Mistrust (5 page)

“Where the hell have you been?” Levi accosts me the moment he sees me and Sammy walking in to school.

“I’ll catch you after school,” Sam says as she walks ahead of me.

“’Kay,” I reply then look to Levi. “I’ve been at home.” I start walking toward class as Levi keeps up with me.

“I know that, Dakota. But what happened to you?”

Putting my head down, I try and make an exit without Levi chasing after me. “Nothing,” I answer with no conviction.

“Dakota!” He yells at me. But I pretend not to hear him. I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. “Fucking hell.” He grabs my upper arm and pulls me back against his rock-solid body. “Stop walking away and tell me what the hell happened to you on Saturday night.”

I can’t bring myself to look at him. There’s no truth I can tell him, only lies, lies, lies.
Just like I’ve been feeding everyone else.
“I felt sick,” I finally manage to mumble while keeping my eyes on a piece of chewed gum stuck on the floor.

“You felt sick? So what, you thought you’d leave and not say anything to anyone?” I can see now he’s moving from foot to foot, clearly agitated with me. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve taken care of you? Or is this all because you didn’t want to have sex with me?”

“What? No.” I look up at him for a second, and see the hurt etched across his beautiful face. But as quickly as I looked at him, I avert my eyes again so
he
can’t see the secret I’m hiding. “I started feeling really woozy, and I took myself home. I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s night.” I shrug and chance a quick look at Levi. His face is full of hurt, which makes my stomach roil with guilt and my heart leap into the back of my throat.

“You could’ve told me, Dakota. I would’ve taken you home.” He takes a hesitant step toward me, and slings his arm around my shoulder. I brace myself, and mentally will my body not to flinch and move away from him.
This is Levi, he loves you.
“Promise me you’ll never do that to me again.” He leans in and brushes a light kiss to my temple.

Swallowing hard, I nod my head but I can’t say the words. It’ll make me even more of a liar than I already am.

“Meet at lunch?” he asks as we walk toward our first classes for the day.

“Yeah.”

“’Kay, bye, babe.” He gives me a chaste kiss on the lips and heads off down the hall toward where Reece is standing by his locker.

The moment Levi’s lips land on mine, bile quickly rises to the back of my throat and instantly my stomach knots as I hold in a heave.

Quickly I run to the bathroom, check there’s no one in here and lock myself in a cubicle. “Oh my God,” I whisper to myself while I sit on the lid of the toilet. Holding my book bag close to my chest I rock back and forth with tears springing to my eyes. “I can’t do this.”

I sit alone in the cubicle, holding in the tears threatening to fall. It would be a tell-tale sign that I’m not okay. And I can’t take anyone asking me, or even suspecting there’s something wrong with me.

Taking a few deep breaths, I manage to pull myself together. I know in the next couple of minutes the bell will ring, and I’ll have to take myself to my first class of the day, which, unfortunately, is Mr. C’s math class.

Standing, I leave the cubicle, wash my hands and head toward class.

“Dakota,” I hear his rough voice call me from behind. An icy chill snakes up my spine and I freeze on the spot. “I need to speak with you.”

Rooted to the spot, I wait for him to catch up to me. “Mr. Collins,” I say in a nervous, small voice.

“What happened on Saturday night? I told you to wait for me and you left. I went looking for you and couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“I was feeling ill,” comes my rehearsed, stoic answer. “I took myself home.” I look up to Mr. C’s dark, inquisitive eyes.

“How did you get home?” I feel like he’s interrogating me. “Did you call your parents?”

“I walked.”

“By yourself, at night?”

“Yes, sir.”

I see his jaw flex and he runs his hand over his short, crew-cut hair. “You’re telling me you walked home on your own?”

“Yes.” I look away from him and defensively tighten my grip on the book bag against my chest. “I did.”

“I came back to the office, found your number and tried calling you. You didn’t answer your phone. I even got in my car and drove to your home.”

Shit.
“Why would you do that?”

“Because you looked like you were going to pass out, and I was concerned for you. I looked everywhere, Dakota. I went out to the bleachers, checked there, I asked your friends.”

He was at the bleachers? They’re only a few feet from where I woke. “You went to the . . .” I stop myself in time, because if I say ‘bleachers’ he may know something more than he’s letting on.
Oh God, could it be him?
“You went looking for me?” I regain my composure and try to watch him for any signs. Signs of guilt, sorrow, something. But his eyes are steely, and don’t give anything away.

“I did go looking for you,” he finally says. “But I couldn’t find you.”

“I was fine.”

“You didn’t look fine to me.” He reaches out to touch my elbow, and automatically I retreat with my gaze falling to his outstretched hand. Quickly he shoves it in his pocket and his left eye twitches as he presses his lips to form a thin, strained line. The bell sounds and I cautiously back away from Mr. C. There’s a look of confusion on his face, as his eyebrows knit together. “Get to class,” he calls after me.

Breaking into a run I get to his class, and sit in the back far corner, not really paying attention to anyone in the class. Mariah’s in this class with me, and although she said ‘hi’ to me when I came in, I haven’t acknowledged her yet.

Mr. C is damn creepy. He knows something, and isn’t saying what.

He waltzes into class, closes the door and his eyes go directly to me. “Good morning, class. I trust you all had a good time at your prom? Considering there’s only a couple of weeks of school left, I could go easy on you and give you light work to do.”

There’s happy chatter in the class.

“But I’m not that nice. So open your books, page one hundred and fifty-five.”

