Metamorphosis (14 page)

“So the only other option is for
us to try to be friends,” he concluded.

I pulled back from him a bit and
raised my eyebrows in disbelief. “Friends, huh? You really think we can just be
friends?”

“I know that it’s going to be
hard… really hard if I have to hang around you wearing clothes like this.” Ash
looked down at my gray and white striped camisole and grey boy shorts in an
approving manner and a devilish grin spread across his face, setting my stomach
butterflies fluttering wildly again. “But I’d rather learn to control my sexual
desires around you than not have you in my life at all.”

He gave me his best puppy dog eyes
and asked, “So what do you say? Can we at least try this
friends
thing? I don’t know where it will lead… you may find out that I drive you
absolutely insane and want nothing to do with me ever again,” he teased,
lightening the conversation.

“Okay,” I agreed. “We can try.”
Even though I longed to be much more than Ash’s friend, I thought about what
Evie
had said in the car. “If there truly is some
undeniable attraction between the two of you, then you guys will end up
together with a magical, fairytale, happily-ever-after. But you know as well
as I do that it takes a bunch of other bullshit in between to get that point -
a bunch of unnecessary angst, some preventable misunderstandings, and you both
need to make some ill-advised and senseless decisions. So right now, I think
you should just let everything happen and stop over thinking all of it…” She
was right, and I decided to let everything happen as it may. Ash and I were
going to be friends… it should be a learning experience, if nothing else.

“Thank you for giving this a shot.
I hope I don’t fuck it up,” he
said.“I
really don’t
have any female friends other than Jess and Meg. I’ve known Jess from grade
school, she’s like my sister - no matter how much I piss her off,
she
can’t ever get rid of me. And then Meg, well, it wasn’t
like there was any option what type of relationship we were going to have.” I
chuckled at the thought of Ash trying to hit on Meg.

“Well, you’ll be my first guy
friend, so hopefully I don’t mess it up either.” I smiled up at him. I knew
that I was playing with fire spending time with Ash, but I tried to convince
myself that as long as I stayed on the outside, far enough away the flames, I
wouldn’t get burned. As long as our relationship didn’t turn sexual, I couldn’t
get too attached, therefore, I couldn’t get too hurt. Yeah right,
who
was I kidding?

Ash and I spent the rest of the
night, or early hours of the morning rather, sitting in his bed, talking and
getting to know one another. Even though Dylan and I had shared a similar
conversation about our pasts, present, and futures, it seemed so much more
personal with Ash, perhaps it was the intimacy of looking in each other’s faces
and seeing the emotion that accompanied each story or memory that made it feel
that way. After we did a quick rundown of our families and our childhoods, we
started talking about where we were going in life, our goals and ambitions. Of
course since I had only claimed my self-independence a week and a half prior, I
had no idea what I truly wanted or desired. The only thing I was sure of was
that it wasn’t going to be pre-law. I was surprised to say the least to learn
Ash was
a Physics
major and a Philosophy minor. First,
he didn’t strike me the type to be interested in either Physics or Philosophy,
I had assumed more something to do with music or art or history. Second, who
the hell studies both physics and philosophy? To me, they seemed to be so
different from one another; I couldn’t imagine a career that incorporated both
fields of study. When I told Ash how weird I thought his choices were
,
he explained it as if it made perfect sense.

“It’s the fact that they are so
different, that makes it work for me - it’s like they balance me. Physics is
the study of reality. It’s matter and motion and energy… and all of the natural
laws that explain why the universe behaves the way it does. It’s
all physical
, no pun intended. Philosophy, on the other
hand, is the study of belief and reason. It tries to understand and explain the
meaning of why things happen. It’s
all mental
.

“In Ancient Greece, to study one
was to study the other, especially pre-Socrates. The men who combined these two
disciplines were called
physiologoi
, or natural
philosophers. Physics is the what and philosophy is the why, and it’s the
combination of the two that fuel my love for astrophysics.”

“Astrophysics?” I asked
incredulously, wrinkling my nose. “Are you some kind of closet genius or
something?”

He threw his head back in laughter
and shook it from side to side. He looked downright edible at that moment and I
had to restrain myself from leaning towards him and licking his neck. Friends…
I reminded myself.
Ugghhh
… I needed a session with
BOB as soon as we got home.

“No, no genius here,” his playful
voice broke me from my inappropriate daydream. “I’ve just always been obsessed
with stars and planets and space in general. Where my sister lives in
California, you can see thousands upon thousands of stars almost every night -
it’s spectacular. I used to spend a month every summer with her and with not
much to entertain
me,
I started reading books to learn
everything I could about them. I seriously became infatuated with everything
astronomy related.” Ash gave me a funny look and tilted his head slightly, but
continued, “And now it’s what I hope to do for a career, but it’s a very tough
field to get into. More than likely, if I’m lucky, I will get hired on as a
research assistant for some project and just hope to learn as much as I can and
move my way up.”

“Why the funny look?” I questioned
curiously.

“I don’t know. I’ve never talked
about my stars with anyone else before. I know most people could really give
two shits about the ball of gasses that just seem to hang out in the night’s
sky.” I loved the way he called them his stars, showing his passion and
possessiveness.

For the first time since I had met
him, Ash had a look of vulnerability on his face. I could tell talking about this
aspect of his life made him uncomfortable and I wondered why. Running through
possible explanations in my head, my best guess was that his parents didn’t
approve of his career choice.

“I think it’s fascinating and
anytime you want to ramble on to me about your celestial girlfriends, I would
love to learn more about them.” I teased.

