Mirror of My Soul (9 page)

Then she pointed a finger at her son and said, ‘You never should have been born. I’m sorry.’ She picked up the gun on the side table and killed herself in front of him.”

“Good Christ.”

“We got this from him in prison. We assume it’s true. As you are likely aware, it is difficult to predict, even with all our empirical data and theories, what extreme stress will do to a person; it can act on them in some unexpected ways. Marguerite’s father had a complete breakdown of his moral foundation when the tragedy occurred. From eight to fourteen, Marguerite was forced to join him on his psychotic journey, a world where everything to him was violence and pain, punishment. For you see, Marguerite looked very much like her grandmother.”

She lifted a binder. It looked as if it had been removed from storage, traces of dust still on the edges of the pages. The spine had been labeled “Peninski”. Several folders were inserted in the front pocket but she went to the album pages first.

“Here she is, posing with her grandmother.”

Tyler blinked, looked closer. “She’s… Her hair and eyes. They’re brown.” He also noticed the resemblance between Marguerite and her grandmother
was
striking, even to the stance of their bodies. There was a dark-haired boy in the photo. From the sizes of the two children, Tyler made a swift deduction.

“They were twins?”

“Yes.”

44

Mirror of My Soul

“What happened to him?”

“Let me take the story in its proper progression, because you need to understand about David. It will make more sense that way. Here’s that picture of Marguerite and her father where he’s carrying her on his shoulders.”

“The brown hair again.”

“And you’ll notice she tanned easily. She and her father were alike in that regard.”

“She dyed her hair white?”

She shook her head, turned the page. “Her class picture at thirteen.”

Marguerite had not smiled in this photo, half her face obscured by the fall of brown hair, her eyes already cultivating that distant look he recognized.

“Now, here she is six months later just before the police brought her to me. This was taken in the police station a day or so after her mother and brother committed suicide.”

Tyler looked at a teenager sitting in a wheelchair. In a short brown smock dress that had obviously been picked out of a police lost-and-found, she also wore a brace for a collarbone fracture. There was a sling on the affected arm and a cast on her leg. The hand that now bore the sunburst scar had been carefully bandaged. Her hair was snow white, loose on her shoulders.

“Eyes?”

“Blue as the summer sky. Skin pale as a vampire’s. I wouldn’t have thought it was the same girl except you can see the bone structure of the face. As I said, extreme trauma changes people in ways we still don’t totally understand, physically as well as mentally.”

“Her father.” Tyler ran a knuckle across the face of that young girl for whom hope wasn’t even a distant dream. He knew what was coming, had already seen the marks on her, but it didn’t make the vicious ache in his gut any less jagged. “She made a joke once. About being from rural Kentucky, so the only sex she’d had was with family members.”

He’d read once about a comic book character who gave his soul in exchange for the ability to go out and annihilate those who preyed on the innocent. He knew why a man would be willing to do such a thing if it meant saving only one child, one soul from having this look in her eyes.

“We don’t know when he began raping her. We suspect it was age eight, after

they’d moved to Tampa to be near his parents and the incident with her grandmother happened. We know the mother knew nothing for a very long time. She’d begun to drink, unable to reach her husband and heal his pain, though to all appearances she continued to care functionally for the children and for him.”

“Do you think she was just kidding herself about not knowing?”

Komal shook her head. “It’s hard to know. Again it depends on the person, their coping mechanisms. It’s one of the most unthinkable things for a wife to contemplate, 45

Joey W. Hill

that her husband is sexually preying on her children, their children. And she was a nurse who worked night shifts.”

“Which left Marguerite defenseless to him, night after night.” Tyler felt a headache pushing at his temples, a nauseous ache in his gut. “Her brother…”

“Knew. Not just because their bedrooms were side by side, but because of the twin connection.”

“Was he molested?”

“No. Not by the father,” she said cryptically. “Apparently, his focus was all on the replica of his mother, where somewhere in his twisted, broken mind raping and

violating her night after night was her punishment. Oedipus gone psychotic. Every time he sodomized Marie, he placed a burn along her spine, like a mark on a bedpost.”

