Mist upon the Marsh: The Story of Nessa and Cassie (26 page)

And she could not seem to rid herself, of the expression which had been writ upon Cassie’s face, the night that she caught sight of her in St Alban Alley. It was a terrible expression, impossible to describe. Present there was recognition; but also a kind of horrible hurt, and then a sort of proof that love still lingered in it.

And yet, even as Nessa thought of this, she thought also of all the things she had thought before. She assured herself that she had done what was best – both for herself, and for Cassie. How could she show herself as a failure to her own people? Many of them, at present, seemed almost to wish that she
would
fail; and this made her all the more eager to outstrip their expectations of her.

But how could she – and this was undeniably the greater argument – with a perfectly clear conscience, expose Cassie (defenceless as she was) to the danger that involved being near to her? She knew well as anything, that she was now a prime target (even more so, than she had been before) of Arol. And how could she possibly, and purposely, choose to threaten Cassie’s life in such a fashion?

She could think of no way to remedy either of these problems; and so she allowed Orin to draw nearer to her. She tried to convince herself that she could be truly happy with him, and that the love she felt for him was sufficient.

Chapter XXXII:

The Children of Modendo

D
ay by day, Morachi grew less subtle, and more adamant concerning his desire for the joining of Nessa and Morkin. Nessa began to suspect that these inclinations were nothing new; but she could not reconcile such a great thing as an offer of future leadership, with such a thing as the simple joining of two indifferent people – which seemed in fact such a very small thing. But she suspected it nonetheless, and was initially flustered, and agitated by the forcing of such a thing upon her; and she thought protectively of Orin, for she wished him no hurt.

Yes, she worried for Orin’s poor tender heart – but she worried also for her own, which seemed to grow more cold and callous with each passing day. And yes, though she tried so determinately to value them, she began somewhat to lose her regard for Orin’s frequent demonstrations of selfless love, and – here was the rub – to gain an admiration for what hard and gallant affection seemed to come now from Morkin. He esteemed her because his father did; and to him, there was nothing in the world so beautiful as strength. She came after a while to share this notion, and could not help but venerate what qualities in him, that she wished at that moment to make most prominent in herself.

His esteem grew greater each time they practised together; and seemed only to increase all the more exponentially, if she happened to wound him. Neither was he, however, overly careful with her. She had almost too many a contusion or laceration to attest to this fact. 

And, poor Orin! he seemed finally to understand the nature (at least as well as Nessa did; which was, in truth, not very well at all) of this strange predicament. After a time, he ceased to work with them, but sat still in a shadowed corner of the room, watching them with narrowed eyes, and furrowed brows. Were it not for the shadows, still his face would have been invisible, what with the dark clouds that rolled all over it.

And so, while Nessa worked herself nearly to death, to prove to Morachi and all others that she was worthy of the honour which had been bestowed upon her, she fought also to loosen the thick knots which bound her to Cassie. She attempted to convince herself that Cassie had done the same; for if she had not, she would not have been at all able to soften the pain of her own memories.

But she was – as she would have known herself to be, if she had only looked a little deeper – incorrect in her thinking. Truly, Cassie had tried very hard, till the night of the envelope, to put the thought of Nessa from her mind; but
after
it, the task was quite impossible. She slept every night with Nessa’s note beneath her pillow. When she woke, with a start or a cry, she drew out the paper, and held it for a long while pressed to her face. She had memorised its contents by now; and when she closed her eyes, she saw the words there, flashing behind her lids.

She felt more helpless than ever she had. Even more so did she feel, than when she was a very small child, and could do naught but lie curled in a corner of her bedroom, listening to the drunken destruction of Birdie Post there beneath her.

Now, too, she could only lie, with eyes closed, and mind fixed. She could only cry, and regret. At the diner, she worked without purpose, having lost all of that quality of a shining star that had once so captivated Nessa. In this condition, neither were any customers so pleased with her as they used to be; and considering the way she frequently took to snapping at them, she became probably the least preferred of all the servers. Doubtless old Wiley would have let her go, had he not proved unable to erase that soft spot in his tough old heart, which he had always possessed in Cassie’s respect.

