Missing Hart (26 page)

Stepping into Dante’s library, I found her sitting on a chair reading a book. She looked up when I walked through the door and her face broke into a huge smile.

“See baby girl? You’re family didn’t care at all. Now we’re clear to be together. I took care of everything.”

Yes, she had. I hated her methods, but the responsibility for them was on me. Still, I had no intention of letting her off the hook without drawing a line in the sand.

“I’m not happy that you went behind my back and found a way to integrate yourself with my brothers. I’m not happy that you lied and manipulated your way into my family home. I see that you need more from me, but I also see that you’re going to think this is the way to handle me from now on. Let me be very clear with you about that-it’s not. If you do anything like this again, I will cut you out and I won’t look back. I’m not going to have a relationship with a selfish and manipulative liar. Do you understand me?”

“I just wanted you to be free to love me,” she whispered.

“Going through my family didn’t free me, Tally. I’m letting this go because I really do care for you and I see that I didn’t devote myself enough to you. You’re getting what you wanted but I’m not going to pretend that I’m over-the-moon about the fact that you lied to do it.”

Standing up she pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back gently. “I’m sorry baby girl. I promise that I won’t act like a nut anymore. I just love you so much that I lost my head.”

Hugging her back, I assured her that I understood and I promised that I would try harder.

I vowed to myself that from that moment on, I would devote myself to making Tally happy.

The one person who hasn’t been supportive of my decision is Leah.

“Don’t you see how fucked up it is that she found a way into a family dinner and managed to come out smelling like a rose? She knew exactly who Damien and Spencer were and instead of avoiding them, she used the situation to her advantage. Now you’ve done exactly what she wanted you to do. How long do you think that will be enough for her?”

Throwing my hands in the air in exasperation I snapped, “That’s not fair Leah. I love her but I haven’t loved her the way that she deserved. Her showing up with Damien was a cry for attention and I got the message loud and clear. Besides, my family thinks I’m a lesbian now and since I’ll never be able to touch another man, it makes sense for me to give her the relationship she needs. She’s not a bad person Lee. It’s my fault that she got so upset.”

Giving me a disgusted look she huffed, “That’s bullshit and if you were in the right frame of mind, you would know that. She manipulated the shit out of you and your family, and instead of bringing her into your family, you should be breaking up with her crazy ass.”

“That’s enough, Lee. You’re going to need to accept her because she’s not going anywhere. I’m not saying you have to love her, but it would mean a lot to me if you could learn to tolerate her at the very least.”

“It absolutely kills me that you’re making yourself the bad guy here because it’s very clear that you don’t see the reality of the situation. You’re making excuses for her behavior and you shouldn’t be, but if you’re bound and determined to do this, then fine. When I have to see her, I will be polite. But don’t think for one moment that I’m going to stop watching her.”

“It’s fine Sherlock. All you’re going to find is that she’s a nice girl who had the misfortune of getting into a relationship with someone who didn’t want to commit. She’ll calm way down now that we’re official.”

“Hm. Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

Sometimes it feels as if life is on a loop that you can’t get out of. I was doing it again… pretending that everything was okay when it wasn’t. The situation with Tally had taken on a life of its own and had become a runaway train. She moved into my apartment and my family accepted her with open arms, much to my dismay.

My sex drive is in some kind of long-term hibernation, and that’s frustrating Tally. Frankly, I’m so busy trying to make her happy that sex is the last thing I’m thinking of. She calls, texts and emails all day every day, and I find it completely overwhelming which makes me feel like a jerk. Dillon and I kept in touch like that when we were together and I loved it, but with Tally, it’s too much. My family thinks it’s adorable that she texts and calls all the time but I’m ready to rip my hair out.

It’s like I have too many plates in the air, all of them spinning in that wobbly way that they do before they all fall down.

We were sitting on my little patio having coffee and trying to decide what to do for the day when Tally dropped a bomb on me.

“I think we should have a baby sooner rather than later.”

