Mixed Feelings (Empathy in the PPNW Book 1) (20 page)

“
You can
’t eat
?
”
Chloe
asked,
feigning horror.
“
You
’re worse off than we thought!”

For once I decided to be an
adult
and
ignore her teasing. “It was
just us before, trying to find out why some kids went missing so they wouldn’t
end up in the hands of Laurel and Hardy and whatever creepy, many-eyeballed
slime monster they may work for. Now complete strangers are
getting
caught up in this just
because we pissed off the wrong… whatever that chick was
.
”

“
Demon,
” Chloe clarified, her tone much too calm for the
word.

“Merrin was serious?”

“You think she’
d joke?
”

“
I
—
no,
I mean…” I trailed off,
lacking an argument. Merrin wouldn’t lie and I could count the number of times
I’d heard her make a joke on Sonny’s left foot, but still. A
demon?

“I think that’s why we need
to keep going
,
”
Mel said when my silence stretched.
“
So we can
figure out how to get the kids home
safe
in case this girl’s planning on handing them off to
some other slime monster
.
”

“
It
’s easy for you to be brave, you’re nearly indestructible.”

“Do you not remember the
enchanted bat and the
man
who hit me in the face with
it?”

I let out a low chuckle. “No,
I remember that quite clearly. Almost makes the rest of this worth the trouble.”

Mel rolled his eyes but
didn’t waste time on my attitude
.
“
Look. I
’ve got a meeting with the
Carlyles tomorrow, the parents of the little boy who was taken.”

“How you do know it’
s
—”

“This time I checked.
It
’s them. I’m not walking in blind again. We will solve
this problem and get these kids back before anyone else is hurt.” Mel watched
me for a few moments as I considered his proclamation. I wasn’
t
sure his confidence in us as a group was warranted.
From where I stood, it felt like we’d just spent the last few days running
repeatedly into walls.

Then again, we had already
foiled two kidnappings, even if doing so had briefly
come at
the expensive of my sanity. Mel must have seen something in my face
because he shifted gears from serious to silly.

“Besides, if you’re that
nervous, we can bring Chloe along. She can wear a trenchcoat and some
sunglasses and stand behind us menacingly.”

“
I don
’t think that would go over too well with the parents,”
Chloe
mused.

“
Assu
ming they
are
the parents.”

“
I
’ll keep my eyes, ears, and nose open more carefully this time, I swear.”
Mel grabbed a fried wonton out of one of the boxes,
shook
it at me twice. “And if you
yell my name in a terrified voice again, I’ll actually listen.”

***

My dreams were a jumbled
mess. More so than usual, that is.

I was in the dark. I couldn’t
see anything
,
but I felt limbs and hands
bumping me, shoving me, tugging me. I felt fear and glee and an immense hunger.
My insides were empty, carved out until the edges of my flesh were ragged. The
only thing that hadn’t been taken was my heart. I ached with a despair that
only comes from missing someone you love with all your soul but whom you know
you’ll never see again.

The floor of the kitchen was
hard beneath my legs and my left hand was frozen. Sonny was squawking from the
top of his cage to my right and I could feel tears on my skin. The front of my
shirt was wet and the ice cream in my mouth tasted like snot.

I blinked twice before I
realized I was awake, staring at the front of my fridge, blindly looking
at
the magnetic messages left for me by my mysterious
visitor. A pint of ice cream was clutched tightly in my numb hand and I had
eaten half of it. I was also covered in tears and my nose had been running for
long enough that my shirt was already too soaked to clean it properly.

Sonny stopped talking
;
when I looked at him, he stared back, curiously
silent. We watched each other for a minute before I realized that I really
needed to get up and get moving. Despite how much I had enjoyed the idea of the
gummy, chocolaty mess when I’d bought it, I didn’t even want to look at the ice
cream now. I knew I would never be able to eat it without also tasting my own
runny nose.

