Montana Actually (25 page)

With gut-dropping clarity he knew why, but right now, he didn’t have time to deal with any more revelations. He had to stop Brent from getting to Katrina. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Everyone calls me Brent.” Charm oozed out of every pore, his good ol’ boy act neatly concealing his surname.

“Well, Brent,” he ground out, using everything he had to keep his temper under control and his fists firmly by his sides, “as a doctor yourself, I’m sure you’ll appreciate that I have to protect my patients’ confidentiality.”

The tic in Brent’s cheek was the only sign he showed that he understood Josh knew exactly who he was. “Surely, Katrina’s a member of staff, not a patient?”

“She doesn’t work here.”

He smiled a snake oil salesman smile. “Then you’re not breaking any moral code if you tell me where Coulee Creek is.”

Josh took a step forward into Brent’s personal space, matching him in height if not quite in breadth. “Listen, Brent,” he spat out the word. “Katrina’s told me all about you, so I suggest you get back in that very fast car of yours and head back east to your wife and kids.”

Brent cocked an ebony brow. “Just as well I came when I did,” he said, his voice dripping in condescension, “if she’s been reduced to slumming it with a country physician.”

Josh actually growled. “You need to leave. Now.”

Brent’s eyes took in the mishmash of health promotion posters tacked up on the walls between the faded paintings and then glared at Bethany before returning his gaze to Josh. “You’re right. There’s nothing worth anything here.”

“You won’t find her,” Josh said far more confidently than he felt. “Bear Paw looks after its own.”

Brent paused with his hand on the door. “In that case, I’m sure when I explain to anyone outside of this podunk medical clinic that I wish to pay my condolences to a valued county family after their tragic loss, they’ll have no qualms in showing me the way.” The door closed behind him.

Josh frantically pulled his cell phone from his pocket and called Katrina’s number. Pacing up and down he muttered, “Pick up, pick up, pick up.”

The call went directly to voice mail. “Shit.”

He tapped out a text, and as he hit send he remembered some of the last words he’d said to her.
Suddenly you want me to marry you?

He cringed. There was no way she’d read the text once she saw it was from him. “Bethany, do you have any idea where Katrina is?”

The huge woman shook her head. “None. There’s nothing on her Twitter account and she hasn’t been in town all week.”

I know and that’s my fault.
“I need to reach her before he does.”

“Don’t worry, Doc, that asshole won’t get to Coulee Creek.”

He fished his car’s key fob out of his pocket. “How can you be so sure?”

She held up her phone. “I just sent out a tweet. Nobody in Bear Paw’s gonna help him.”

Gratitude rushed through him and he kissed her on the cheek.

She batted him away with her hand. “Stop sexually harassing me.” But the tone in her voice said she wasn’t upset. “You need to get out to Coulee Creek.”

“If I go, Brent is likely to follow me.”

“I think he might be tied up with Mitch checking his license and registration. You know, just to make sure that that fancy-schmancy car isn’t stolen.”

Not for the first time since moving to Bear Paw, Josh was starting to see some advantages. “Small-town policing at work?”

“That’d be the one.” Bethany pointed her crutch at the door. “Now move it.”

—

JOSH
covered the distance to Coulee Creek in record-breaking time, not even slowing his baby for the ruts on the long gravel road to the ranch house. Katrina hadn’t responded to his text or his call, and neither had Beau or Kirk. Either Katrina had told them what had gone down between them and they were rightfully siding with her and ignoring him, or the damn buttes and coulee cell phone black holes were working overtime.

He needed to find her. He needed to talk to her before Brent got to her. Above all, he needed to tell her that he loved her.

He had no clue if she was even on the ranch, but it made sense in his head that he’d find her here. But if she wasn’t and if Bethany’s Twitter idea failed them, then at least he’d be here when Brent arrived. If he had anything to do with it, that slimy prick wasn’t getting anywhere near her. He bumped over the cattle guards into the yard and let go of a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. No red Porsche. He’d gotten here first. Then it hit him—there were no ranch vehicles, either.

