Monster Hunter Memoirs: Grunge - eARC (6 page)

“Can you reload these, please, sir?” I asked, holding up my spent magazines and a handful of .22 ammunition.

“Sure will, son,” the man said, cracking his window. “Who knew I’d need my guns at a revival!”

“You’re a gift from God, young man,” the woman said. His wife, also going gray, good looking for an older lady, looked just as competent and just as angry.

“You have
no idea
, ma’am,” I replied.

The Zulus were closing so I slid up onto the hood and then up to the roof. I knew it was damaging the paint of the well-cared-for vehicle. I also knew the occupants would understand.

More zombies down and it was time to play tag again.

By the time I got back around to the Caddy, the wife just stuck her hand out the window with my refilled mags. I reloaded, handed her my expended and with most of the Zulus still trying to get to me through the maze of cars all my remaining .22 ammo.

By my third pass I took just one of the magazines she offered, reloaded, and in the last bit of light fired three careful rounds into the heads of the last three zombies.

Zombie apocalypse averted. God, fifty-three (once the count had been established), bad guys…too many.

And then the cops finally arrived. And it started to get complicated.

I let Mr. Anderson, the gentleman whose Cadillac I had put boot prints all over, do most of the talking. He was one of the local attorneys and knew all the cops involved. The sheriff arrived and closed the scene down. Wounded were evacuated. People thanked me and called me a gift from God. I told them to thank God, not me. I was just his instrument. This sounded like humility and went over well. I did not get into the whole “there will be a sign” thing. I was questioned by the police. I showed them my discharge papers, ink still fresh. Tow trucks arrived. All the vehicles had somehow been disabled. Mine got added to the group to be towed.

Then the FBI arrived by Bell Jet Ranger.

I’m not sure when (or if) this will be read and how it works in your time. But in those days, the supernatural was super-secret squirrel stuff. FBI Monster Control Bureau should have been renamed the “Intimidate Witnesses, make up lies and kill anyone who breathes a word” bureau. Later, I was to find out why and it made sense to an extent. At the time, it was a pain in the ass.

The lead agent was a tall, slender, good-looking guy named Showalter. He was trailed by a gigantic brute named Franks. Franks had pretty much the same expression on his face as the guy who had driven off in the U-Haul. Like everyone he met was a hen that was off her lay and probably needed to be chopped in the neck and put in a pot.

I really would not be surprised if the guy actually had bayoneted babies. And eaten them spitted over a fire on his bayonet. If they weren’t raw.

I went full-up Marine-perfect. I had the sneaking suspicion I was in deeper shit than when I’d woken up under my desk.

“You’re the shooter,” Showalter said.

“Yes, sir!” I barked, standing at parade rest. I sort of expected congratulations from them but something told me the best I was going to get was “we’re going to let you leave alive.”

“And you just happened to be driving by?” Showalter asked.

“Sir, yes, sir!”

“That doesn’t quite hold water, kid,” Showalter said. “Try it again.”

“Sir, upon medical retirement from the United States Marine Corps due to wounds suffered in the bombing in Beirut I elected to drive back to my home of record in Louisville, Kentucky, sir!” I barked. “I elected to use side roads as I was attempting to determine what future I might choose given that my prior plans had been to be a career Marine, sir! The time driving gave me time to think, sir! My experiences in the bombing of the Barracks in Beirut had led me to consider the world of religion and faith, sir! I have recently converted to Catholicism, sir, having been raised as an atheist, sir! When I saw the sign for the revival, having never attended one, I elected to take the turn, sir!

“My vehicle was disabled at the base of the hill, sir! Two young women ran down the hill seeking aid, sir! They reported zombies, sir! I observed one subject following them which met the parameters for an undead subject, sir! I retrieved my PW from my trunk where it had been carefully stored, readied my PW and terminated the threat, sir! I determined that said subject was, in fact, something resembling a classic risen movie zombie, sir! I determined that more people required aid, sir! I rendered aid, sir, fulfilling my oath of enlistment to protect against all enemies foreign and domestic, sir! Am I in trouble for terminating the Zulus, sir?”

