Mist upon the Marsh: The Story of Nessa and Cassie (36 page)

But it seemed that it was not her fate, to join that night with her brother; and she was recalled to earth, with her spirit lodged once more within its aching shell.

When her eyes – her physical eyes; those eyes which look upon the objects of life which are real, and solid, and very far away from the veil – slid finally open, the first thing they saw, was she who had given them their sight. Ceir had bent over her, just as long as she had slept; and hers was the first face to find focus. Nessa remembered nothing of their last words to one another, or their quarrel; and she could only smile, as her mother’s lips rained kisses down all over the cold skin of her face.

“Mother,” she whispered, putting up a hand to be taken. Ceir took it in her own, and they remained that way for some minutes, very happy in each other. But finally Dahro could take it no more, and pushed his way into the circle, where he laid a heavy hand upon his daughter’s head, and pressed his quivering lips to her marble cheek.

The return journey from the veil is a long one. Upon arrival, the mind is full of fog, and the eyes are very blurry. But these effects wear quickly away, and all memories flow back as a rushing river, from the air without to the heart within. Therefore, in the midst of her parents’ petting and kisses, Nessa bolted upright on the sofa, shot a hand to her wound, but would not be delayed. Her father tried to set her back down, but she would not be replaced; and though the others began to move forth, in an attempt to make her lie back, she thrust them away with a strength unaffected. Finally she rose full upon her feet, and began to stagger across the room.

It was only Dechtire, who saw that she could not be restrained; and that it would be better merely to assist her. So she offered Nessa her arm, and helped her on her way, thinking already, of course, that she knew her destination.

“Where is Cassie?” Nessa whispered, taking a moment to pause, and lay her spinning head down upon Dechtire’s shoulder.

“Upstairs,” said Dechtire. “In your room.”

“Take me there.”

It took Dechtire what seemed a very long time, to help Nessa up the stairs. But finally they came to the door of Nessa’s chamber, which stood open to the hall, allowing an amount of dim light to flow out of the room. Ima sat in a chair beside the bed; for she had looked after Cassie, all these hours that Nessa had slept. Now Nessa had waked; but it seemed that Cassie had not.

“Is she well?” asked Nessa, falling forward in her eagerness, and needing to be caught up by Dechtire. “Has she spoken?”

“She has slumbered,” answered Ima, “all this time that you have. She has not moved. She has not spoken.”

“But she breathes?” Nessa demanded, tripping towards the bed.

“Yes,” replied Ima. “But her breath is not strong. The life is weak within her. She sleeps peacefully, now; and she will leave this world, in equal peace.”

It was difficult for Ima to speak these words, while she looked upon Nessa’s ravaged face; but she saw no good in telling lies. After Nessa had given ear to her declaration, she fell down on the floor, and had to be assisted by both Ima and Dechtire, to rise up again. Finally the blood at her wound had stopped; but when she lay down on the bed, on the clean white sheets beside Cassie, what had soaked through her thick bandage left dark red imprints upon them.

And so she slept, for a good long while there beside Cassie. But her dreams were haunted by the event Ima had foreshadowed, and her eyes snapped open frequently, to inspect the rise of Cassie’s breast. Each time she was assured of its movement, she nestled closer to Cassie, and fell again into troubled sleep.

Two days after Nessa, Cassie woke. She roused Nessa with a sound of distress; for it seemed that she was choking. Nessa sat up straight, and took Cassie’s head to her shoulder, and waited for the unrest to pass. After a little Cassie lay back, and looked with shadowed eyes up at Nessa.

“You’re awake!” Nessa cried. “Ima said that you wouldn’t – that you wouldn’t –”

“I can’t talk very much,” Cassie whispered. “Not yet. I’m so tired . . .”

“Go back to sleep,” said Nessa, shifting her arm to lay still beneath Cassie’s head. “Close your eyes. I’ll be right beside you, when you open them again.”

And so Cassie fell again into a deep sleep, which lasted twelve hours more. The next time she woke, Nessa called Ceir and Ima to the room; and though Ceir wished to pay most attention to Nessa’s wound, Nessa only batted her away, and bid her look more closely at Cassie.

