was one of the few.” She sighs and I wonder if she's thinking about the husband she lost. “The discovery of perpetual youth restored hope—until we learned the cease-age patch caused infertility. Women rushed to have babies before we realized the need to control our population. After that, girls were sterilized at age sixteen, and youths were created in our lab—until Leaders shifted this task to the health-keepers.”

“Why did they do that?” I ask, puzzled at the bitter twist to her lips.

“They can't control us, so they try to control our influence on ShareHaven. We could have objected, but it's
a simple procedure even a droll could perform. We're still caretakers of genetic matter, and I take that responsibility seriously.” She points to a panel with several buttons. “If the yellow light flashes, we're alerted to a malfunction in the cooling module.”

“What does the red light mean?”

“If it flashes—which has never happened—we have sixty seconds to restore power or the frozen vials will thaw and be destroyed. While the green light flashes, youths will continue to be born every twenty-five years.”

Born from glass tubes. No fathers or mothers—only liquid.

I'm not sure why this saddens me. I've always known I was created in a lab. But Milly has changed me. Her memories of laughter, hugs, and parents makes lab-creation seem unnatural.

Lila taps an indented panel on the cold box. “Inside are two thumb-sized solar batteries. Sun-based energy keeps the vials frozen—sun and ice working together toward the goal of life. I love ironical twists of science.”

I nod, fascinated. I imagine Lorelei yawning with boredom, and while Marcus would be interested, he'd rather be digging in the dirt for crawlies. But I'm the far opposite of bored. Science reminds me of mixing recipes in Rosemarie's kitchen; even when you know the outcome, there are always surprises.

“This ends our tour.” Lila taps a wall switch and the room goes dark except for the pulsing green light on the frozen box.

“Now what should I do?” I'm not only asking about today but also the larger questions about my future. Can I stay
here without a work-role? I've only seen scientists, assistants, and drolls. Luckily, I escaped being a droll. And while it would be coolsome to become a scientist like Lila, that's impossible. As Visla said, you're either born a scientist, or you're not.

But an assistant—I could do that. I'd work hard for Lila and be the best “sista” ever. I hope, I hope, I hope ….

Lila studies my face. “I suppose you're wondering at my interest in you.”

Uncertainty lumps in my throat. I can only manage a nod.

“Don't look so fearful.” She smiles. “I'm on your side. Remember when I promised to take you for a walk along the cliff trail?”

“Yes—but I never expected it to happen.”

“I don't make idle promises. The night of your Celebraze, I asked if you wanted to join the Cross Family. If you'd said no, I would have taken you from the Crosses and brought you here. No Leader would have stopped me.”

I'd suspected this but never really believed she'd want me. If only I'd told her the truth that day. I wouldn't have shamed the Cross Family and become an outcast. But I wouldn't have saved Nate either. I can never regret that.

“I never fit into the Cross Family—except with Rosemarie,” I tell her.

“I suspected as much. But I couldn't interfere once you joined a Family. Everything changed when you came here.” Her face shines. “I can't repair what's happened, but I can give you a new start—beginning with three surprises.”

An assistant. Please!
I think, crossing my fingers.

She regards me with a searching look. “You need to
consider your future. You can't go back to the Cross Family or anywhere else in ShareHaven. If you step outside our boundaries, the Uniforms will arrest you.”

My memory slams with the sound of hammers building an execution platform. “I'll watch my step,” I tell her.

“You're only safe within our boundaries.”

“Does that mean I can work for you as an assistant?” I ask hopefully.

Scientist Lila shakes her head. “No.”

“Oh … but I thought ….” Disappointment rips through me.

“I have no need for another assistant.”

“There's nothing else for me.” I reel back, sickened. “Not a droll!”

“Never a droll.” She tenderly strokes the uneven edges of my shorn hair. “I want you here, working with me.”

“But not as an assistant?”

“No. I'm offering you the memdenity of my sister-inlaw, Angeleen Dupree.” She holds my gaze. “A scientist.”

Me?
A scientist wearing purple and silver robes? I'll make amazing discoveries like bread that never molds, unstainable fabric, or a weapon to destroy all claws and snakes so the Fence can come down. Instead of being enemies of ShareHaven, Nocturnes will be our neighbors. Also as a scientist, I will cure all ills and bring peace to the world.

I want to shout, “Yes!” but Lila cautions me to think it over before giving my answer. What's to think over? Compared to my other options—a droll or execution—becoming a scientist is a yes-plus.

“This would be a good time for that walk I promised you,” Lila tells me.

She leads me out of the lab and back to the hall, where the floor shows no sign of Tamsin's blood, as if her injury never happened. The elevator swooshes open, and Lila presses
one
on the keyboard. We enter a hall I've never been in before and pause at a locked door. Lila quick-fingers a code, which I memorize, and we step into brilliant daylight. I glance back at the door we came through, and it's camouflaged so well it seems to disappear into the sloping, grassy hillside.

“This way,” Lila says, her purple robe flying around her in the sea breeze.

We step into dazzling sunshine and a sweeping view of a cloudless blue sky. I walk with Lila up a trail rising into
rugged rocky cliffs. I suck in salty mist and delight in the panorama of sparkling sea.

The dirt trail follows the cliff's edge and is surrounded by wildflowers that wave like flags and windblown grasses. Someone must tend to this trail often, clearing away debris. No bristly weeds like on the cliffs near the Edu-Center. With high cliffs like a fortress, there's no need for the Fence. Far below, the sea foams against the rocky shore. My heart swells with the rushing waves, hope in and dread out, a future stretching on like the diamond-sparkling sea. We walk in silence, although there's nothing silent about my thoughts.

A scientist
! It's more than I ever hoped! But if a clever assistant like Visla—trained alongside scientists—can't become a scientist, how can I?

Yet Lila says it's possible. I'll be Angeleen Dupree, smarter, important, respected. More than anything I ever imagined—more than Jennza.

I have so many questions: Memdenity wasn't created until
after
the Attack, so how were Angeleen Dupree's memories stored? Did she die in an accident? How long ago did it happen?

My thoughts spin as I walk beside Lila on the cliff path. I'm uneasy about getting another memdenity so soon. How much can my brain hold? And is it fair to cover Milly's memories with someone new?

Yet I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. My yearning for adventure, feeling out-of-place, always longing for more from life makes sense now. I'm not good at following rules because I'm not meant to be a follower. I'd rather lead so others can follow
me
.

Lila stands at a cliff jutting over the sea, her toes slightly
over the edge. I come up beside her. “What do you see?” She points at the blue-green horizon.

“The sea,” I say.

“I see infinite possibilities,” she says. “Each water drop is an element united into a cohesive mass stretching around the world. Ideas sail like boats, carrying us to new places.”

“Boats?” I repeat with a queasy feeling, remembering the miserable boat rides when I came to this island. But that wasn't me. “I've never ridden in a boat, although Milly did. She lived near San Francisco.”

“A lovely place—at least it used to be.” Lila sighs. “When I visited San Francisco, I took a boat ride out to Alcatraz Island—where prisoners were once locked away from civilization. It seems ironic now; we're here safe in our island utopia, while the outside world is trapped in destruction.”

“Do you ever wonder what's outside our island?” I ask.

“Devastation and disease.” Her lips press together. “We're safe here—that's all that matters.”

I'm glad for her kindness but aching too, for the people I may never see again. Marcus, Lorelei, Instructor Penny, and Rosemarie. The ache grows into a lump I can't swallow. And I feel guilty too, for how badly I hurt Arthur. All he wanted was his wife back, but because of me, that won't ever happen.