“Zulus?” Showalter asked.

“Zombies, sir,” I said. “Your pardon, sir.”

“Still not buying it, kid.”

“Sir, God’s hand does sometimes work in mysterious ways,” I said, shrugging. “Sir, that is the truth of the matter, sir.”

I could tell they didn’t believe me. Then there was a voice in my head. Like a real honest-to-God voice. Not Pete’s. Somebody else. It sounded like he’d spent time as a Marine Drill Instructor. The voice barked four words. Nothing more but I knew I was supposed to repeat them. There was also an image to go with the words. For some reason, I looked at Franks.

“One. Drop. Of. Blood,” I said, looking him square in the eye. Which was, frankly, tougher than physical therapy. “One drop of blood on the tip of a sword.”

Franks looked puzzled for a moment, then frowned harder.

“We’re done here.”

“Reason?” Showalter asked, surprised.

Franks thought about that for a moment, slowly masticating gum. Apparently he was really the one in charge.

“Classified. This one’s not the threat.”

“Okay, then,” Showalter said, clearly frustrated. He turned back to me. “What are you leaving out?”

Based on Franks’ response, I knew the right answer to give.

“Sir, with due respect, that is classified above your level,” I replied. “You do not have access to that compartment, sir.”

“Does this compartment at least have a name?” Showalter asked. “So I can determine if the compartment exists?”

I thought about that for a moment. A Marine Infantry Private does not normally get a Top Secret clearance but I knew something about the way they were set up. Besides compartmentalization, there were different “blocks” or levels of security clearance. The highest was “Block Eight.” Most Presidents don’t get Block Eight clearance. You had to be really, really trusted to get Block Eight clearance. And Eight is as high as it goes.

“The compartment is Block Ten, sir,” I replied.

“There
is
no Block Ten, Gardenier!” Showalter snapped. “Now I know you’re lying to me!”

“Agent Franks?” I asked.

He just grunted. I didn’t know who Franks thought I really answered to, but he let it go.

“Sir,” I said, relenting slightly. “I was not involved with the individual who let these zombies loose. You have my solemn word on that as a Marine. I truly was just driving home and truly did choose to drive back roads as a way to think about what I was going to do with the rest of my life, sir. All of that is completely and literally true, sir, on my honor as a Marine, sir. The sole and only slight falsehood was my reason for taking the turn on this road, sir. And the reason for that, sir, is classified above your level, sir. It is classified above the President’s level, sir.”

“I happen to know that President Reagan is Block Eight,” Showalter said.

“So you have to wonder what could possibly be higher, sir,” I said. “I can safely say, it is not anything in league with evil, sir.”

“So,” Showalter said, taking a breath. “For reasons classified above my level, according to both you
and
Agent Franks, you made the turn.
Fine
. Your car died. Caught in the mystic spell. I can accept that although the timing is incredibly suspicious. Two girls came running for help, with which they agree. You responded. You’re a recently discharged Marine. I can see that.

“Care to tell me how someone who was just discharged for wounds received in combat that left him
crippled
and using a
cane
ran around “Like some sort of super-ninja” according to witnesses, jumping from car to car, dodging zombies and popping them in the head?”

I almost replied, based on the last bit of his question, “I invoked the awesome power of
Little Bunny Foo Foo!
” But I refrained.

“Adrenaline? Right now, sir, all I want to do is take some pain-killers, lie down and get off my damned leg, sir. Then? I just did it, sir. You do what you have to do, sir, and worry about the rest later, sir.”

“And I can believe as much or as little of that as I like,” Showalter said. He reached into a pocket and pulled out a lancet and a vial. “Hold out your hand.”

I extended my hand to him and he lanced a finger and squeezed a drop of blood into the vial.

“Don’t leave town until you are given permission. The easiest way for you to have suddenly developed super abilities instead of being thirty percent disabled is if you are, yourself, a supernatural entity. This test will determine that. If you are not, I’ll accept that the turn was taken for reasons “above my clearance level” and that the rest was just training and adrenaline. For the general subject.