“There is nothing for it,” said Ima, “but a miracle. I would never have expected – but what matter now! All is well; everyone is well.”

But then she fell quiet, and frowned, for she was thinking of Leyra, who was very far from well. Still her body lay, awaiting its rites. None knew, in the wake of recent events (not least of all the death of their King) whether to take her to Mindren. For surely they were fully occupied with the rites of their own dead; and so finally it was decided, just as soon as Nessa was well enough to stand for such a long while, that her remains should find a resting place at Dog’s Hill, near to the place where Caramon was laid.

After all the others had gone away, Nessa remained for a long time beside the graves. She looked upon Leyra’s, and upon her brother’s, and she could not help but weep. But of course she knew that their spirits were not present in that place – for she had seen the shining ether of Caramon’s, already with her own eyes, unbound from his lifeless body – and finally she, too, went away from it. She walked round the house many times, breathless and with a great pain at her side. After a while she stopped at the wild garden, and rooted about for her Turin. When she found it, she held it for a moment beneath the shining sunlight – but then slipped it over her neck. She looked up, up for long moments at the sky, for there is no better place to look for spirits. But she could only resign herself to their absence, and her inability to find them; and then she walked out of the garden, and returned to the house.

Chapter XLIV:

The End of the Sky

B
ut all the while Dog’s Hill was full, and busy with the beginning of reclaimed lives, Mindren was occupied with business of its own. After the battle in the marsh, and the massacre at the fortress, it was decided that the American Endai needed make a place for themselves with their foreign brothers and sisters. They saw no need to go on in such small numbers, so very isolated from their brethren, any longer.

And so it was settled, that the migration of the wolf-people would begin. They were invited to the one of the largest of the Endalin fortresses, which is located in London. Their appointed leader was Dahro; for there were no sires so much as him to be revered, especially after the fighting in the swamp. With Morachi he had led the victory of his people; and none did overlook that, as they selected one who would organise all those details of their departure. Yet his command would not last long, for it would be overruled very shortly by the Endalin King of England.

Nessa could not help but think, as she thought of this, of what Morachi had once said to her. He had said, that she was to be the new beginning of the Endai; but it seemed now that whatever change she had hoped for, would be stamped out with the moving of her people. Never would the ways of those much older civilisations be changed. This much Nessa knew.

And she wanted no part in it. She watched sadly as the preparations continued, thinking of the strange life into which she was bound to enter. And she wanted nothing of it!

She was pacing one night, to and fro on the third storey of the house, with the cold alabaster of her worried face painted all over with the orange glow of the lamps. But then she heard feet upon the stairs. She frowned, and her ears twitched; but then she recognised Cassie’s step, and so made all the more quickly towards the landing.

“All you all right?” was her first question, as Cassie stepped off of the staircase. She stood just below the nearest torch, and the sickly pallor of her face was evident still, even in its soft light. Yet her dark hair did shine; and her blue eyes did gleam.

“I’m fine,” she answered, smiling. As if knowing quite well what Nessa’s previous occupation had been, she only took her by the arm, and began walking all up and down the hall with her. “But are you?” she asked, after a little.

“I suppose.”

“That’s not very convincing.”

Nessa tightened her hold on Cassie’s hand, and sighed. “I really don’t know how I feel,” she said.

As of yet, not much had been discussed concerning the move. Or, at least – not much between Nessa and Cassie. This uncertainty was perhaps the very worst part of Nessa’s unrest.

“I don’t want to go to London,” she said. “I don’t want to leave this place – this land. It’s all I’ve ever known. I want nothing else.”

She did not say to Cassie,
I don’t want to leave
you
–
for she was sincerely hoping that Cassie would agree to come with her. But she had not yet asked her this important question.

“You have to go,” said Cassie. “All of your family will go – and so will you. It’s not the same with you, I know, as with other people.” She seemed to sniffle a bit here; but composed herself speedily, and went on, “Your family is more to you, than what it is to most. You can’t be where your people aren’t. I understand that.”

“Do you?” asked Nessa, somewhat incredulously. For it seemed to her, in that moment, that Cassie understood much more of it than she herself did.

