Midnight Sins (3 page)

Tye would have found a way.

Then, there were the dreams.

“What price would you pay to be with him?” The

disembodied voice would whisper through her mind

as she watched Tye doing one of the things he loved

best. Playing touch football with the kids. Laughing,

showing them how to play.

“I would pay any price,” she always whispered.

“Would you leave her?”

The scene would change then and she would

see her sister. Guilt would flay her as she watched

Cami crying, sobbing as though she were in agony

as Rafe stood behind her, staring back at Jaymi with

a question in his eyes.

“I would leave her.” That was always the answer.

“What pain would you endure to be with him

again?” The voice would whisper.

“Any pain.”

And for a moment, just a moment, she was with

him again. Surprise would reflect in his gaze, then

regret. He would touch her. “What happened?” he

would whisper.

Jaymi would shake her head. She didn’t know

what had happened, she didn’t care, all she wanted,

needed, was his kiss, his touch. And for just a

moment, she had it again. As though it were real, his

lips on hers, his hands pulling her close, the whisper

of his voice as he welcomed her into his arms.

She ached for him down to the bottom of her

soul. Life no longer held promise, the future no longer

appeared exciting or bright.

Jaymi had lost her future in a desert a world away

when the enemy’s bomb had taken out the vehicle he

was driving.

Turning her head, she watched Cami again, saw

the hurt in her sister’s gaze at the sight of Rafe’s arms

around her, and wanted to sigh at the intensity of

emotion she glimpsed in her sister for the man there

was no chance of having for a very long time.

Yes, she knew her sister’s pain well. And she

knew, after tonight, she would never add to it again.

* * *

Rafe knew as he pulled the pickup into the parking

spot in front of Jaymi’s apartment that the relationship

was over. He could feel it in the very air, and though

there was a sense of regret, there was no anger.

They both knew the reason why they were

together.

Jaymi was searching desperately for the

husband she had lost, and the closest she could get

to him was the man he had called his best friend.

Not that he had cared. Rafe wasn’t looking for

love, it had no place in his life at the moment.

Besides, the day he’d realized Jaymi’s sister had a

crush on him, Rafe had known this was coming.

The girl was damned confusing, just as he had

told Jaymi. She’d managed to slip in beneath his

defenses despite the fact he’d been on guard against

it. She made him feel protective, made him want to

look out for her.

He was aware of the crush she had on him, and

was flattered by it. He teased her gently, let her flirt,

just as his cousins did, and made damned certain he

never let her become hurt by it.

But as Jaymi told her sister gently to go on up to

the apartment, Rafe saw that flash of brutal pain in her

soft gray eyes before she quickly hid it.

“Night, Rafer.” She opened the back door slowly

as though reluctant to leave him alone with her sister.

“Night, wildcat.” He flashed her a smile and a little

wink, pulling a little smile from her as she moved from

the car and closed the door behind her.

They watched as the girl moved across the

narrow strip of grass to the door of the apartment

across from the truck.

She unlocked it quickly before disappearing

inside and flipping on the inner lights.

As much as he used to expect it, he never saw

her at the curtains spying. She would move through

the brightly lit room occasionally but never come close

to the windows.

“So, this is it, huh?” he asked Jaymi as he laid

his arm over the steering wheel and continued to

stare at the window.

He felt her surprise before turning his head to

watch her.

Dark blonde lashes swept over her eyes for a

second before she met his gaze, regret shimmering

in her dark brown eyes.

“I think it’s time,” she said softly. “Cami needs me

right now, Rafe. With the crap Dad is trying to pull on

her, and this crush she’s picked up for you, she’s

going to be hurt enough.”

A small grin tugged at his lips. “She’s lucky to

have you, Jaymi.”

He’d never resent her for it. Hell, he couldn’t even

blame her.

“I wish you’d had someone to protect you,” she

said then, sadness flashing over her delicate

expression. “You’re too good for the family you have.”

He had to chuckle at that. “Of course I am, they’re

all assholes.”

He played it off, but he remembered the days, the

nights, that he’d agonized over being disowned,

wondered what he and his cousins had done wrong

that all of them had been turned away by everyone but

his mother’s uncle.

“Yes, Rafe, they’re all assholes,” she agreed

softly. “And I’m so sorry for the hell they put you

through.”

“Stop, Jaymi.” He gave his head a short shake at

the regret that filled her voice. “You have no reason to

be sorry for what others did. You’re a good friend, and

I’ve always known the reason we were together. You

didn’t lie to me.”

