Monster: Made & Broken (A Mafia Bad Boy Romance) (16 page)

Wanted to belong with him.

Sharp fear clenched in my stomach, and I frowned. I’d never thought of myself as the romantic type—I’d learned early on that men weren’t to be trusted when my dad up and left my mother and me when I was still a kid, and working for Brigs had only confirmed it. Most of my marks had been married, and yet still they came willingly at the promise of sex with a stranger.

I’d never wanted to be part of a couple, so why did I care whether or not Marcus did?

When we got back to Marcus’ flat it was past six in the evening, and I headed straight for the fridge as my stomach grumbled about having missed lunch. Before I could let my eyes roam over the fancy ingredients Marcus had stocked his fridge with, a large hand came down on my shoulder.

“
Go sit down. I’ll cook.”

I craned my neck up to look at him. “Don’t be silly—it’s kind of my job. And besides, you’ve had a tough day. I’ll try to whip up something slightly better than the pasta.”

He didn’t quite manage to hide the grimace that passed over his face at the mention of my failed pasta dish, and I couldn’t help but feel just a tiny bit insulted.

“
It wasn’t
that
bad!”

Marcus didn’t respond, and I huffed at his raised eyebrow.

“
Fine, whatever. You play
MasterChef
, then. I’ll watch CSI and wait on your culinary creations.” I didn’t quite stomp off to the sofa, though I did sit down on the couch with a demonstrative huff.

It didn’t take long for mouthwatering scents to waft over to the lounge area, and when Marcus finally placed a plate with a large steak, buttered potatoes, and pan seared veggies in front of me, I didn’t have it in me to stay insulted.

“
Oh my God, this looks absolutely amazing,” I said, already grabbing knife and fork to dig in. The first bite was heaven.

“
Mouth orgasm,” I moaned around a big chunk of meat. “How are you such a good cook?” I scarfed down another bite, humming happily. “This is legit the best food I’ve ever tasted.”

“
I wanted to own a café, once,” he said. He sat next to me on the couch with his own plate, but he managed it with quite a bit more grace than I. “Took some cooking classes, until my father found out.”

“
I guess it’s not that easy to get out of the family business, in your situation,” I said in between unladylike bites. Up until now, it had never dawned on me that he’d even want to. “When did you try?”

“
When I was sixteen. I always used to help my mother in the kitchen. It took a few years after her death until I could go near one again.”

He said it so calmly, with no hint of emotion, but the revelation still made my heart give an achy spasm of empathy.

“
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you’d lost her,” I said, finally looking up from my already half-devoured food.

He gave a shrug, but the stiffness of his shoulders told me he was just putting on a show. There was an old wound there.

“
What happened? If… if you’re okay talking about it.”

“
One of the Family’s rivals got to her. She liked to go for evening walks around the neighborhood. I usually came with her. I didn’t that night—it was the same night my father had some of the men teach me about guns for the first time. That’s why they got to her—the men who were supposed to guard the neighborhood were securing the warehouse they used for target practice.”

I didn’t think about it this time—I just reached out and placed my hand on his knee, wanting somehow to ease the pain I could almost see behind his dark gaze. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that, right? If you’d been there, you would have died too.”

Marcus shrugged again, his sensitive lips twisting into a frown. “Maybe. Or maybe they would have been content with killing a Steel son rather than an innocent woman. She was very kind. Good. Not like the rest of us.” He looked at me and his gaze turned softer. “You remind me of her.”

I couldn’t help the hot flush I felt spread to my cheeks. “I’m not really all that kind. Or good. I worked for Brigs for a year and a half—I don’t think anyone who’s done what I have can be classed as
good
.”

He put his fork down and placed his now free hand on top of mine. The heat from it flowed up my arm with a pleasant buzz. “What have you done?”

There was no judgment in his tone, nor unease. Only his usual calmness. The lingering softness in his eyes as he looked at me made all the guilt I’d spent so long suppressing come bubbling to the surface.

“
I’m the reason people got hurt. A lot of people. I lured them into the trap, and I knew what would happen to them once they walked into it. I never stayed once Leo and his men had their hands on them, but I knew.” I was too ashamed to keep eye contact and looked down to where our hands were joined. How ironic that I felt such intense shame over the crimes I’d facilitated in front of a mafia son. But that soft look in his eyes, hearing him compare me to his dead mother whom he obviously thought the world of… it made me feel like such a fraud. Even though he, of all people, should have known what kind of work I’d done.

“
I never slept with any of them.” I don’t know what possessed me to say that, but it somehow felt important that he knew he was the only one I’d had sex with for the job. As if that somehow would make me purer.

“
Even if you did, it wouldn’t change what you are deep down,” he rumbled, his hand moving to nudge my chin up. “You put your own life on the line for mine. You protected me.”

And there it was. I opened my mouth to deny it, to tell him that wasn’t what happened, but the words died on my lips. That was exactly what had happened. I’d wanted to protect him, the man I was meant to seduce so Brigs could have taken him and his family down. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t. And I had put my own life on the line to protect him.

“
Why did you work for him?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I was stupid and borrowed money off him that I couldn’t pay back. It was that job or… well, I’m sure you know what happens to people who don’t pay back a loan to a guy like Brigs.”

“
What did you need the money for?”

