Missing Hart (23 page)

When I got to Leah’s house to pick her up I was thrilled to find her dressed up and excited about going out. She was really making serious strides these days and I was damn proud of her.

We hugged and chatted as we walked to my car, and she caught me up about how she was doing at work. Leah glowed when she talked about her job working as a physical therapist for children, and I knew that her desire for a family of her own would get her back into the dating scene sooner or later.

I loved spending time with her, even though I could never mention her to anyone in my family since I knew that they would be highly suspicious of her since they mistakenly blamed her for my emotional meltdown after Dillon and I broke up. That was totally my fault for misdirecting them, but I hadn’t figured out a way to talk about her without admitting that I was a big fat liar. All alerting them to her existence in my life was going to do was create questions that I couldn’t answer.

The most difficult part of my friendship with Leah was the minefield of ‘things that can’t be discussed’ that existed between us because of Dillon. Talk of the past was mostly verboten, although we did talk about Marissa quite often. All these years later, I still haven’t been able to open her suicide letter. Not too long ago Leah had slipped up and told me that Dillon hadn’t read his either. Before she shut herself up she told me that she didn’t think that he ever would. He might not read his, but I want to read mine… someday. I’m waiting for a day that I feel emotionally stable enough to re-open the emotional landfill that those memories live in, and I’m not there yet.

Pulling into the parking lot of the bar I found a spot and killed the ignition. “Alright girlie, you ready to go in there and do some dancing?”

Her smile filled my heart with joy because it was genuine.

“I’m ready, but I’m also freaked out about being myself, if that makes sense. How about if anyone asks who we are, you can say your name is Nikki and I’ll say my name is Marie? No one here knows us, or anything that happened to me, and it’s not like we will ever see these people again. Are you in?”

For Leah I would have shaved my head and said my name was Karl in order to get her out in a social setting.

“Duh, of course I’m in. Come on, Marie. We’ve got some dancing to do.”

I wasn’t twenty-one yet, but the ID I had said that I was. Making our way into the heart of the bar, Leah and I smiled at each other when we heard Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back” playing. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me out onto the dance floor and the two of us spent the next half hour dancing our asses off. She was happier than I’d seen her in years, totally relaxed and smiling as we got our groove on, and I wished that Dillon could see the change in her.

As usual, thoughts of Dillon made me sad. If he weren’t such a stubborn dick we would still be together and would probably have two children by now. Instead, I was in a gay bar with his sister and he was out plowing some nameless idiot who didn’t mind being treated like a sex doll.

Even though Leah made it a point not to talk about him, she had commiserated with me one night when I was kvetching about my own brothers and the revolving door that was their sex life. I could see that she wanted to crawl under a rock and die when she blurted out that her brother was just as bad, if not worse, so I played it off and assured her that it was fine, but nothing could have been further from the truth. It infuriated me that I couldn’t be touched while he was out touching everyone. He probably never thought of me at all, but I had never stopped thinking about and aching for him. If it didn’t hurt so much, it would almost be comical.

He’d gained a tremendous amount of notice for his landscapes over the last few years. The company that Rick had passed along to Dillon was now bigger than ever and in such demand that he had to be booked months out. I cyber-stalked him from time to time, checking out the company web page and looking at pictures of him online. He’d done a lot of high profile work and was now reaping the rewards. I was really happy for him while also being devastated that I couldn’t tell him how proud of I was of him.

Spending time with Leah was always a reminder of Dillon but after the night I stayed with her at the hospital, I never again put up any walls. She needed a friend and frankly, so did I. Her friendship means so much to me that I found a way to separate from the fact that she was Dillon’s sister.

Seeing her smiling, dancing, and laughing was the best outcome possible for the night. When she agreed to dance with one half of a male couple, I wanted to do the happy dance for her. Clearly bringing her to a gay bar had been just the thing because I hadn’t seen her out of her shell like this in years.

Signaling to her that I was going to get a drink, I headed for the bar and grabbed a stool. The bartender laughed when I ordered a Shirley Temple, but he made it happen with style. I didn’t drink very much these days and I never drank if I was the designated driver.

