Merger (17 page)

“Sure
. That sounds great,” she replied. “Enjoy this lovely Sunday afternoon.”

“You as well
, Ms. Sinclair.”

I turned back to see K.K. looking at me with solemn eyes
. “What’s up, beautiful?” I asked.

“I don’t know
. It just seems weird for you to have a place in New York uptown, when I’m downtown,” she replied.

“Well then I’ll get a place downtown
. I just need
a
place. I don’t want to always impose on Brian.”

“Maybe you could just impose on me?”
She looked at me; her eyes were soft and genuine.

I walked to the chair where she was sitting and kneeled down in front of her
, placing my waist and body between her parted knees. I rested my body forward on her stomach and put my chin on her chest, looking into her eyes. Neither of us spoke, we just stayed there looking at each other and trying to read the words that remained unspoken between us.

She reached her hand to my head and began to stroke her fingers through my hair
. I felt like a cat as she stroked my head. I closed my eyes and virtually purred into her chest. I thought if I died right now lying on her, feeling her chest move up and down with every breath and hearing her heart beat, that I’d been a lucky man. We stayed like this for what seemed like hours, but probably was more like minutes before she spoke.

“I’m in uncharted waters here
, Josh. I don’t give into trivial things and I always have my head about me. I think through everything ten times before a decision is made. I don’t want you to go, but I know that you can’t stay. It’s starting to hurt and it hasn’t even happened yet. I’m just not good at this kind of thing. It already feels complicated.”

I raised my head from her chest and looked up at her worried eyes
. “Then don’t make it complicated. Yes, I have to go back, but it doesn’t mean the end for us. I’ll be back at the end of the week or you can come out to L.A. There is nothing written in stone that I have a permanent placement in L.A., nor you here. You have the idea of me in L.A. because that’s the way it was when Crawford was its own company, and now it’s not. My father and brother are there. I assure you, I could be in Paris and effectively run Crawford and Blakely, Inc.,” I replied.

“Paris, huh?” she
asked.

“You know what I mean
, K.K. I’m just saying don’t lock me to L.A. and don’t lock yourself to New York City. You couldn’t effectively run either of these corporations without traveling to the other.”

“Okay, so now you’ve figured out how to run the businesses, how do you intend to handle my heart?”
She looked at me solemnly.

I pulled back, not knowing what I should say to quell her fears, but needing her to give into the idea of us
. Of a real ‘us.’ Not a weekend ‘us,’ not a business ‘us,’ but a genuine ‘put it all out there us.’

“Have you ever been in love
, K.K.?” I asked.

“No.” she replied
. “Have you?”

“No.” I replied
. “What do you think love is?”

“God.” She paused
. “I think it’s about so many things.” She was now looking past me, like she was truly enamored with the dreams she had about being in love and what it looked like in her head. I could feel her pulse increase as she continued to talk longingly about her ideas. “I think it’s about trust and understanding. I think it’s about passion and intimacy. Knowing when to not be prideful and knowing when the last word isn’t the best word. It’s about unspoken words and depth.” She brought her eyes back to mine now knowing she’d gotten lost in the question, but wanting to focus that dream at me and wondering if I’d share it. “It’s about an unconditional basic desire to want more for someone else then you want for yourself, and doing everything in your power to make them feel loved even when life gets tough.”

“That sounds incredible.” I reached forward pulling myself to her mouth and kissing her softly, but never veering my eyes directly from hers
. “That’s the kind of love everyone should have,” I said and believed it.

“I know I probably sounded like a hopeless romantic, but I think it could be like that
. I mean, I think my parents had that kind of love. They weren’t always perfect with each other, but they had something better than just love…they had a true friendship.” She continued, “Isn’t it funny how people are so willing to throw their marriages away so easily, but hold on to friendships so long? I think we afford our friends so many more luxuries with our emotions and feelings than we allow our lovers and husbands. Why is that?” she asked.

