Mist upon the Marsh: The Story of Nessa and Cassie (25 page)

Chapter XXX:

The Envelope

T
he very next day, Dog’s Hill received a summons from Mindren. Just as Nessa was returning from the second loss of her stomach to the toilet, Orin came to tell her of the call.

“You look dreadful!” he exclaimed, touching his hand to her damp hair. “Are you ill?”

“Quite,” said Nessa, shuffling again into her room, and wholly ignorant of the message he had given her.

“Did you hear me, Nessa?”

“No.”

“We’re to run to Mindren tonight.”

She groaned, and fell down on her bed. “No,” she repeated. “I can’t.”

Orin came to sit beside her, and placed a hand on her back. “Are you too sick?” he asked worriedly.

“Yes,” she lied.

“I can carry you, if you like.”

“No.”

Orin rose quickly; and Nessa could distinguish in that small space between them, without even looking, yet another rash of hurt feelings dealt Orin – by her. In what time of their lives, she wondered, would she
stop
hurting him? Ever?

“I’ll leave you to rest,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Orin,” she told him – and meant every word. “I’m sure I will be feeling better tonight. Come back in a few hours, would you?”

“Of course.”

And then he was gone.

~

Now, first you must know, that Morachi had requested the presence of both Dahro’s and Huro’s houses at Mindren, just as soon as he learnt of Caramon’s death. But Dahro, with little to no concern for the impropriety of such a response, declined the invitation (which was no invitation at all, really, but rather a command). He had no thought for anything but his son; and spent many days locked away in his study. He spoke only to Ceir, and to Nessa, and asked that his meals be brought to him while he sat alone. It seemed too much for him, to take them in the crowded dining room.

On this second occasion, however, Morachi’s summons was no trifling call upon the wire; but rather, he sent a group of runners from his own house, to stay at Dog’s Hill till its occupants were quite ready to depart. It was clear, from this, that his ire had been somewhat piqued; and though he no doubt sympathised with Dahro to the utmost, was undeniably offended that his first call had been ignored.

All burial rites, you see – for each and every member of the Endai – were to be performed at Mindren, in the presence of an entire grieving people. Such had been the case with Huro and Kael. Yet Dahro and Ceir were certain (and surely none could debate the fact) that their own grief pertaining to Caramon’s death could be neither rivalled nor surpassed by any at Mindren. And so the rites were performed, rather, at Dog’s Hill, in the presence of none but the house of Dahro. This fact was communicated to Morachi, in the short response made him by Dahro; and no doubt this served only to increase that ire of his.

And so, six runners came that noontime to Dog’s Hill. After Orin left her room, Nessa spent some time lying, with her face turned towards the window. But she found, just as she had not managed to find thus far, no freedom or peace there.

She wanted nothing at all so very little as to travel that night to Mindren. She remembered very well Cassie’s claim to be done with her; and doubted not at all the sincerity of that claim. And yet, she could not help but to think, and to hope, that perhaps her heart had changed somewhat, in the long days they had spent apart. She began to wish that she had not run from her at St Alban Alley. But what could be done now?

At this, however, she began to think a sort of thing, which surely she had thought before. Perhaps – perhaps, she herself was not what was best for Cassie. She needed something else; something that was situated more firmly in her own world. And that, Nessa could never be.

Nessa was not entirely convinced by these arguments, but they did something to dull the pain she could not shake. She decided to put her mind to other matters – though of course she should have known, that she was in no fit state for important discussions. Yet she rose up, and started downstairs. 

Of course she knew nothing of the runners from Mindren; but this was not to say that she was at all surprised to see them, when she found them in the parlour, conversing with the rest of the house. She went directly into the room, which was most uncomfortably filled with people. Even Dahro had quit his study, and was present – though, admittedly, he looked not at all as if he wished to be.

“Ah!” exclaimed one of runners, whose name Nessa knew to be Rolphin. “We have been asking all afternoon after you!” He looked to his companions, and bid them rise up. All made Nessa a low bow.

“You have our greatest condolences,” said Rolphin. “And our greatest sadness! Naught can remedy such a loss as this.”

“Of course not,” Nessa snapped. She looked to all who stood, and waved a hand at them. “Take your seats,” she growled.

Rolphin attempted a smile. “Surely you will come and join us?”

“Perhaps,” said Nessa. “Perhaps – after I’ve asked you a question or two.”

“Whatever you wish.”

