Misfit (Death Dwellers MC #6) (61 page)

Sitting in a chair in a private room in the hospital, Fee pressed the ‘up’ button on the hospital remote, surfing through the channels on the TV. Though grateful to be alive, she couldn’t believe how gullible she’d been with Noah. She’d known his affiliation with the Torpedoes, had even questioned if he knew Counts…She clenched her teeth.

He must’ve had a good laugh over her asking if he knew Counts when all along
he
was the man. How could she have been so blind?

She sighed, dropping the remote in her lap and glancing out of the window. From where she sat, she only saw the gray skies. Fitting. The dreariness matched her mood.

What had she done? In her quest to forge a life for herself and get over Cash and Stretch, she’d probably caused a war that could get them killed. Not only them, but Christopher, Johnnie, and the men they called brothers. She couldn’t blame any of them for being angry with her, and forgetting she existed. She should’ve followed someone’s council, since her own had always been so questionable. As fond as she was of referring to herself as an adult who could take care of herself, she’d always done a piss-poor job.

Too late to feel sorry for herself. She hadn’t listened to Cash, when he asked to keep their relationship private. She hadn’t thought of Stretch, when she’d pushed for more. She hadn’t considered Christopher’s rules, when she wanted her way.

After being in and out of consciousness for days, this was the second day she had full lucidity. Vaguely, she recalled people,
lots
of people. She even remembered seeing Charlotte Redding. Had she imagined that? She couldn’t be sure what or who was real.

Her heart twisted and she dropped her head into her hands, ignoring the pain in her neck and joints, and wondering who knocked on her door.

Sniffing, she sucked in a sob, absently inviting her visitor in.

“Well, well, look who’s up.”

Cash’s drawl made Fee raise her head. He walked to where she sat and planted a kiss on her head. Following close behind, Stretch leaned down and kissed her cheek.

“You’re both here,” she cried, her excitement, joy, and fear sending her emotions into overdrive. “I’m so happy to see you two. I didn’t think I’d ever see either one of you here. I thought you were too angry with me. Maybe, that you hated me. Or that Christopher forbade you from coming to see me. He or Meggie hasn’t been here to see me. Neither has Johnnie or Kendall. Or…”

“Fee,” Cash murmured, kneeling in front of her and grabbing her hands. “Don’t talk, sweetheart.”

Stretch walked behind her and settled his hands on her shoulders. “Let your vocal chords heal.”

“Stop stressing,” Cash continued. “Meggie knows we’re here.”

“What about Christopher? Why hasn’t he been back to see me? Why won’t he allow Meggie to come?”

Stretch squeezed her shoulders. “How well do you know your brother?”

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Cash agreed. “You know how he is about family.”

Family meant everything to Christopher. Nothing would keep him away. Unless…“What’s happened to Christopher? Where is he? Is he all right?”

“Calm down, Ophelia,” Cash directed with sternness. “Don’t raise your tone and hamper your healing.”

“Yeah, Fee. Outlaw’s fine. Still in jail, but okay.”

At Stretch’s matter-of-fact statement, Fee’s heart stuttered. “In jail? Why? When did he go?”

“Cash and Outlaw were arrested for going after a Torp who burst into your room at the other hospital,” Stretch explained.

That sounded familiar. Moreover, it seemed as if she knew additional information about that, something that had to do with Charlotte Redding. And Kendall…? Foggy images danced in her head. Unable to make heads or tails of them, Fee abandoned the unformed thoughts. “You’re here, Cash,” she said instead. “Why is Christopher still in jail and you’re out?”

Cash smirked at her. “I don’t know if I should be hurt or not,” he teased.

“He’s the president,” she said primly, trying to contain her smile at Cash’s good mood, considering the seriousness of the issue. “He should already be out.”

“I agree,” Cash said. “It’s a point even your young nieces and nephews would understand.”

“Brooks is dumber than a branding iron,” Stretch grumbled, still behind her, while Cash remained in front of her, sandwiching her between them. “At least a branding iron leaves a mark. When Outlaw gets through with Brooks’ stupid ass, he’ll wish there was something left to brand.”

Thoughts of Charlotte hit Fee again. “Oh no! If something happened to Brooks, what would become of his wife?”

“You like that cunt?” Cash asked, lifting his brow.

“Yeah, Fee. What difference does it make what happens to her?”

Charlotte’s face morphed into Kendall’s, and Fee touched the bandage at her throat. “Actually, I was thinking of Kendall,” she admitted. “Whatever affects Charlotte would also affect Kendall.”

Abandoning his position behind her, Stretch sat at the edge of her bed and offered her a level look. “Worry about getting well. Those two are the last people anyone should waste sympathy on.”

Cash rose to his feet. “Stretch is right, sweetheart.” Their gazes collided and Cash shook his head, almost as if he offered a silent denial. “Fee,” he started, and closed his eyes, hiding his amazing blue irises for a brief moment. Raising his lids, he exchanged a glance with Stretch. “I have no words.
None
. Nothing, to express to you my fear of almost losing you. When Stretch delivered the news to me. Seeing him so broken up. Feeling so fucking helpless.”

