Miles Apart (The Not So Bad Boys of Rock Book 2) (17 page)

I walked outside and
sat on the porch swing,
using the toe of my shoe to rock back and forth. I closed my eyes, listening to
the sound of the birds chirping and the squirrels scampering about in the
trees. It was very peaceful here. I found my mind drifting. Drifting to
Sebastian, and how much I missed him. I found myself wondering what he may be
doing right now, and if he was thinking of me.

Mom
came out and joined me on the swing, patting my knee as she sat down.

“It’s
so good to have you here. You father and I were just talking about all the time
we've wasted. I still can’t believe how this day has turned out.”

“Yes,
it has turned out a lot different that I’d expected.” I chortled. “It’s been
good though.”

“It
has been great to catch up. I’m just sorry that it took us so long to realize
our mistakes. We’ve really missed out on a great deal of your life.” Mom placed
her hand tentatively over mine. “I see a lot of myself in you. You’re strong
and determined, and fiercely loyal. Those are all wonderful qualities to
possess, but you need to be careful and know when to say enough is enough.”

“I’m
not sure that I’m following you.” I looked at her quizzically.

“Tell
me more about Sebastian. What is he like? Does he treat you well?”

“He’s
amazing, kind, and gentle. He always keeps his word. You'd think that since
he's this famous rock star he would be all cocky, and I'm sure that at one
point in time he may have been, but not anymore. Oh Mom, he treated me like a
queen.”

“Then
what happened between you two? Why aren’t you still together?” She asked,
softly.

I
huffed out a breath through my teeth. “Gosh, I’m not even sure where to start.”

“I’ve
found that the beginning always works.” She smiled.

So
I told her the story of how we met that fateful morning in May. I shared with
her details of how we fell in love, and how he courted me from miles away. Then
came the part where I left him, choosing work over being with him, and how our
relationship seemed to fall apart after that. I ended with the night at my
apartment, remembering the fight, and the rose petals scattered over my living
room floor. Mom listened quietly, absorbing everything I poured out.

When
she finally spoke, it was a simple question. “Do you still love him?”

There
was no hesitation in my response. “Without a doubt.”

“Then
what are you still doing here? You need to go to him. If you truly love him you
need to fight with everything you’ve got to keep him. A love like that doesn’t
come easily.” Mom studied my face. “Something’s holding you back. What is it?”

“Have
you ever had to break a promise to someone, and did it even though you knew the
reasons were purely selfish?”

“Yes.
When I divorced your father I broke a promise. I had vowed to love him forever,
but when an opportunity to expand my practice came along I took it, not caring
what the cost may be.”

“And
do you regret that decision now?”

“My
only regret is that I felt I had to give up one in order to achieve the other.
It took nearly fourteen years for me to realize that everything I had been
reaching for had been within my grasp all along. Take it from someone who's
been in your shoes, someone who knows all too well what that ache feels like.
Cling tightly to those who love you. Never take them for granted. A fancy title
and hefty paycheck are nice, but at the end of the day, nothing beats a kiss
from a man that loves you, and would do anything for you."

That night we ate
dinner in front of the
television. It felt amazing to be able to sit in a room with my parents and
witness true love and tenderness. Both of them had softened over the years. I
kept having to remind myself that I was twenty-four and not eight. I suddenly
felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had two parents that loved each
other, and I finally understood that they had loved me all along, even though
they weren't able to express it properly before. And, if it wasn't too late, I
had a wonderful man that loved me and was waiting for me to get my act together
and admit that I was wrong. I was finally ready to do that. I just prayed I
wasn't too late.

"Brooke."
Mom sat up straight on the edge of her seat, pointing to the television.
"Isn't that the young man you were dating?"

I
looked at the screen and the entertainment reporter was talking with Sebastian
after a concert in L.A. He looked incredibly handsome in a black T-shirt and
jeans. His hair had been cut a bit shorter on the sides, but still a touch long
on top, and his jaw was covered in light stubble. As he spoke, I was once again
mesmerized by the movement of his piercing as he spoke. He was standing with
the guys in the band. They all looked great. I realized with an ache in my
heart that it had been far too long since I had spoken with Chris. I made a
mental note to call him later in the week.

