Mending the Soul (10 page)

She put her wine glass on the ledge of the hot tub and took Nicholas's out of his hands and set it next to hers on the ledge.  She wrapped his arms around her waist and straddled his lap, putting her arms around his shoulders.  She began kissing him with all the passion that she felt for him.  She felt him moan into her mouth, sending little butterflies into her stomach.

Nicholas tore his mouth from Jenna's, and started kissing her neck, as one of his hands slid from her waist, up to cup one of her breast.  Jenna moaned this time, sending chills throughout Nicholas's body.  There was so much heat and passion between them, and they were both lost in each other's ecstasy.  Nicholas had managed to move the small triangle of material from Jenna's breast and he took her bare nipple into his mouth.  Jenna threw her head back and cried out in pleasure.

Nicholas brought his lips back up to her neck and then captured her mouth again.  "Should we be doing this, or should we stop?"  He asked Jenna as he looked into her glazed over eyes.

Nicholas brought his lips back up to her neck and then captured her mouth again. "Should we be doing this, or should we stop?" He asked Jenna as he looked into her glazed over eyes.

Jenna looked at him, at his red lips and his glassy eyes.  "I don't think I can make that decision at this point."  She told him honestly.  "I want this right now, I want it bad, but is this how our first time together should be?  Will there be more to it than just sex and a rush of hormones?"

Nicholas cupped his hand over her cheek.  "Jenna, I really like you, but maybe we should stop.  Trust me, it's really hard for me to say this, but I don't think I am ready for this step."

"Isn't that supposed to be the woman's line?"  Jenna asked, laughing lightly.  She smiled and looked into his eyes.  She could see the lust, but there was pain in there also.  "Sorry.  I'm not trying to mock you or anything.  I've just never heard that come out of a guy's mouth before."

"Well, maybe you've never met a man who was in love with his wife before she was taken from him too early."  Nicholas said, his voice tinged with anger.  He stood up and got out of the hot tub. "I'll talk to you later."

"Nicholas, wait!  I'm sorry.  You don't have to leave.  We can slow things down a little."  Jenna pleaded.  She got up an kneeled at the side of the hot tub, where he had just gotten out.

"The way you laughed in my face was enough to slow things down a lot.  Thanks for the cold shoulder, it was the best cold shower I've taken since I met you."  Nicholas growled.  "Just send Emma home in the morning when she gets up, don't bother calling first."

"Nicholas!  I wasn't laughing in your face.  It just took me by surprise when you said-…"  Jenna started.

"You know what, I don't want to hear it.  I got to go."  He turned and stalked over to his house, slamming the back door shut when he got there.

Jenna just sat in the hot tub in shock.  She wasn't sure what had just happened between her and Nicholas.  One minute, everything was fine, things were progressing really well for them, and then the next minute, he was storming off.  She replayed the whole conversation in her head, trying to get everything straightened out in her head, but nothing was clicking right.  Tears began to fall down her cheeks.  'I didn't mean to be rude or sound like I was making fun of him when I told him what he said is usually the woman's line.  I really hope that isn't what he's mad about.'  Jenna thought as she wiped her tears away.  She stood up and climbed out of the hot tub.  She wrapped a towel around her body and began to clean up the deck.  She grabbed both glasses of wine from the edge of the hot tub and drained them into her mouth.  She put the empty glasses on the table and put the top back on the hot tub, the whole time muttering curse words to herself, and mumbling about what an ass Nicholas was being and how she didn't need his shit.

She grabbed the rest of the wine, along with the empty glasses and headed back into the house.  She put the glasses in the sink and took a long pull from the wine bottle.  She sat at the breakfast bar on a stool and grabbed the phone and dialed the number for the only person she thought she could talk to about this, Vanessa.

"Ness, I really need to talk."  Jenna said between sobs when Vanessa answered the phone.

"Jenna?  Is that you, you sound funny."

"Yes, it's me.  I'm sorry to bother you if you're busy."  Jenna said, trying to stop her crying.  Instead of stopping, her tears came harder and faster.