“Jesus. Fucking, bloody monster.” Tyler was up again, unable to breathe. He

walked to stand at the window. “This bastard is in prison? Still alive?”

Not for long, if he could arrange the proper interaction with the right inmate. And arrange to have him tortured to death.

“Yes.”

“How…how do you sodomize an eight-year-old and not have it show up in a

medical history?”

“Marguerite’s father was a doctor. I assume he took care of any treatments she needed. And the horrifying fact is a man who knows what he’s doing can sodomize a child without endangering her life, though there will be repeated trauma to the tissues.

Through the rapes, she lost the ability to have children. And we don’t know at what age the sodomy began. Perhaps later in adolescence, when she would have been dressing herself without her mother’s participation. He only had hospital privileges up until the time she was twelve. Apparently at that time his mental makeup had deteriorated to the point that he stopped practicing, though the official word was a sabbatical.”

“So when did it all come to a head? What happened when she was fourteen?”

“Marguerite’s mother found out.” Komal looked down at another picture. Tyler

came back to see a photo of a woman with some of Marguerite’s features. It was a wedding picture, Marguerite’s parents before Marguerite was part of their lives. They were obviously in love, likely looking forward to a normal life of ups and downs as a married couple.

“It’s odd how fate chooses when to intervene. She had a flu bug, not an unusual thing for a person who drinks too much and has a depressed immune system, though apparently much of her drinking occurred at home, during the day. She went home in the evening, when he was expecting her not to be home until dawn. She walked in on them in Marguerite’s bedroom.”

Tyler sat down next to her. “What happened then?”

“Marguerite’s mother was a good woman who’d tried to honor her wedding vows

by standing by her husband through his grief and deterioration, even when he

46

Mirror of My Soul

repeatedly refused help, even when she despaired so much she sought solace from a bottle. Finding out he was sexually assaulting their daughter called off all bets. And it was the first time in the story that I developed any sympathy for her.” Komal’s lips thinned. “She told him to get out, called him probably any name she could think of.

When he wouldn’t leave she went into her room, pulling both the children with her.”

Komal shook her head. “We were able to keep this out of the paper, out of respect for the family. And I was assured all we spoke of would be in confidence.”

“It will be.”

She inclined her head. “The house got very quiet. She assumed he’d left but she kept packing, knowing she couldn’t stay. She had to get her daughter, both of her children, out of there.

“I imagined it, many times,” Komal added. At her tone, Tyler looked up from the photo of Marguerite at the police station. In Komal’s face he saw the love for the young girl clearly stamped on her features. “The day things could have turned in the right direction for the three of them. David, relieved at last that his mother knew, that his sister would be saved. Marguerite, seeing her mother step forward, be strong as a woman should be to take care of her children, become a warrior if need be to fight and take them to safety. I saw so many cases over the years, cried over them. But this one…

I could just imagine that mother packing, stealing glances at her daughter, seeing the things that hadn’t made sense now making such horrible sense, things she would have paid better attention to if she hadn’t been fogged by drink and despair. The increasing paleness, the weight loss. Wondering, ‘when was the last time I saw either of my children smile?’ Marguerite’s broken eyes. Looking into her eyes and seeing…”

“The distance.”

Komal nodded. “You see it in the worst ones. You know somewhere they’ve shut

down. They don’t seek escape or affection. You sit them in a corner and they simply wait until the next thing happens. They expect nothing. I suspect her mother probably asked Marguerite some questions in those moments. ‘How long has it been going on?’

Did she hug her, hold her, try to touch her at all? Or was she numb with shock, focused on getting them out of that house? As I imagine it, I find myself—absurdly—urging her to hurry, get out, don’t worry about clothes, just get out, get out now. Trying to impact an event that happened years ago. I do know one of the few personal things I got out of Marguerite about that moment was that David sat next to her on the bed as they watched their mother and held her hand. She remembers him saying softly, ‘It’s okay now.’