The
reporter was asking questions about a young girl and her mother that had been
special guests of Sebastian's. I heard her name mentioned and recalled
Sebastian telling me about meeting her on his first trip out to Michigan. The
camera panned over the guys and Savannah, standing next to her mother. Her
mother was quite young, maybe my age, and very pretty. Then there were a few
still photos of the band with Savannah, and one with only Sebastian, Savannah,
and Rachel together. Finally, there was a still shot of Sebastian outside the
Staple's Center, in front of a limo, with his arms around Rachel.

They
were kissing. The reporter's voice sounded in the back ground as the photo
remained on the screen.

"It
appears that America's favorite rocker has found a new love. Could this mean
the end of Sebastian and Brooke's story?" Then, a photo of Sebastian and
me flashed over the screen. It had been taken at Nikki's wedding reception.

My
heart suddenly felt as if it had stopped beating.

I'd
waited too long.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

"There's no way he would be kissing another
woman. He's still in love with you." Jade insisted as she followed me
around the apartment. I was packing to leave. I'd decided to head back to
London and have a long talk with Max. He was planning on meeting me there
tomorrow. I had a plane at the airport, fueled and ready to take me back today.
"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes,
I am listening. He's still in love with me. That's all great. I still love him
too. Maybe even more now that I know I've lost him. But that doesn't change the
fact that there is photographic evidence that he was in an embrace with another
woman." I declared.

"True.
But he caught you doing the same thing, and that was innocent. He deserves the
benefit of the doubt." She placed a hand over mine, putting an end to my
folding. "Brooke?"

"What
do you want me to say? I've already admitted that I am still crazy for him. I
want him back. Hell, I'm not even mad at him. Even if he did kiss her. He's a
free man. He can do what or whomever he pleases. I don't own him, Jade. I never
did." My voice faltered.

"You
may not have owned him, but you owned his heart. So, you're just going to give
up? You're not going to fight for him?" She asked, exasperated.

"I
didn't say that. Did I?" I arched a brow before continuing. "I have
some loose ends to clear up first. Then, and only then, will I attempt to win
him back."

"What
could possibly be more important than getting him back?

"It's
not more important, it just needs to be taken care of before I can move on."
I assured her. "I better get going." I zipped my suitcase and hauled
it off the bed.

"I'm
going to miss you. It's been nice having you back here with me." We
hugged, neither one willing to let go.

"I'll
call you when I land." I waved, heading out the door.

I've walked the same
four blocks countless
times over the past four years, but never with the same determination I had at
this moment. I sat down on the familiar bench and looked out onto the street
before me. Traffic moved slowly, as it always did this time of day. A few pedestrians
made their way up and down the block, walking in and out of the storefronts
that lined the downtown area.

I'd
come here with a particular purpose in mind. I was here to make peace with a
promise I'd made a long time ago. A promise that needed to be broken in order
for me to move forward with my life.

"It's
been a long time since I've been here." I whispered, mostly to myself.
"I know that you're not really here, but I need to say this, and this
feels like the right place to say it." I took a deep breath.

"I've
found someone. He's a wonderful man, and he makes me very happy. He loves me,
and I love him. Devon, I know that we made a promise to reach our dreams
together, but you're not here. I've worked really hard to make that dream
happen, but I'm not so sure I want that dream any longer. I'm so sorry about
what happened to you. You didn't deserve to be taken so young. I know that you
had hopes of us getting married, but back then I wasn't ready. I was too young,
and I was scared. This man that I've met, I think you would like him. He's kind
and compassionate. He loves me, and he supports my dreams. It took me awhile to
realize that…" I sat on that bench, pouring my heart out. With every
confession I felt the need to control everything slowly slip away. I had been
holding onto promises made when I was a young girl experiencing her first love.
I may have followed in my mother's footsteps, but it had been for entirely
different reasons. I had been afraid of not following my dreams because I
feared it would be disrespectful to what Devon and I had shared, and hoped to
achieve together.