"No, I'm not busy. Nathan and I were just getting ready to watch a movie.  What's up?  Are you crying?"  Vanessa replied.

"YES!"  Jenna sobbed.  She was crying so hard at this point that Vanessa couldn't really understand what she was saying.

"Jenna honey, calm down.  I need you to stop crying so much so I can understand.  Are you ok, are you hurt?  Is Colby ok?"

"We're fine, no one's hurt."  Jenna choked out.  She took a deep, shaky breath.  "I think I just lost one of my best friends though."

"Nicholas? What happened?"  Vanessa asked.

Jenna told her about how she and Nicholas had gotten together that morning, and all the rest of the events that happened that day.  She ended by telling her what happened in the hot tub, though she didn't tell her word for word what Nicholas had said, it was something private between the two of them.  Instead, she had just said that Nicholas wasn't ready for sex and that Jenna said it was something a woman would say.  She told Vanessa how he reacted and left her sitting there all alone.  "I am so afraid that I have lost him, not only as a potential boyfriend, but also as one of my best friends.  What am I going to do Vanessa?"  Jenna cried, taking a few more swigs of the wine bottle.  It was nearly empty now, and Jenna was feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"Well, first thing you're going to have to do is stop drinking.  You're going to feel even worse in the morning if you keep going.  Next, you're going to have to give Nicholas a few days to be by himself and figure out what he's really feeling for you.  Give him some time to work through his emotions.  You are the first woman he's taken an interest in since his wife died, so this has to be a big adjustment for him.  Maybe he just got spooked at how close he was to having sex with you.  Maybe he felt like he was betraying Leslie.  Either way, you need to give him some time."  Vanessa told her.

"Ok, I'll give him time.  Thanks Vanessa, I owe you one."  Jenna slurred.

"I'm amazed at how reasonable you're being after drinking so much Jenna!  I'd never be able to comprehend what I just told you if I had a bottle of wine to drink."  Vanessa laughed.

"Well, you might have to give me a call tomorrow and refresh my memory about what you just told me."  Jenna laughed.  "Good night, have fun with Nathan.  And when you call me tomorrow, I want to know what's going on with you two, but not now."

"Ok, I'll call you tomorrow. Go to bed, but take some Advil first, ok?"  Vanessa told her.

"OK, thanks.  Nighty night!"  Jenna said and hung up the phone.  She put the empty wine bottle in the garbage, then grabbed a Pepsi out of the fridge and headed upstairs.

When she got into her room, the first thing she did was take off her cold, wet bathing suit to put some warmer pajamas on.  Then she went to the bathroom and got out some Advil, swallowing the pills with her Pepsi.  After looking at herself in the mirror and seeing her red, puffy eyes, Jenna wet a washcloth with cold water and went to lay down in bed.  She folded the cloth over her eyes, immediately soothing the burning sensation that all the tears had caused.  She slowly drifted off to a fitful sleep, filled with images of every guy that she had ever known leaving her.

In the house next door to hers, Nicholas was fighting a battle within himself.  He hadn't meant to blow up at Jenna that way, and he felt bad for doing it.  He watched her from his bedroom window, as she cleaned up the deck.  He knew that she was crying and it tugged at his heart to know that he was the cause of those tears she was shedding.  Little did Jenna know, but Nicholas was on the brink of tears himself.

He couldn't explain why he had gotten so mad and why he tore out of the hot tub so quick.  All he knew was that things seemed to be getting serious way too fast between him and Jenna.  Yes, they had known each other for months, and they were really good friends during that time, but suddenly things weren't just on a friendly basis anymore.  When he got around her, he couldn't resist the urge to kiss her, to hold her, to touch her.  He had to be near her, and it was scaring the shit out of him.

He almost had sex with Jenna tonight.  He was so close to giving in to his urges.  Was it just hormones like Jenna had suggested or was it something more?  Nicholas couldn't be sure at this point.  More than anything, he wanted it to be a result of hormones.  He didn't want to care about Jenna like that.  He didn't want to fall in love with her, he didn't want to be in love with her.  But every sign was pointing to the fact that he was falling for her, and he didn't know how to handle that.  His head was telling him that it was too soon after Leslie and that he would never love anyone else the way he had loved his first wife.  His heart was telling a different story.