“I do,” said Cassie.

They turned at the end of the corridor, and began again down its length. Nessa furrowed her brow, and clenched her teeth, and prepared herself as best she could; but in the end could only ask (though rather it was more like blurting):

“Will you join me?”

“Join you where?” asked Cassie, narrowing her eyes. It seemed she did not want to give improper answer to a question, which may have had more to do with descending the stairs to supper, and less to do with journeying across the sea.

“In London.”

“No.”

Nessa’s heart fell straightaway down from her chest. It surely was not the answer that she had expected.

“But – but why not?” she asked.

“I can’t leave Embie,” said Cassie stiffly. She withdrew her arm from Nessa’s, and moved a little apart from her.

“Leave her? Who said anything about leaving? Can you not take her with you?”

Cassie laughed – though it was clear that she was anything but amused. “Take her with me!” she exclaimed. “And do what with her? Do what with her – in London?”

Nessa flailed desperately about for a response; but could not seem to find anything suitable. And so she only frowned grimly, and turned away towards the wall. The lamplight shone painfully into her tear-filled eyes.

“There is always a way,” she said simply.

“Not for me,” replied Cassie. “Not for this.”

Nessa whirled about. “And what am I to do?” she demanded. “What am I to do, without you?”

“Since I’ve known you,” said Cassie calmly, “you’ve spent more time away from me, than with me.”

“And why must you say something like that?” asked Nessa, who was sorely hurt by the observation.

Cassie tried to smile, and stepped forward to take Nessa’s hands. “During these days that I’ve spent with your family,” she said patiently, “I’ve seen more of your life than I ever thought I would – maybe more than I ever wanted to. I see that your parents don’t like me much. Your father is kind, and your mother is polite; but it’s obvious that they want something else for you, something besides me. They all want you to be with Orin. It seems he loves you very much. And so, even if it wasn’t for Embie, you see why I can’t –”

She broke here into tears, and had to avert her face. Yet she clutched tightly to Nessa’s hands.

“So that’s it?” asked Nessa, almost laughing. “You’re afraid of my family? I love them, it’s true – but I don’t care what they think. I love Orin, he is like a brother to me – but I do not want him. I want only one – and I will not leave without her.”

“I won’t go with you.”

“Then I won’t go, either.”

“Yes, you will!” Cassie cried. She pressed her back against the wall, and put a hand to her face. “It’s where you belong, Nessa. With your family. Not with me.”

She turned upon her heel, and walked away. Nessa thought of following; but knew, for the time, that she was not wanted.

So she waited a minute or two, before descending the stairs after Cassie. She passed the door to an empty bedroom, where she knew that Cassie was hiding – and continued on to the first floor, where she found all her family together in the dining room.

She went to the head of the table, to stand beside her father. She cleared her throat, and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt your supper – but there is something I wish to say.”

All hands lowered their forks. All eyes were raised; and all ears pricked up to listen.

“I will not accompany you all to London,” said Nessa. “If none of you have already guessed the truth for yourselves, neither will I be joined to Orin, one month hence.” (The joining ceremony, which with all of those who were dead, was now a sad and broken affair, had been postponed till February – so as to give all the travellers time to arrive in England and be settled, before those whose mates still lived, were joined to them.)

“I love you all very much,” Nessa went on. “I am forever indebted, and forever grateful, for all of the sacrifices made in the swamplands at my expense – and I love my people all the more for it. But I will not join you, and them, across the sea.”

Not wishing to answer any questions, she turned her back on the table, and quitted the room. She then went up to her chamber, and locked herself inside it.

Next day, she was called down to her father’s study, where Dahro and Ceir both awaited her. The former made several gentle advances, and requests for reconsideration; while the latter wept many noisy tears, and begged Nessa not to follow through on such an outrageous design. She reminded her of Arol, running wild through the forests – forests unprotected, once the Endai had gone. But this seemed to have no effect on Nessa, so her words turned then upon a dark and narrow road, which led in many places to the disparagement of Cassie; and it was here that Nessa put an end to the conversation.

“Mother,” she said, rising from her seat, “I am sorry for your sadness; but still I will not change my mind. Here I will remain, in the house where I was raised. I shall not come with you.”