I bit my lip, thinking back to when the doctor had first told me that there was nothing more they could do for my mother. That she was going to slip further and further away from me until she was nothing but a shell of the woman she’d once been. “My mum has Alzheimer's. There is a private nursing home up in Highgate that specializes in the care of people with dementia and Alzheimer’s, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t face the thought that I couldn’t get her the best care possible. She’s always looked after me, and since my dad left, it’s always been her and me against the world. I couldn’t live with myself if I let her down when she needed me the most. But the bank wouldn’t lend me any money—apparently, being a waitress doesn’t inspire great financial trust. So I found Brigs.” I glanced up at him. “That’s what I spent the money that was missing from what I stole from you on, too. I paid one of the nurses to look after her for me, since I thought I’d have to flee the country.”

The expression on Marcus’ face was as gentle as I’d ever seen it. It made me falter, my voice dying as his gray eyes connected with mine.
“
Anything for the Family.
It’s the Steel motto, but you put us all to shame, Evelyn. You’ve risked everything to take care of your mother. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you strong.”

“
I don’t feel strong,” I admitted, my voice quavering a little as I took in the admiration in his gaze. It felt undeserved, and yet everything inside of me hungered for more the longer our eyes connected. I looked down to our hands again. “I’ve been scared for what feels like years. It feels like the only thing that’s kept me going is that I’m more scared of not doing right by my mum than I am of what I’ve seen and done.”

Marcus’ hand constricted slightly around mine, and when he spoke this time, there was a hint of steel in his voice. “You don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m here now—and I will take care of both you and your mother. I promise.”

* * * *

Chapter 18

Evelyn

Marcus didn’t join me in bed that night, and when I woke up the next morning, I was still alone.

Somewhat odd behavior, really, for a guy who proclaimed to want to impregnate me. If I’d ever been open to the idea of having his baby, it had been after he told me he would take care of not only me, but also my mother. Something about the sincerity in his eyes resonated with that same aspect of myself that had been so drawn to him from the very first time we met, and I had allowed myself to imagine just what it’d be like to be a happy little family unit.

But Marcus hadn’t followed me to bed, and in the clarity of daylight, I was pretty thankful I hadn’t indulged in a round of unprotected sex. As much as he might mean it
right now
, no one could say how long that would last—and I didn’t need to add a baby to my problems once he and I inevitably went our separate ways.

Even if it had felt good to believe for just a few moments.

I got out of bed, ruthlessly pushing down any lingering emotions inspired by our candid talk last night, and trotted to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

I found Marcus at the dining table with a bowl of half-eaten yogurt pushed to the side and his focus solely on the laptop in front of him.

“
Morning,” I offered as I passed by on my way to the fridge.

He only grunted in return, but when I joined him at the table a few minutes later with my freshly toasted cream-cheese bagel, he finally lifted his eyes from the screen.

There were a hint of dark circles under his eyes, and I wondered if he had even slept at all last night.

“
Did you not make it to bed?” I asked before sinking my teeth into the bagel. “Did one of your brothers get in touch with a plan? Or is it about Brigs?”

“
No.” He closed the laptop and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher. “When you’ve finished your breakfast, I’d like us to go visit your mother.”

I coughed, choking on my mouthful of food. “Why?”

“
I thought you might like to see her.”

“
Of course I would, but I…” I hadn’t thought I would ever get to again. An odd mix of relief, excitement, and worry circulated in my chest, making it feel tight. “I don’t want Brigs to know about her. Does he know where you live? Is there a chance he’d have us followed?”

Marcus shrugged. “If he does, it won’t help him any. I’ve sent men up to guard her nursing home—the building will be protected at all times.”

I blinked, repeatedly, as warmth and confusion spread through my body. “I… how do you know which nursing home she’s at?”

“
There’s only one nursing home in Highgate that specializes in dementia and Alzheimer’s.” He said it matter-of-factly, as if stationing criminal
guards
around a nursing home was a perfectly normal thing to do.

“
Oh.” I stared at him for several long moments while my brain slowly processed the one burning question his revelation left me with. “Why are you doing this?”

“
My father might have forgotten what our motto used to be, but I haven’t. She is your family, and that makes her mine. I told you—I will protect both of you. At any cost.”

* * *

Susie wasn’t on the front desk when Marcus and I passed through the reception, but the nurse there recognized me and let us through with a courteous nod—and a wary look at Marcus’ large figure.

“
Stay behind me, okay?” I said to him as we paused outside my mother’s door. “She gets confused easily, and… well, you’re kind of scary. So please don’t take offense if I ask you to wait outside, okay?”

Marcus gave a short nod, seemingly not too offended by that, nor by being called scary. I offered him a smile as thanks and knocked once on the door before opening it.

“
Mum? It’s me. Evelyn. I brought a visitor. Is that okay?”

She was sitting by the window as she usually did, but turned toward the door at the sound of my voice. My heart gave a spasm of joy when a smile of recognition spread across her face.

“
Evelyn. I didn’t expect to see you today, my love. It isn’t Tuesday, is it?”

“
No, it’s not, Mum.” I walked over and hugged her tightly, breathing in her scent in greedy gulps. Her lucid days were getting fewer and farther between, and I was overwhelmed with a sudden rush of gratitude toward Marcus for bringing me here today. “I just missed you and wanted to stop by and say hi.”

“
Don’t you be missing out on your life to come check up on me, child,” she said, giving my shoulders a squeeze with surprising strength. “The nurses here take excellent care of me.”

“
I’m not missing out on anything.” Reluctantly, I let go of her when she pulled back, but her focus shifted behind me and her eyebrows crept up.