Leslie was the love of Nicholas's life, and didn't everyone say that you only have one soul mate?  Then why was Nicholas feeling so much for Jenna?  Why was he feeling this for her so soon after meeting her?  It had taken Nicholas over a year to fall in love with Leslie, then another six months to admit his love for her.  So what was he having all these intense feelings for Jenna after only knowing her for a few short months?  Besides, he wasn't supposed to be thinking of Jenna in that way before now.  They had only been friends since the day they met, and today was the first day they decided to give romance a try.  So, had he been feeling more for Jenna than friendship since day one?

Nicholas was going crazy with all these thoughts running through his head.  He wasn't sure what all this meant, but he needed some time to figure it all out.  He walked down to the living room with an empty box in his hands and set it down on the coffee table.  He turned and looked at his mantle and all the pictures that were displayed on top of it.  Slowly, he took a picture down and held it in his hands.  Leslie, Nicholas, and Emma were sitting on the beach, looking like the perfect little family.  Nicholas thought back to that day and remembered how much fun they had.  It was only a month before Leslie had died and everything seemed so right in the world.  Tears slid down his face, as the memory played in his head like a movie.  Nicholas put the picture up to his face and his lips kissed the glass in front of Leslie's image.

"I'm sorry Leslie, but I think it's time for me to stop living in your memory.  I don't know that I can move on yet, but I do know that you're never coming back to me."  Nicholas said to the picture as more tears poured down his face.  He put the picture in the empty box, then picked up the next one. Each picture that Nicholas picked up caused memories to rush through his head, and he allowed himself to live through them all again before placing each picture in the box with the others.

Finally the mantle was cleared of all pictures but the one of him and Leslie holding a newborn Emma when they were leaving the hospital.  There was also one of Emma and Nicholas from last month that Jenna had taken for them.  Nicholas was torn on whether to leave the picture of the three of them up or not, then in the end decided to leave it.

He carried the box up to his bedroom and performed the same task on his wall of pictures in there as he did on his mantle.    It was his own way of saying 'Goodbye' to Leslie and opening himself up to his future.  He knew that he had told Jenna earlier in the day that he wasn't ready to get rid of the pictures, but he knew that he was just making excuses at the time.  He had just been afraid of admitting that it was time to let go.

Nicholas closed up the box and sealed it with tape.  He opened his closet and slid open the entry way to the attic.  He slid the box of pictures into the attic, then closed it back up.  As he walked out of his closet, he felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and in a way his heart felt lighter now too.  He crawled into bed and instantly fell asleep, sleeping deeper than he had in almost three years.

The next morning, Jenna woke up with a tickle in her nose.  She tried to rub it away so that she could sleep longer, but nothing was getting rid of it.  When she heard the giggle of little kids, she slowly opened one eye to see Emma and Colby standing next to her bed with a feather.  Jenna snapped her eye closed again, pretending that she was still sleeping.

She faked a yawn and stretched her arms over her head, rolling towards the kids in the process.  Jenna heard the two kids trying not to giggle at her actions.  They thought they were being so smooth by sneaking into Jenna's room and tickling her.  After she rolled and looked like she was settled again, Colby reached out the feather under her nose.  Instead of Jenna's hand coming up to brush the feather away, both of her hands shot out and encompassed Colby and Emma, who had both shrieked at being caught.  She pulled the laughing kids up on the bed with her and proceeded to tickle them both, as payback for tickling her.  To Jenna, there was no better sound to wake up to than a child's laugh.

After breakfast, Jenna had Emma call over to her house to make sure that Nicholas was awake.  "Jenna, he's not answering."  Emma told her.

'Caller ID'  Jenna thought.  'Of course he won't answer it if he thinks it's me calling him.'   Jenna was hurt to know that Nicholas was that upset with her that he wouldn't even answer the phone when her number came up.  "Ok, sweetie.  Just head on over there, and if the door is locked or your dad isn't home, then just come right back here."