Microsoft Word - At Last A Life Final Copy 16-03-09 (9 page)

have been told that it is anxiety. Can you see why these fears can

build up in people? A lack of understanding of their condition,

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coupled with the habit of always thinking the worst compounds their

fears. Add this to a tired mind that has lost a lot of its resilience and

you have a whole host of ‘what ifs?’

Some people worry to the extent that they believe everything they

feel is life threatening. A headache becomes a brain tumour; a

stomach ache can become cancer and so on. No matter how many

times their doctor tells them there is nothing wrong with them, they

are never quite convinced. If this is you, then realise these thoughts

of illness are just figments of your imagination, mainly created by

your anxious state. Everything becomes magnified when we are

anxious. Let these thoughts go. Don’t react to them and see them

for what they are - thoughts that carry no weight whatsoever, no

matter how loud they shout.

I truly let my mind chatter if it must. I allowed myself to think anything

and just did not react. The thoughts were not real, but just built up

through my anxious state. The more we try to push them away, the

longer they linger and the stronger their impact. When we welcome

and give room to unwanted thoughts, they lose their significance

and quickly diminish. When you attach a false sense of importance

to a thought, it will often appear more serious than it is. Remember

they are just thoughts and are of no significance. Pay them no

respect. Just say to them: “come if you wish, it’s just anxiety playing

its tricks. Just as my legs wobble when I drink alcohol, with anxiety I

may have silly irrational thoughts but they’re not real”.

The following statement came from a lady who did as I advised and

clearly explains what I’m saying:

“I really did have no control over my own mind before. The more I

tried to over control the less control I had.”

This is very true. In my case, the more I tried to stop thinking or felt

the need to take every thought seriously and unravel it, the less

control I felt I had. It was only when I took my thoughts with a pinch

of salt and just got on with my day, whatever the chatter, that I

noticed a big improvement. They no longer had the fuel of fear to

keep them going.

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The best way to alleviate these intrusive thoughts is to allow them

their space by NOT trying to force them out.

Why not try following a negative/scary thought through and ask

yourself the question “What is the worst thing that could happen?

Then ask yourself if it is really going to happen? Is this thought

rational in any way? If you do this, you may find the answer to a

thought you have been so frightened of, so that next time these

thoughts enter your head, deep down inside there will be a part of

you that can see them for what they really are and let them go.

Some people say they have thoughts about harming people close to

them. They know that they won’t, but the thought is there at times.

Again, this is just adrenalin finding a release and creating these

thoughts. That’s all it is, so don’t worry or feel guilty for thinking

them, just see them for what they are - anxiety letting off a little

steam.

If you are having trouble sleeping, then this can be caused by your

mind being too active when your head hits the pillow. If you are

caught in this trap, try not to go to bed analysing the day, trying to

unravel it all and hitting one brick wall after another. However your

day has been, just accept it. There is nothing to work out. You may

find it hard to switch off the constant thoughts that fill your mind, but

don’t try. Just let the thoughts come and let them go. Don’t grasp

them like they are important - they’re not. You may even find you will

drop off to sleep more quickly and get the rest your tired body so

craves.

What do you do then?

I found an explanation for the reason why I felt like I did and I

believed it. This in itself brought a lot of my fears to a halt. I realised

that these scary thoughts would continue to come for a while. Not

only did my anxiety bring them, it had also become my habit to think

them, but I learned that all I needed to do was to pay them no

respect. I saw them for what they were - just thoughts, brought on by

anxiety and habit. They were not important.

I know that giving little respect to a thought that seems so bad and

comes with such force is hard, but realise it is only the state you are

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in that magnifies them and makes them seem important. Accept they

are only thoughts that hold no power and can do you no harm. Just

let all negative, destructive thoughts float away. Smile at them if you

like. You have total control over how much respect you pay them.

Do not try and get rid off scary thoughts or stop them coming. By

doing this, you are telling them that they are important, which they

are not. I often get asked ‘How I do I stop thinking in a certain way’.

My reply is “DON’T try”. If it’s not important whether your thoughts

are scary or not, why try to stop them. The way to lose them is to

give them their space. Fighting thoughts and trying to rid yourself of

them is the wrong thing to do. It is a battle you will lose for sure.

Some people say they only have to hear something on the news

about a new illness and they are convinced they have it. Many can't

understand why they get such a reaction to some bad news which

may not even concern them. The answer to this is simple and sums

this chapter up. Your body is just in a sensitised state at the moment

and this is the only reason that thoughts exaggerate themselves.

This section from an email sums up what I am trying to say.

Hi Paul, I understand now about the need to
not
let thoughts

bother me or doubt and question them. Whatever goes on in

my head is fine. I realise that in my present state I SHOULD

have anxious thoughts, I am anxious after all. I have learnt to

not
accept the thought as truth and accept it as just a

thought brought on by my anxious state. Thank you for your

explanation.