The chatter turns to groans. Opening my book, I focus on the work and ignore everything and everyone. I have to get through this class, then I can get out of here. And hopefully breathe easy again.

“What happened to you?” Lindsey asks when I sit at our table at lunch.

“Huh? When?” I play dumb and hope they’ll drop the questioning.

“On Saturday night. Where did you disappear to? I tried calling you, and someone said they saw you walking home.”

My head instantly turns to Lindsey. “Who said they saw me walking home?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I was asking around to see if anyone had seen you, and people were saying they hadn’t. Levi was going out of his mind looking for you, and Reece took off running toward your place. Mr. C even asked where you were.”

I shudder when Lindsey mentions Mr. C’s name. “I went home to sleep. I started getting sick, and I knew I had to get into bed.”

“You ignoring me?” Mariah asks as she sets her lunch tray down and sits opposite me.

“What? No.”

“I was trying to get your attention in math, and you were ignoring me. What’s up with that, Dakota?”

“I’m sorry, my mind’s been wandering all day.”

“She went home on Saturday,” Lindsey says to Mariah.

“Oh,” Mariah responds and lifts her eyebrows at me. “Why?”

Before I have a chance to answer, Lindsey says, “Because she was ’sick‘.” And actually uses air quotes as if to emphasize her disbelief.

“Did you get drunk?” Mariah leans in to listen to my response. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing alcohol? How did you sneak a drink and not get caught?”

“I wasn’t drunk. I just felt like I was going to be sick.” I leave it at that, because the less I say the better it is. “So I walked home.”

“In those killer gold heels you were wearing?”

“Um, yeah.” I nod and look down at my food tray, pushing everything around and not really eating anything. I lie about them too, because I have no idea where one is, and the other is shoved in the back of my closet, along with my dress.

“Hey, babe.” Levi sits beside me, hooking his arm over my shoulder. “What’s for lunch?” He grabs the banana from my tray, peels it and eats it.

“I don’t know. I’m not really hungry. Here, I haven’t touched it.” Sliding the tray in front of Levi, he takes it and starts inhaling the food as if he’s never eaten before.

Reece sits beside Mariah and clunks his tray down while watching me. I quickly glance at him then back down to my knotted hands. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly once everyone around the table starts talking.

Not saying anything, I simply nod. “Are you sure?”

“Yep.” I look up at him and weakly smile. “I’m sure.”

Reece’s penetrating gaze holds me captive. His strong brown eyes don’t let me go. He’s looking at me as if he wants to say something, but can’t.
Oh God, it’s not him is it?
He brings his hand up to his face, and looks sideways at Levi before he whispers, “You look different, Dakota. I can tell something’s wrong.”

My stomach jumps when he speaks the words, but I calm myself down and try to keep anything from becoming visible. “I’m good.” I smile. “I need to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.” I stand and grab my bag.

“Hey, where are you going?” Levi asks with a mouth full of food.

“Bathroom.” I don’t wait to hear if he has anything to add. Instead I get out of there.

As I’m walking out of the cafeteria I see Sophie, a girl in my year sitting at a table near the bin on her own. Her nose is stuck in a book, and she’s concentrating hard on not being seen. I recognize it now as how I’ve been feeling ever since the prom.

I don’t know why, because I’ve never said more than a handful of words to her. But something inside is telling me to go over and talk to her. I plonk my bag on the empty seat opposite her and sit, waiting for her to acknowledge me. Sophie slowly peers over her book at me, and then brings her book back up to cover her face.

“Hi, Sophie,” I say. I’m met with complete silence. “I’m Dakota.” I stop and wait again.

“I know who you are,” she answers without lowering her book. “What are you doing over here? Why aren’t you with your
popular
friends, sitting at the
popular
table, talking about all the
popular
things you all do?”

My mood drops as my shoulders slump to reflect how I’m feeling. “I’m sorry.” I stand and grab my bag. “Sorry to have bothered you.”

I start to walk away when Sophie calls me back. “No, I should apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong. Come back.” Halting my steps, I turn to her to see she’s put her book down. “Come on.” She warmly smiles at me.

“Thanks.” I sit again and now an awkward silence engulfs both of us. “Have I done something to upset you in the past?”

“Not you . . . but some of them.” She flicks her chin in the direction of where I was sitting. “They’re not nice. You’ve only ever ignored me.”

Heaviness tightens every pore of my body and ice trickles down my spine as I shamefully avert my eyes. “I didn’t realize I’d been ignoring you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She shrugs. “At least you know now.”

I’m beyond ashamed of the way I’ve treated her. I know how bullying can effect someone, but I’ve never stopped to think what silence can do too. “Why aren’t you sitting with your friends?” I ask trying to move away from my own embarrassment to something more positive.

“Wow.” She lets out a chuckle while looking around us. “You really know how to ignore a person.” I feel myself look at her questioningly. “I don’t have any friends. No one wants to hang out with me. Usually I spend my time in the library, but sometimes I come in here or go sit out under a tree.”

“By yourself?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Why don’t you have any friends?”

“Doesn’t matter why. And don’t feel obligated to pretend to be one now.” Tears are filling her eyes, and I can tell how hard those words must be. She must be desperate to have someone to hang out with, worse still, she must be hurt that she doesn’t. “I haven’t had a friend in such a long time, to have one now seems . . . I don’t know. Kind of like too little too late.” Her shoulders come up as if she doesn’t really care. But I can hear the ache in her voice, and I can see the loneliness behind her dark eyes.