“
Gross,
” I mumbled, dumping the entire container in the
garbage. Tearing off several handfuls of paper towels, I mopped at my face and
neck, leaning against the counter for support. My knees hurt and the backs of
my legs had gone numb from sitting splayed and hunched over for what must have
been quite awhile
.

“
Gwen?
”
I spun
around to find Mel standing just inside the kitchen.
Chloe had gone home after we’d eaten
,
but Mel
had stayed in the guest room again. I’d completely forgotten he was around. “
Are you okay?
”

“
I don
’t think so. Jesus, I’
m a mess.
”

“What happened? What are you
doing?”

“
I don
’t know. I don’t remember. I was dreaming and then I
woke up…
It
’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

“
You look terrible,
”
he
said, straightening minutely. “But if you’re having trouble sleeping, I
can offer my services. I’m great at the art of wearing women out.”

“
You
are
exhausting,
” I said with a sigh. Mel just watched me quietly. I
couldn't really decide what the expression on his face was without feeling his
emotions to back it up, but I was leaning toward pity. “
I
’m going to take a shower and go back to bed. Did I wake you?”

“I heard the fridge opening
and figured you were trying to sneak in some sugar this late because you
figured I wouldn’t notice and tattle on you to Chloe. I thought about letting
you think you were getting away with it, but something didn’t sound right, so I
came out to check on you.”

“I was sleepwalking. If you
hear me again, wake me up. Or at least herd me back to my room and shut me in,
Lassie.”

“You sure you don’t want me
to jo
in you? I’ll make sure you
stay put. I can tie you up if that’s what you’re into.”

My eye twitched and, for
once, it didn’t have anything to do with his being a werewolf. “I will hit you
with another bat.”

***

Chloe called the next morning
to say she’d meet us at the Carlyles' house after she picked some things up. I
wondered if she was going to bring more guns, but then put it
firmly
out of my mind. Once everything else was solved, I
could sit down and ask her a hundred questions. For now, I just had to trust my
best friend.

We drove
in silence but I was grateful for the quiet. There
wasn’t much I wanted to
discuss
and I still felt sore, sick, and tired, like my brain had hosted a
series of bum fights in my skull.

Mel started whistling about
fifteen minutes in. I tried to place what it was he had stuck in his head and
decided it was a sad song. One from my youth, maybe. I thought about that car
crash song, where the singer watches his lover die, and wondered if it was that
tune.

No, that didn’t seem gloomy
enough. This song was about despair, tragedy, loss in the worst sense. The
lyrics had to be about death or about being trapped. Why couldn’t I place it?
Why didn’t I know what song this was? I wanted to be frustrated but I didn’t
have the energy. I didn’t have anything. I couldn’t even pay attention to the
humming
anymore. Were my eyes closed? Why was it so dark? Why
was I so tired?

I forced my leaden eyes to
open and rolled my head to the side. Mel was still humming and the tune was
slow, tedious, depressing. My arms felt heavy. How long had we been driving?

“
You asleep?
” Mel reached over and grabbed my knee, giving it a
squeeze. I tried to pull away but couldn’
t.
When I
didn’t react, Mel turned, his brows knitted. As he switched his gaze between me
and the road, I watched tension pull through him, his jaw going tight. I
focused my eyes on the road outside and realized we were almost far enough
north to be out of Seattle.

“Gwen, are you awake? You
look like you’
re melting.
”

I blinked at him and that was
all I could do. Where were we and what was I doing in this car?

Brow still furrowed, Mel
checked the passenger’s side blind spot and veered out of his lane. I watched
the world move around me, feeling slow and tired and empty. I lost track of
time
,
but when we stopped, I could
see trees, houses, mailboxes. We were in a neighborhood and I felt something
spark inside me.

Had I been here before?

“Come on, this isn’t as fun
as when you’re berating me. I can take the abuse
,
but you look like you went ten rounds with Dalí.
Gwen?
”

Mel unbuckled his seatbelt
and launched out of the car. I couldn’t turn my head fast enough to watch him
hustle around the
hood
but I felt his hand on my
shoulder after he opened my door. His blue eyes met mine, his fingers moved to
my chin, and warmth flooded through my skin.

