Moment of Weakness (Embracing Moments Book 1) (7 page)

Roman didn’t say a word the entire time we were in the store. In fact, he was fine until we stood in front of the endless shelves of feminine hygiene products. To say he was feeling uncomfortable was an understatement. I managed to keep my composure, but on the inside, I was laughing hysterically. Roman shifted on his feet, and one of his hands flew up to scratch the back of his head. He would look left and right and then back at me to see if I had made my selection. Enjoying this way too much, I took my time.

And then Roman laughed.

Turning around, I glowered at him. “What’s so funny?” He wasn’t supposed to find this amusing. The joke was on him, not me.

He shook his head. “It’s hilarious, really, and maybe a little genius.”

“What is?” My curiosity grew. He gestured toward an elegant display of sweets, conveniently located right in the center of the aisle.

“Just placing the candy right next to this stuff. I bet they sell more with them sitting in this aisle then what they do having them up front.” My eyes drifted from the elegant display of candy to the shelves of tampons.

“And that’s funny why?”

Roman’s smile disappeared from his face and his shoulders stiffened. He stood there quietly, watching to see what I was going to say or do next. I grabbed a box of tampons from the shelf and tossed them in my basket. I hesitated. Oh hell. Why not? Grabbing some candy bars from the display, I threw them in as well. There was no way I would admit it, but he was right. It was pretty damn genius.

Having a few more errands I needed to run, I asked Theo if he’d mind driving me around. I wanted to stop by the local yoga studio in the town square and sign up for the weekly summer sessions. The window to sign up had already passed, but I knew the instructor well from the previous years I attended and knew it wouldn’t be an issue. Roman, once again, sat beside me in the back of the car. The big cloud of awkward tension that had been hanging over us seemed to dissipate after the trip to the pharmacy. Not a word was spoken between us, and it was probably better that way. What he said was true. This was just an assignment. Some people took their jobs seriously, and I chalked Roman up to just being one of them.

The rest of the day flew by. Theo had nothing else on his schedule, so I took advantage of spending time with him. After signing up for the summer session of yoga, we stopped by the corner cafe and grabbed lunch. Theo ordered his usual tuna hoagie while I got my favorite club sandwich. Roman followed us in, but rather than joining us, he stood by the door. Sitting down at the table closest toward the window, I unwrapped my sandwich from its aluminum wrapper.

“Everything okay between you two, Miss Julia?” Theo’s eyes flicked to Roman and then back to me. As much as Theo was like a father to me, I was just as much a daughter to him, and he liked to treat me as so. I knew what he was asking, and I was sure the conversation he had with Roman earlier was along the same lines as the one we were about to have. I glanced over at Roman. His eyes collided with mine for a moment, and I knew if I stared at them long enough I could get lost in their green depths.

I forced myself to look back at Theo. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Theo smirked. “I may be getting old, Miss Julia, but I’m far from naive. If there is an issue, let me know and he’ll be replaced.”

Judging by the look on Roman’s face, I was positive he could hear us. The muscle in his jaw twitched, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down from a forced swallow.

I looked back at Theo. “Everything’s fine . . . really. The other day was my fault. Robby had just got me worked up, and unfortunately, Roman was on the receiving end of it.” Theo stared at me, his head tilted to the side. I knew that look. That was the look that was trying to determine if he should take my word for it. I sat up straighter in my seat and smiled, trying to seem more convincing. “I’m serious. Everything’s good. We’re good.” I took another bite of my sandwich.

Theo wasn’t buying the lie I was trying to sell, but he didn’t push; he nodded and simply said, “Okay.”

We spent the rest of our time talking about cars and what type of vehicle I had in mind. Since I knew little about cars, I was trusting Theo to find me the right one. He offered to take me the following day after my yoga session. My father wouldn’t be able to attend, but I knew the chances of that happening would be slim from the beginning.

After lunch, we headed home. The car ride was quiet, and although it looked as though Roman was struggling to get something off his chest, he never said a word. Dinner that evening was spent alone. Theo had errands to run, and my father called to say he had a meeting that would keep him late. There was no reason to cook a full-sized meal, so I grabbed the first thing that looked edible in the fridge and heated it up. It was too early to go to bed, so instead I picked up my e-reader and walked to the terrace.

The air was warm, but the gentle breeze that blew was refreshing. It made breathing easier, which was nice since being home felt so suffocating at times. Unable to focus on the book before me, I looked out at the terrace. The sun had set, and the little solar globe lights that lined the stone steps and the matching tiled pathway were brightly lit.

It had been almost thirteen years since I last walked down that tiled pathway. It was the same pathway that led to the meadow, and every time I thought I had summoned enough courage to go down it, I couldn’t. The memories that lingered on in my head of the meadow would keep me rooted in place. Standing up from the swing, I walked down the steps and sat on the last one. I knew if I could just make it down the path, maybe I’d be able to let things go. Move on and accept the things I couldn’t change.

I could do this. You can do this.

Chanting the words in my head, I stood up and took a few steps. My eyes drifted around the property. Not a thing was out of place, and the only sound that could be heard was that of the chirping crickets. The light illuminating from the guesthouse caught my attention. It had been so long since someone stayed there. My father and Theo are the only family I have, so it’s not like we had extended family coming to visit. Even last summer, Megan opted to take one of the spare rooms in the main house rather than be alone in the guesthouse.