It felt like she had just sucker punched me and I spewed my coffee out in shock.

“Um, WHAT?”

“You heard me silly! I want us to have a baby immediately. How great would it be if we could get Dante or Damien to donate the sperm? That means I could carry our baby and it would be a real Hart.”

My gut reaction was swift and final. There was no way I was letting my brothers donate anything, and I wanted no part of a pregnancy.

I did want to be a mother and my experience with the Coopers had planted a seed in my mind about adoption that had only grown stronger as the years went by.

“I don’t want a baby and I’m not having my brothers donate sperm. If you feel strongly about starting a family we can talk about adoption.”

When her lower lip started to wobble and her eyes filled with tears, I wanted to leave.

“But I don’t want to adopt! It would be some other persons baby, not ours. The fact is that when you adopt, you just never know what you’re getting. We could adopt someone ugly or stupid and what then? Neither of us would look good with am unattractive child.”

If Leah heard what Tally was saying, she would lose her marbles. The love of my life and my best friend had been adopted and I thought adoption was a beautiful thing. I knew that I would never love a child that I hadn’t given birth to any less than a child that I had.

“Jesus, how can you say that with a straight face? You sound like a shallow bitch. If that’s how you really feel, we won’t be having children at all, ever. It’s adoption or nothing for me.”

Looking contrite she responded, “I didn’t mean it the way that it came out. Of course adoption would be fine, I’d just prefer to have a child with both of our DNA. Why are you so against it?”

That was something I was never going to share with her, or anyone else, ever. Luckily it was easy to provide her with a reason that made perfect sense.

“You didn’t grow up the way that I did so it’s hard to explain. My parents were hideous, but my brothers were heroes and they kept Delilah and me alive. When my father died and Aunt Sandra came onto the scene, she took on five children that she had never met. That’s the ultimate to me, and my life wouldn’t be what it is now if she hadn’t been willing to do so. I want to adopt so that I can pay that forward. I would never love an adopted child any less, and it would mean something to me to adopt someone who was a bit older and who needed a home.”

“Oh. Well, I guess older would be fine. Yes, if that’s what you want to do, let’s do that then.”

Shaking my head I said, “In a few years we can get that into motion. For now, it’s going to be just the two of us.”

The pout came back in full force. “But I want us to make a family now. You know that Dante and Sabrina are going to have a baby as quickly as possible and I heard Damien telling you that after Brooke accepts his proposal, he’s on a one man mission to get her knocked up. We need to get on board before your sister and Spencer finally make it official. We don’t want to have the afterthought kid that no one cares about.”

“My answer is no. Bringing a child into our lives should be authentic, not some sick keeping up with the Jones’ routine. My family will love my children if I have them first or last. In two or three years, we can start the process.”

“Ladybug, Sabrina, Damien, Brooke and I have been talking and we have an idea that I want to run by you.”

Taking a seat on the couch in Dante’s office, I kicked up my feet and got comfortable. “Well now you’ve got me curious. What’s up?”

Giving me his best Papa Dante smile he replied, “Since Sabrina has moved in with me and Brooke is living with Damien, that leaves the Tyler house empty. The girls are very emotionally attached to the house and don’t feel that they can part with it. We talked it out and we thought that a great option would be for you and Tally to move into the house. That way the girls keep their family home in the family. What do you think?”

My reaction had nothing to do with Tally and everything to do with Dillon. Every time I went to the Tyler’s house, I spent a lot of time outside in the love garden. It was a tie to Dillon and also to Marissa, and I loved it. Getting to live in that house and keep a little piece of both of them with me wasn’t going to be a hardship at all.

“I think yes. I’d love to move into the Tyler house!”

He was beyond thrilled I was so receptive to the idea, I think because he had expected to have to work hard to talk me into it.

I practically skipped home on a cloud of air. Sabrina and Brooke’s family home was beautiful inside and out, and the fact that I’d get to live in the love garden house made me ridiculously happy.