“This incident never happened. The existence of zombies or anything else supernatural is highly classified. Don’t bother to blather about rights. There are none where this is concerned. If you ever discuss this incident with any person not properly cleared, you’re lucky if you just end up in an insane asylum for the rest of your life. If you make too much trouble, Agent Franks or someone similar will shoot you in the head. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”

“Yes, sir!” I barked. “I do understand classified, sir.”

The sheriff walked over as he was finishing and cleared his throat.

“Special Agent, the hunter team is here,” the sheriff said.

“Not those bozos,” Showalter snarled. “The incident is over. Why did you even call them?”

“I’d like to make sure that the area is completely cleared, sir,” the sheriff said. He clearly was not happy doing “diffident.”

“Fine,” Showalter snapped. “But tell them no interaction with the witnesses.”

“Do you have the cover story, yet?” the sheriff asked. “There’s press asking questions.”

“The tent caught on fire,” Showalter said. “Seven dead, six injured. Most of the injured aren’t expected to make it.”

“I’ll pass that on,” the sheriff said, drifting back into the night.

“Gardenier,” Showalter said, turning back to me. “Don’t talk about this. Ever.”

“Got that, sir,” I said.

“And don’t leave town until cleared.”

* * *

Finally dismissed by the Feds I stood there alone in the dark at parade rest. The problem was…Adrenaline had carried me through the not particularly long fight. But now I was just locked up. I was not looking forward to the walk back to my car. I hurt from head to toe. I’d just used a lot of muscles I hadn’t used in a long time and the ones I had been using had been severely overtaxed. My right femur felt like someone had driven a stake into it. All the other, many, pins and staples and plates in my body were sending their own notes of sorrow and agony.

I thought about it for what seemed like a long time then muttered “Fuck it” and just lay down in the grass. It was a warm night. There were some bothersome mosquitoes but nothing compared to the sand flies at Parris Island. And the patch I’d been standing on was relatively free of blood and zombie gook.

Lying down hurt with no support but once I was horizontal it was like a wave of euphoria hit as all the pressure came off the various bits. Somebody had apparently cut the field before the disastrous tent revival. The grass was short and in the immediate area still had a fresh-cut smell that almost overwhelmed the smell of death.

At that point I could start to think about the immediate future. I had to get my car fixed. All I really needed to do was figure out what was wrong and I could probably fix it myself if it didn’t require complicated tools. All the cars had been shut down by something, magic? So most of the damage should probably be the same. Once some other mechanic figured it out, I could probably fix it.

You might be wondering about my easy acceptance of what had just happened. I’ve met, over the years, thousands of survivors of these sorts of things and plenty of Hunters whose first experience of the supernatural was just as “out of the blue.”

I was raised by parents who firmly believed that while the supernatural, including any reference to a deity, might be anthropologically interesting, all those superstitious idiots with their crazy stories dating from the dawn of time, was absolutely and unquestionably impossible.

First, I’d already determined that just about anything my parents believed was probably idiotic. So “rebelling” by believing in the supernatural, including God, was an easy step for me.

Second, I’d had a conversation with a Saint while dead. While this had been a questionable item prior to today, the literal “sign” that had led me here was pretty damned obvious. Thus I was pre-prepared to handle this with relatively little disbelief. I also learned, early, to just take life as it’s thrown at you and do the best you can with the hand you’re dealt. Which meant, at that moment, considering the hand and figuring out how to deal with it.

The Feds had told me to not leave town. So I needed a place to stay. Before the bombing, I’d have just planned on staying in the car. Front seat was comfortable enough. Slept in it (and more than slept) plenty of times. If you didn’t have pins and plates through half your body. I’d sort of gotten used to having a bed. Frankly, where I was at the moment was more comfortable than the car. I slapped a mosquito. Except for the occasional bug. So…could I find some kind person to get me some Off…?

“Think we got one over here,” a voice said.

“If you shoot me, it will
seriously
piss me off,” I replied.

Lights approached in the dark and were shined on me. They were kind enough to mostly keep them out of my face.

“Any particular reason you’re lying on the ground after a zombie attack?” a voice said, sounding mildly amused.