Nessa leant back against the wall, and crossed her arms. “What is the purpose, exactly, of this trip? All that could have been done, was done, when Huro and Kael were killed. The hunting parties have been formed, and are on explicit schedule. This house and Ulo’s Head are filled. What is the cause for departure?”

Rolphin began to look anxious. “Well,” he said, “I just suppose . . . But Nessa! Your brother has been killed! Is that not enough?”

“I, for one,” Nessa went on, “do not wish to leave. I wish to stay at home, and to grieve in peace. Tell me, Rolphin – am I asking too much?”

Baer stood up. “You had best watch your mouth, Nessa,” he said. “You know much better than to question the will of Morachi.”

“Do I, Baer?” asked Nessa, striding nearer to him. “Do I? I only wonder – why should I bend ever to
his
will? Am I not now the next in line, in ability and strength? But when will I be Queen?” Here she laughed; and threw her hands up in the air. “And no – I don’t mean that I wish to be like Queen Belda, sitting ever at Morachi’s right-hand, but permitted not to say a single word. If I would be Queen, then I would have no King! It should be I who ruled, and not he. And why not?” She looked round at all the room, and asked them, “Why should I not? Why should the crown not be passed to me? Do any here deny my right?”

Baer shook a finger in her face. “You speak nonsense,” he said. “The Queen of the Endai does not rule. If ever you were Queen, it should only be because Orin was King!”

Nessa, of course, did not notice; but Orin was looking, in that moment, incredibly uncomfortable. He glanced nervously from Baer to Nessa, seeming as if he wished to say something – but was not at all sure what that thing might be.

“And why should that be, Baer?” Nessa demanded. “Orin has not my speed, or my might! Of us two, he is not better to defend this people from the Ziruk! I grant you, now, that had Caramon survived, indeed he should have been King. But now he is gone; and I am all that remains. Why should I not take his place?”

“Peace, Nessa,” Ceir pleaded quietly.

“No,” said Dahro. All looked to him, surprised. “Why should she be silent? She is right, after all. Even I, with all these years gone by, would not be fit to challenge her. Can any in this room claim different?”

He looked all about; but none answered him. “As I thought,” he said softly, returning his gaze to his pale and knotted hands, lying motionless in his lap.

So Nessa looked to him. “Must I go to Mindren, Father?” she asked.

“I am afraid so, my dear.”

“All right, then,” said Nessa. She fixed Baer with a terrible stare; but then turned away from him, and started from the room.

“You had best be ready at nightfall,” he called. “Make us wait for you, and I shall come and fetch you myself. I daresay you should not much like it.”

“Go ahead, Baer,” said Nessa. “Go ahead and try.”

~

Nessa went again to her room, and sat at her desk to compose a short letter. This she did mechanically, with her countenance cold and straight, and without any of the fire that permeated her heart – which did, and which had, since it was first set that way on St Alban Alley.

She folded the letter carefully, and put it into an envelope. Then she went down, all the way down to the basement, where there was situated a great iron safe in a dusty corner. She brushed the cobwebs from the lock, and opened it with a key given her by her father. She made and extraction from the safe, and a deposit into the envelope. Then she retraced her path up the stairs, and hurried out the front door.

~

Cassie returned home from the diner, near to four hours after Nessa made up the small package which had been meant for her.

Before she spotted the envelope on the desk, she noticed the open window – and looked wildly about, thinking that perhaps Nessa was there, waiting for her. But the darkness held nothing, nothing but silence.

Finally, the bright white spot of the envelope caught her eye, standing out against the gloom. She picked it up, and, made curious by its weight, shook it out over the desk. A folded piece of paper fell out – along with a considerable stack of hundred-dollar bills.

With wide eyes, Cassie counted them all; thought she was imagining things, and so threw them down; but then took them up again, and repeated her count.

Fifty thousand dollars.

With shaking hands, she reached for the letter. She was crying even before she unfolded it, and had to wipe several times at her eyes, before the words on the page came into focus.

My dearest Cassie,

This is no attempt to reconcile anything that happened between us. I know that there is no way at all to do that. But I wish for you to know that, with all that is in me capable of such strong sentiment, I love you so very, very much. Wholly and completely, Cassandra MacAdam, I love you.

Again, I find myself forced to leave home. The reasons are many, and complicated. You heard the first of them, the night I lost my brother – though I did not tell you all. Probably it would have taken me years to do that. I can understand, then, why you were so angry with me.

