Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (12 page)

believe that if I just followed Paul’s advice when the thoughts

came, it would work. Believe me, I’m a sceptic when it

comes to ME!…It worked.

I know I am only 2 days into it but when they come, let them

in, see them bounce around in there, let them have a stretch

and roar and shout at you…that’s okay...that’s the over

production of adrenalin needing an outlet. That’s where the

thoughts come from in the first place and because you

placed so much importance on them when they first came,

your mind thinks there is seriously some danger in that

thought. There is NOT!

Let it in…pay it no attention. Give it space and time and let it

run alongside your day. I didn’t believe it would work, but it

did. The thoughts just don’t seem as scary. They are still

there but just a teeny bit less scary. Just don’t stress over it.

Take the fear out of it and what have you got? A thought and

nothing else.

I have many scary thoughts, that’s my difficult one, but if I

keep following the advice, understanding where they come

from and letting them have their space and time…they

eventually lose their edge and I find I can go an hour and

then think ‘oh I haven’t thought that in a while’. Then it comes

back and I do the same all over again: “come on in…take

your time but I am not going to pay you much attention”

It’s been working so far and I am only starting this journey. I

believe it will help me with previous scary thoughts that I had.

I now realise that they too came when I was going through

some tough times. Yes my friends, anxiety. Accept whatever

you are feeling. Don’t “try” to let it go, don’t force it away and

don’t try to make yourself feel better. Don’t try to talk yourself

down but invite every bit of it in. Live it, experience it, realise

that it’s all a part of what you are going through. Don’t fear it.

You WILL NOT collapse and die. So what if you look a bit

weird in front of people? This is you now (just for now and

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that’s okay) getting better and you will soon be back to your

old self. Remove the fear and you remove the problem. It

lives on fear, but through understanding and perseverance I

believe we all can come through, just as Paul has, and will

never have to worry about anxiety again.

Shirley

The following is a post from someone who is now fully recovered:

The problem is an anxiety/depersonalisation sufferer is so

desperate to get better he dives into the subject and wants to

know everything about it, like other sufferers, people’s stories

and experiences, side effects, medical help, cures etc.

However, the answer to anxiety does not lie on an internet

blog or forum, in a pill or expensive psychiatric help, it is

about distancing your thoughts from the initial problem of

anxiety, and then after time your thought patterns alter and

you begin to de-sensitise to TV programmes about

depression, and, in my case, the word ”crazy”, as our minds

begin to engage on other elements of life outside of anxiety.

After this, you will get better, maybe for an hour, a day or a

week, then it will come crashing down again (a setback), but

the memory of that moment of improvement (memory now

acts in your favour) keeps you moving on until the your next

break from anxiety. It’s this incremental process that will

finally take you through, and it does get easier. Just

remember, there is nothing wrong with you or your brain, it’s

just your thoughts are obsessed with your illness and

negativity that is causing your whole body to react. You have

trained your mind to worry, now it’s time to alter it’s focus,

socialise, play sports, video games, puzzles, exciting movies,

anything to re-engage your mind.

Below are a couple of posts from my blog written by me:

This was a post explaining how the anxiety loop continues in many

cases.

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Hi everyone, I was talking with someone the other day about his

anxiety and how it came about. He told me that, at the time, he was

under a lot of pressure at work and one or two things in his home life

were also a factor, although he could not really remember what. He

said “I have cut my hours down and the other problems no longer

exist, so why do I still feel like this”? I replied saying that just like me

when I first suffered, he now had a new problem and this is the

problem that was keeping his anxiety going, to which he replied:

“What new problem”?

I replied:

“Anxiety, these feelings have become your new problem and this is

the reason you stay in the cycle”.

I further explained that initially he may have worried about his job

and the problems at home, with which he agreed. “Right”, I said,

“You put your body under too much stress and worry and it sort of

broke down and you ended up with anxiety. Now what you are doing

is worrying and stressing about how you feel and this is the reason

the anxiety stays around. It has a new worry to feed on. I did exactly

the same; in fact my initial problem did not matter. This anxiety was

far bigger than what brought it on. I worried daily about it, fought it

and tried everything to make the damn thing go away. How could I

ever recover putting this much stress and worry on myself? I could

not”.

He said “I really understand what you’re saying here and I realise

that I am doing all of the above so why I am getting nowhere”

So I told him that he could not hope to banish these feelings, so why

not live with them the best he can for the time being. “If you decide

to do this then you will not add any more fuel to the fire. You will

begin to break a cycle. Anxiety is like a fire that you throw petrol on.

It won’t dampen down until you take away its fuel. It may burn for a

while, but it will begin to go out if you stop feeding it. I did the

opposite for 10 years and it got me nowhere. I now understand

completely why I got worse and not better. If my body could speak, it

would have said ‘Paul just leave me alone and I will heal myself’”

This post was entitled
“Moving forward with Anxiety”.