“He was about at the age I expect he would have either absented himself from

home as much as possible or tried to intervene. Or both. We have a record of him at eleven coming to an emergency room with a broken arm and injuries to his face and mouth. Two of his teeth knocked out. Supposedly a fight after school. Marguerite confirmed that was a lie, that he’d attacked her father, tried to pull him off her. She knew her father would kill him if he tried to interfere. So after that she told David if he loved her, he’d just stay away as much as possible and not worry about it. That they’d 47

Joey W. Hill

just both try to stay away as much as possible. It’s odd they didn’t just run away.

Though she never said, I think that they wouldn’t leave their mother.

“He was devoted to her. School records show they insisted on being in the same classes, spent most of their time together. David had friends. Marguerite was sometimes with him when he spent time in their company but she did not cultivate her own friends. He was her one touchstone to something other than the horror of their home life.

“David was a child’s love but perhaps the only pure, untainted love she had where she gave back as well. And I don’t think anyone’s broken through to her since his death.”

Komal shook her head, rose. “I need to get us some tea, Mr. Winterman. This is a story better told in pieces. Would you like to help?”

“Yes.” He accompanied her, assisting in silence, respecting her need to reflect and gather her thoughts. She chose a tea that smelled of chamomile, probably seeking the calmness it could offer. When they returned to the main room, he carried the tea tray, set it down where she directed and then watched her pour, the careful balancing, the straining, everything he’d seen Marguerite demonstrate.

“You provided her the way to save herself.”

“Isn’t that always an odd word? ‘Save.’” She handed him a cup, began to pour

herself one. “‘Save’ is what The Lone Ranger does, or Spider-Man. Coming out of nowhere to catch the heroine when the villain shoves her off the cliff, or pull her off the train tracks. No one was around to save Marie Peninski. Marguerite Perruquet picked up the pieces and has been trying to reassemble what was left ever since.”

Tyler’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

“You’ve seen the popular movies where a personality divides because it can’t

handle what’s happened to it? Marguerite Perruquet is strong enough to face what was done to Marie Peninski. She didn’t block it, but she somehow intuitively knew she had to create another name, a person whose shoes she could step into to manage what Marie endured.”

“What happened that night?” He put down his cup, afraid that he was going to

break it with the rage vibrating through him.

“The mother about had the suitcase packed when he burst back into the room. With a gun.” Komal set her own cup back down, added some milk from a small pitcher. “The only way Marguerite could tell this part of the story was by demonstrating it to me with dolls. And because it was in fact that awful, I am going to say it as bluntly as I can, the best to get it over with.” Her fingers held on to the pitcher after she replaced it on the tray, her grip tightening.

“Frederick Peninski put the gun to Marguerite’s head and told his wife to remove her clothes, to remove her son’s clothes. Told Mrs. Peninski over and over that she was no better than him, that if demons were digging into her brain she’d be doing nothing different from him. He then told her to have sex with her son right then and there or 48

Mirror of My Soul

he’d blow Marguerite to pieces one shot at a time. Then he’d shoot David as well. To prove it, he lifted Marguerite’s hand and shot through it.”

The starburst. Tyler closed his eyes but Komal’s words kept coming.

“David made a lunge for his father and he shot him in the leg. The boy went down.

Even though the boy was bleeding and in pain, Frederick was screaming at her to do it, to show she was just like him. He had the gun cocked, his finger on the trigger, the barrel against Marguerite’s temple. So her mother did it. She did the unthinkable, aroused her son with the knowledge of a sexually mature woman and made him

ejaculate inside her as Frederick ordered. After, he told her she had nowhere to go. That this was hell and there would be no escape from hell for any of them.”

The clock ticked on the wall. Tyler could hear her refrigerator humming in the kitchen they’d just left. Tyler knew that there was sunshine outside and spring flowers, but all he could see were rows of bodies in Panama being bulldozed into a mass grave.