It was weird knowing it was now being occupied by a complete stranger. I shrugged off the thought. I didn’t want to think about it because that would lead to thinking about Roman. And he was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about. Pressing on further, I continued walking down the path. This wasn’t so bad. I could do this.

I walked farther. The end of the path was in sight, and in the distance, I could see the opening of trees, which led to the meadow. A small tingling feeling started in my feet, spreading through my legs, stopping me from going any further. My legs were numb. Like so many times before, I stood unmoving. I couldn’t do this.

Sometimes, certain things were easier said than done. And this was one of them. The lack of feeling in my legs had pulled my knees to the ground. A small tear I didn’t know had formed rolled down my cheek. I knew it was a matter of time before the endless wave of emotions hit me. It was always the same for me. Sadness, denial, acceptance, and then anger. Going through the emotions of losing someone was part of the healing process. But here I was, thirteen years later, still trying to heal. How could I properly heal when there were too many questions left unanswered? Another tear rolled down my cheek, and rather than wiping it away, I let it fall. It was stupid to come down here. Stupid to think I’d be able to do this. Who was I kidding? I didn’t want to be down here. Not really. But I couldn’t bring myself to get up and leave either. So I sat there.

Lost in my thoughts.

Lost in my emotions.

Lost in myself.

“Miss Parker?”

My entire body stiffened. This couldn’t be happening. Why was he down here? I slid my palms across my face trying to wipe away what remained of my breakdown. “Yeah?” I asked, standing up to turn around.

“I was just coming to confirm . . .” The deep voice trailed off at the sight of my puffy eyes and tear-soaked cheeks. Roman stood there, staring at me, a look of pity in his eyes. “Are you o—”

“I’m fine,” I assured, cutting him off. Embarrassed, I glanced around, trying to avoid eye contact with him. “What are you doing down here?” I asked, crossing my arms so they tightly hugged my chest.

He frowned. “Your father said you mentioned running tomorrow morning. I just wanted to confirm the time with you. I saw you walk down here earlier and was going to wait until you came back up, but it was getting late.”

I tapped my phone screen to check the time. It was almost midnight. Where had the time gone? “I run at six. We can meet at the fountain,” I said, attempting to walk past him.

Roman stepped in front of me, his large frame blocking the pathway. His chest rose with the deep breath he took, and his chin dipped down so his gaze aligned with mine. “That’s not the only reason I came down. I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you in the car. I didn’t mean to be rude—”

“Look, I don’t need your apology, okay.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what I did, but I get it. The less we talk to one another, the better off we’ll be.”

“That’s not—”

He tried interrupting me, but I kept talking. “If you think for one second I enjoy this—” I wagged my finger between us and then glanced up at him. His green eyes locked on to mine and a swarm of butterflies took flight in my stomach. “Then you’re wrong . . .” My voice trailed off, and I inwardly cringed at how weak it suddenly sounded.

He took another step forward and gripped the back of his neck. He was standing so close the intoxicating smell of his cologne caused a wave of tingles to soar down my spine. His voice was tight, and the muscle along his jaw was tense. “I don’t normally work with people directly. This”—he repeated the same gesture with his finger as I had done just moments ago, swaying it back and forth between us—“is all new to me.”

My legs suddenly felt like Jell-O. And I wasn’t sure if it was from his cologne, how close he was standing, or the emotional toll I had just put myself through. I needed to get out of here before I made an even bigger fool of myself.

I let out a tired sigh. “It’s okay. If you don’t mind, I’m kind of tired and would like to go to bed.”

Roman stepped aside so I could pass, but his voice held me in place. “What you did today . . . what you said to Theo? You didn’t have to do that.” I thought back to mine and Theo’s conversation. He was right. I didn’t have to cover for him—take the blame. “Why did you?”

His question caught me off guard. Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “Why wouldn’t I? This is your job, Roman. I’m not going to get you fired because we simply don’t get along. I’m not like that.”

I wasn’t even sure why we didn’t get along. But it didn’t matter, I guess. Walking passed him, I made it a whole two feet before he called for me. “Miss Parker?”

I stopped and turned to glance at him. “Yes, Roman?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

I thought about his question for a moment, and the truth was, nothing about my life was
okay.
My head shook back and forth slowly and a sad laugh bubbled out of my throat. Before I had a chance to stop myself I said, “No.”

Roman’s expression softened at my confession, and I closed my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t catch the humiliation lying behind them. When I reopened them, he was closer than he was before. His mouth fell open, but I stole his chance of speaking.

“Good night, Roman,” I said, stepping back quickly and turning around. I could still feel the weight of his stare on me, and as I walked back to the house, I fought the urge to turn around.

I seriously needed to sew my lips shut.

WITH A GROAN
, I removed my plastered pillow from my face. As much as I wanted to hit the snooze button on my alarm one more time, the need to run pushed me to my feet. Waking up at quarter to six every morning was not my idea of sleeping in, especially during summer break. But running was like a drug, a high my body craved. It helped me clear my mind, and right now, there was nothing I needed more. This would be my first time running in weeks, and regardless of how tired I was, I was looking forward to it.