And so she lay – oblivious, then, to the tenuousness with which she held to any positions, occupational or otherwise, that had previously been hers – and listened to a wreaking of havoc down below. It was no different from what was wrought any other night, but it affected her all the more sharply now, with the thorns pressed already as they were into the soft flesh of her heart. So she screamed aloud, and pressed the pillow over her ears. Nessa’s letter fluttered down on her fingers. Again she screamed.

She leapt from the bed as if it were aflame, and ran from the room. She passed a hollering and hopping Birdie Post; flew out the front door and into her car; and sped away into the close and airless night.

~

But now, for a brief explanation of the social order of Mindren and the five houses, which has not thus far been alluded to.

After several days, even Morachi began to consider it imprudent to restrict Nessa’s training partners to none but Morkin. And so he called to his other children, who were indeed some of the very most powerful of the Endai, given their mighty father, and their mother’s considerable strength.

Also come were several of the children of Morachi’s sister, Malaya. Her mate was named Inis, and though he was not of what stock of which Morachi had or did approve for his younger sibling, several of his and Malaya’s children still managed to become notable members of the fighting Endai.

Now, despite the long threat of the Ziruk, the group of the fighting Endai had been neither gathered nor made use of, for true military purposes, for some long stretch of years (and so has not yet been directly referred to). Indeed, they had not been officially called upon, since the days of the warring Three Clans. Diminished now as were the Endai’s numbers in Louisiana, there no longer existed a fighting army. There were only those of their two hundred persons who possessed greater ability and proclivity for the art of war, than did the others. The recent hunting parties, of which Caramon had longed so much to be part of, had in part consisted of these individuals; and now, they were summoned to round out Nessa’s training course.

As mentioned many pages ago, the royal line of Mindren included thirty persons: Morachi and Belda, Malaya and Inis, and their twenty-six children. It caused Morachi great pangs to refer publicly to Inis as a member of the royal family, but so he did, for the love of his sister which he seemed immensely to value. Of the twenty-six children, a whole fifteen belonged to Belda, and all were considered as members of the fighting Endai. Malaya, mighty descendant of Modendo that she was, was also of the ranks – though her title was more decorative than practical, and she had never partaken in the running of the hunting parties, just as had not the daughters of Morachi. Of her eleven children, however, only three were categorised as fighting Endai (much to Malaya’s persistent sense of shame, despite her great love for Inis).

Of those ninety-four additional persons who dwelt at Mindren, only thirty-five were of the fighting Endai. The rest were of a class positioned just above the houses of
Huro, Kaegan, Silo and Fendon (all of which constituted the third class of Morachi’s subjects), though of course not above that of Dahro. Dahro, Ceir and Nessa (and formerly Caramon) were placed among the ranks of the first class, with those select members of the royal line, and the additional fighting members of the fortress. Ceir, however, was promoted to the highest class only by the fact of her mate, and was not, like Dahro and Nessa, a member of the fighting Endai; just as Belda was not.

It is true that none ever really understood the cause of the superiority of Dahro and his line. His father before him had been admittedly commendable, and possessed considerable abilities; though surely none that could not be surpassed by the more mighty members of his people. Yet is was discovered in Dahro and Morachi’s boyhood (when that latter was already destined to become the next King of Mindren) that the former grew strangely near to the other in terms of a noble nature, cool logic and excellent strength. There is no accounting, it is to be supposed, for fate.

The rest of Dog’s Hill belonged to the second class, with Inis and his eight unfortunate children, and all the rest of Mindren’s inhabitants. And therein lay the conflict that had always been Dahro’s, in respect to the begrudging behaviour of his fellows. Notable are many past incidents of power-struggle within his house, interrupting what relative peace it has been presently illustrated to possess (and some perhaps not so much of the distant past, as perhaps was demonstrated by the small battle between Nessa and Baer, and the quick departure of he and those others, after the announcement of Nessa’s new right). It seemed that the hostility which had always been Dahro’s cross to bear, was now passed on to his daughter; and was borne perhaps more heavily by her, than it would have been by the hardy constitution of her brother, who had always been for some reason (haply due to his customarily genial and forgiving nature) much more well-liked than his sister.