We were on our way to a
meeting regarding some missing children. I was an empath mistakenly hired by a
pair of unpleasant fairies to locate
said
children. I
’d
been attacked twice by things that looked human but could sling around magic
,
and I definitely needed to get moving.

I grunted, shoving
at Mel in the hopes he’d get the message that my mouth couldn’t deliver.
When he didn’t move, I licked my lips, forcing a word out through them
:
“
Move.
”

“
Can
you
?
” Mel asked,
unbuckling
my seatbelt. I shoved at him
again and this time he let me move him. I
tumbled
out of the SUV onto the sidewalk, taking a huge gulp
of air. My head was spinning, my stomach dropping into my feet. I took a few
more deep breaths before I realized I was sucking in air faster than I should
be. I felt Mel’s hand on my belly and the other at the back of my neck, before
he bent me double and crouched down to look into my eyes. “Slow down. If you
pass out, Chloe’
s gonna blame
me. Watch me,
breath
e like me.
”

Mel stayed close, sucking in
air deliberately, slowly, leaning low to stay in my field of view. I watched
him, tried to match him. As my panic subsided and the tightness in my chest
eased, I wheezed out a laugh.

“
Are you
—” I took a deep breath, found I was calm enough
to speak, and continued. “Are you doing Lamaze?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”
Mel
looked seriously into my eyes. “Are you still dying?”

“
I
… I think I’
m okay.
”

“Well, even if you’
re not, pretend. Chloe
’s pulling up and I don’t
want her yelling at me for letting you indulge in cheap dramatics.”

I glowered up at him, but
decided to save my breath for the meeting with the parents.

Chapter Fifteen

Both Mel and I managed to be
appropriately composed and somber by the time we approached the front door of
the house. Mel looked me over as we took the single step onto the porch, but
whatever he might have said was interrupted when the door opened before he
could even knock.

A giant pair of eyes took us
in and I felt confusion edged with a tinge of hope. The eyes were a watery
blue behind C
oke-bottle glasses above a narrow rounded nose
and thin-lipped mouth. We each got the once-over twice
before the man in the sweater-vest and slacks reached out a hand. I
wanted to grab it instantly, but didn't.

“You must be Mr. Somerset.”
The man shook Mel’
s hand.
“And Ms. Arthur.” Reaching
for my hand, he cocked his head at me, confusion overtaking his birdlike
features once again. As I touched his skin, I felt a rush of emotions. Joy,
sadness, frustration, and anxiety all mixed inside me, turning my guts into a
churning mess. Swallowing
hard
, I fought off the stinging
sensation at the back of my throat. I realized that Mr. Carlyle and I weren’t
shaking hands, but holding them.

“
Shannon?
” I heard a voice from inside
the house and my churning guts leapt into my throat. I wanted to run to that
voice and… I wasn’t sure, but it was a desperate feeling.

“Shall we go inside?” Mel
asked. Mr. Carlyle and I turned in
unison
to
blink at Mel as if we didn’t understand him.

“Oh, of course. I’
m
…”
Mr.
Carl
yle glanced
very briefly at me as he spoke. “
I
’
m sorry.
”

Mel put a hand on the smaller
man’s shoulder and guided him inside
,
toward
the garish living room. Tossing an annoyed glance my way, he made sure to enter
the house before me, following on Mr. Carlyle’
s heels.

“
It
’s okay, Christina, they’re the ones here about Devon.”

“
Oh.
” A woman opposite her husband in every way stood just outside a hallway
to our right. Her hair was jet black, falling in waves to her waist. Deep brown
eyes, steady and free of tears, watched us over a sharp nose and full lips. Her
skin was dark, her clothes bright and bold. She smiled at us and it was a good
mask
,
but I could feel the worry
inside her.

I knew how strong she could
be when it was necessary and it made me feel better.