I am sure, in any case, that you have no desire to see more of me. I say again, that I understand entirely, and blame you not at all. But know that you are ever in my mind: in my thoughts, and in my heart. I expect in time to fade from these of yours. I think that maybe – just maybe – this is as it should be. But forever I will love you, I have no doubt at all, as the only one who ever did manage to claim, my entire heart and soul for herself. And none shall ever manage it again.

             
                                                                                                                Nessa

P.S. – The sum you find in this envelope, is quite all that I could obtain at the present moment. I hope that it will help you for a little time, at least. And though I doubt that you would want anything more from me, know that I intend to provide you with it, so that you need never worry again. Have no fear; for when I come, you will not see me. 

Cassie laid the letter down on the desk; laid her head down on the letter; and wept for a good long while. When finally she rose, made weary from sobbing, she tucked the letter beneath her pillow – and lay down to sleep.

Just as Cassie was looking into the envelope, Nessa was following a great long procession out the doorway of the hill. At the bottom of the tunnels, all changed their shapes, and went out into the night. Nessa ran close by her father, unable as she felt to be near to anyone else. A hot rage blazed especially for Baer, and she looked to him often, with bared teeth glinting in the moonlight. Brave and indignant as he had seemed before, he could be seen almost to quiver now, as he looked into the wildness of Nessa’s face.

Nessa saw no difference between all that dark night that surrounded her, and the Black River she had looked so often into, from her place of glory on the Devil’s Crag. It rolled swiftly along, bearing her like a boat upon the stream, ever nearer to the sea. Its surface could even be said to glimmer in the starlight from above, while its smooth waves moved under the eye of the moon.

Nessa looked to the moon; and saw that its face was not changed at all, from that mask of indifference it had worn before, gazing down wearily upon the wide world. But she saw now that it was not a mask: just a natural expression effected by ages of darkness and disappointment. Nessa felt no anger, now, when she looked upon that face. She was struck, rather, with a sense of innate understanding; for truly, even as she looked, she felt her own countenance shifting to align with it.

Chapter XXXI:

In the Chamber of the K
ing

W
hen arrived at Mindren, the party made for the dining hall to be served a late supper; but Nessa turned away from them, and asked instead after the room that had been prepared for her. The servant who stood before her was a young female Ziruk, with the same hint of terrible malady about her as all the rest. At Nessa’s request, her upper lip curled into the slightest hint of a snarl; but dropped down directly, at the fierce look cast her by Nessa. And so she led her down a series of halls, till the chamber was reached. She bowed to Nessa in mockery before she departed; and the Turin at her neck glinted in the torchlight. Nessa swallowed thickly, and hurried into the chamber.

She had been lying wide awake for some time, when there came a knocking at the door. She had not secured it, and rather than rise, she called for the visitor to enter.

Next moment, the door was pushed open, and Rolphin stepped – ever so slightly

– into the darkened room. Silhouetted in the light from without, he cast a long shadow which mirrored strangely his small form; for it appeared much larger than Nessa knew him to be.

“Why do you interrupt my slumber?” she demanded.

Rolphin smiled faintly, and said, “You’ll pardon me for saying, but you seem not to have been sleeping at all.”

“And what matter is that? You had best hope that your business is urgent as you think it.”

“Indeed it is,” he answered. “I come with a message from Morachi himself. He wishes to see you in his private chambers.”

“He shall have to wait till morning,” said Nessa. “I do not wish to go to him.”

Again, Rolphin smiled only just so much, that one might decide he truly was smiling, and not simply allowing his face to mirror his discontent. (But then – that thin smiling may indeed have had the very similar end, of instead masking that same sentiment.)
             

“It is not merely a request,” he advised. “It is a command.”

“I see. Well, in that case – tell him the same.”

Rolphin shook his head, perhaps in a combination of disbelief and disgust; and backed out of the room, to pull the door shut behind him. Again, the place fell dark – and again, Nessa fell back on her pillows, to examine better what things hid there in the darkness.

Far as the fortress was that night to full, all were allotted their own private chambers. Nessa was grateful for the emptiness of the opposite side of the bed, as she tossed all about through the long hours of the night, bringing her hands violently and repeatedly down upon soft and seemingly innocent pillows. She slept not at all, and so rose with that particularly sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, which one sometimes experiences when one is overly weary. Yet she did rise anyway, and abandoned her chamber, in search of that of Morachi.