But, returning to the subject of classes – there were many more in foreign Endalin groups, whose numbers so far outmatched those of the American Endai, than merely three. In some cases, there were so many as twelve: in which cases, the structure of the caste ladder became terribly complex. But there in the South of Louisiana, where the smallest Endalin collective of anywhere in the world did dwell, there were merely those three divisions; and atop them, perhaps a greater collective of trouble, than anywhere else in the world.

On the first day of Morachi’s children’s arrival there in the training chamber, Belda accompanied them for the sake of their introduction; for Nessa could not remember having ever spoken to any of them. They were as a group rather too proud and haughty for her taste, all excepting Morkin (which did her only the service of increasing her already unwanted esteem for him).

Morachi’s brood was surprisingly equal in its male and female constituents. His sons after Morkin were seven, and were called Masolto, Malodo, Mir, Boris, Boram, Beril and Beldor. His daughters were seven as well, and named Malin, Malisa, Malorin, Bela, Bora, Berin and Belina. Malaya’s attendants were three sons only, and had the names of Inis, Morwyn and Mavin.

Occasionally, too, members of the fighting Endai outside the royal line came to work with Nessa. And so she fell to this work; and she hoped dearly that it should fill her enough, so that the emptiness which surrounded it should not hurt her so badly.

Chapter XXXIII:

Lightning

O
n an evening some eight weeks after her coming to Mindren, Nessa was seated in the dining hall, and pondering the content of recent days. Despite Morachi’s politically correct attempt to broaden Nessa’s associations within the fortress, she had fallen back to spending the majority of her time with Morkin; and it seemed, this time, that it was the son, and not the father, who orchestrated the business. Even now, he sat at the King’s table, and watched Nessa very plainly from his place beside his mother. There were none who did not register the fact; and they whispered very loudly about what it might signify.

Nessa sat beside Orin, and simply sighed. She loved Orin in his right, but did not want him; and she admired Morkin, but desired him nothing more. She returned the latter’s glances, several times, but could not seem to convey to him the impropriety of his conduct. So finally she took leave of what members of her house were still speaking with her, and escaped the hall altogether. She longed, suddenly, to be outside. She did not go to the front of the fortress, where the staircase led to the round entrance door; but rather she went to the rear of the place, and followed a long, dim tunnel some quarter of a mile past the Northernmost corridor. There opened out of this tunnel a small, heavy trap-door, the key for which had been given her recently by Morachi. So she opened it up, and went out into the darkness.

It was early December, and the air was cold. Yet Nessa merely pulled her jacket more closely about her, and set off East, towards the nearest cover of trees.              

The world, here, was incredibly silent. There was nothing but the sound of her own breath, and the soft creaking of the wind in the branches. She closed her eyes for a moment, and breathed deeply of the crisp, clean air, afterwards setting off again deeper into the wood, and adding the small noise of her quick footsteps to those gentle sounds lying already upon her ears.

It was not long, however, till she detected another sound, somewhere there upon the air. It was the sound of voices.

She kept on in pursuit of them. After perhaps another minute or so, it seemed that the speakers had caught a sign of her approach, and their words died away. Yet she continued in the direction she had last heard them, and soon enough, came out into a round little clearing. It seemed formed by lightning, not so very long ago. The grass all around it was dead and charred, and marked by the fingerprints of electricity. There was one great tree in particular, at the South side of the clearing, that looked as if it had borne the brunt of the impact. Its top had separated from its body like a severed head, and lay at an extreme angle through the centre of the circle. Its bark was black, its branches twisted and withered.

Nessa looked away from the miserable state of the tree, that commanded so much of her attention, at first; and then noticed that two figures sat very still upon the fallen part of its trunk, watching her come. She needed walk quite all the way up to them, to distinguish their faces as belonging to Finn and Elia, of the house of Huro.

“Hello, Nessa,” they said in unison.

“Have a seat with us,” said Finn.

“Do,” said Elia.

Nessa refrained from accepting this offer, and remained standing. But she found herself uncharacteristically glad of their presence, in that frost-filled wood upon which such a heavy hush did lie. She looked up and saw the stars through the trees, shining hard and white there above, and casting their chill light down onto a world which was in need of no more cold. She shivered at the sight of them, and turned her eyes back to Finn and Elia.