I also explained that when anxiety fades, so do the anxious

thoughts, but the above is exactly what I wanted to hear. It just

needed an explanation that he could understand and relate to.

The following explanation came on my blog from a lady I had been

helping. She had recovered and decided to post how she managed

to get over this particular symptom of anxiety.

I understand now that all that we are doing is tuning into our

over active imagination, which has probably always been

there and popped various thoughts into our mind, but in the

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past we’ve always ignored them. It’s as if once you have

suffered from anxiety you listen to every negative thought

and then question why it’s there and why it won’t go away,

whereas if you just ignore it, it actually does goes away.

What I am trying to say to give some help and support to

people is try not to over analyse everything, question every

thought, or worry what’s wrong with you. There is actually

nothing wrong with any of us, we’re all human and naturally

experience thoughts, feelings, and moods, so just accept

them and try not to question then or consider them as being

weird.

I receive a lot of visits to my site from ladies who have recently been

through a pregnancy and then go on to suffer with irrational

thoughts. This lady is now fully recovered. Here is her story:

I understand now that a negative reaction to just one thought

can lead you into a downward spiral of obsessive thinking. It

did for me. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and had

never encountered anything like it before in my life/nor with

my first child who was 9 at the time.

I was on bed rest for pregnancy complications and had

‘normal’ pregnancy worries, but it was very difficult being

alone all day. Then, out of the blue, something was said

which I couldn’t get out of my mind and this lead to obsessive

thoughts about my unborn baby’s health, which then

developed into more obscure obsessive thoughts about

harming my own child.

I was in such a bad state I walked to the local hospital and

they kept me in for 3 months. At the time, I hadn’t found this

site, and had never heard of antenatal anxiety/depression

before, so didn’t know what I had. I thought it was the

deterioration of my mental health and that I was becoming

schizophrenic or going crazy. The hospital weren’t much help

to be honest, and I spent much of my day on my own in bed

obsessing, and became afraid to leave my hospital room. I

convinced myself that I was a bad mother, would never be

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able to look after my own child, and would need psychiatric

treatment for the rest of my life.

Then when my baby was born, they sent me packing with my

newborn and some ADs, which I took for 4 months…and

very little else.

During the first year I plodded along without knowing (or

believing) what was actually wrong with me really, and I

avoided ‘normal’ situations with which I felt uncomfortable. In

hindsight, this was the wrong thing to do, as it wasn’t until I

actually faced my fears that I started to recover. But, of

course I didn’t know this is what was necessary to recover. I

thought I needed to rest and one day I would wake up and be

back to normal, but it never happened. It was a very difficult

year, and I had the most terrible thoughts which I couldn’t

control and I walked around with DP for most of the day,

barely functioning really, trapped in my own little world with

my terrible thoughts.

It was after the first year that I came across very helpful

information on the internet and read stories of those who had

recovered. I joined a forum for those suffering from Post

Natal Depression and this has helped me enormously. This

is when I came across Paul as well, and the start of my

recovery began.

What you must do is NOT avoid your fears. In fact if you fear

something, DO MORE OF IT, pay no heed to the intrusive

thoughts, they are not actions.

When a thought enters your head, the moment a negative

emotion is attached to it and you are probably having that

sickly feeling in the pit of your stomach, you need to get rid of

this emotion and adopt a ‘whatever’, ‘as if’ attitude to your

thoughts. It takes time and effort, but the rewards are huge

and if you can recreate this new emotion - a ‘don’t care’

emotion - then you will be able to dismiss the thoughts as

utter rubbish and they will diminish. At the moment, the fear

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you feel for the thoughts is what is keeping them coming.

Once the fear has gone they will have no hold over you

whatsoever and you can also adopt this new attitude to

chronic worries as well.

At first, this don’t care/whatever attitude may ‘feel’ false as if

you are having to fake it, but like one doctor said in an article

I read, you need to ‘fake it to make it’. Kiss, cuddle, smile,

talk to your kids/grandkids, even if you have no feeling or

inappropriate feelings/thoughts, and it will come naturally in

time. This is so very true and I can personally vouch for it.

You must practice the behaviour you want to achieve - in

your case it means no ‘negative’ emotion attached to an

intrusive thought.

I promise you that in time, if you just follow these few

behaviour changes, you will notice less obsessive/intrusive

thoughts. It won’t happen overnight because you will have

doubts to begin with, but in the weeks and months ahead,

your mind will slowly clear and you will begin to notice a

difference.

At the height of my suffering, I was pushing my baby in his

pram to pick up my other son from school and I saw a

knitting needle on the ground. I immediately panicked and