Mirrored 1 : In Spades (2 page)

             
I didn’t have to like them, but I would always love them. They were mine and I couldn’t replace them. I had heard through the grapevine that my mother had given birth to a little girl and that’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands, a day that I will never forget. Well, you already know what occurred after that and I am trying not to relive the same events. It is almost impossible for simple noises, smells and sounds to not take me back to the place I feared the most.

             
I was ecstatic at getting a position at Ida Elementary School. It worked out well as Abby would be attending school there at the beginning of the year, also. I quickly made friends with the staff and loved the calming atmosphere. I was excited to have a career where I could support Abby and I, as well as a comfort zone/safe haven for her and myself. I tried to be thankful every day for the good things that were being dished my way and I hoped that the bad karma was long gone. Abby was more than ready to begin school and was so happy about moving to an exciting new place.

             
Abby was well aware that I was her older sister and not her birth mother. I never kept that a secret from her but she still chose to call me mommy. I was all she knew and I had become okay with that. The way she addressed me only added to my deep sense of pride and need to make the best life for her as humanly possible. I still told her stories of our mother and father, leaving out all the bad and talking about the personality traits that we could be proud of. I told Abby stories portraying them to be like the heroic princes and princess that she loved hearing about in the fairytale books. Abby was too young to remember the incident and never questioned the jagged scars that littered my body. She was so young and innocent and I wanted to keep it that way. Abby deserved to have a happy and healthy childhood. I didn’t want to tarnish her thoughts on why we were in the situation we were in. I wanted her to take our relationship as a positive thing, a normal thing. I hate to play the victim as I know what a strong woman I have become. But I was still weak in a lot of ways.

             
I am not the hero in this story. Abby saved me, not the other way around. She was the reason that I fought to live every single day. I struggled to get a grip on my intense mood swings and horribly painful flashbacks. If it weren’t for the responsibility of taking care of Abby and loving her with all that I had, I would have given up long ago. She was my only reason for being; until I met him. He brought a whole new meaning to my life; one that could not be fulfilled by anybody else. He changed the way that I viewed myself. He threw my pre-planned life out the window. He shocked my system and gave my heart the jump start it needed. I am now a firm believer in the phrase, “rather to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. Simple but true.  This is a story of love, heartbreak and everything in between. This story has it all---in spades.

Chapter 2: Walk of Sham
e
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The school bell rang signaling the end of another work day. I helped a couple of students with their coats and wished them all a good weekend before I grabbed my briefcase and headed for the door. I locked the door behind me and scurried down the hall to Mrs. Anderson’s first grade classroom to pick up Abby. Abby gave me her infamous heart melting smile and raced into my arms.

“Whoa there little one. You almost knocked me over. I take it you had a good day?” I scooped Abby up into my arms and smothered her chubby cheeks in kisses.

“I gotta cowlor allll day Mommy. It’s a pwetty picture.“ She looked at me excitedly and handed me a folded up piece of paper.

             
I gently unfolded it to see a stick figure drawing of a girl with long blonde hair and big blue eyes.

“It’s you mommy!” she grinned from ear to ear.

              I had to stifle a laugh; I covered it up by giving her another sloppy kiss on the cheek. She wiped at it with her little hands, “blegh.” she mumbled out. I cracked a smile and set Abby firmly on the ground.

“I have to talk to Mrs. Anderson for a minute, sit in your chair and be a good girl.” I looked her straight in the eye with as much of a serious face as I could muster. She gave me a swift nod of her head.

“Otay Mommy.” She whispered and promptly sat in her chair and pulled out her crayons to begin coloring some more.

             
I walked up the desk where Mrs. Anderson was patiently sitting. She looked pensive, with a bright red pen in hand.

“Mrs. Anderson, is Christina still able to baby-sit for me this weekend? I won’t be heading out until 8 or so for my shift.” I asked her, snapping her out of the day dream state she was currently in.

