Midnight Secrets (43 page)

“Why do you say I’m good for Savannah?”

“She shines with you. Like she hasn’t in ten years.” And before he could even begin to appreciate the words, she added a warning: “Don’t fuck it up this time. She won’t forgive you again.”

He gave her a nod of acknowledgment, knowing full well she was right. He’d been given a second chance with the woman he loved. This time, he intended to get it right.

Duffel bag in one hand, hairbrush in the other, Savannah rushed around the room in a frenzied, unorganized manner. A full-blown panic attack was so not sexy. Yes, she wanted to tell Zach the truth. But accepting that and carrying it out were two entirely different things.

The cautious, rational side of her, her usual voice of reason, told her to wait. Not only was Zach exhausted from the events of the past several days, he had a hell of a lot on his plate right now. Adding to it could very well make it worse. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him again.

Her emotional, impulsive side, which had reemerged only recently, told her he deserved to know everything as soon as possible. Keeping things from the man she loved was wrong, especially this one thing in particular. How on earth did she expect to go forward in their relationship with this hanging over her head? She had to tell him tonight.

Stripping off her jeans and shirt, Savannah searched for something more fitting for the occasion. What was the appropriate attire to wear when you were going to tell the man you loved news that you knew full well would devastate him? Was she being selfish? Should she keep it to herself? No, he had a right to know.

Clothes flew left and right; her heart rate zoomed. In the midst of a full-on panic attack, she felt strong hands land on her shoulders and turn her around.

“What’s wrong?”

Shuddering out a breath, she looked up into the handsome face of the man she had loved forever. Solid, honorable, steady … a man she could rely on. Throwing her arms around him, Savannah held him tight. Big, callused hands roamed over her body and Savannah sighed her happiness. Being in Zach’s arms made her feel powerful, invincible. She knew he loved her and she loved him. Everything would be fine.

Her pulse rate now high for a different reason, Savannah pulled away and took his hand, leading him to her bed. First they would make love and then they would talk. Before she reached the bed, Zach stopped her and said softly, “Hey, talk to me.”

Swallowing hard, she shook her head. “I think I’m just frantic from everything that’s happened the last few days.”

Drawing her back into his arms, he whispered, “Everything will be okay. I’ll make it right, I promise.”

She pressed a kiss to the center of his chest. When she heard what sounded like a sigh of longing, she continued to kiss his chest, then moved up his neck, spreading soft kisses as she went. Reaching the solid, square chin she loved so much, she covered it with kisses, too.

Big hands grabbed her head and held her still as his mouth descended. Her kisses had been affectionate and playful. His kiss was thorough, sexy, and serious. She opened for him and the growl from his chest gave her a charge of intense arousal. Standing on her toes, she pressed her softness against his hard body.

As he devoured her mouth, his hands were busy stripping her of her bra and panties. Within seconds she was nude and Zach was pushing her down onto the bed. Her breath heavy with passion, she watched as he quickly dropped his clothing on the floor. When he was finished, Savannah held out her arms to welcome him.

Zach gazed down at the woman lying on the bed, waiting for him. Savannah was every dream he’d ever had. And while he wanted to be inside that sexy body, losing himself in an ecstasy only she could provide, he held back. She’d been through hell the last couple of days. Shadows beneath her eyes told him she needed rest.

“Something wrong?” she whispered.

“Not a damn thing. Just can’t get over how beautiful you are or how lucky I am.”

“Come down here and I’ll let you get even luckier.”

Zach lay down beside her and gathered her close, absorbing her soft, silky body into his. She felt fragile and delicate in his arms but he knew there was a thread of steel beneath that delicacy.

A slender hand moved down his stomach, caressing and kneading. Before she could reach her destination, Zach grabbed her hand and held it to his mouth. “Sleep.”

She moved away slightly to blinked up at him. “What?”

“You need to rest.”

“But I want you inside me.”

Breath shuddered from him. He was hanging on by a thread already. Having her tell him exactly what she wanted from him made saying no to her a thousand times harder. He pressed a soft kiss to her mouth. “Let me just hold you tonight.”

“But I want—”

Names like “idiot” and “masochist” reverberated through his mind as he rolled her over onto her back and said, “Shh … let me take care of you.” With those words, Zach proceeded to show with his mouth and his hands just how much he worshipped and adored this woman. Holding her arms above her head, he looked down into the loveliest face in all the world and saw what he thought he’d never see gleaming in her eyes again—love and trust.

He reverently kissed her mouth over and over, then whispered soft kisses across her face and down her slender neck. She groaned and wiggled a little but didn’t object to him holding her and loving her without her active participation. This was for both of them.

Trailing open-mouthed kisses to each breast, he licked and suckled them gently, then lightly bit one nipple, which brought a gasp and another wiggle of her body. Going lower, he licked and kissed his way down her satin-soft skin, stopping briefly for a quick tongue swirl of her navel. When he saw that she had her legs tightly together, trying to find an ease from her arousal, he growled, “Open up, baby.”

As he watched her slender legs spread open, he swallowed hard. The trust she was showing him humbled and amazed him. Releasing his hold on her wrists, Zach moved lower on the bed and kneeled between her parted legs. He ground his teeth together, the temptation to plunge deep and give them both relief almost beyond his control. At her soft sigh, he glanced at her face and was reminded of his purpose. Sparking green eyes, hot with desire and love, looked at him beneath her lashes while a smile of pure pleasure curved her luscious lips. This was for Savannah, the most precious and beautiful creature he’d ever known.