I met Mel
’s concerned
gaze
again and started to wonder whose feelings I was
actually channeling.

Taking a deep breath, I
concentrated on my own thoughts, my own feelings, carefully separating my
psyche from those around me. My first instinct was to sit in the chair closest
to the TV
,
but when the Carlyles moved
to the couch and Mel sat in one of the chairs directly across from them, I
considered how rude I would appear by not sitting with everyone else. I sat
next to Mel and clasped my hands in my lap, fidgety and unsure of myself
.

“Let me begin by saying I’m
sorry we had to meet under these circumstances,” Mel began, his tone practiced
and caring. “I know a few of the police officers working to bring your son home
and I wanted to do my best to help them out. This whole situation is tragic and
I just can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

“
Thank you,
” Mr. Carlyle said, glancing over at me. I gave him
what was undoubtedly a weak smile and swallowed thickly. I felt like I was in
trouble, out of place in this big chair.

“Can you start by telling me
how Devon went missing, maybe show me around so I can get a sense of the place?”

“
Well,
” Mrs. Carlyle started,
putting a hand over her husband’s knee, as if steadying him. “He was home from
school because he hadn’t been feeling well. I stayed home with him and he was
just there, watching TV.” She gestured to the chair I’d considered taking.

“
I
’d gone upstairs to put away the laundry. I didn’t think anything was
wrong.” She took a breath and I saw her fight back tears. Her jaw set for a
moment and she glanced at the staircase to my left. “The TV was on but I didn’t
hear anything. Nothing suspicious, I mean. He was watching cartoons and I was
thinking I should make him some soup, that it might make him feel better.”

Mr. Carlyle turned his head
to me sharply and I met his eyes as my mouth opened.

“Vegetable soup is the
best
,
” I announced, unaware until I’d spoken that I had any intention of
doing so.

Silence fell over the room,
as Mel, Shannon, and Christina all looked my way.

“
I
’
m
…
I
’
m sorry,
” I apologized, feeling
myself shrink back into the chair. “
I just
…
like soup.”

Suddenly embarrassed, I
pushed out of the chair and stepped away from the parents. Mel urged Christina
to continue.

“I came back down after the
laundry was all put away and I couldn’
t find him. The door was locked
—I checked as soon as I
thought something might be wrong—but he wasn’t in the house. I checked
the garage and the bathroom, I even went upstairs and checked—” She
swallowed. “Checked my closet. I didn’t think he was—I mean, maybe he was
playing.”

“She called me as soon as she
thought something was wrong and I came right home,” Shannon said quietly.

The mantle held a picture of
the Carlyle family in front of the
ir
Christmas tree. Devon was
little, barely a toddler, and he was holding a toy truck up in the air like it
had been the prize for fighting a dangerous and deadly battle. Something in me
clenched but I couldn’t tell if the sight of the truck made me happy or sad.

I reached for the picture
and, as I pulled it forward, two odd things happened.

Shannon appeared next to me,
annoyance slicing at my skin as he reached out toward the mid-point between the
mantle and the fireplace. The corner of the picture I was grabbing hit the
corner of another frame, knocking it forward.

“Please don’t touch our
things,”
Shannon
said
calmly
as the fallen picture
dropped right into his palm.

“
Oh my god,
” I mumbled, meeting his eyes. “You
saw
that
coming
.
”

Shock and panic hit me at
full force, like walking into a static forcefield. Just beyond it, barely
hidden by the electric distress, lay a cold, hard wall of defensive anger. I
took a step back, though I would have needed to leave the house entirely to
avoid the sledgehammer of his emotions
.

“
I don
’t know what you’
re
—” he began.

I interrupted, unable to stop
myself.
“Can Devon see the future, too? Did he inherit
that?”

I felt Christina from across
the room and before she could lash out
,
I
turned to her.

“
I
’
m not
—
I
’
m
different, too!”
Still
holding
the Christmas picture, I
eased
toward Devon
’s mother,
stretching
a hand out. “Right now,
you’re worried and angry
,
but you don’t need to be.
I’m not going to tell anyone about your husband or your son.”