“I think it’s because of expectations
? We expect so much from the people we love. We don’t want them to hurt us. Break our hearts. We’re much more fragile to what they say and do. We give our friends the lead way and agility to maneuver around us more easily, knowing that no matter what, were just friends. I told you that I could be everything to you and I believe that I can. Do you trust me with your heart?” I asked.

“More than you know
,” she replied.

I wrapped my arms around her back and hugged her tightly
. “Come lay down with me?”

“Is lay down code for ‘laid’?”
she asked, smirking.

“No, smart ass
. It’s code for lay with me on the couch and cuddle till we fall asleep and wake up refreshed.” I replied, grabbing her waist and tickling her until she wiggled free from me and slid out of the chair onto the floor. “Man, I like you,” I said.

“Like, huh?” she
winked, referring to my reply of a night ago.

“Yes
,” I said. “You’re silly.”

She grabbed my hand, pulled me to the
sofa, and drew me down against her warm body. I slid behind her, curled myself against her body and we fell asleep.

Chapter 15

Kasey

What did I know about love
? It was a thought-provoking question. I knew that love was romantic and fuzzy and hard, and sometimes loud, but I knew the foundation of love was a solid friendship—genuinely liking someone, even when they drove you crazy, mad, or sad.

Josh was sweet with me
. I knew I was the one with all the doubts. I tried to just be in the moment and not read too much into the idea of an ‘us,’ but I was a girl and isn’t that just want girls did? Read too much or too little into everything, either ruining something or never giving it a chance to begin with. It was a welcomed relief to just lie down on the couch and sleep. Turning my brain off for a period of time, even if it was ever so small, was a welcomed relief. He felt warm against my back. It was comforting to just be near him.

I woke to the sound of a cell phone ringing on the counter, but it wasn’t mine
. Josh didn’t stir from sleeping so, I peeled myself from him and walked to the counter to get it and bring back for him. I didn’t get the chance a grab it in time, but I did have a chance to see the face of a beautiful blonde pictured on the screen and instantly felt awkward. I looked over to the couch and saw that Josh was still sacked out. I turned back to look at the phone and heard a ding, indicating that whoever she was, she had left a message. I was in a complete quandary. Should I let him know he’d missed a call from a stunning, smiling blonde and face her identity head on, or act as if I’d never seen it? Would he explain who she was? Or should I just leave the phone on the counter and then brood about whom it might be until it absolutely drove me mad with curiosity and doubt? This is why I hated relationships and avoided complications in my personal life. I just wasn’t good at lying and I wasn’t good at forcing conversations. Come to think of it, had I ever even asked him if he was seeing anyone else before allowing him to finger me on the rooftop?
Oh, my God.
Was I having the greatest three days of my life with a man who was in a relationship with someone else? Probably not, but the inch of doubt that crept over my heart made me weary.

I looked back at the couch and decided on the path of least resistance
. I walked upstairs to take a shower and get ready for dinner with my Dad.

When I had finished and
opened the shower door, Josh was standing there holding my towel. I thanked him and grabbed it from his hand.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”
he asked. “I would have loved to take a shower with you.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you
. I know that we were out late last night and up early this morning. So, I just let you sleep.”

“No biggie
. What’s on your agenda for the night?” he asked.

“My
Dad asked me to meet him for dinner tonight. You don’t mind do you?”

“No, actually I am supposed to meet my
Dad and brother, as well. Call and let me know when you finish with dinner. I’d love to meet you and your Dad for a nightcap. Maybe we call all meet up later?”

“Sure
. I’ll call you when we finish.” I moved around him headed for the vanity, when he pulled me around my waist and kissed my neck.

“Everything okay?”
he asked.

“No
, everything’s good,” I replied with a half-smile.