“Okay, well don’t say I didn’t you
warn you the next time I spend an hour explaining to you about how interesting
plotting the movement of a meteor is okay?” His dimpled smile was warm and
inviting, and again I had to refrain from touching or kissing him.

I quickly changed the subject,
hoping to deter my non-
friendlike
thoughts. “Why do
you call me Butterfly even though you know I hate nicknames?”

“Well, first, I could give two
shits if you like my nickname for you or not.” He teased with a big goofy grin.
But then Ash’s smile turned more heartfelt as his aquatic eyes looked sincerely
into mine. “There could not be a better portrayal of you, Scarlett, than a
butterfly. Butterflies symbolize various things across different cultures;
however, the most common association is that of metamorphosis, or a time of
transformation and change. Scarlett, you know better than anyone and like we’ve
talked about, this is your time of metamorphosis. You are finally breaking free
of that tight chrysalis that your parents had you so tightly wrapped in and
spreading your wings to fly. I know it sounds so cliché, but in your case, it
could not be
more true
.

“Other symbolic meanings for the
butterfly include beauty, tenderness, appreciation, tranquility, and peace. All
of these are words that describe you and the aura that surrounds you.” Was this
guy for real? Friends, huh?

“Wow, that was kind of deep,” was
the first thing I could come up with to say. Then I pulled myself together from
the semi-melted state his intoxicating voice had left me in and I continued, “I
am very impressed by your expansive knowledge of butterfly symbolism. You have
been one surprise after another tonight, Mr. Walker.”

“Is that so, Miss
MacGregor
? I hope they have all been pleasant surprises.”
He over exaggerated an eyebrow waggle and I hit him in his arm to stop, but my
laughter just encouraged him more.

“So what was that other name you
called me last weekend?” I asked breaking up our game of making funny faces at
each other. Ash gave me a questioning look as if he really didn’t know what I
was referring to.

“Psyche or something like that?” I
offered hoping he would know what I was talking about and immediately, he broke
our gaze and looked down at our hands, still clasped together between us. He
was blushing and I loved it - for once I had either embarrassed him or at least
made him uncomfortable.

“I didn’t remember saying that out
loud,” he confessed and then stood silently.

“
Sooo
…
are you going to tell me now? Or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?” I
tried to joke in hopes it would relieve his uneasiness a bit.

He took a deep breath and began.
“I know this is going to sound unbelievable cheesy…”

“Oh, come on… I’m a girl, I like
cheesy,” I assured him.

“Okay, the story of Eros and
Psyche is a Greek myth that carried over to the Roman mythology as well, where
it was told as Cupid and Psyche; some people claim it’s the world’s first fairy
tale. It’s actually one of my
favorite
of all the
myths. You should look it up and read it
sometime,
I
think you would enjoy it. It’s a tale of undying eternal love and the many
hurdles and obstacles that Eros and Psyche had to overcome to find
their
happily ever after.” He returned his eyes to mine and
I was completely spellbound. He continued, “Psyche is the term the Greeks use
for butterflies, but the name Psyche in Greek literally means soul. Thus the
butterfly, based on this epic love story, is commonly used to depict the
immortality of the human soul.

“Psyche is often portrayed in
drawings and sculptures as beautiful human girl with butterfly wings. So
obviously…” The crimson color darkened in his cheeks again, “when I first
thought of how similar you are to a butterfly, both physically and emotionally,
I envisioned you as Psyche.” His eyes dropped to his lap and a
small embarrassed
smile played on his full lips.

Dumbfounded by the entire
conversation, the only thing that came to my head to say was, “Well,
obviously.”

Ash lifted his eyes back to mine
and the
small embarrassed
smile turned into a wide
mischievous grin. “Are you making fun of me?”

I shook my head no but as he
quickly moved from his sitting position on the bed up unto his knees, I knew I
was in trouble. Seconds later, it was like a replay of the last time I was on
Ash’s bed and I was pinned on my back as he tickled me relentlessly.

“You know, either you are making
fun of me or you’re lying about not doing it… either way, you’re in big trouble
and need to be punished.” His words were playful and lighthearted, but when he
said the word punished, my body stiffened as images of handcuffs and riding
crops fluttered through my head. I really needed to have sex… soon. I tried to
recover quickly, hoping he didn’t notice my reaction, but I wasn’t so lucky.

He stopped tickling me and his
voice softened, “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you.” I was still
lying flat on my back and he still had both of my hands pinned above my head
with one of his. His face hovered over mine and he looked into my eyes for
answers. “Did your parents used to hit you?” His voice was soft and his eyes
were filled with genuine concern.

“What?” I looked at him as if he
had grown a second head. Where in the world did that
come
from?
“Uh, no. They’ve actually never hit me in my life, spanking or
otherwise. Why did you ask me that?”

“Well, when I said something about
you being punished you froze like you were scared or something… I don’t know, I
just thought since your parents are all controlling and shit…”

Now it was my turn to be
mortified. I wasn’t quite sure how to explain why I reacted that way, or if I
even should. There he was concerned that I had been abused as a child while I
was fantasizing about a hidden red room of pain.

“Why are you blushing?”
Ash asked, his face turned curious.
“What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Can we just drop
it?” I pleaded. But of course he wouldn’t let it go. After continuous
badgering, I finally admitted, “Look, when you said you would punish me, the
image of you spanking me ran through my head and I…” I stopped talking when he
released my hands and rolled away from me on the bed.

Ash faced the opposite direction
so that I was staring at his bare back as his legs swung down to the floor.
“You can’t say things like that Scarlett,” he whispered in a raspy voice. “It’s
hard enough as it is to be around you and not touch you.”