Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD (17 page)

MBB Weekly Evaluation Scale Work Toward Resolving Your PTSD

Date: __________

During the past week, how did you do with these practices? Check the description that best matches your practice: hardly ever, occasionally, usually, or almost always.

List three requirements that used to cause you to have a meltdown but that you now defuse by releasing the I-System’s tension and letting yourself function naturally:

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

6.
Heal the Negative Self-Beliefs That Trauma Causes

After a traumatic experience, natural thoughts like
I could have done more
,
I’ll never be the same
,and
Why me?
come up. By latching on to negative self-talk, the I-System creates repetitive storylines that embed negativity into your body, over time leading to mental and physical distress. You develop a self-belief that because of the trauma or the way you acted during the crisis, you are damaged.

A
negative self-belief
is a dysfunctional mind-body state filled with negative thoughts about your traumatic experience. The only reason the negative self-beliefs continue is that you still have requirements for yourself. Negative self-beliefs can’t last very long when your I-System is resting and your true self is running the show.

In the last chapter, you found that you get distressed from having unfulfilled requirements for the world. This chapter focuses on the requirements you have for yourself and on healing the negative self-beliefs trauma causes.

The requirements you have for yourself are keeping you from being who you really are and healing your PTSD. There’s a difference between meeting your requirements and defusing requirements, as you’ll see in the next exercise. When you defuse negative self-belief requirements, they lose their power over you and healing happens.

Day One     Date:____________

Today, notice situations in which you get distressed because of your requirements for yourself (for example,
I should know the answer when my boss asks me a question
,
I should please my spouse
,
I shouldn’t be alone
,
I shouldn’t make a mistake
).

1. List three situations in which your requirements for yourself activated your I-System today.

Fill out this chart based on what you listed in the last one:

2. Fill out the next chart for each requirement from the previous step:

The I-System has you between a rock and a hard place. When your requirements for yourself aren’t met, your depressor moves into the driver’s seat, leaving you feeling damaged. Even when you are able to meet your requirements, the fixer moves into the driver’s seat and enough is never enough. But when you defuse your requirement and your true self is in the driver’s seat, you are naturally healing your negative self-belief, and you will take the right action moment by moment.

Do you see that it’s not a matter of meeting or not meeting requirements, but defusing them? Yes ____ No ____

3. Using your bridging awareness practices, listen to background sounds, feel your body’s pressure on your seat, sense your feet on the floor, and feel the pen in your hand. When you’re settled, label your thoughts and go over each requirement you listed in today’s first chart.

What have you noticed about each of your requirements after mind-body bridging?

Requirement One:

_______________

_______________

Requirement Two:

_______________

_______________

Requirement Three:

_______________

_______________

Tools to Defuse Requirements for Yourself

To defuse these requirements for yourself, use these tools:

1. Become aware of your earliest signs of an overactive I-System (body tension and depressor, fixer, and storyline activity), which will prompt you to look for the hidden requirement.
   
2. Use your bridging awareness practice and thought labeling tools to interrupt the I-System’s commotion.
   
3. Recognize that it’s
   your
   requirement for yourself,
   not
   the situation, causing your distress. For example, failing a test isn’t what’s distressing you; you’re distressed because you have the requirement
   I should have passed the test.
   
4. You’ll know you have defused the requirement when you feel a release of body tension and mind clutter. When the situation comes up again, your true self is in the driver’s seat and you are able to deal with it calmly.
   

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

Day Two     Date:____________

1. Whenever you fail to meet your requirements, the I-System makes you feel like a failure. This reinforces your negative self-beliefs. Today’s exercise focuses on requirements you have for yourself in your relationships with coworkers, in-laws, neighbors, grocery clerks, and so on (for example,
I shouldn’t be so angry with my mother-in-law
,
I should give my coworkers timely feedback
,
I should be more caring
).

1. What requirements do you have for yourself in your relationships?
   Example:
   “I should be more caring toward Mari.”
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

2. What effect does each of these requirements have on you?
   Example:
   “I have to force myself to be caring, and deep down I feel like I am a bad husband.”
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

3. How do these requirements affect your relationships?
   Example:
   “It spoils the relationship; I go from trying to care to not caring at all.”
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

2. List your requirements for yourself in your most important relationships, being as specific and detailed as possible (for example,
I shouldn’t criticize Jay when he’s late
,
I shouldn’t upset T. J. when he’s tired
,
I should make Sherri happy
). Do your requirements improve or limit the relationship?

Once you have a requirement (for example,
I shouldn’t be critical or angry), do you feel pressured or driven to meet that requirement? Do you feel bad about yourself if you don’t meet it?

_______________

_______________

3. Map your requirements for yourself in your most important relationship. Write the person’s name in the oval. Around the oval, scatter your thoughts about how you should be in that relationship. There’s no right or wrong. Be specific and work quickly.

How I Should Be in My Most Important Relationship Map

1. Look at each thought and notice any body tension you have when you think about meeting that requirement for how to be in that relationship. Look again at each item and notice your body tension when you are
   not
   meeting that requirement. Thoughts that come with body tension are your requirements.
   
2. Your requirements keep your negative self-beliefs going. What are your requirements?
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

   ______________________________
   

4. Do the map again, writing the person’s name in the oval. Before you continue writing, listen to background sounds, feel your body’s pressure on your seat, sense your feet on the floor, and feel the pen in your hand. Once you’re settled, keep feeling the pen in your hand, and start writing any thoughts that come to mind about that relationship. As you write, keep paying attention to background sounds, feeling the pen in your hand, and watching the ink go onto the paper. Write for three to four minutes.