“Okay
,” he replied, and then kissed me again on the neck. “I’m going to get a shower then.” He turned and took his clothes off, pulling his shirt over his head and gliding it down both arms. I couldn’t help but watch. He really was so incredibly hot. He unzipped his jeans pulling them down his hips to the floor and using his feet to shake them off. He reached and kicked at the pile of clothes, moving them aside and turning on the shower. He turned to look at me and I looked away quickly, trying not to be so obvious while staring at him.

“It’s okay to look at me
, K.K. I assure you I don’t mind. I actually like that you like my body. I work hard to keep in shape,” he said. “You’ve got a smoking hot body yourself.” He winked, slapped my ass, and walked into the shower. The steam billowed out from the shower, and I stood there flushed with warmth and blushing from being caught ogling him. I looked at myself and shook my head.
Get a grip Kasey, he’s a man…just a man.
I’d try and continue to repeat that statement over and over, but the reality was that he wasn’t just a man and I knew it.

I was putting on a skirt when Josh emerged from the bathroom, a towel around his waist and his hair perfectly coifed
. “How do you do that?” I asked.

“Do what?”

“Oh, I don’t know…look so fucking amazing with so little effort. I mean do you even have to comb your hair?”

“Of course I comb my hair
, K.K.,” he laughed, “but I have to admit I’ve always had a great head of hair. My brother and I definitely got that from my Dad. You’ve seen my Dad, he quite a stunner even in his sixties. He used to model, you know?” he said. “When he was in college. My mom tried to get Jake and me into modeling, but we both felt like a bunch of idiots and let’s just say our modeling careers didn’t really go far.”

“I’d love to see some of the modeling stuff
. Do you still have any of it?” I asked.

“I think so, somewhere
. In a box, in the back of a closet, under a pile…” he continued until I cut him off.

“Okay, I get it
. It wasn’t important then and it’s not important now, but honestly, you are incredibly handsome. I’d bet you’d get a lot of work now, if you tried.”

“No way
, missy. Isn’t happening.” He grinned broadly, his teeth gleaming in the overhead light. “I could say the same for you. You’re stunning and you have a great body. Ever consider modeling?”

“Never
. I’ve always been kind of awkward.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I think it took me a while to grow into myself, but I appreciate the compliment. Thank you.”

He walked over to me and I could feel the heat emanating from his body
. He smelled of fresh soap and cologne. He was masculine and self-assured. It was intoxicating.

“Kiss me
, K.K.”

I wanted to pull back and let the distance seep in now before the hurt set in, but I felt weak with desire and want
. I leaned in and kissed him, knowing my feelings had changed with one stupid phone call. I needed to ask him about it. I needed to find out about his life before I fell into him at the gym, into his limo, and then into his arms, but I kissed him passionately and said nothing. I was a chicken shit and felt horrible. I turned and finished getting ready, slipping on my heels and grabbing a sweater before descending the stairs in search of my purse.

“I’m leaving Josh
,” I called over my shoulder before he had a chance to come down.

“Wait, let’s walk out together
,” he responded, running down the stairs two at a time.

We walked to the door and out to the elevator
. He pushed the button for the lobby and reached back to hold my hand. We walked from the elevator hand-in-hand and out the front door. Benny had texted me that he would be there at 7:00 and when we emerged from the building, he was there waiting.

“Good evening
, beautiful,” he said.

“I couldn’t agree more
, Benny. Isn’t she lovely this evening?” Josh replied looking at me.

“Yes
, sir.” Benny turned to me. “K.K., your Dad said he’d meet you there. He had something to take care of before dinner.”

“No problem
,” I said. I looked back at Josh. “Can we take you somewhere?”

“No
. Actually, I’m meeting my father just a couple of blocks away. I thought I’d walk. It’s such a great night. Thanks for asking though. Make sure you call me later.”

“I’d be happy to drop you off
, Josh,” Benny offered. “It’s really no problem.”

“Nah
. The walk will do me good.” He kissed my cheek and released my hand from his grip. The loss felt immense and the coldness of the separation set in quickly, rising from my hand and shooting straight through my heart. “Call me when you’re done with dinner, K.K.,” he said again.

