Mistrust (50 page)

“I know you said she was really understanding when she first found out, but how is she now?”

“She wanted to pack up and leave, start new. But we talked about it. And we both have to face our past and move on with what future we can make for ourselves. I like it here, despite Levi raping me, despite the fact I only have a handful of friends. Mom said she can get a cleaning job anywhere, but I like it here and I don’t want to move. I really think once I’ve got myself together, that I’d like to stay here.”

“Good, ‘cause I really want you in my life. I think we’re meant to be friends.”

“Yeah, I suppose, you’ll do.” She playfully shoulders me. “Do you wonder why he did what he did?”

“Every damn day. He gave the police his reason for raping me, but it doesn’t make sense. You know the part that’s most upsetting to me?” Sophie shakes her head. “How he had all those girls underwear, bagged and dated with their details or description. To me, that says he’s a serial rapist. He never had any intention of stopping.”

“And he never thought he’d be caught.”

“Now that he’s been caught, I’m not sure I really know how to deal with it all. I mean, Tara’s helping me process it. Mom, Dad, Sam and Reece have all been so supportive, but there’s still a part of me that can’t quite grasp
why
he did it. Not only to me, but to all of us. What makes a person think to himself, ‘hey, I’m going to rape her’ to begin with? But not only that, how did he bring the conversation up to his brother?”

“His brother wasn’t exactly a pillar of the community.”

“I didn’t even know he had a brother until the cops told us the night they came over. But now more and more information is coming out, it’s no wonder he never mentioned him. The brother’s last known address was their place although he didn’t live there. His parents threw him out when he turned to drugs and stole from them to support his habit.”

“His parents put him through rehab many times, too.” Sophie shakes her head. “Such a shame he preferred drugs to family.”

“He’s an addict. That’s what drugs do to people. But I still want to know how the concept even got into Levi’s head. We were in the back of the limousine and I told him I wasn’t ready, I thought he took it well. To go from that, to drugging me . . . Even the fact he had drugs on him to start with, does that mean he was going to drug me regardless of whether I agreed to have sex with him or not? Or does it mean he had intentions of drugging someone else after we’d had sex?”

“I can’t answer that, Dakota. And I doubt Levi will either.”

“I know. I have this stupid, fairy tale thought. You know, he’ll say he’s sorry, I’ll forgive him and get better and we all live happily ever after. But I’m not sure I can forgive him. His betrayal has really rocked me to my core. I mean, I haven’t been back to school, and I’m not sure when I’ll get back there. Thankfully, Reece is bringing me all my homework.”

“I’ve missed a few days, but nothing like you. Did you hear Lindsey hasn’t returned to school either?”

“Nope, I haven’t. I’ve had loads of messages and phone calls. And every day Sam brings home cards and letters from people. I got one from Jordan, who said she was sorry for everything, including how she treated me. Mariah sent one saying she was sorry too.”

“Are you going to forgive them? Everyone’s treating me differently too. They’re more accepting and not as judgmental as what they used to be. Jordan and Mariah both came over and sat with me and Reece, your sister, and Taylor at lunch, and they both had their heads down in shame.”

“Sam told me about that. She said she gave them a hard time, and they ended up crying.”

“She did. I had to tell her enough was enough and if she kept going than she was no better than them.”

“She told me. And I agree with you. But at the same time, the only reason Sam was saying those things was to protect us two.”

“I know. Which is why I tapped her leg with my foot and shook my head. She got me, ‘cause she stopped and we talked about it later. She’s a great sister to have on your side. I tell you, she’ll have your back for life.”

“Yeah, I know. I really can’t wrap my head around it all. I can’t.”

“Tara will help you. I can already see how she’s helped. You’re not as jittery, or timid, and I want that for myself. Not that I’m those things, but I have my own demons I have to deal with. You know with Dad in jail, and Levi. I bottle my fears and issues differently, we all do. We’re not all the same.”

“I don’t know, Sophie. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him. How do I look at a guy who abused my trust by sexually assaulting me and say, ‘It’s okay, I forgive you’? I can’t because then it’s like telling myself I deserved what he did to me, like I’m telling
him
it’s okay to do that.”

“I don’t think it’s about telling him it’s okay, it’s more about looking him in the eye and telling yourself
you’re
okay. You forgive yourself, not him.”

“I get that, really I do. Because this humiliation is so reactive. Everyone at school now knows what happened—the teachers, parents, everyone. Those pictures were stored on his computer, with hundreds, if not thousands of pictures he took of all of us.” I point to her and me, but indicate all the victims.

“I know, and when he has his day in court, they’ll come out, and everyone will see them all over again. But once the trial’s finished, we can finally move on with our lives.”

“There’s a lot of work ahead of us,” I say, staring at my soda can.

“There are so many rumors flying around school,” Reece says as we sit at the dining table. We begin going through the homework he’s brought over. “Most I laugh at.”

“What’s being said?”

“There was one that said you’ve been kidnapped by an alien and the Secret Service is trying to find you.”

I shake my head and roll my eyes. “Then there’s one that Mr. C is SWAT,”

“No, he’s a detective. Totally different.”

“Another said you’re really a mermaid and have gone back to the sea.”

“Seriously, everyone has too much time on their hands.”

“It may have been me who made that last one up and told one of the juniors to see how long it would take for it to get around the school.” I stare at him, blankly. I don’t even know what to say. “It didn’t take long. Though by the time it came back around it had morphed into you being a two-headed mermaid.” I laugh and slap my hand to my forehead. “I’m being serious.”