              I studied the worn face of Abby’s middle aged Kindergarten teacher. I didn’t have Abby in my class because I didn’t specialize in special needs children. Abby loved Mrs. Anderson and more specifically, Christina, who was Mrs. Anderson’s seventeen year old daughter and my regular weekend babysitter.

“Yes, just like the last three weekends dear.” Mrs. Anderson began to laugh. “The girl is saving up for a car and just loves little Abby to pieces, babysitting two days out of every week won’t hurt her any, she needs the responsibility.”

“Thank you, I’ll have snacks available for her, I really appreciate the help and Abby loves Christina, too.” I waved to Mrs. Anderson, grabbed Abby’s hand and headed towards the car.               

             
Abby fell asleep on the drive home. A full day of school always knocks Abby right out. We spent the rest of the afternoon eating junk food, after a wholesome dinner of spaghetti of course, and cuddling in front of the television. Christina arrived at Seven P.M. I hurried to grab a shower and get ready for my shift at Louie’s. I took as quick of a shower as possible and threw on some tight fitting jeans and the tight blue and gold top that read Louie’s across my bust. All employees were forced to wear the top as part of the uniform, who was I to mess with tradition. I brushed the tangles out of my long blonde mane, but left my hair curly. Quickly smudged some lip gloss on and was ready to go. I glanced in the mirror for a quick teeth check and hurriedly rushed away. Mirrors always left a bad taste in my mouth.

I was a fairly pretty girl with porcelain skin, big blue eyes and small, but full lips. I was of average size and sporting those baby making hips that most guys seemed to be so fond of. I didn’t really care about my appearance, so I didn’t fuss with makeup or hair styling which ultimately left my skin clear and blemish free. I was finally ready by Eight P.M. so I went in search of the girls. I found them giggling and playing with Abby’s doll house. I gave her a hug and carried her to her princess bed. I tucked Abby in and read her the story of Cinderella, her favorite. She fell fast asleep by the time the clock struck midnight, in the story that is. I kissed her on the cheek and brought the blankets up around her small frame. I turned on her teddy bear night light and quietly exited her bedroom. I slid Christina a twenty to order pizza, gave her some pillows and blankets as she always spent the weekend with me to make things easier for her and locked the door behind me as I left.

I arrived at the bar five minutes before the start of my shift. Faith greeted me with a “Hey Bitch” per usual. I didn’t expect anything less from her. Faith was everything I wasn’t. Outgoing, eccentric and confident as hell. You couldn’t help but love her. We instantly bonded. Well, as much as I would allow myself to get close to anyone at least. She was definitely in the running as playing the role as my best friend.

Faith and I had met when I first moved to Ida a couple of years ago. She was the closest thing I had to calling someone my friend. She got me this night job at the bar and I really appreciated the extra money coming in. Faith knew nothing of my past with the exception of the embellished story I had created of my parents’ death, which was something about a horrific accident involving a train. A train wreck wasn’t such a far stretch of the imagination when it came to truth, in theory any way. I gave her a quiet “hi” back and put on my apron. I clocked in for the night and climbed behind the bar. I quickly fell into a relaxing pace of taking orders and slinging drinks. I had become great at this job and many regulars always came in on the day that I worked.