Fee started to rise to her feet, but Stretch was at her side almost instantly. “Don’t. You need your strength back.”

“I have to move around,” she protested, hoarseness creeping into her words.

“Zoann told the staff to let you take it at your own pace, on Johnnie’s orders. He doesn’t want you to talk unless you’re ready.”

“But that’s insane. He doesn’t have a medical degree. Why would they even listen to him?” Although that did explain why she hadn’t been talking a lot.

“Just take it at your own pace, sweetheart,” Cash said, his look sweet and tender. “I’ve been such a fucking fool, rejecting your feelings.” He nodded to Stretch. “His feelings,” he said, since he spoke to Fee. “I didn’t want to admit how much you completed me or that I understood what you meant when you said the same thing.”

Fee looked at her two gorgeous men. She loved them so much. Nothing and no one could ever change that. Sometimes, though, it was better to love from a distance. Love wasn’t supposed to kill or to hurt or to hinder. Love meant joy and happiness, solitude and safety.

Love was selfless.

She grabbed both Cash and Stretch’s hands and kissed their palms. “I understand now,” she whispered. “I did before, but I was too stubborn to admit it. Christopher would be furious at our relationship. Without his protection, it isn’t safe for you two to be involved and without me, it isn’t safe for you two to be public.”

“You’ve never been our buffer. We weren’t with you so
we
could be out in the open.”

“I never thought that way, Stretch. Until now,” she added. “Nor do I mean it as you’re taking it.”

“Then what do you mean?” Cash bit out. “There’s not too much room for error with that statement.”

“I meant that with me, any woman, you’d have your best shot to be “open”,” she said, using air quotations, “and still remain in the club. But you two meant something to each other way before I came into the picture. I love you both. So very much. That’s why…” She swallowed and blinked away more rising tears, then linked their hands together. “I want you two to be together and be happy. Don’t let me hinder what you had. Life’s so short. One hour you might be looking at dresses and, the next, you’re near death. Don’t deny each other because you can’t have me.”

“We can be together,” Stretch said, reclaiming his hand. “The three of us. I love you both.”

Cash caressed her cheek and leaned down, kissing her mouth. “Outlaw’s wrath is something I don’t want. Never again. But I don’t want just one of you. I want both of you.”

“We belong together,” she said, the prospect of them being together a dream that seemed so out of reach. “The three of us. We do. I believe that with everything in me. However, we all deserve happiness. If
we
can’t be together, then you two should be.”

Hope glimmered in Stretch’s eyes before he heaved in a breath, noticing the stubborn set of Cash’s jaw.

“We’ll be together,” he swore. “All three of us. Just give me time to figure it out, without involving Meggie. If we’re grown motherfuckers, then we handle our own shit.”

“Cash, haven’t you heard me? Life is short. Neither me or Stretch can spend the rest of our days waiting until you figure out how to make us work. I want children. I want a family. I almost died, and I’m no longer going to deny how much love—kids—mean to me.” Fee felt selfish for even saying that, but it was true. “I want kids with you and Stretch. Now. Soon. If Meggie can smooth things over with Christopher, it doesn’t make us any less adult.”

Cash looked from her to Stretch, and shook his head. “I love you both. It took almost losing you, Fee, for me to admit that to myself. But I have to do this my way.”

“Life is about compromise,” Fee protested.

“How long do you need, Cash?” Stretch interrupted.

“I don’t know. Time,” he said in his usual vague style.

“Take all the time you need. Both of you,” Fee added, praying she wouldn’t break down and cry in front of them. “If I’m still around when you’re ready, I’ll be more than happy to work things out. But this isn’t only your relationship, Cash. We’re all involved.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Let her rest, Cash,” Stretch said quickly. “We’re talking about us when she’s still recovering.”

“No, Stretch, let me answer him.” Fee raised her gaze to Cash and offered him a regretful smile. “I want you to want us so much that you don’t need time. I want you to want us so bad that you don’t feel as if you can live without us. Or I want you to let me go. Stop asking
me
for time and find your happiness with Stretch. You’re not being fair to any of us. The time for us is now. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. One’s gone and the other hasn’t arrived. You want me? Us? Do it
now
or don’t do it at all.”

Do it now or don’t do it at all.

As Cash followed Johnnie to Brooks’ office the next morning, Fee’s words kept replaying in his head. He
couldn’t
keep her waiting while he found his balls to face Outlaw.

“What’s on the agenda for the day?” Johnnie asked, breaking into his thoughts as they departed the elevator and walked toward the glass doors of the law firm.

Along one side of the hallway were expensive artwork and alcoves of museum-worthy statues. On the other side was a curving glass wall that showcased the Portland skyline.

“Anything in particular you’re doing?” Johnnie asked again, stopping right before they reached the doors to light a cigarette.

“Hopefully, scooping Outlaw up.” The reason he and Johnnie were visiting Brooks this morning was to see what the hold-up was with Outlaw’s release. No one seemed to know anything, so they’d decided to come straight to the horse’s mouth and demand answers.

“Kendall has a doctor’s appointment today,” Johnnie answered. “After I’m finished, I’m going to see Megan. She’s rescheduled the meeting for the christenings indefinitely. She sounds so fucking sad, I can’t stand it.”