Ceir fell silent; and Dahro nodded courteously. This was the end to all discussion of Nessa’s decision. Never again was there a question or a plea concerning it, in any of those succeeding days which elapsed before the great departure.

Three days, there were, between the talk in the study, and that departure. Nessa went for a walk with Cassie, every evening in the yard – but it always seemed that Cassie suspected what Nessa wished to tell her; and that she did not want to hear of it. So Nessa began to doubt herself, and to wonder whether she would really have to go to London after all; when finally she pulled Cassie aside near the wild garden, and shook her by the shoulders.

“I don’t know what it is that you want from me,” she said, “but I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to stay right here, with you – forever, if this is indeed where you wish to spend the rest of your life. We will live here, in my house – unless you would like to live somewhere else. I will do whatever you want! I will do anything you ask! All but one thing, that is: for I will not leave without you. You will not come with me – that is fine. So I will remain with you.”

She expected argument, here, and haply an amount of anger; but she encountered only more tears, and afterward a great bounty of smiles, that were lavished with kisses upon her cheek.

“Then you comply with my demands?” she asked finally.

“I suppose I can’t much argue with such a speech,” said Cassie, kissing her once more upon the forehead.

~

Nessa spoke only once more with Orin, before the day of his leaving. They had not exchanged many words, those days after his bringing Nessa from the cove – and she could not face his disappearance, without a last conference with him.

She found him alone in the parlour, gazing absently out of the window. She could see only the side of his face, and it seemed that he did not notice her. He sat slumped in his seat, with a fist propped below his chin, and his feet crossed up on the windowsill. He was mightily pale; but Nessa thought that she could catch a faint glimmer from the green jewel that was his eye; and the messy, spiky tufts of his hair shimmered gold and ochre in the fading afternoon sunlight. She heard him heave a great sigh; and the misery that was his, coupled with the lovable beauty that she had always so admired, did its work in breaking her heart.

“Orin,” she said.

He jumped up out of his chair, and turned towards her, with a hand upon his heart. “Goodness, Nessa!” he said. “You frightened me.”

“I apologise,” said Nessa, moving nearer to him. She gestured to the chair he had left, and said, “Sit with me a moment?”

He nodded, and resumed his seat. Nessa took one several feet from him, sat back, and smiled as warmly as she could.

“So it is certain?” asked Orin finally. “You will stay?”

“Yes.”

“And I can do nothing to dissuade you?”

“No, Orin. I am sorry.”

“Oh,” he said, waving a hand. “Don’t be sorry. What good are apologies, when you have already shredded my soul?”

If Nessa was surprised to have heard it, Orin seemed even more astounded to have said it. He shook his head quickly, and begged Nessa’s forgiveness; but now it was her turn to wave a hand.

“Don’t be sorry,” she echoed. “I know not why I was at all surprised to hear such words, when I have always known them to be true. I grieve for your sorrow, Orin, and wish with all my heart that you may find a better happiness, than I could ever have given you – but you must understand, that I cannot feel ashamed, and cannot simply offer you a different idea of forever. Never was I meant to be a part of yours.” She sighed. “You are not my mate. You are my brother, as Dechtire is my sister – and ever will I love you for that. I ask you only, beg you only, not to despise me. For what could I have done differently, in the keeping of your heart?”

He smiled faintly. “I could never hate you, Nessa. I love you, very much; yet much differently, it seems, than you love me. But always we will be family.”

They rose up from their seats, and crossed the space between their chairs, so as to embrace one another. Orin bestowed a kiss upon Nessa’s lips, that lasted some long seconds; but finally they parted, each with tears in their eyes, and together went out to their supper.

~

And now, there is little more to be said. The day of leaving arrived, and the house of Dahro departed, with many suitcases between them.

As we did ask, what can be said of war – likewise we ask, what can be said of goodbye? Very little, it seems. Nessa embraced each and every member of her family, several times. She kissed them all, and exchanged with them words of love and loyalty. It was Ceir and Dechtire who cried most at the parting; and they needed be consoled heavily by Dahro and Orin.