Mirrored 1 : In Spades (18 page)

Gram ordered in pizza for us all and made a quick garden salad. She said she hasn’t been feeling too well lately and this was just easier. I couldn’t blame the woman. She was 72 years old and got around better than I did. She never complained. She maintained her house and her lawn with minimal help from Daxton and Gabe. Her husband had passed away 10 years earlier due to cancer. She never talked about him but I could see in the photos that hung on her wall that they were happy. I hoped that Dax and I would remain that happy and in love, just like they were.

Abby talked consistently about what kind of dress she would like to wear in the wedding. I didn’t want to break her little heart but I wasn’t sure how well multi-colored rainbow dresses would go over with Faith and the other bridesmaids. I had no idea who else I was going to choose but that was the least of my worries. Even  if I just had to have Faith I was okay with that. I didn’t need a big or a fancy wedding. I just wanted to wear a pretty dress but I don’t think that Dax would let me get away with it. Planning a wedding was way out of my forte’ . Luckily, Gram offered to assist and I would definitely take her opinions into consideration. I’m sure Faith would put in her two cents as well. I needed all the help that I could get. Gram had become much like a Mother to me. I was so happy to be welcomed with open arms into this family. Gabe had even taken to calling me little sis, much to Dax’s chagrin.

Our Sunday dinner went effortlessly. We all relaxed and talked wedding plans, the weather, and just random things. It was a perfect Sunday. I would never let Daxton miss out on a Sunday dinner as long as I was with him. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I’m so happy that Abby is beginning to get the family that I had only ever dreamed about. After dinner, Abby and I helped Gram clean up while yet again, Gabe and Daxton disappeared. I had begun to notice that Daxton often smoked cigarettes when he was around his brother, usually only one or two but he never smoked at home or even when we were out. For some reason he got really stressed out when around Gabe.

After everything was cleaned up I noticed that Gabe and Daxton were sitting on the porch, deep in conversation. I peeked my head out and called Daxton’s name. Abby was getting tired and I wanted to get her home soon. It wasn’t super late, only 6 in the afternoon but I still needed to give her a bath and get her ready for bed. He glanced up at me and everything got really quiet.

“What’s up babe?” He asked.

“I don’t want to rush you or anything, but Abby is getting sleepy and I’ve still got tons to do tonight.“ I felt guilty for even asking him to go.

“You go on ahead without me. I’ll make Gabe drop me off when we’re done here.” The boys exchanged glances with each other and I caught a glimpse of surprise in Gabe’s face. He did not expect that Daxton would ask him for anything. Even something as simple as a ride home.

“Okay babe. You two boys play nice!” I lectured and turned around to head back towards the door. I was ready to head out.

Daxton called out my name so I turned my head over my shoulder to look.

“I love you, soon to be Mrs. James. “ He yelled, grinning ear to ear. I liked the sound of that, Mrs. Avalynn James.

“I love you, too.” I shouted back, smiling.

“I love you too Baby!” Gabe shouted and I couldn’t help but laugh, shaking my head. I gave him the finger behind my back and continued to walk. Daxton busted out laughing and Gabe joined in. I loved hearing that noise. I loved that they were starting to get along. I had always wished for siblings and I wanted nothing more than Daxton to have every ounce of his family involved in his life. Involved in our life.

I went inside and said my goodbyes to Gram. Abby didn’t want to leave, you could tell. Her little eyes were getting heavier, though, as the day went on. I lifted her into my arms and placed her gently into her booster seat in the back of my car. We rode home with the radio on, singing aloud to songs on the radio. Abby loved to sing and she had a great voice for a kid. I’m sure she would follow in Daxton’s footsteps and perform on the stage. I personally would die of stage fright but not Abby or Daxton, they lived for it. Abby had an impeccable knack for music already and I enjoyed watching her grew more every day.