Sipping my drink, I twisted to survey the crowd. The bar had a good vibe and everyone seemed happy. I sensed someone taking the seat next to me but I continued to watch the crowd for a few minutes. Rotating back toward the bar with my finished drink in hand, I motioned to the bartender and ordered a bottle of water. Hearing the laugh of the person next to me, I turned my head to look at who was in the seat next to me with a raised eyebrow.

She was beautiful, a head turner that anyone with a pulse regardless of their sexual orientation would stop and stare at. Where I was petite, I could see that she was model tall and, judging by what I could see from the torso up, she had an amazing body.

“Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you,” she said as she gestured to her own bottle of water. “I was laughing at the fact that we’re in a bar and both of us are drinking water.”

Now that she mentioned it, I had to agree that it was amusing. Smiling widely I said, “I know, right? I never drink if I’m the designated driver so tonight it’s water city for me. You would think it would be a money saver to drink water, but the six-dollar a bottle charge is a killer. I’ve had entire meals that cost less than this.”

She laughed at that, but before I could respond someone sat down on the other side of me and tapped me on the shoulder. Expecting it to be Leah, I swiveled on my bar stool and came face to face with a beautiful woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties.

Looking me over from head to toe, she licked her lips before meeting my eyes. “I was watching you dance. You looked sexy as hell out there, beautiful. I’d love to see the way you move off the dance floor. What do you say?”

I turned nine hundred and forty-eight shades of crimson as I sputtered, “I’m, uh, not…”

Feeling an arm slide around my shoulders, I turned to find the water drinker right next to me. Looking at the woman that was propositioning me she said, “Buzz off Michelle. This is my friend and she’s not looking for the cougar experience. Honest to god, you come on too strong sometimes.”

Michelle’s throaty chuckle rang out as she smiled at water girl. “That’s not what you were saying six months ago when I pulled the same move on you. As I recall, I spent the better part of the following four hours making you scream my name. Of course, I can’t be sure that’s what you were screaming since your thighs were covering my ears while you rode my tongue.”

Water girl wasn’t offended or embarrassed at all. She laughed easily before responding, “This is true, Mrs. Robinson, but even a relatively green lesbian like me can tell that this one is in no way here for a booty call.”

With an exaggerated shake of her head, Michelle smiled at us both. “Ah well, I guess I’ll look elsewhere for this evening’s entertainment.”

Looking at water girl, she licked her lips. “You know, I’m normally not into repeat performances, but I could acquire a taste for you.”

With a laugh, water girl extended her hand and gave Michelle the finger. “One walk of shame after being with you was enough. Go find your next conquest.”

I chuckled as Michelle smiled and walked away, before catching my breath when she took a direct path to Leah. I breathed a sigh of relief when the group of guys that Leah was now dancing with closed ranks, and it did my heart good to see Leah laughing as she continued to dance.

Turning to my right, I smiled at water girl.

“Holy shit, Mrs. Robinson is an apt description for her.”

With a snort and a laugh, she nodded. “It is, but here’s the kicker-her name is Michelle Robinson. It’s like she was born to be a cougar!”

We both laughed hysterically at that, and I struggled to get myself under control. “I appreciate you saving me. That could have gotten really uncomfortable.”

“She’s actually harmless. She would have stopped when you said no, it was just more fun for me to toy with her.”

Holding a hand out to me water girl said, “My name is Tally, by the way.”

With a smile, I shook her hand. Just before I responded, I remembered that Leah and I were using different names tonight.

“I’m Nikki. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Not that I spend an inordinate amount of time here, but I’ve never seen you before and most of the people here are regulars. Is this your first time at this bar?”

I chuckled as I nodded my head. “It’s totally obvious, isn’t it?”

“It’s not that so much as that you stand out in the crowd. You aren’t someone I would forget having seen before. You’re stunning.”

I flushed as I thanked her, unsure if I was blushing because of the compliment or because I was a little bit drawn to her. I’d never been even moderately attracted to a girl before, but something about Tally was different.

Gesturing to the dance floor she asked, “I was watching you dance with that girl but I didn’t get a couple vibe from it. You’re just friends, right?”

