Mind Over Mind (29 page)

“She wasn’t the only one,” came a voice from the doorway. They turned to see Dr. Malachai. He stood in what was probably meant to be a casual pose, but it was ruined by his stern expression.

Here it comes,
Joshua thought. He took a large sip of his soda.

“Floyd, I’d like a few words in private with our young intern, if you don’t mind.” The tone of his voice said it hardly mattered if the orderly did mind.

Nonetheless, Floyd turned to Joshua, a question in his eyes.

“Thanks for your help, man,” Joshua held out a fist. Floyd tapped it with his. Then, with a nod to the chief psychiatrist, he left the two alone.

For a long moment, Malachai stood with the room between them, regarding Joshua with a not-quite-challenging stare. Joshua stared back, leaning against the machine. Malachai’s presence was actually a relief, in a way; it gave him something to focus on other than Sachiko’s expression. In the back of his mind, he could hear the familiar theme from the shootout scene of an old Western.
I’m not blinkin’, pardner
.

Malachai broke the silence. “Have a seat, Mr. Lawson.”

The chief psychiatrist pulled up a metal chair and sat in it, leaning back in a practiced, nonchalant way. Joshua sat with elbows on the table and eyes on his soda. He didn’t feel like playing psych games.
Just get it over with.

“Well, it would seem we have a similar taste in women.”

So you
were
making the moves on her at that party!
It was not what Joshua expected, and the words were out of his mouth before he realized what he was saying: “Had your shot, sir.”

To his surprise, Malachai laughed, acting for all the world like they were just two guys discussing chicks. “And this is your shot, I suppose? Embarrassing her and yourself in front of people who may one day become your colleagues, just to satisfy your flair for the theatrical?”

Oh, don’t hold back. Tell me how you really feel.
“Sachiko understands.”

“Does she? How well do you really know her?”

Joshua was starting to tire of Malachai’s superior attitude. He gave the older man his most knowing glare. “Enough.”

Malachai cocked a brow. “And it doesn’t bother you, being Catholic and all? I’d have thought—”

Joshua didn’t want to hear anything from
him
about the woman he loved. “The past is the past. I’m the present and I want to be the future.”

The psychiatrist threw his hands in the air, the way Josh’s mother sometimes did when she was exasperated. “As you wish. But are you sure you’re not making a rash decision? After all, this isn’t the first time you’ve rushed into something that later turned out to be disastrous.” Surprise must have shown on Joshua’s face, for he hastily added, “Your father told me about LaTisha Dane before you arrived here. He was concerned, and asked that I keep an eye on you. I didn’t feel the need to mention it.”

Joshua was suddenly thankful for Sachiko’s discretion at work, and glad that he’d already told his parents all about her and his plans. But he didn’t like Malachai thinking his feelings for Sachiko were anything like those he’d had for LaTisha. He leaned back, matching the other’s posture and superior attitude. “Sir, I take it you’ve never been married? Engaged? Truly in love?”

“Are you implying that I wouldn’t understand?” Malachai’s smile twisted sickly for a moment. Joshua chose to ignore it.

“It’d make it easier to explain. With LaTisha, I was, well, obsessed, really. I let things slide because I just wanted to be with her, because I felt so good around just her. It was kind of like a drug, really. I felt more of a man, but I was becoming less of a person. With Sachiko, it’s like a part of me I didn’t know was empty is suddenly filled. Being near her, even at work, is the best part of my day, but I’m also just driven to do more and better in everything else, whether it concerns her directly or not. I’m more of a person, and more of a man, because of her.”

“And if she doesn’t feel the same about you?”

The pain and fear of that thought, now voiced, pierced him, and he had to stop before replying. He covered as best he could by taking a large gulp of Diet Coke. “Then I’m still better off for having known her, and I hope that this experience helps her realize that she deserves someone who’ll risk everything for her; that she’s worthy of true, enduring love.”

“Poetic. But interesting you should mention risk.”

‘Bout time. Just act natural
.

When Joshua didn’t react, Malachai continued, again with exasperation, “What are we to do with you, Joshua? Your work has been acceptable, particularly considering your youth and inexperience, but your professionalism on the job…Do you realize in the month you’ve been here, you’ve dressed down the orderlies, flirted with the nurses, allowed an unauthorized person access to a client, and acted as if you were the peer of the people who should be your mentors?”