“
I don
’
t
…” Christina trailed off,
staring at me. Her gaze moved past and I turned to watch her husband stare at
me, slack-jawed.

“You can see the future?” he
asked. I shook my head but he didn’t seem to notice. “I thought it was just
Devon and me.”

“
No, I can
’
t
—I do other things. I
can sense emotions.”

Mel ha
d turned in his chair and was watching me intently,
looking less concerned than he had with Marian and Duane.

Shannon stepped up next to
me, reaching for the frame I still held. When his skin touched mine, I felt
that same storm light up my stomach. I wanted to hug him, to sit on his lap and
have him read me a story. My adult self felt confused and vaguely uncomfortable
at the almost fetishistic desire but my inner child was on the verge of
desperate tears.

“
I
’
m
… I'm sorry, you can read
emotions?”
Christina aske
d, finally breaking the
silence. Mel got to his feet, glancing between us.

“
She
’s been rather ill lately, so her empathy is—well, out of whack.
Like I said,
I
can
’t imagine what you’re going through
,
but Gwen has no choice but to feel what you’re
feeling. I think it’s knocked her off her game somewhat.”

“
Yeah,
” I said, watching Shannon carefully place the picture
back on the mantle where it’d been. “I think I’m feeling echoes of what Devon
felt, as well. It’s like I know this place and I can’
t stop feeling
…” I trailed off. What was I
feeling? Guilty?

I blinked and realized I’d
lifted my head so I was staring at the staircase.

“You can feel my son?”
Christina
’s voice broke as she mentioned Devon and I gave
a small nod. I needed to go upstairs
.

“
I
’ll be right back,”
I
murmured, heading toward the
staircase. I felt my arm get tugged and I pulled against it, anxiety starting
to brew in my belly. Upstairs, I needed to go upstairs!

“Please,”
Shannon insisted.
“
I can
’t let you just—”

“Shan, please.” Christina
stepped forward and I glanced over at her. The grip on my wrist disappeared and
I tore up the stairs like a wild animal. If I could just get to my room, if I
could just hide under the covers, I’d be safe. The man with the big eyes
wouldn’t be able to grab me. I just had—

I stopped just inside the
door to a little boy’s room, looking around as if I’d just woken from another
nightmare. What was I doing? I wasn’t going to climb into the bed of a missing
child and hide under his blankets. Shannon grabbed my arm, yanked me back a
step.

“You need to leave, you can’t
be in her
e!
” he insisted. I could feel
his panic and it nearly matched the lightning firing through my chest and
zapping my heart. His eyes darted to Devon’s bed and despair thundered through
us both.

“
I
’
m sorry,
”
I cried
, shocked at my own behavior. “
I
’
m
—
I don
’t do this. I don’t feel echoes. This isn’t how I
work. I’
m
—”

“Gwen, come down.”

I snapped my head around and
saw Mel through the slats of the staircase. Just seeing him, hearing his calm
voice
,
helped me concentrate. I
wasn’t Devon and I wasn’
t
missing. I hadn
’t
been kidnapped. I was an adult, babbling at terrified parents about their lost
son.

I was making an ass of
myself.

“
Oh my god, I am so sorry,
”
I
said again, pulling back into myself. “
I am so, so sorry. I don
’t understand why I’m acting
like this.”

“Please!’” Shannon begged,
slimy desperation hemorrhaging from him as his gaze pulled toward his son’s
room again. “You need to get out of here. This is
unacceptable
.
”

I stopped myself before I
called him Da
d.
Barely. “
I
’
m so
sorry.
” Inside I
was crying because they didn’t believe me. They weren’t going to find me. I was
going to be stuck inside this blackness forever.

“Your son is alive and I’
ll
—”
My voice shook slightly as
Mel grabbed my wrist and pulled me down the stairs. “
I
’ll find him. I’ll get him back. I’ll come home!”