“How’s the baby?” Cash asked, not commenting on Johnnie contacting Megan. “Do you know what you’re having yet?”

“A boy,” Johnnie answered with pride.

Cash considered Fee’s words all over again. If she’d announced she was pregnant, how would he feel? Would it be different because it wouldn’t only be him and Fee, but him, Stretch, and Fee?

They’d talked about kids, with Cash being the one against it. Now that he’d almost lost her, the idea of a child with her wasn’t so frightening. Cash wouldn’t even care not knowing if he or Stretch fathered the baby, as long as she had it. He wasn’t even against the idea of Fee having a kid for each of them.

“Congratulations,” he remembered to tell Johnnie. “Kendall must be ecstatic.”

“She is. I can’t wait to meet my newest son. Rory and I will have backup with Matilda and Kendall.”

Cash laughed. “Matilda’s a small baby.”

“Already showing signs of having Kendall’s personality,” he joked. “She’s already a beautiful little redhead, just like her mom.”

“Kendall is gorgeous,” he admitted.

Johnnie smirked at him. “I know.”

Now would be the perfect time to bring up Kendall’s request of abortion pills
and
her association with Counts. Motherfuckers were just overflowing with secrets nowadays. But,
if
Johnnie believed him, he’d be left with facing the fact that either Kendall had betrayed the entire club with Counts, or just Fee.

Also, if he confronted Kendall and she exposed Cash, Fee, and Stretch, all the hiding, subterfuge and lies—Daphne’s death—would be for nothing.

Johnnie pinched the tip of the cigarette. “C’mon,” he said, turning to the door and pulling it open.

“Hi, Johnnie,” the receptionist called, smiling broadly. “Here for Uncle Brooks?”

“You know it,” Johnnie answered with a grin.

Five minutes later, Cash and Johnnie walked into Brooks’ spacious office and sat in chairs in front of his desk.

Brooks loosened his tie. “What can I do for you?”

Johnnie narrowed his gaze to slits. “Why is Christopher still in jail?” he asked in an icy voice, one that made even Cash squirm.

Unable to meet Johnnie’s eyes, Brooks looked at his desk. “Technical glitch. It’ll be corrected soon.”

“How soon?”

At Johnnie’s hard words, Brooks glanced at Cash, then shifted in his seat.

“He didn’t ask you the fucking question,” Johnnie snarled. “I did. Look the fuck at me and answer my fucking question. Otherwise, I’ll think your tongue is going to waste inside your head and relieve it of its boredom.”

Horror washed over Brooks’ face. “Of course, J-J-Johnnie,” he stammered, his voice shaking.

“Answer me. How fucking soon will Christopher be out?”

“Uh…”

Growling, Johnnie jumped to his feet and started around the desk. Cash and Brooks rose, too.

“Wait, Johnnie,” Brooks cried, rushing behind his chair and using it as a barrier. “Soon, I swear.” Sweat popped onto his forehead. “I’ll talk to Kyler…Kyler, yes! Didn’t he speak to you?”

“He spoke so well, I allowed him to walk away alive. I’m not sure if
you’ll
be in the same state when
I
walk away today.”

“I’m doing everything I can,” Brooks swore, sounding as if he were lying through his fucking teeth.

“Are you sure?” Cash asked.

“What reason do I have to lie?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Johnnie started. “I’m thinking of a tall redhead, who you think of as your daughter. I’m wondering if she’s convinced you to let her work on Christopher’s release and you can’t tell her no but know better than to tell her yes, so you’re dragging your ass!”

“No, that’s not it at all.” Brooks grabbed his handkerchief from his lapel with a shaking hand and mopped his brow. “It’s…it’s a glitch.”

“What glitch?” Johnnie pressed. “As far as I know, there’s nothing in the system that should complicate matters. According to you. Remember? Upon our last quarterly review, you said no members had any legal issues to report. Records were clean. Permits were up to date. You do recall that, don’t you, Redding? I certainly do. It was the same day your cash bonus was awarded to you. On Christopher’s orders.”

“Some things aren’t detectable until a problem arises,” Brooks cried, his face reddening. “His name has been mixed up with a man who had a BOLO out from Stamford.”

“A be-on-the-lookout for a Christopher Caldwell from Stamford?” Johnnie asked skeptically. “In Connecticut?”

Brooks nodded. “The name’s fairly common.”

“I won’t dispute that. However,” Johnnie added, just as Brooks relaxed a fraction, “social security numbers are unique to every motherfucker. If his name is mixed up, his number sure the fuck won’t be.”

“Johnnie, please, I swear, I wouldn’t fuck over the club. I’m working through the problem. It’ll be resolved soon. Please. Just don’t hurt me.”

A moment of silence went by before Johnnie backed away. “Let’s leave Brooks to work, Cash.”

It disappointed Cash the lawyer didn’t have better news. “Sure thing.”

At the door, Johnnie halted. “Brooks, for your sake, I hope you’re telling the truth. If you’ve lied to me, it’ll be my pleasure to kill you and end my drought.” He smiled. “Good day, motherfucker.”