“I didn’t tell you though,” she whispered. “I should

have.”

“You told me, sweetheart,” he informed her

gently. “With the lights out, every time you called me

by Tye’s name. I knew.”

Her lips parted, her eyes filled with tears, and the

response assured him that she had never been aware

she had cried out for the husband she’d lost each

time he was with her.

“Rafe—” Pain filled her voice.

“Jaymi, stop torturing yourself,” he told her, his

voice hardening at the tear that slipped from her eyes.

“Did you know Tye came to me before he went on that

last tour?”

“No.” Her lips trembled as she shook her head

and pushed the long dark blonde bangs back from

her face. “Why would he do that?”

“To make certain I knew what he expected from

me,” he told her with a small grin, remembering the

visit with the same affection he’d felt the day the

Navajo warrior had made his appearance at Rafe’s

uncle’s ranch.

“What did he expect?” she whispered, so

unconsciously eager for a new experience, a new

memory of her husband that she could cherish, that

she was now hanging on every word.

Rafe reached out, pushed back the long curl that

fell down her face then, noticing, not for the first time,

how Jaymi’s hair was as curly as her mother’s and her

father’s. Cami’s was much straighter, and naturally

shot with various shades of caramel, dark golds, and

lighter browns amid the heavy strands of dark brown.

“He expected me to stand for him,” he told her

gently. “And those were his exact words. ‘If anything

happens to me, Rafe, I give you leave now, to stand

for me however my heart needs you to stand’.” From

the day he had married Jaymi, Tye had called her ‘his

heart’. “I didn’t know what he meant at first,” he

confessed as he watched her eyes fill with tears

again. “He told me if he didn’t come home, then he

expected me to protect you, to clothe you, to feed you,

and if you needed it, he expected me to warm you.

Then he looked at me with those black eyes of his

eyes and he said ‘Rafe, if she needs, turn out the

lights and let her pretend it’s me. Don’t let my heart

suffer alone’.”

“Oh God.” Her hand flew to her lips as they

shook, a sob suddenly tearing from her as he reached

for her, pulled her into his arms, and held her gently.

“Oh God, Rafe. I miss him.” Agony pierced her voice.

“I miss him so much I don’t know if I can bear it.”

Holding her, rocking her, Rafe felt his chest

tighten with pain as she cried against him, wondering

if perhaps he shouldn’t have told her.

He and Tye had talked a lot that day, and his

friend had told him that the day would come when he

might believe it was time to tell Jaymi the request Tye

had made of him. Rafe thought it was time, but hell,

he’d been wrong before.

“I wouldn’t have survived without you,” she

whispered tearfully against his chest as he rubbed her

back, kissed the top of her head gently. “I couldn’t

have been here for Cami. I couldn’t have protected

her in the last year, Rafe, if you hadn’t done as he’d

asked.”

She sobbed softly, the never-ending pain he

knew she felt filling the air around them.

“I’ll always be here for you, Jaymi,” he promised

her as her head lifted. “For both of you.”

Damp eyes stared back at him, filled with misery

and loss.

“Thank you, Rafe.” She reached up, touched his

cheek, then laid her palm against it gently. “One day,

someone will love you the way I loved Tye. I know they

will.”

“I hope not, Jaymi,” he whispered, meaning every

word of it. “Love like that comes with far too much

risk.”

And she shook her head, the smile that curved

her lips suddenly filled with life, with the memory of

love. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Rafe.

Even if I had known one day he would be gone, I

wouldn’t have missed it.”

And Rafe knew, Tye had felt the same.

His friends had been two parts of a whole, and

with Tye’s death, there were times Jaymi seemed

almost crippled with grief.

But in her eyes, in that moment, he saw another

side of it. A side that held no regret. That loved so

deeply that the pain was worth it.

And he promised himself, swore to himself, he’d

never love that way. He’d never let another person in

that deep. He’d never allow himself to be broken by

losing them.

Two weeks later

The bronchitis was getting worse.

Jaymi sat beside Cami’s bed and read the

thermometer worriedly. Her temperature was edging

over 102, her sister’s face was flushed, her lips dry,

and fever glittered in her dove gray eyes.

“But you were getting better,” she sighed as

Cami stared up at her with overbright eyes.

“Lost my medicine,” her sister admitted,

struggling for breath as she coughed again, the

labored, rough sound worse than it had been when

her sister had showed up at her doorstep earlier that

day.

Their mother had sent her to the apartment, a