Licking my lips, I nodded. “She’s my best friend. We’re not… Neither of us is gay.”

Looking into my eyes, Tally smiled. “You might not be a lesbian but right now I’m not getting a totally straight vibe from you.”

“I don’t think… I’m not… I’ve never…” I sputtered all over the place, trying to figure out a way to tell her that she was the only girl I’d ever been attracted to. I was too embarrassed to get the words out, so eventually I just shrugged my shoulders.

Reaching out, she laid her hand on my knee reassuringly. “Hey, it’s okay you know. I’m not going to come onto you… unless you want me to.”

Shit.

Did I want her to?

I was saved from having to answer by Leah’s arrival next to me. After introducing her as ‘Marie’ to Tally, the three of us spent the rest of the night dancing together.

The attraction that I was feeling toward Tally didn’t bank down even a little bit.

Before leaving the bar that night, I exchanged numbers with Tally. I counted on the fact that she probably wouldn’t really call, and I figured that my attraction her had been an anomaly.

When she called me the following day and asked me to go out with her, I decided to go. I wasn’t sure if I was going because I was attracted to her or because I liked her in a friendly way, but what I knew for sure was that she didn’t terrify me. I had no anxious thoughts about being pinned beneath her and that in and of itself was a draw.

We made arrangements to see each other for dinner that night. Although I was nervous, it was the good kind of nervous. After spending the afternoon shopping with my sister and Brooke, I met Tally at an Italian restaurant.

Once again I couldn’t help but note how beautiful she was. As I’d suspected the night before, she had an amazing body. She was wearing an off the shoulder coral colored sweater, a black mini skirt and a pair of black flats. Her long chestnut hair was styled to hang in waves over her right shoulder and her sparkly earrings drew the eye right to the elegant line of her neck. She was so model-like that I felt a bit like an ugly duckling compared to her. She smiled broadly when she saw me and I felt a little tingle when she gave me a hug.

“I’m so glad you agreed to come to dinner with me tonight,” she said with a smile. “I was worried that you would feel weird about it.”

Laughing nervously I admitted, “I do feel a little weird about it but I didn’t want to run away. The worst thing that could happen is that we’ll have a good dinner but find out that we have nothing in common.”

I shivered when she ran her finger up my arm and grinned at me. “Did you think about the best thing that could happen?”

“No… I chickened out on thinking about it too much. I didn’t want to psych myself out.”

Running her fingers back down my arm, she linked her fingers with mine and pulled me gently toward the door to the restaurant.

“I think that was a good decision. Let’s just see where it goes. It might end up being a friendship. I’d be fine with that, just so you know. There’s no pressure from me. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

I couldn’t believe I was out on a date with a girl, but something about her intrigued me. I hate to admit that I found comfort in the fact that I’d not given her my real name. My family would go ape shit if they knew that I was toying with the idea of having sex with a girl. I knew that I wasn’t a lesbian, would have said before meeting Tally that I didn’t have any interest in girls at all, but I have to admit that I’m attracted to her.

Tally was easy to talk to and I was enjoying spending time with her. After years of not even having some much as a blip of interest in anyone that wasn’t Dillon Cooper, I was both relieved and excited to feel anything at all, even if the attraction paled in comparison. I couldn’t have whom I wanted, but that didn’t mean I needed to be a nun for the rest of my life.

She made me feel like I mattered and it made me wonder if this was part of the draw of being with someone of your own sex. She wasn’t obnoxiously staring at my breasts or spinning wild yarns about all the crazy shit that she and her friends were doing. Maybe I’d been oversaturated with guy bullshit over the years and Tally was the breath of fresh air that I needed.

We covered most of the first date basics over the course of dinner; she asked about my family and I told her that I had three brothers and a sister. I didn’t elaborate on their names, and when she asked me what my last name was, I blurted the first thing that came to mind. Naturally, that means that I said Cooper. Apparently the thing that Dominique Hart and Nikki Cooper had in common was a penchant for half-truths and evasions. I’d learned my lesson with Dillon so I never lied about anything important, but the reality was that I didn’t see a relationship with Tally going anywhere real.