“Sure
. Tell your Dad and brother I said hi.”

“You can tell them yourself
. Hence the call, silly.” He shook his head.

“Yeah, right
,” I said.

I turned to get into the car as Josh stood there not moving
. He was watching my every move intensely. I smiled one last time and he raised his hand to wave goodbye. The car pulled out from the curb and I fought to not look back out the rear window. I knew that that wave wouldn’t be the last, but next time it would be me waving as he left for California.

It was probably good that he got that call
. It might not have been a girlfriend, or hell maybe it was, but it brought me back to my reality. I was falling for a guy that I couldn’t have. It was an impossible dream and one that would come tumbling down sooner or later. Better sooner, so I could salvage some self-respect and maintain some sort of business relationship.

I stared out the window feeling melancholy about the turn of events and how I was going to proceed forward
. I’d all but told my Dad that he was the ‘one,’ special and worth it, but only a day later he was just my partner in business. I knew Josh deserved better, but it would be better this way. In the end, he’d agree that business was more important and that would be that.

We were almost to the restaurant when my phone rang in my purse
. I reached in and grabbed it, pulling it to my ear.

“Hey
, Daddy.”

“Hey honey
. I just wanted to let you know that I’m almost to the restaurant. I had hoped to have Benny pick me up first and then come get you, but I had a few things to take care of. Are you there yet?”

“No
. Almost,” I replied.

“Okay
. I have a reservation. Get us a great bottle of wine and I’ll be there before you know it. I love you, honey.”

“I love you too
, Dad,” I replied. “See you in a few.”

I walked in the restaurant and gave my name to the hostess
. She was perky and overly friendly. I moved briskly, following her as she bounced through the restaurant on her toes leading me to my table. She handed me my menu, laid out the other on the table across from me, and put the wine menu in the center.

“Your server will be Christopher, is there anything else I can get you?” she
asked, smiling widely.

“No thank you
,” I replied.
Actually, hell yes, a bottle of bourbon and a sedative that will knock me out till next year would be great.

I picked up the wine list and looked over it longingly, perusing it for the best of the best
. It was a steakhouse and a steak kind of night, which called for one thing and one thing only, Cabernet. My tall, good looking server, named Christopher came sauntering to the table and I looked up, smiled, and ordered a bottle of Opus One. I was banking on my Dad paying the bill, but didn’t care if it was a two hundred dollar bottle of wine or not. I was going to drown my sorrows and it wasn’t going to come cheap.

I looked up as my father walked
through the door. He stopped at a nearby table full of older gentlemen in suits and shook the hand of each of them. I had always loved watching him work a room. Whether it was with his colleagues or his friends, he always had such incredible presence. He commanded a room and I admired him for being confident and self-assured. He walked to the table and leaned to give me a kiss on the cheek before sitting across from me.

“How’s my favorite daughter?” he
asked, winking.

“I’m your only daughter
,” I replied. “I’m fine. How about you?”

“Fine?” he said.

I was relieved when the sommelier came to the table with the wine. He presented it against his forearm and allowed me to look at the label for confirmation of my choice. “Great,” I nodded looking at the bottle, rather than directly at him.

“Wow, we must be celebrating something
. Opus One. Nice choice,” Dad said, smiling.

“Don’t we have reason to celebrate?”

“Yes we do,” he said.

A small sample was poured into the beautifully stemmed glass and slid over to me
. I smelled and swirled, swirled and smelled, and then sipped, rolling the dark liquid in my mouth and over my tongue. It was exquisite. I nodded to the sommelier and looked at my Dad.

“Good?” he asked.

“Very.”

We drank our wine looking over the menu and making our selections
. We ordered from our server and picked back up on our conversation.

“So what
did you have to do tonight?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing
. I had a few appointments that I needed to take care of. Nothing to worry about,” he replied.