The crowd had gotten pretty large as we were having live entertainment tonight and I could barely hear the customers over all of the noise. The drinks were flowing and people were getting louder and wilder as the night went on. I heard a deep, smooth voice announce the band as “In Spades” and take off on a full set of heavy and fast paced rock and roll. I couldn’t see the faces of the figures that were moving around in a blur on the stage, but they sounded awesome. I found myself shaking my hips in time with the music. I was really beginning to enjoy this band, mouthing the lyrics to most of their songs as they played. I almost felt like I was in my own world dancing around to their music. It was so fun and natural. The tips had been receiving tonight weren’t that bad either. In Spades had been in here the last couple of weekends, surrounded by groupies every time. I wasn’t going to complain too much because they got the bar loaded with people and my pockets were growing, which was good for Abby and I. I had waited on the Lead singer, known as Dax by his band mates a couple of times. Our interaction never got old to me. The man was gorgeous and completely unattainable. He put off this distant persona, quite striking to my own. I hadn’t been with anyone in years. It doesn’t mean I didn’t constantly think about it though. I was human, I had needs. My mind always focused on the Sex appeal that encompassed Daxton every time he strolled up to the bar and greeted me. I barely said two words to him, but knew he felt the way I was lusting after him. I anxiously waited for our two minute conversations and the cocky grin he threw my way, every time In Spades played in the bar.

The music had ended before I knew it and someone had put money into the jukebox. The music switched over to something a little easier to dance to and I yet again, began to sway my hips to the beat. The band made their way off the stage and came over to grab beers. They were all good looking, but Daxton took the cake. His deep voice was hard to forget. He asked for vodka water. I promptly got to work making it to perfection and slid it across the bar to him. He took a black bandana from the pocket of his tight fitting jeans and wiped the sweat off of his brow. I tried not to fantasize about making him nice and sweaty again. I started to say hi to him but he cut me off with a finger in the air as if to say be right back. He quickly turned around to make his way back to his group. I sat behind the bar seething. I didn’t think I was that bad to look at. I wasn’t dressed like a tramp like the girl that was currently perched on his lap but I had a pretty nice body myself. I thought it was better to leave a little something to the imagination, but apparently bimbo thought otherwise.

I wanted to go over and claw her eyes out. Sadly, I had been waiting to talk to this man for a couple of weeks now. Sure, I had a couple of small conversations, but I wanted to actually get to know him. I never put myself out there, but I was instantly magnetized to him. He was delectable that much was obvious. But, it was more than that. I felt like he had deep, dark secrets and I desperately wanted to unravel them. Granted, every time I saw him; he had a Big-Boobed groupie planted firmly on his lap. It made me sick and I couldn’t understand why I was attracted to someone so unattached. The only reasoning I could think of was because I was unattached myself, devoid to men. I had no other choice, but to look away from the scene unfolding in front of my eyes. Busying myself by cleaning up the bar and cashing out my drawer, as most of the patrons were making their way out. It was inching up to closing time now.

Faith came over and launched her butt up on the counter top that I was currently wiping off.

“How about a celebratory shot, lady? On me!” She gave me a wink and slowly slid a shot of patron across the bar.

“What’s the occasion? You know I never drink. I have the kid at home!” I gave Faith my best “I mean business” face but it never worked on her.

Nope, not Faith. Faith exuded confidence in everything that she said or did. Faith was a beautiful brunette with Almond shaped hazel eyes, slight specs of green and gold shimmered throughout them. Faith had a daring blue streak through her bangs. The woman screamed sex on a stick and had every ounce of cocky to back it up. She was my age, but we couldn’t have been more night and day. I wouldn’t change her for anything, though. She was the only person I felt comfortable with that wasn’t a five year old little girl.

“Come on Ava, you never just RELAX. I know you have a babysitter for the night. You’re predictable you know. You rarely change up your routine. She’s safe with Christina and you know it, just one, pretty please?” Faith held the shot of patron out and gave me her best puppy dog expression.

Now, who could refuse that face?

“Fine, but only one.” I stated and slammed back the shot.

The smooth liquid burned down my throat. I instantly felt the head rush and knew I was in trouble.

“I’ll take one of what she’s having and get the lady a second on me.” I looked up to see a tall, handsome drink of water.

He was back and I couldn’t have been more excited. I looked over to where the other boys were sitting and couldn’t help but laugh to myself as I watched the same brunette from earlier making out with a different band member.

“Your girl is over there playing suck face with one of your friends.” The words tumbled out of my mouth so quick I couldn’t stop them.