We arrived home and I got her into the bathtub. She played in the bath for a while with her rubber ducky and mermaid Barbie. I got her all washed up and her sponge bob pajamas on. She loved him. That made one of us. He annoyed the hell out of me, personally. I did think Patrick was pretty funny though. I had to choose one of them to since I was forced to watch the show. Pretending to be a little bit into it helped me keep my sanity and try to refrain from gouging my eyes out with a plastic Spork.

I got Abby and I some pretzels to snack on and popped on a movie to watch. Abby chose Madagascar, it was one of her favorites. She giggled hysterically every time King Julien made an appearance on the screen. He was one of my favorite characters, too. We snuggled up on the couch and I played with her hair. I heard her lightly snoring even thought it was only a little after 7. The weekend had really worn my poor girl out. I started to close my eyes. I was also very tired this weekend. Between Dax wearing me out and all of the exciting and new news, I was exhausted. Holding Abby in my arms was comforting to me, familiar. I will dread the day when she gets too big to be snuggled. When she grows up and starts her own life, with her own family. I want her to stay little forever. I fell asleep for no more than fifteen minutes before the doorbell began to ring. I picked Abby up so that I could scoot off of the couch and laid her gently back down, covering her up with the throw blanket lying at the end. She didn’t even stir when I moved her. She was passed out cold.

The doorbell rang again loudly and I had to stop myself from yelling out that I was coming. I did not want Abby to wake up from either my voice or the loud doorbell and impatient person behind it. I finally reached the door and unlocked it. I had no clue who could be coming to visit at this hour. Dax had his own key now even though he still kept residence at his own apartment. He may have forgotten or something. Who knows. I opened the door and looked into the eyes of a person I had never thought I would see again.

Chapter 13: Daxton

“Ok. So what the hell did you call me out here to talk about? I’ve got a fiancé and daughter to get back to.” I was pissed off that I was here talking to this asshole, instead of home, spending time with my girls.

“Whoa, little brother. Take it down a notch. I just…I miss you man. We used to be close. What happened?” He looked sincere but I wasn’t buying it.

I did use to look up to Gabe. He and I were raised by Gram, tending to the work she needed done around the house and trying to keep her from not going crazy. Our dad, Nathaniel, passed almost two years ago. Our mother, not to be named, had left when we were just kids. I barely remember her. I didn’t care to try and reminisce about it, either. She gave up on us, all of us. My dad suffered from bipolar disorder. He had mood swings to rival the best of them. He was a good man, though. He was a great dad. I missed him like crazy every day and went through a rough patch in my life when he was taken out of this world. Between him and Gram raising us, we turned out alright. My mom couldn’t deal with my dad taking medications and having depressed days so she up and took off one day with not so much as a fuckin’ goodbye. I hated her. I always would. To me, someone that leaves their children high and dry, is worthless.

Gabe and I were close as kids and even closer as teenagers. We grew apart when dad died and I started fuckin’ up. I got into drinking heavily and doing enough drugs to tranquilize an elephant. I partied hard and loved even harder. I was a cocky, arrogant asshole and absolutely no fun to be around. I always thought I was right and would challenge anyone that tried to tell me otherwise. My dad was taken too soon. I needed him. That’s a whole different story though. Back to Gabe and I. That son of a bitch.

“Gee, I wonder…maybe because you FUCKED my girlfriend. “ I growled.

I had been together with Krissi since we were kids, we were inseparable. She lived next door, well what could be considered next door which was actually down the road, all of our lives. We moved in with Gram after my mother took off, my father had no clue how to raise two boys on his own. He went through bad days where he couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed. Gram knew that we wouldn’t be able to survive with that type of lifestyle without a female influence. My dad was so heartbroken over my mother leaving him that he wanted nothing to do with finding another companion. Sometimes in life you only have it in you to love once, to give your heart away and to never really get it back. I thought Krissi was my once in a lifetime. I’m happy to report that she wasn’t. Avalynn did it for me. I now knew the definition of true love. Sure, I loved Krissi. Definitely not the same way that I did, Ava, though. She was the other half of my heart, my missing piece.