“How did you get here?” she asked.

Finn smiled slyly, and shook out a key from beneath his sleeve, tied round his wrist by a length of twine. “Nicked it from old Rolphin’s bedchamber,” he said. “The fellow’s painfully oblivious. He doesn’t want you to think it of him – but he is just the same.”

He and Elia were quiet for a bit; but then they began to fidget on their log, and to whisper to one another. Yet Nessa heard nothing of it.

“Are you all right, Nessa?” Elia asked finally.

“Oh, yes,” Nessa said quietly. “Just fine.”

“And where is Orin tonight?”

“Orin? I don’t know.”

“He was looking for you,” Elia went on, “before supper. I suppose you saw him in the dining hall?”

Nessa took her eyes again from the stars, and fixed them upon Elia. “What did you say?” she asked.

“I asked whether you saw Orin at supper,” said Elia.

“Yes,” said Nessa. “I saw him. But why do you ask?”

“He was looking for you.”

“When?”

“Before supper.”

“Oh,” said Nessa. “Why didn’t you say so?”

“I apologise.”

“No need.”

“Come on, then, Nessa,” Finn insisted. “Have a sit, won’t you?”

So Nessa went to the log, and took the next seat available, which was that beside Elia. Sloping as this particular seat happened to, she found herself some feet above Finn, when she looked to him again. But she wrapped a strong leg round the log, and fixed herself in place.

“You and Orin seem to be great friends,” said Elia.

“I suppose we are,” said Nessa. But then she looked to Elia with narrowed eyes, and asked, “Why do you keep speaking of Orin?”

Elia shook her head. “No reason.”

“Then stop talking of him, will you?”

“Certainly.”

Silence fell again. But very soon it was broken; again by Elia.

“Can you believe,” said she, “that the joining ceremony is so near?”

“I suppose not,” said Nessa snappishly; for this surely was not the most favourable of conversations which they could have begun.

“Neither can I,” persisted Elia. “Can you believe it, Finn?” she asked pointedly.

“I suppose not,” said Finn.

But Nessa was not listening again. She remained some greater distance from her companions than she truly sat, till Elia reached up, and took her hand. But then she only looked down upon her, altogether irritated.

“Finn and I tried, some years ago,” she began – but here she looked questioningly down at Finn. “May I tell her the story?” she asked.

“Of course,” said Finn.

“Some years ago,” Elia repeated, “Finn and I went to our sires, having made the difficult decision to entrust them with a great secret of ours. So we went, and spoke with them individually of our situation. For I love Deo of Mindren, you see – and Finn loves Kata, of the house of Kaegan.”

“She is Kaegan’s daughter, is she not?” Nessa asked.

“She is.”

Nessa nodded. “But I know nothing about Deo.”

Elia smiled sadly. “Ah, that is all right. He is at the bottom of his class, after all; though still of a higher one than mine. You would think that in a people of only two hundred, we would all know one another very well – but it seems never to be the case.”

Nessa took a moment to think on this; and then realised, that she had not the faintest idea what any of it was supposed to signify.

“And why have you told me this?” she asked.

“I thought it might cheer you somewhat to know, that there are others in situations like your own.”

Nessa became instantly defensive. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said harshly.

Elia shrugged and looked away, but seemed all the time utterly composed, and no less convinced of what she had proven to herself in the first place. “I am sure it is as you say, Nessa,” she said. “I suppose I must have been mistaken. Again, I apologise to you.”

Nessa kept quiet for a bit. But she did not truly want to leave her companions; and she felt that she must speak to them, to keep with them. So she asked, “Then what has become of
your
situation?”

“Well,” said Elia, “it is as I said, and we each went to our sires. Mine was kind to me, while my mother was cold; but Finn’s was entirely averted to the conversation, whereas it was his mother who was warm. But, even with the privilege of a sympathetic parent on either side, they each assured us that there was naught to be done. They went even so far as to address Morachi in the matter, and beg his leave for the exchange of our mates – but he refused. He did not like the organisation of it, when compared to what plans had been drawn to begin with.” She sighed, and shook her head. “I don’t see what harm it would have done
him –
but there was no saying such things. And so here we are now, paired still to each other, though our hearts lie elsewhere.”