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A lady whom I knew from a couple of years ago got in touch with me

last week. She sent me a lovely email saying how well she was

doing and now realised what really held her back in the old days,

and this was that she realised she had wanted to get better before

she lived her life rather than go out and live it while she had anxiety.

The fact is she was right

The whole point of this post is to help you to stop seeing anxiety as

the enemy. Don’t wait or demand to feel well before doing things you

want to do.

Trey sent the following reply saying that he had just about recovered

and these are his words:

I finally “got it”. I understood what everyone has been saying and I

let everything go. I did whatever a normal person who didn’t have

anxiety would do. I travelled, hung out with friends, anything, no

matter how bad I felt. I do feel normal again after years of anxiety

and depersonalisation.

What he has done is gone towards his feelings of dread and not let

them stop him living his life. Not only that, but he kept believing that

this would work in the long run. Too many people think “Well I have

been there today and I still feel bad. I just need to get rid of these

damn feelings. That’s the only way I can get on with my life again”.

The trouble is this is why so many stay in a cycle. Anxiety will always

be the enemy if you spend your time trying to get rid of it, as it

always has your fear and respect to feed on. Let me show you how

the anxiety loop works in many cases.

Feel awful - spend all day trying to rid yourself of these symptoms-

feel awful - worry about how long this will go on - feel awful -

avoidance - feel awful - feel a failure - feel awful - get frustrated - feel

awful - fight - feel awful - again start to Google - stay bewildered.

The way to break this loop is to stop seeing anxiety as the enemy

and truly allow yourself to feel this way, so then it goes:

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Feel awful – nothing - there is no avoidance as you are going

everywhere at will. Pride that you did not let anxiety rule your life -

there is no going round in circles trying to rid yourself of the way you

feel as you have not allowed yourself to feel anything. There is no

worry as you no longer care how you feel. The anxiety loop is

beginning to break here. You have done nothing to keep your

anxiety going. You may still feel symptoms and that’s fine, but there

is a lack of worry and fear to add to the mix. If there was an anxiety

shop and someone came in and said “I have anxiety mate, not sure

why but it has been there for a few years now, how come?” I would

say

“Do you worry about it?”

“Well yes, I do, I want it to go away”

“Do you go towards or try to avoid these feelings?”

“Well, I mainly avoid them as I don’t want to feel them’

“Do you try and figure a way out of this or just get on with your day?”

“Well, I try and figure a way out. It’s tiring and I do go around in

circles, but I have to get rid of these feelings don’t I?”

“Have you ever thought about allowing yourself to feel like this, good

or bad? This will stop the worry cycle, the tuning in, the fighting

to ’rid’ yourself. In fact it will break this loop you are stuck in”.

“Actually no, I have never thought of doing that”

‘Well you should as this is why it’s been around for a few years. You

have been stuck in a loop of trying not to feel this way”.

This is the day a light went on for me. I had tried so hard to get rid of

the way I felt and worried about it and the only result was I felt

worse. Why didn’t I just give up and allow myself to feel this way. I

needed to do what someone who did not suffer from anxiety would

do. The average guy in the street is not going around worrying all

day; if he did he would feel awful and drained. No wonder I felt the

way I did and seemed to be getting worse, not better. My body was

just not having the chance to recover.

Never have the attitude “I am not going out, I feel awful. What I need

to do is get rid of these feelings then I will have my life back” The

only way to have that life back is to totally embrace how you feel and

feel every symptom at will. I felt awful for weeks during my own

recovery, but for once I had broken the loop. Don’t misunderstand

me, I had some testing days. I remember going out to a quiz each

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week and sitting there feeling dreadful and just wanting to go home.

I would feel apprehensive at times and almost give in to the

temptation, but I never did. I knew this was anxiety testing me. The

KEY point for me at these times was the point where I wanted to go

home. It was at that stage that I just bought another drink and

stayed. Anxiety had lost my respect. I had said: “Do what you want, I

no longer care; I am in charge from now on”. As time went by I

actually loved it when I was tested. It was a case of “yes we have

been here before and I always win. I am staying, so do whatever

you want”.

Prior to this, as soon as I was feeling uncomfortable I would go

home, feel sorry for myself and mentally try to find a way out of this

hell, when, ironically, I had just left the very place that would have

helped me to move forward. Instead I had given my feelings loads of

respect, run away from how I felt and anxiety had won again. I knew

that if I wanted to get through this I had to learn not to care if I felt

anxious or not and this is the point I finally reached. By not avoiding

and running away, I had unmasked it as just a feeling. My body no

longer felt apprehensive about going anywhere and my nerves had

settled as I had not bombarded them with worry and self pity. Freed

from the daily onslaught it used to receive, my mind had begun to

clear and my confidence had returned. I had proved I could do

anything and that I was in charge and not my anxiety. I was

beginning to take charge again and the old me was returning. By