~

When come finally to the great doors of Morachi’s place, Nessa reached up, and worked the large bronze knocker. There echoed from it a sound strangely loud and hollow, followed almost immediately by the voice of Morachi himself, calling for her to enter.

“Ah, Nessa!” he said, when he saw her in the doorway. “How good of you to come! I am certain, absolutely certain, of course, that there was some perfectly valid reason for your ignoring my summons last night. I am sure there was, was there not, my dear girl?”

“Surely there was,” said Nessa tonelessly.

“Of course,” Morachi repeated. “Come here, now, and have a seat. I wish to speak with you.”

So she moved from her place, went to the armchair that stood opposite Morachi’s own, and sat down. There was a small fire crackling in the grate, that lent its flickering light to the room. It illumined well enough the King’s face; though, at present, neither his present humour nor intent could there be accurately read.

“Well,” said he, leaning back in his chair. “So you find yourself again at Mindren! Only this time –” (and here, he seemed to adopt an air of great seriousness and melancholy, to increase the effect of his words) “– this time the cause is too terrible. I hoped that no others should be forced to feel, what Huro’s and Kael’s families did feel. But now you are feeling it – and I hate the fact.”

Nessa merely nodded, in recognition of his condolences.

“And I wish for you to know,” he went on, “that whatever time you must take, to heal the wound of this loss – that time is yours. I called you all here, so that you might obtain the rest you so desperately need. But also – also there is a piece of business, which I wish to discuss solely with you; and that is the second reason for your coming.”

Nessa watched him with narrowed eyes; and waited for him to continue.

“I heard,” said he, “of your brief altercation with Baer. And what you said to him, it proves to me that you have been thinking, of exactly what I plan to speak about. Obviously you have pondered the fact, that with your brother’s death, you yourself rise in rank. You are, now, second only to me; and that is a great and honourable place. Perhaps you have not the wisdom of your father, or the steadfastness of your mother – but you have only a slightly smaller amount of all that strength and prowess which Caramon did have. I know this myself for truth: for it was I, after all, who designed each test you took when you were small – and then when you were grown – to determine your abilities. You must imagine, how very surprised I was! How surprised everyone was!” He shook his head, and laughed heartily. “Now, my plan all along was, to keep your brother here with me after the joining ceremony, and to bring him up under my very hand. He was to be the greatest of my Princes, shall we say, even greater than any of my own sons. But now he is gone, and you are what remains. I suppose, now, that
you
shall be my Prince!”

Despite his friendly tone, and pleasant expression, there seemed to come a knowing gleam into his eye; and he watched Nessa carefully.

“You understand, I’m sure, the importance of your situation. You understand, Nessa – do you not?”

“I understand.”

“I suppose that it is only natural to feel some measure of indignation, at what little respect your own abilities have gained you, in the eyes of those like Baer. But you must understand, Nessa, that no female Endalin has ever possessed what
you
possess! None have ever grown to surpass their own fathers. It is unheard of. Therefore, the supreme rule of an Endalin Queen is, also, unheard of. Yet you are a new breed, Nessa. You are a new beginning for the Endai.”

He tilted his head, and smiled broadly. “For certainly you know, Nessa, that your brother should have one day been King! He would have ruled rightly, and justly – and you would never have needed worry over what power you did, or did not, have. But as I said, now he is gone. Now, changes must be made. It is not right, and it is not just, to allow someone weaker than yourself to vie for the position of ruler of this people; and I will not pretend to justify it. Surely, it would be easier to crown one of my own sons, after my death – but it would not be just. No, Nessa, it would not be. After my death, none will be more able than
you –
none more than yourself will have the right to my throne. So I will take you under my own hand, as I would have done with Caramon; and I will bring you up to what you must be, to one day receive what honour is now mine.”

Nessa was thunderstruck. She looked for a long while at Morachi, hearing nothing but the sparking of the fire, and the ticking of some invisible clock.

“What say you, Nessa?” asked Morachi finally. “Will you remain at Mindren, and receive your training?”

There was no thought then in Nessa’s mind, but the great swollen pride in her own breast, that had been wounded by Baer’s encroachment upon it. She thought of no one at all, in that moment – not of her brother; nor of her parents; nor of Cassie (a fact she took little pride in later) – but only of herself. She imagined herself at the head of the dining hall; upon the stage in the Hall of Modendo; speaking to all of her people, with their eyes fixed fast upon her, heeding her every word. And when she had finished, they would obey all she had spoken. Her might would be great, even greater than Morachi’s – and she would, ultimately, become the most powerful ruler that the Endai had ever seen.

