Moments of Julian (19 page)

And for a little while, I am able to
look back on high school with fond memories.

Ashton, our former class president, is
climbing up to the stage with a yearbook. I’m trying to recall what
senior predictions I made. But I’m drawing a blank.

And then the crowd parts and I catch
sight of two faces through the crowd.

The blood chills in my veins and my
hands go numb. Fog threatens to climb into my brain, just like it
did that night ten years ago. Suddenly I’m waking up on the floor
again, the smell of booze making my head spin, enhanced by
something I didn’t even have a name for at the time. And I learn
that I am a trophy.

I turn, fighting my way through the
crowd, and I bolt. Tears are springing up in my eyes. Instead of
being frozen now, my skin feels as if it is burning.

“
Sage?” I barely hear
Julian call after me. “Sage, wait!”

I’m nearly to the exit, when I crash
into a solid chest.

I look up right into Peter Caster’s
face.

“
Well hello there,
princess,” he smiles as he looks down at me. Just as he reaches out
to take my arm, I smack him across the face.

“
Don’t you dare touch me,”
I hiss. Tears have sprung from my eyes and threaten to streak down
my cheeks, but everything is red with rage. “Don’t you ever touch
me again.”

“
I go to jail for five
years because of your little freak out, and this is the greeting
you give me?” Peter says. I walk past him, headed for the door,
when he reaches out and grabs my arm.

“
Hey!”

I turn when I hear Julian
bellow.

“
Get your hands off her,”
Julian is glowering at Peter. “She said not to touch
her.”

“
Piss off,” Peter scowls
like not a day has gone by since high school. He turns back to me
and I tug my arm to get out of his grasp, but he holds
firm.

“
I said let her go,”
Julian says, taking another step forward.

Three tears have broken free from my
eyes now but I am Sage McCain and I am not that girl last semester
of senior year.

I raise my heeled foot while Peter is
looking at Julian and kick as hard as I can into Peter’s leg. I
hear a crunch and my heel sinks into the flesh of his
leg.

He howls and lets go of my arm. I am
running out the door before he hits the ground.

“
Sage! Wait, Sage!” Julian
is racing after me, panic in his voice.

I am sobbing by now and I know there
is mascara running down my face and the last thing in the world I
want is for Julian to see me like this. The last thing in the world
I want right now is for any living creature with a penis to be
within one hundred yards of me.

“
Go away Julian!” I scream
as I dart outside. My breath is coming in sobbing pulls by now.
Remembering the side entrance to the biology lab, I take a chance
and pull the door. Thankfully it opens.

I slip inside and close the door
quickly behind me. I lean against the wall and listen to the sound
of Julian’s frantic footsteps.

“
Sage!” he yells. “Sage!
You don’t have to talk! Just let me take you home.”

I squeeze my eyes closed and sink to
the ground as tears flood my face.

There are hands on my body. There are
lips on my unseen places. There is fog and confusion and the smell
of alcohol pungent in the air.

Julian keeps calling for me for twenty
minutes. His voice then fades away for fifteen, only to return
again. After forty minutes, my phone beeps with a text
alert.

At least let me know
you’re safe. Please.

My hands shake and fat tears splash to
the screen.

I’m fine,
I type. My fingers keep hitting wrong buttons and
I have to retype it three times.
Please,
just leave me alone tonight.

After a while, everything goes quiet
and I go numb.

Finally, an hour later, I pull my
phone out again and dial Avia.

“
I have been meaning to
call you all—”

“
Can you come pick me up?”
I ask with a shaky voice.

Avia swears like a sailor. “Where are
you? I’m headed for the car right now.”

CHAPTER F
IFTEEN

“
I’m going to be gone
until tomorrow night, but you have a key and you can stay as long
as you need.” Avia gathers her things up in a frantic run around
the house. She’s been reassuring me I can stay as long as I want
the last two days I’ve been crashing at her house.

“
Thank you,” I say from
the guest bathroom. I push the last bobby pin into place and step
out. She stills in front of me for just a moment, and gives me a
smile and a big out of breath sigh.

“
What would I do without
you?” I say as I wrap my arms around her and hug her
tight.

“
What good is a BFF if I
can’t rescue you in a time of need?” she says as she hugs me
back.

“
You’re incredible,” I say
as I let her go. She kisses my cheek and scurries off for the front
door.

There was no way I was going back to
my house after the reunion. While I love my brothers more than
anyone in the world, the thought of being around anyone male right
now makes my blood turn chill. And Julian knows where to find me
there.

The first day he texted and called at
least once an hour. I didn’t respond until that night, saying
simply that I just needed him to leave me alone for a
while.

It was cold. But it was
true.

My iron will to never let anyone get
too close physically has started to crumble lately. If things
hadn’t ended the way they did at the reunion, I am quite sure I
would have disbanded my sacred rule. Julian had that effect on
me.

But then the past rose up and smacked
me across the face like a baseball bat and now I am once again
bruised with teeth dangling by a thread.

I gather my things up and head for the
door. I set Avia’s security system and walk to my car in the
driveway. Just as I settle into the driver’s seat, my phone dings
twice.

The first text is from
Kale.
Are you ever coming home? Everyone
is worried sick.

The second is from
Julian.
I’m not trying to pester you, I
just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you.

Tears prickle in my eyes and I’m
suddenly angry with myself.