I’ve also been instrumental in the recovery of one client and the progress of another, sat death watch for a third, been hit with a chair protecting a client, and created a training video on an innovative method that—who’d have thought it?—works
, he thought angrily, though he didn’t say anything. It’d only sound defensive if Malachai was going to fire him, and boastful if not. Instead, he sipped his soda and waited for the hammer to fall.

“And now this scene. Tell me, what would you do in my place?”

What Joshua really wanted to do was roll his eyes and snarl, “Will you stop the cat-and-mouse games and just fire me already?” Instead, he just waited, infuriatingly calm and guileless.

Again, it was Malachai who broke the silence. “It would be…impolitic to fire you at this time. Besides, I’m not sure how I’d explain the double-blow to your father; he is trusting me with you, you know. However,” his voice took on a serious edge, “any more unconventional behavior, and I will have no choice but to terminate your employment. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” He waited until his boss left the room before muttering what he really felt: “Bastard.” Now he’d have to go to confession again. He was really starting to despise that guy. He tried to take a drink of soda, discovered that the can was empty, and slumped. How long had it been since he’d left Sachiko at the nurses’ station? He could only have been talking to Malachai for a few minutes, but it seemed more like an hour. He pulled himself up enough to fold his hands in prayer.
St. Valentine? I didn’t do a novena or anything, but if you could put in a good word...?

He almost jumped to see Sachiko next to him.

“A girl’s got to be careful what she says to you,” she said without preamble.

It took him a moment to realize she’d remembered her comment from their first weekend together. He wasn’t sure how to respond. She was right beside him, so close he could lean a little and touch her shoulder with his, but she didn’t look at him. She held the ring box, closed, in her hands. Her expression was tense, her mouth a tight line.

He couldn’t look at her. He turned away, started to drink, realized again that his soda was empty, and stared at the can as if it could reveal some secret.

“So...Did you write that yourself?”

“Yeah. I know, the lyrics were kind of corny, and they don’t really scan—”

“No! No, it was beautiful.” For a moment, he caught her swift glance through his peripheral vision. Then she was staring at the box again, turning it over in her hands. “It’s just, I don’t think you’ve realized the trouble you’ve made for us.”

“Sachiko, I—”

“No, hear me out. First, Monique is not going to give us a day’s rest. She’ll want to know every detail of our relationship from here on out, and you only have to deal with it for the summer. And I’m betting she’s not the only one. Then, there’re my parents—I don’t think you appreciate what an ordeal a Japanese-Italian wedding is. Not to mention the smug expression on my grandmother’s face when she finds out her novenas have been answered—”

“They have?” Joshua did not believe his ears. “She will—it is—I mean, you will? We—”

Sachiko burst out laughing. “Oh, shut up and help me put this on, will you?”

Joshua, hastening to comply, hands shaking with relief and suppressed adrenaline, fumbled with the chain and nearly dropped the ring.

“Hey! Be careful with that! It’s a priceless heirloom, you know!”

“Sorry. But what do you expect, leading me on like that?” Gently, he placed the chain around her neck and fastened the clasp.

“Warned you about paybacks.” She looked down at the ring resting between her breasts. She clasped it, giggling, and spun into his waiting arms. Their kiss was restrained—they were at work—but after a long week apart, it was very sweet. She pulled away before he could lose himself in it. Still, he held her in a tight embrace and reveled in the comfort and warmth of her body. He kissed the top of her head. “Want me to stick around until ten?” he asked.

“Actually, love—”

Love. That word sounded so wonderful! “Say that again!”

She pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. “Joshua Abraham Lawson, I love you.”

CHAPTER 34

Deryl grinned to himself and used his thumb to blend the shadows on the sketch of Joshua proposing to Sachiko. After sticking around the hallway to make sure Sachiko ran to Joshua, he’d retreated to his room. They had to come by here before heading to Japperwoppy, where her family had planned the engagement party.

A knock on the door told him he’d overestimated the time they’d need to accept the congratulations from the staff—or maybe they were anxious to share the news with him? He felt something in him release and relax, and he had to close his eyes a moment before he shouted, “Like you have to knock!”

“Protocol must be followed,” Joshua replied as he and Sachiko entered. “Where were you?”