"He
wanted to marry me, but I pushed him away. The same way I pushed you away. I
don't want to miss out on my happily ever after. I'm ready now. I need to know
it's okay. I need to know that you understand, and want me to be happy." I
closed my eyes and waited, though I wasn't exactly sure what I was waiting for.
Time seemed to creep by, and I began to wonder if I would ever find the answer
I’d been hoping for.

"Excuse
me." An elderly gentleman approached the bench with a hand behind his back.
"I thought perhaps that the beautiful lady might enjoy a rose." I
looked to his outstretched hand and in it he held a single, long-stemmed pink
rose. A smile of relief and happiness spread over my face.

"Thank
you very much. It's lovely. But, may I ask what is this for?"

"Just
because it's Wednesday." He smiled, and sang softly to himself as he slowly
ambled down the street.

I
turned my eyes skyward and allowed tears of joy to fall freely down my face.
"I got the message. Thank you." I whispered, knowing exactly what I
needed to do next.

The cab ride to
my apartment in London
had been rather interesting. The driver's name was James and he went on and on
about his recent engagement. I politely smiled as he shared with me about how
he had been working hard and saving every extra penny to buy a ring for his
girlfriend. Then, out of the blue, one of his customers had recently given him
an engagement ring as a tip.

"That's
quite a tip. He sounds like a very generous person. I'm happy for you. When is
the wedding?"

"Next
month. We don't want to wait any longer. He was a very kind man. My girl and I
agree that if we have children, and one of them is a boy, he will be named Sebastian."

"Wait.
What?" He suddenly had my full attention.

"That
was his name. Sebastian. I didn't catch a last name though." By now we'd
pulled up to the apartment building. I tossed some money his way and bolted out
the door.

"Congratulations!
Good luck on your upcoming nuptials." I called over my shoulder. I ran into
the stairwell, fighting to catch my breath. Had he really given up? No. I
wasn’t going to let that deter me. I had a plan and I was sticking to it.

I
dragged my suitcase up the stairs and dug for my keys. I jiggled it to the left
and right, not getting anywhere. I swore under my breath and tried another
tactic.

"You're
not doing it right." Said a familiar voice behind me. I pressed my
forehead against the door, smiling into the metal surface.

"Someone
once told me I needed to jiggle it to the right. It's not working." I
turned to find him leaning over my shoulder. "Hi."

"Hey.
Glad you're back. You sort of disappeared. I thought I wouldn't get to see you
again." We hugged, awkwardly.

"Yeah,
I'm sorry about that. I just had to get away. I needed some time to clear my
head."

"I’m
sorry that I kissed you. Well, I’m not sorry that I did it, but I am sorry for
any trouble it may have caused. You work things out with Sebastian?" He
asked, leaning against the door.

"Don't
start in on that. I don't want to argue. You don’t have to apologize. I’m
pretty sure that my relationship with Sebastian would have taken the same path,
eventually. It was a firestorm waiting to happen." The door finally opened
and he stumbled inside. "Oops, sorry." I dropped my bag and grabbed a
water. "You want one?" I held it up.

"Nah,
I'm good. I'm not trying to argue. You know, he came back that next day, to see
you. We talked things out, and we're good. You know, he really does love
you."

"Thanks,
Reid. I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me at the moment, but I hope to
find out soon. I'm glad to know that things are good between you two." I
sat down at the table, using my foot to push out the chair across from me.
"Sit down, please. I'd like to talk with you about something."

"Okay.
What's up?" We had a long talk about what had taken place during my visit
to Michigan. I explained the vision I had for my future, and what would need to
take place in order for that to happen. After that conversation, we headed over
to the restaurant to meet up with Max. Reid walked alongside me, his arm linked
with mine. He was part of my new plan. I needed him with me to make it all
work.