I am not the same person I was back
then. I was hurt, I was put through hell. But I recovered and I
built myself up to a place where I shouldn’t be affected by
anything or anyone. I am above that.

But maybe parts of my tower are made
of sand. And every once in a while, my feet start
sinking.

I text Kale back
Soon
. I am not sure what
to say to Julian and I’m afraid that if I say anything, I might not
be able to shut off the waterworks.

One place I am determined to keep my
past out of is work. On the drive over, I numb all the stupid parts
of my body that make me feel things and put everything else out of
my head. By the time I pull up to the security gate in the parking
garage, no one is the wiser.

“
Looking gorgeous, as
usual,” Dustin says when I pull up.

“
Morning,” I say with a
forced smile. Any more words than that and something nasty might
leap out of my lips. Thankfully Dustin simply opens the gate and
lets me inside.

Gretch is at her desk when I arrive at
my office and she gives me her morning perky smile. Few people
besides me are true morning people, but Gretch is.

“
Good morning Sage,” she
says cheerily. “You’ve had two phone calls this morning. One from
Catina at Sounders Bank and the other from your father.”

“
Thank you,” I say as I
set my bags on the table and start pulling out documents I will
need for the day. “I’m assuming you’ve got my flight and hotel for
China booked?”

“
Yes ma’am,” she says.
“First class as always. You’ll leave tomorrow morning and a taxi
will be waiting at the airport to pick you up and take you to the
hotel. The place you are staying at is right next door to Ling
Enterprises so you can just walk next door in the morning. I’ve
confirmed that the translator will meet you at the hotel first
thing, so you won’t have to worry about any communication
issues.”

“
That’s a relief,” I say.
Which is actually an understatement. I’ve been majorly stressing
about this out of country sale, even more so since it is a place as
foreign as China. I’ve been to Europe a few times, I’ve gone to
Hawaii twice. But never anywhere even close to China.

I’m extremely nervous about this
trip.

Gretch turns to leave, but looks back
just before she heads out of my office. “Are you okay?” she asks.
There is genuine concern in her voice. “You’ve seemed a little down
the last few days.”

“
I’m fine,” I lie. I force
a smile onto my face and hope it is enough. Gretch must sense she
needs to take my word for it, because she simply smiles back and
leaves the office. Which is good timing, because my eyes start to
well once again.

I first call Catina back, who gives
disturbing reports about hackers trying to get through the Blue
Wall. They had major security breaches before they signed with us,
so she is extra cautious. And from everything she tells me, it
sounds as if perhaps there is reason for it.

Twenty thousand dollars has been
transferred out of three different accounts and the account owners
don’t know who authorized the transactions. And they can’t find
where the money went.

“
I am going to have you
talk to our IT department,” I say to the frantic Catina. “They are
very familiar with all types of Bank securities and will be able to
get this sorted out right away. Just one second.”

I transfer the call to Brian, Gretch’s
boyfriend in IT.

What a nightmare.

With a deep breath and shaking hands,
I dial my dad’s cell phone and wait for him to answer.

“
Well, at least I finally
figured out why you’ve been avoiding everyone,” Dad says. His voice
is annoyed, slightly angry, and protective. “Were you never going
to tell us that those four boys got out of jail?”

I sigh and rub the side of my head.
I’ve already got a migraine and it isn’t even nine o’clock.
“They’ve all been out for five years, Dad. I just haven’t seen any
of them in the last ten.”

“
Well, who was the
bonehead that decided it was a good idea to drag you to a reunion?”
His voice is nearly shaking now and I can imagine how red his face
must be.

“
Becky didn’t know they
were going to be there,” I sigh. This is the very last thing I want
to be dealing with this morning.

“
Becky,” he says in
disgust. “That girl is who started half this trouble in the first
place. Why do you still even talk to her anymore?”

“
She’s a friend, Dad. And
it isn’t her fault. I went down that road plenty
willingly.”

Dad is quiet for a moment. When he
does speak, his voice is husky and rough. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
to get so attacking. I just…I just hate that this happened to you.
My only daughter.”

“
I know, Dad,” I say. My
voice is rough and doesn’t want to work right. “I’m going to be
fine though. I promise.”

“
Kale tells me you’ve shut
Julian out,” Dad says. “Is this a temporary thing, or a permanent
one?”

I can’t fight it when my eyes well
once more. I spin in my chair so that I am facing the outside
window. I don’t want anyone walking by my office and see me
displaying human emotions. “I don’t know right now.”

Dad pauses again. “That man cares for
you, honey. Anyone could tell that by seeing him look at
you.”

I squeeze my eyes closed and two tears
push their way down my cheeks. “I know. But I don’t think this is
every going to fully go away for me, Dad. It’s always going to be
there in the past. I thought I had this behind me. But what happens
when it’s worse next time?”

“
Honey, that is what
relationships are all about. Life is hard. It’s really hard when
you have to walk it alone. That’s why we find someone who makes us
stronger when they are at our side,” he says. “You think I would
have gotten through half of what I have without your
mother?”

I laugh, even through the tears that
are now freely flowing down my face.

“
You’ll make it through
this,” Dad says and I can almost hear the kindness in his eyes
through the phone. “You’re one of the toughest women I know. You
get that from your mother partly, but the rest is all your
own.”

“
Thanks, Dad,” I breathe.
“I needed to hear that.”

“
Love you.”

“
Love you too.
Bye.”

I hang up and look out over the city.
I’m a strong woman, but every once in a while I still need my
daddy.