One would have assumed that this statement would be accompanied by a bitter look from both or either, cast towards the other. But they only smiled at one another, and joined hands.

“You seem the best of friends,” Nessa observed.

“Ah, that we are!” said Finn. “We were paired at the age of four, and have been the very closest of companions ever since. It was not until we had reached our teenage years, as you can imagine, that we realised our love for one another – though admittedly strong – was not the kind that was said to exist between mates. Not long after that, Elia
discovered her feelings for Deo, and I mine for Kata. To this day, despite all hardships, still they love us well; though you must surely understand that we seldom see one another. We did abstain from informing Morachi of their identities, while we were unsure of his judgment. Therefore he knows only that Elia and I are what he calls
ungrateful whelps –
and nothing at all of either Kata or Deo. When they learnt of his dissent, they desired to go to him themselves, and somehow try to strengthen our cases. But we would not allow them. The decision has been made, and there is nothing more to be done.” And here he offered the same heartbreaking smile that was Elia’s, but only squeezed her hand. “I suppose it could be much worse,” he added. “At least we have our love for each other – whatever sort it may be.”

“I could have put it no better,” said Elia, laying her head down on Finn’s shoulder.

“But how did you know . . .?” asked Nessa, looking in astonishment to them both. She forgot, for the moment, that she had not wanted to speak about herself; and was merely confounded.

“Ah, no!” said Finn, raising his hands. “I knew nothing of it. Still I don’t, really. Look to Elia, if you will!”

Elia smiled kindly. “I only see in you,” she offered, “what I have so often seen in myself, and in Finn. I watch you, sometimes, with Orin, and I feel that I understand completely, though of course I know nothing of it. So I thought that it might prove beneficial to tell you of our own troubles, whether or not they are similar to yours. I honestly don’t know what good they will do you, but it only seemed the right thing to do.”

“Of course I am appreciative,” said Nessa. “And you were right, you know, in thinking that your words would bring me comfort. They have.” Again, she looked to the sky; for to keep them upon the ground, in that moment, only oppressed her heart. “I have the greatest empathy for your situation,” she continued. “But I cannot help wondering sometimes, if perhaps it would not be better, to leave all this behind?” She held up her hands, and pointed them in the direction of the fortress. “Why do we not leave, and make lives of our own? Why do we not set ourselves apart?”

“I cannot rightly say that I would know how to live,” answered Elia. “I know nothing but the way of the Endai. I cannot see us in the world, myself and Deo all alone. We were never meant, Nessa, to live so closely with the humans – brethren though we call them.”

“That is all the worse for me,” said Nessa. “For I am afraid that I love a human.”

Both Finn and Elia gasped at this; though Elia immediately afterwards fixed Nessa with a sympathetic expression.

“I am sorry for you, Nessa,” she said. “Your choice is a harder one than ours. It is one of entire races, rather than just one of shamefully separate houses.”

“I don’t know what I will do,” Nessa whispered. “I was sure that I had sorted it as it should be, and that I was prepared to be joined to Orin. I would be dutiful, and loyal, and proud to call him my own – for surely, there are none better that I could choose, in the absence of the one I truly love.”

“But now?” asked Elia.

“Now,” sighed Nessa, “I am sure of nothing at all. Speaking of it has only served to remind me, that my heart has not changed in the least. I thought I might change it myself, with the knowledge that this was the better thing, for all of us. But now I feel only a liar, and a coward.”

“Perhaps I should not have said anything at all,” said Elia ruefully.

“No, Elia,” said Nessa. “It is no fault of your own. The truth would have come on its own, even without your calling upon it. It only would have come much later – much too late, for anything at all to be done.”

“And what will you do, Nessa? Will you abandon what right Morachi had passed to you, and which you seem to value so much?”

Of course Nessa could not answer this question. She only sat beside her companions, suddenly more grateful than she could say for their company, and wishing somewhat that they should never again have to leave the silver clearing, to which the world did not come, and where no decision should ever have to be made.