“I don’t doubt it.” I chuckle.

Reece laughs too, and when the happy sound dies down, his face falls into an intense, warm stare. “How you doing today?”

“Better than yesterday, and not as good as tomorrow.”

“Why aren’t you at Tara’s?”

“She had to change my appointment to tomorrow morning.”

“So you’re going tomorrow morning?”

“Uh-huh.” I nod my head.

“Dakota?” Mom appears and sits opposite Reece and myself. Her face is pale, and she’s clutching her phone to her chest.

Instantly, I know something’s wrong. “What is it?” I ask in a panic.
Oh God,
please don’t tell me Levi’s escaped and disappeared. There’s no way I’m ready to handle the threat of him being out there. My hands grip the edge of the chair so tightly, they’re starting to ache. Shifting my body, I’m literally sitting on the edge of my seat.

“Lindsey’s mom just called me.”

Momentarily I let my stress levels fall. “What’s happened?”

“She tried to kill herself. She’s been admitted into the hospital and she’s undergoing treatment.”

I turn my head and stare at Reece, who’s obviously as shocked as I am. “What?” we both ask.

“Kill herself?” Reece murmurs.

Mom nods her head. “When?” I ask, still dazed and stunned.

“Lindsey’s mom said three nights ago. She’s asked to talk to you.”

“Lindsey’s mom wants to talk to me? Why? I have nothing to say to her, or even Lindsey.”

“No, Lindsey asked if you could go see her at the hospital. She wants to talk to you.”

My mind spins. I can’t think of a reason why Lindsey would want to talk to me. “I’m not sure I want to see her or hear what she has to say.”

“In my opinion, Dakota, you owe it to yourself. Not to her, but to yourself, to know what it is she wants to tell you. It may be another piece you need to move forward and heal or it may be nothing. But if you don’t want to go, then you’re well within your rights to say no. Either way, you have my support.”

“What do you think?” I ask Reece.

“It’s not up to me, Dakota. But I have to say, I agree with your mom. Even if she yells and screams at you, you might find something in that to help you deal with all of this. I can be there with you too, if you like?” he offers. He gently takes my hand in his, and his thumb softly strokes the back of my hand.

I sit and consider the alternative. If I don’t go, then I can’t tell her what I need to tell her for my own self-preservation. If I do go, then I could be a total mess from whatever she’s going to say to me. Weighing up the options, my heart tears at both scenarios. Either way, I’m grateful I have Tara in the morning. She’ll help me through it.

“Okay, I’ll go,” I timidly say. “Mom, is it okay if Reece takes me?” Mom looks a little hurt when I ask. “It’s not that I don’t want you there, but Reece knows the dynamic at school, and he may have an insight I’m unaware of because I’ve missed a weeks’ worth.”

A small, though strained smile pulls at Mom’s lips. “I understand. Of course he can take you.”

I stand and round the table, hug Mom, and give her a peck on the cheek. “Thank you.”

“If she looks like she’s starting to fall, it’s your responsibility to get her out of there and bring her home.” Mom points a finger to Reece.

“I promise you, I’ll protect her with my life.”

Mom’s concern is completely justified. This has the potential to become a huge mess. There’s so much that’s happened, and I’m sure even more will happen before it’s through.

“I’ll grab my jacket,” I say to Reece and head to my room.

Lindsey looks terrible. Her face is pasty white, her lips are cracked, and she looks like she’s lost a lot of weight from her already slender body. I sit in the chair beside her bed, waiting for her to tell me whatever it is she called me here to say. Her mom is on the other side of the bed. Her eyes are red-rimmed and it’s obvious she’s been crying.

“Thanks for coming,” Lindsey says in a small, strangled voice.

Reece is standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders. Lindsey’s eyes travel from mine to Reece’s then she looks back down at her hands which are sitting on her lap.

“What do you want to say to me?” I cut to the chase. If all she wants is sympathy from me, then she’s going to be sorely disappointed.

“You know I tried to kill myself?” she asks.

“Yes,” I respond in a flat tone.

“Do you know why?”

“No, but I have a feeling you want to tell me.”

Her mom moves forward, and clutches Lindsey’s hand. I see the encouragement she’s giving her, and I try and dial back my anger.

“I’ve loved him ever since I can remember. When you two broke up, and he came to me, I thought it was finally my chance to be with him. But he only really wanted me for sex, and he was still hung up on you.”

Reece’s hands tense on my shoulders. He quickly eases off when I tense reactively. He’s angry, and he has every reason to be. “Okay,” I respond, encouraging her to continue.

“He was so rough with me. Whenever we had sex, he wasn’t gentle, or loving. He would hurt me, and when I’d tell him, he’d laugh. So I tried being more like you, but he’d get even rougher.” I draw my brows together and fidget in the seat. “But I still loved him. Then when he told me about the pictures, he made out like you cheated on him, and you’d done something wrong. He told me you’d always been a bitch about me to him, which drove the envy I had even further.”

“You were working on information he told you, instead of asking me yourself.”

“Yes.” She looks at me, her eyes brimming with tears, and looks back down at her hands twisting together. “The more he told me, the more I wanted you to pay for treating him badly and bitching about me.”

“And that’s why you were so horrible to me? To Sophie?” She nods her head. Her mom is crying quietly and Lindsey is crying too. “Was the end result worth it, Lindsey?”