My bubble was quickly burst by Tally’s sour attitude.

“Why would we want to move into someone else’s house? Your family has more money than God, can’t they just give us the money to buy a piece of land wherever we want to live so that the company can build us a dream home?”

Since we had moved in together I had found out a lot of things about Tally that I really didn’t like. Her need to have bigger, better, more, needed to be nipped in the bud or I was not going to last long in a relationship with her.

“I love the Tyler house and I am thrilled that they offered it to me. It’s a breathtaking house in a beautiful neighborhood. It’s not like they’re asking us to live in Compton! It isn’t my family’s responsibility to open their checkbooks to make you happy and if you think that it is, you better get your head out of your ass. Your reaction to this is a huge red flag for me. Are you with me because you love me, or because you love how much you think I’m worth? If it’s the money the joke is on you. My father left everything to Dante and Damien. Delilah and I were both left completely out of the will. Do you even care about me at all?”

Not giving her time to respond, I slammed out of the house and went for a drive. The further away from her I was, the better.

I drove around for the better part of two hours as I thought about Tally and her completely out of line reaction to the generosity of my family. No matter how much she tried to back peddle now I knew that the life I wanted wasn’t good enough for her.

I’d wait until after the wedding to let my brother know that I was going to delay moving into the Tyler house. Until I knew for sure that Tally was with me for real reasons, I wasn’t tainting the love garden house with someone who didn’t want to be there. For now, we would stay in my apartment.

The next argument I had with Tally was about my family. She was as sweet as can be to their faces, but she could be very harsh about the amount of time I spent with them.

She had been making snarky comments about it pretty much the entire time that I knew her, but I’d always put it down to jealousy that stemmed from the fact that I wouldn’t give her the commitment that she needed. Now, I was pretty sure that the comments were representative of her real feelings toward my family.

Brooke and I were very worried about my sister and the way she had been acting for weeks. Finally some headway was made and she decided to go to a doctor, but once my brothers knew that she wasn’t feeling well, the shit hit the proverbial fan, as it always does. My family is all about being together as a unit, come what may, and Delilah’s situation was a perfect example of that. We had all gathered at her house Saturday afternoon and it was really clear that she wasn’t feeling well. It was decided that we would all bunk at Dante’s house for the rest of the weekend to keep an eye on her and to provide moral support.

Tally had grumbled a bit about spending the day at Delilah’s, but once she offered to take my sister to the Doctor I assumed that she was in a more understanding mood. On the ride back to my apartment to pack for the two-night stay at Dante’s, Tally disabused me of that notion, instead making it quite clear that she was beyond annoyed.

“I like your family well enough and normally I think your sister is alright sometimes, but this is ridiculously over-the-top! Having an entire family of people sitting around watching her for days on end? It’s absolute insanity. This makes her look like a hypochondriac. Your family is a little too close sometimes. You’re going to have to nip this in the bud because I can tell you right now, I’m only tolerating this overly dramatic nonsense for so long.”

I didn’t even know what to say. Dante’s wedding was almost upon us, and Sabrina had insisted that Tally be IN the wedding since she was part of the family now. My entire family had latched onto Tally and had pulled her into the inner circle because they loved me and wanted me to be happy… but all the while she was judging them and finding them lacking.

She was happiness and light to their faces, but behind their backs she was a totally different person. I felt trapped, like I had no choice but to pretend to behave as though I was deliriously happy until after the wedding was over. I think if Delilah weren’t feeling so poorly, she would have zeroed in on the fact that I’m acting a lot happier than I actually am. Hopefully I can keep her in the dark about my real mood until after the wedding.

More and more I was coming to believe that Leah’s evaluation of Tally’s character was spot-on. Something was seriously wrong with her and it was making me miserable.

What the hell had I gotten myself into?

Dante and Sabrina’s wedding was simply perfect, and I couldn’t have been happier with the way it had played out. My brother had earned his happiness and I was relieved to see him in love.