Hooking her legs with his forearms, he spread her legs further apart, dipped his head, and inhaled the sweet musk of her arousal. When she undulated and gasped out, “Zach … please,” he chuckled but refused to hurry. The anticipation of her taste was a delight in itself. Rushing through anything this fine would be a sin. Nuzzling her softness with his nose, he enjoyed more gasps and groans and then took a long lick as a quick tease. Another sharp gasp came from her. Smiling widely, Zach went for a deeper taste, his tongue thrusting deep within her. Savannah wailed and came quickly against his tongue. Lapping at her, he gave her a few seconds to recover and then began to build the fire again.

Savannah arched up into another fierce orgasm. No matter how much she begged Zach to come inside her, he continued to love her with just his mouth. Three orgasms to his none was so wrong, but she was too weak and felt too wonderful to voice an objection. As he finally moved up and allowed her some rest, she tried again. Reaching for the part of him that she knew needed immediate attention, he once again averted her by grabbing her hand and holding it against his chest.

“Zach … why?”

“Because I wanted to show you how special you are to me. Your pleasure is mine.”

Her body a languid mass of quivering bliss, Savannah didn’t have the energy to argue with a gnat, much less two hundred and ten pounds of determined, sexy masculinity. Snuggling into his arms, she blinked sleepily up at him. “Your turn next time,” she whispered.

Pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, he said, “
Our
turn next time. Now sleep.”

Feeling cherished and adored, Savannah closed her eyes and drifted. Zach was naked and hot against her body. Every part of him felt hard and unyielding. Never had she felt so comfortable or so safe. Being held in the arms of the man she adored was a dream she never thought she’d be able to realize again. She pushed aside the worry that all was not perfect. For now, she would take what she could get. Reality would come soon enough.

Chapter

Thirty-one

Savannah woke to darkness and the feel of Zach’s strong arms holding her close, his hard body warm and enticing against her. His scent was deliciously masculine, with just a hint of the musky aftershave he’d put on this morning. His shallow, even breaths made her smile. She had resisted sleeping but he had been right. They were both exhausted and needed the rest. Relaxed and sated, she closed her eyes on a peaceful sigh of contentment.

She felt the rumble of his voice against his chest as he said huskily, “Guess I’m sleeping over at your house tonight.”

She twisted around slightly to squint at the bedside clock. Almost midnight. They’d slept about four hours. Rolling over, she faced him, snuggling deeper into his body. “I don’t care where we are as long as I can wake up in your arms.”

“Agreed.” Though she couldn’t see his face, she heard the smile in his voice. “Feel like talking?”

Now? When she felt so relaxed and sated? When all she wanted to do was forget that there were still issues they needed to discuss and one very big secret she’d been keeping? Dread tightened every muscle in her body. “Sure.”

Though his arms still held her tight, she sensed his withdrawal and hesitancy. Even in the dark, she couldn’t hide her thoughts and fears from him. “What did you want to talk about?”

Yes, the words were cowardly. She’d winced even as she’d said them. Her conscience sneered at her lack of courage.
Grow a backbone, Savannah!

His arms loosened around her. “You said you’ve forgiven me. Were they just words?”

“Of course not.” She propped herself up on an elbow and tried to see him in the dark. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re still holding back from me, Savannah. I can sense it.”

“Zach, I—”

He swallowed hard. “Do you still not trust me?”

She was hurting him already and she hadn’t told him anything. “Of course I trust you. I just need—” Oh God, cutting open her heart and spilling her blood couldn’t be more painful than this.

“Dammit, I can’t apologize more than I already have.” Rolling off the bed, Zach grabbed his jeans, jerked them on, and stalked to the door. “Let me know when you want a real relationship and not just somebody to give you orgasms.”

That stung but was nothing she didn’t deserve. She’d been putting this off for much too long. Ten years to be exact. This was it … now or never. If she didn’t tell him now, there was no future. Sitting up in bed, she wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed her forehead against her knees. Raising her head, she took a breath and the painful words were wrenched out of her. “We had a daughter. I named her Maggie Rose … after my mama. She lived for three days.”

Pale moonlight allowed her to see only the outline of his body seemingly frozen at the door. Pained silence filled the room; even in the darkness, she could feel his anguish.

She heard him swallow hard and then he rasped, “What?”

Now that she’d finally said the words, all energy seeped from her limbs. Slumping back onto the pillow, she continued, “I found out I was pregnant about a month after you left. I was in Nashville, getting ready for my first year at Vandy. That was the only thing that kept me from going crazy worrying about you. When I started getting queasy, I assumed it was from stress. Eventually, when I sat down and allowed myself to think about it, I realized I was pregnant.”

The realization hadn’t come like a burst of lightning. It had been a gradual knowing … maybe her subconscious allowing her to come to terms with the monumental event one step at a time. When finally, at last, she accepted the truth, she had been ridiculously overjoyed. Despite all the hardships that she knew lay ahead, she’d had this tiny, innocent, beautiful being growing inside of her—a piece of Zach no one could take away from her … or so she had thought.

“But, the condom … ”

“Didn’t work. Those things are supposed to be like ninety-eight percent effective. I was one of those rare, sad statistics. My first time having sex, practicing safe sex. And I still got pregnant.”

She heard him turn away from the door and head back to the bed. His movements were much slower than before—almost as if the weight of his burdens pulled him down. Her heart hurt for him.

The bedside light came on, which thankfully gave only a soft glow. She couldn’t face the harsh light right now. Zach sat on the bed, the stark agony in his eyes a reflection of what she had gone through during those dark days.

His voice was so strained, she could barely make out his words. “Is that why you called me?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I knew you didn’t want me … or at least, that’s what I thought. But you had a right to know about the baby.”

“And I stupidly and cowardly ignored your calls. My God, how can you even stand to be around me?”

She sat up and grabbed for his hand. “Zach … no, it wasn’t your fault … it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

The pained anguish in his eyes told her he didn’t agree. “What happened?”