Sebastian~

I couldn't run fast enough. I pushed my legs
harder than ever, yet I still wasn’t able to escape the guilt that threatened
to consume me. Ever since that kiss I'd felt convicted. Now I understood what
Brooke had been going through. Reid had said that when he kissed her, she
hadn't reciprocated. That was exactly what had happened with Rachel. I'd spoken
to her since then and she'd apologized for overstepping any unspoken
boundaries. We both knew that we'd gotten caught up in the moment. I didn't
harbor any feelings of that sort for her, even though I may have felt something
if I hadn't already given my heart to someone else. I was, after all, a man. My
eyes knew when they'd landed on something exquisite. Rachel was a beautiful
woman, inside and out. She was going to make someone very happy one day. Only,
it wouldn't be me.

The
press had gotten hold of a photo of us kissing, and now it had been leaked all
over the Internet and papers. Suddenly, Brooke and I were thrust into the
spotlight again. Old photos of us popped up everywhere, questioning our
relationship. I'd finally stopped turning on any and all technology. I carried
my phone, but I'd turned off all notifications. I didn't want to see one more
text message or Tweet. I couldn't take it.

I
felt like I was drowning and I couldn't break the surface. No matter what I
did, I couldn’t escape the constant reminder that she was out of my life. Any
hope I may have had of getting her back was thrown out the window when that
photo had been leaked. I knew she'd seen it. Dek had been talking to Jade and
was filling me in, only when I pushed for information. The guys had been pretty
tolerant of my moody behavior, though they watched me carefully. If there was
any possibility that I may go over the edge and return to drinking, it would be
now. I felt completely lost.

I
stepped off the track and grabbed the metal bar that hung overhead, pulling
myself up and over it. I kept it up until my arms nearly fell off, then I
pushed harder. I jumped down and moved over to the sit-up bench, knocking out
two hundred in record time. Nothing seemed to kill the pain. My muscles
screamed and ached all over, but this pain was deep. This pain was untouchable.
I walked over to the bench and grabbed my water bottle, downing it in one gulp.
I pulled my shirt over my head and wiped off my face, then walked up to the
hotel suite.

We
were in London again. The show was tomorrow night. I'd learned from Dek that
Brooke was back in the city. She'd been in Michigan for nearly a month. Now
that it seemed that I had moved on, I guess she decided to dive right back in.
I found myself wondering if I would be able to stay away while I was here. The
ache in my chest screamed at me to run to her.

So
I did.

I
stood in the coffee shop across the street from her apartment. I watched and
waited for any sign of her. Then, after forty-five minutes of waiting, I saw
her, walking arm-in-arm with Reid. They were laughing. She looked happy. I
wanted to run out there and scream at her, tell her that he's not the guy for
her, but my pride was the only thing stopping me. If she was happy without me,
then I wasn't about to stand in her way.

I
realized then and there that it was really over.

The concert kicked off
at eight the next
evening. The house was packed. I started off with an apology for having to
cancel the last concert. I promised them a great show, and we delivered. We ran
forty minutes over our usual show time, and by the end I was feeling it. I had
been feeling down all afternoon. If I’d been completely honest with myself I
would have admitted that I had been down for the past three months. Seeing her
with Reid yesterday had stirred up a whole new wave of emotions. I knew it
would be a mistake to lay eyes on her. The only thing it had done was stir up
all the feelings that I'd been trying to mask. I was beginning to think that
I'd never be able to move forward. At least not of my own doing. I begged off
the after party, claiming to be tired. On my way back to the hotel I asked the
cab driver to swing by the liquor store. I ran in and grabbed a fifth of whiskey
and carried it back to my room, then placed it in the center of the table.

Just
in case.

I
tried relaxing, but it was no use. No matter what I did I couldn't seem to
unwind. Knowing that bottle was in the same room made me antsy. I wasn’t'
really sure why I had bought it. Maybe because the last few months had finally
taken their toll on me. Maybe because I just wanted to forget everything, even
if for just one night. But mostly because I needed to prove to myself that I
was strong enough to withstand the temptation.

I
grabbed my earbuds and put them in, turning on some music to help take my focus
off the bottle that sat in the next room. I listened to a few songs, and before
I knew it, I had dozed off. My dreams were filled with darkness. I found myself
chasing after a dark figure, but every time I got close I would reach out and
grasp at thin air. Even in my sleep, I knew this figure represented Brooke. I
assumed that my being unable to reach her meant that she was already long gone.