Before my dad died I had every intention on marrying Krissi and starting a family with her. She was perfect in my eyes. Beautiful, charismatic and spunky. She challenged me constantly and we were like two peas in a pod.

When my dad passed away and I spiraled out of control, it took a toll on our relationship. Krissi begged me to get help, but I couldn’t see that I needed it. The only thing I felt during those times was darkness and not even her love could pull me from the hell I was in. Gabe and Krissi also knew each other well and had become good friends. She went to him to try and get help for me. I, of course, turned him down. I didn’t want help. I wanted a way out of feeling anything at all. I wanted to be numb.

I wasn’t giving Krissi what she needed so she ventured elsewhere to get it. Her and my brother claim they fell into lust with each other because I wasn’t around. Gabe was mourning, too. Just in a different way. He had nobody else around our age to be consoled by and I didn’t want her to console me. She went to him and the rest was history. They both told me shortly after and I wanted to kill them both. I couldn’t believe that they would go behind my back and hook up. I blamed myself mostly though because if I had been there for her, it never would have happened.

I straightened up after that. I had lost my dad, the love of my life and my brother all in one swoop. It was time to make a change. I set out to get my degree in music therapy. I wanted to help people that had mental disabilities. I wanted to open them up to a world that I loved, the only thing that helped soothe my tortured soul, Music. I succeeded in my goal and started working my life away. I had always been a member of In Spades, usually only playing at local bars on weekends. We were good but most of us had day jobs and never wanted to make it big. We did it for the love of music and the thrill of being on stage. I loved those guys, though. They had become my brothers, my family.

“Snap out of it man! “ Gabe placed his hands firmly on my shoulders and shook me out of my flashback.

“Get your fuckin’ hands off. That is not what you want to be doing right now, man.” I stated, bluntly. I didn’t shout or yell. I was quiet but menacing. That was when you had to worry the most.

Gabe through his hands up in the air in defeat and backed up a couple of inches away from me.

“O.k. Calm down. You know I’m sorry about all that shit with Krissi, man. I don’t know what in the hell I was doing. My mind was cloudy. She was there and giving me comfort and I needed it. We both needed it. I wanted to stop feeling so alone.” I sat quiet, contemplating his words.

I had nothing else to say to him. What’s in the past was in the past and I was happy now. Why I couldn’t let it all go still boggled my mind. I hadn’t saw Krissi since then. She moved away and only visited her parents on holidays, so I’ve been told. She never tried to explain or get a hold of me. I left and she let me go.

To my knowledge, she also let Gabe go. She didn’t really care about him. She just wanted his friendship and the comfort that I wasn’t able to give to her at that time. I didn’t chase her though. I needed to fix myself, love myself, before I could ever love anyone else.

“To be honest, I’m happy now. That shit is in the past. I need to let it go. I’d rather just not talk about it.” I signaled an ending to this conversation.

“Well. I don’t really want to talk about, either. I want to forget it even happened. I need to tell you something though.” He looked down at his shoes.

“What is it, just spit it out.” I stood up, ready to leave.

“Krissi…she’s back in town man…and she’s looking for you.” He backed a couple more inches, fear in his eyes.

“Well that’s just fuckin’ peachy keen.” I shouted. I was definitely done with this conversation. I was going home to my fiancé’ and forgetting I ever found out this piece of information.

I said goodbye to Gram and headed out the door without a backwards glance. Gabe promptly followed me out and I wonder what in the hell he was doing until I remembered that I didn’t have a car here and he was supposed to drop me off at Ava’s. I made my way to his car when a sleek, red sports car pulled into the driveway. I cocked my head to the side, trying to place it. Nothing came to mind. The person shut off the engine and opened the door, stepping out. I still didn’t recognize her but I could tell she was female, yes definitely female. As she got closer, finally almost to where Gabe and I stood, I realized who it was. Fuck Me, I was in trouble.

“Uhh..I’ll leave ya’ll alone to talk for a bit.” Gabe stated and began to walk back towards the house.

“Oh no you don’t mother fucker. You owe me, you’re staying!” I hissed back.