“Oh, like you’d have known if I were there! As a matter of fact, I found myself a good vantage point.” He turned the sketch for them to see, but pulled it back when Sachiko reached for it. “No way! I’m not done. You guys came here earlier than I’d expected—but come on! Where’s the ring?”

Sachiko plopped on the bed beside Deryl and pulled out the chain for him to see. He glanced from the simple silver band to Sachiko’s sappy smile, then to Joshua, who held up his empty hand with a shrug. But he, too, had a happy, love-struck grin, and Deryl could feel the stretching in his own cheeks. How long had it been since he’d smiled so much? Impulsively, he threw his arms around Sachiko. “I’m so happy for you!” he whispered.

“I’m still not sure I believe it,” she whispered back.

“Trust him.” He gave her one more squeeze and released her. With a small giggle, she wiped her eyes. He found he had to take a deep breath, himself. “Oh, hey. Your clothes are hanging in my closet. Why don’t you go get changed while I tell your fiancé what will happen to him if he ever hurts you?”

“Fat chance of that. Wait—my clothes?”

Joshua pulled out the suit bag and handed it to her. “Your mom got them from your apartment for me this afternoon. She said either way, you’d want to come by the restaurant tonight—”

“My parents know?!”

“Honey, your dad’s one scary dude! Of course I went to him first!”

Her eyes widened, then she glowered. “He stuck a butcher’s knife under your chin.”

Joshua hesitated, then nodded. “Day we met. Didn’t stop me.”

“Arrgh! It’s like prom all over again!” Sachiko threw her arms into the air, snatched the suit bag and headed to the bathroom, griping in Italian about overprotective fathers.

“She’s got a temper. It runs in the family,” Deryl warned. From behind the door, Sachiko yelled, “I heard that!”

“Ya think? I can handle it.”

“How’d you handle Malachai?”

Joshua responded with a snort, and Deryl realized that whatever mix of scolding and innuendo the Chief Psychiatrist had used had gone right past him. Deryl glanced at the picture he was drawing, and again that wave of well-being washed over him. Was this joy? Yet, he also felt a funny kind of emptiness... He rubbed at the base of his skull, as if the pressure could fill it.

“You okay?” Josh asked, taking a seat in the same chair where just a few weeks ago, they’d faced each other off about his “friendship assignment.”

“Been quite a summer,” Deryl offered in lieu of an answer.

“Summer’s not even half over. You okay?”

“I... Well, don’t tell Malachai, but for the first time in a very long time, I feel... I’m not sure. Hope? I’m going to get out of here.” A laugh escaped him, and he pressed his fist against his mouth to stop it. “I actually believe I’m going to get out of here.”

Joshua just smiled—a little sternly—and nodded, but Deryl could feel the joy coupled with victory that poured from his friend like the heat of the sun. “Well, it’s about time. But we’ve still got a lot of work to do to convince the rest of the staff before you can come to my wedding.”

“Hey, I’m not waiting that long. End of summer. We leave together. Deal?” Deryl held out his hand.

“Deal.” Joshua took it, then pulled him into a quick hug.

“I think my mother knew what I was going to answer, ya know what I mean?” Sachiko stood at the door in a sapphire dinner dress and matching heels. She did a little spin and the skirt swirled around her knees. The joy that emanated from Joshua took on a different tone, one that made Deryl uncomfortable and...not jealous, but envious of his friend’s good fortune. He ducked his head and turned to his sketch to keep his friends from noticing.

“I think you look great,” Joshua told her.

“Thank you, but what does Mom think we’re going to do?”

“Dinner with your fiancé isn’t enough?”

She laughed. “All right. I got your point. Hey—you!”

Now that the moment had passed, Deryl was able to grin at her.

“You want me to bring you some
diakufu
on Monday?”

“Please! I mean, if your mom’s made any—”

Sachiko snorted. “I have the feeling that’s not the only thing she’s cooked up today.”

_*

When the door had closed behind them, Deryl turned back to his sketchbook. For a while, he just sat, his eyes resting on the drawing, feeling nothing, or perhaps feeling too much.

He flipped back to an earlier page, let his fingers trace the lines of Tasmae’s profile. That empty ache sharpened, and he swallowed hard. He forced himself not to think about how he’d left her, about her terror at losing him; otherwise, he’d go running back to her before he was ready. He could not go back to her yet. He had to be healed. Strong. Sane.

“But I’ll come back to you,” he whispered. “I promise. Just hold on for me.”