Quite overcome by these ideas, she shook her head quickly, till they had all fallen and faded away. The sparking of the fire returned, and the ticking of the clock; and she looked again to Morachi. It seemed that ages had passed, since he put his question to her, but his eyes upon her were still quite steady, and free of impatience.

“What say you?” he repeated.

“I say yes.”

~

Next day, Morachi called Ulo’s Head to Mindren; and there was a meeting held in the Hall of Modendo. There, the discussion between Nessa and himself was made public. The King stated his wishes simply, and plainly; and he made neither flourishments nor explanations. He called Nessa to his side, and held a heavy hand upon her shoulder, the whole while he talked.

When he had gotten his main point across, a great round of gasping went up through the audience. It seemed that most of its female members adopted immediate expressions of disdain; and that most of its male ones, took up a fierce flame of jealousy into their eyes.

There were many outbursts and inquiries made. For a little Morachi was patient; but then he raised his hand, set his face, and announced that his judgment would be questioned no further. He professed his love for all of them, very sincerely – and then told them that they were dismissed.

Nearly the entire room, then, began to disperse. Dahro and Ceir came with Orin and Dechtire, to speak with Nessa; but all the rest filed silently through the doorway. Only Ima offered Nessa a faint smile of commiseration, as Baer tugged her roughly away. Nessa had no chance to see, what the remainder of her house may have thought; for they were swallowed up in the crowd, and then were vanished.

But Nessa could not rightly say, that she was very much affected. She only returned the respectful nod of Morachi, and pressed the waiting hands of her parents. Dechtire came to kiss her cheek, and Orin wrapped her in a heartfelt embrace. He seemed not the least influenced by the poor form of his father.

“You must know, Nessa,” said Morachi, “that this is neither the last nor the greatest outcry you will hear against my decision. You need be prepared.”

“I shall be prepared for anything,” said Nessa, with a coldness in her eye she could not seem to help, that was hard as flint. “You need not worry over
me.”

She spent the greater part of her time, in those days which followed, in the company of Morachi and his children. Occasionally Orin and Dechtire came to join with them in their exercises; but Dechtire especially could not keep pace, and after being considerably injured, was forced to retire from such activities. Yet Nessa was much surprised, and much impressed, with Orin. He seemed to strain himself to the maximum, in the constant attempt to gain her better favour – and with such a noble heart as his, making such honest demands upon her own, she could not help but grant him what he sought. 

~

Morachi’s eldest and strongest son was named Morkin. He moved just that much more slowly than Nessa, and struck blows with just that much less force. Orin seemed somewhat to envy him, with how near he seemed always to be to Nessa; and he could not help but see (and of course, neither could Nessa) that Morachi began frequently to look upon them, with the silent wishes of his heart clearly visible in his eyes. He seemed to begin a resentment of Orin’s presence, and likewise a strong relish for the repetition of those exercises that would bring Nessa and his son closer together. Morkin made no resistance, though he was paired to a girl named Rina; for his father’s preferences seemed ever the closest things to his heart.

But Orin, of course, made no sign of relenting. He remained despite Morachi’s increasing efforts to dispel him. He made moves towards Morkin that mounted steadily in violence, and bore what hurts he received with no complaint.

So Nessa began to consider the situation, in a very serious manner. King as he was, Morachi was wholly capable of stripping her from Orin, and giving her instead to Morkin. To Orin he would give Rina, as an even exchange; and there could be no argument made over the matter.

But Nessa wasted no real anxiety over it, as of yet. She was too much overcome with other kinds of feelings: namely, a sort of fulfillment of purpose. She recollected full well, those days just after the house of Huro arrived at Dog’s Hill, when she wished so much to partake in the exercises of the men. She felt, now, that she had finally found what approbation she had been seeking.

And so the work continued. Her strength became greater; and her speed was unmatched, soon even by Morachi. Yet she never could manage to overtake him in simulated battle. So she strove on, reaching ever towards the surpassing of his own strength; and all else in her mind fell gradually away.

~

Most else in her mind, that was. Much as she now saw of Orin, and was made to think of him, she thought still of Cassie, all through each night – beginning quite as soon as she had closed herself into her large, empty chamber. The occupation of her days helped to keep such thoughts at bay; but she could not do much at all to help them, as she lay in bed with no employment, other than the attempt to sleep.