He got out of the car and checked the house, but although it was open, no one was home. He checked his phone again. Nothing. He walked across the yard to the barn, memories of kissing Katrina on the day of the branding flooding him. Instead of weeks, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Today, the bright afternoon light streamed through gaps in the wooden slats and dust motes danced in the shafts. The horses nickered and he recognized Katrina’s Benji.

“Hey, boy.” He gingerly rubbed the horse’s nose. “Where’s your mistress?”

“What are you doing here, Josh?”

He spun around at Katrina’s voice and saw her standing in the tack room doorway. Backlit by the light, she looked vulnerable despite her hostile voice.

Vulnerability he’d put there. Guilt doused him. “Thank God you’re here.”

Panic flared in her eyes as her face paled and her hands gripped the doorjamb. “Why? Who’s hurt?”

“No one.” Straw clung to his Oxford shoes as he reached her and touched her shoulders. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She shook away his touch and crossed her arms against him as if defending herself. “If no one’s hurt, why are you here?”

He smiled at her, knowing the very easy answer to her question.
I love you.
“I needed to talk to you.”

Her emerald eyes hardened. “You could have called.”

He’d always loved her eyes—how the facets of green seemed to glow with warm light—but now they were an icy arctic green. A slither of unease wound through him. He didn’t want to just blurt out I
love you
, but he had to do something fast to show he’d come in peace.

“I did call and I texted but I wasn’t sure you got the message. Brent’s in town looking for you.”

She hauled herself up, her small stature rigidly straight. “So you came out here to save me from myself? How very gallant of you.”

That’s exactly what he’d done, but her tone and expression said she didn’t need him or want him. In fact, she looked as if she’d rather eat poison than have him here. “I didn’t want you to have to face him on your own.”

“I’m a big girl, Josh. You can leave now.”

And she meant it—he could tell by the way her mouth had turned down at the edges. “I just thought . . .” He ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the best thing to say. “You once told me you were worried he’d talk you round.”

“I was a different person back then. The last few weeks have hardened me.”

Her anger rolled off her, buffeting him, and he knew he deserved every bit of it but he desperately sought to find a chink in it, some evidence that the love she’d professed for him still existed. Something to latch onto with his love for her.

She suddenly jerked as if she’d been Tasered and narrowed her eyes at him. “Given what you told me last week, why would you care what decision I make about Brent?”

This was his moment. “Because I love you, Katrina.”

He was hoping for squeals of delight or tears of joy or both. He got brickbats.

“And you worked this out when, exactly?”

She asked the question so quietly that he had to strain to hear above the barn noise. “When I spoke with Brent.”

Incredulity widened her eyes. “You didn’t love me nine days ago but you suddenly realize you do when a possible threat walks into your territory?” Her snort of derision made the horses neigh. “Your primate ancestors would be so proud. Now I really need you to leave.”

Devastating fear lanced him. Had he lost her no matter what he said or did?
Do something.
For the first time in his life, he put his heart on the line. “I know my timing sucks, Katrina, and I’d do anything to change it but I can’t. All I can do is stand here before you and tell you that I love you. I really do love you and I’m ashamed it took me this long to work it out. I’m so desperately sorry I hurt you.”

—

KATRINA
heard Josh’s earnest and heartfelt words. Part of her feared them and wanted to shut them out. The other part of her craved to hear them. The two halves together added up to the new Katrina. She was not the same person she’d been when she’d arrived back in Bear Paw or when she’d met him. Her mother’s death and her love for Josh, the pain that love had caused her and by default the pain it was causing Ty, all of it had changed her. Made her wary. She couldn’t just blindly accept his love and walk straight back into his arms.

He stood in front of her in a cool, open-neck madras-style shirt rolled up to his elbows, chinos and leather shoes designed for pavement, not the packed earth floor of a mucky barn. Out of place and with every part of him begging her to listen and more importantly hear him. She really didn’t want to have another gut-wrenching conversation with him, but then again, she needed some answers.

“Why didn’t you understand that what you felt for me was love?”

The tips of his ears pinked. “I’d been viewing all my feelings for you individually, not realizing that collectively they are love.” His hand plowed his hair. “It turns out I’ve been in love with you for weeks.”

It didn’t make a lot of sense and it didn’t mollify her, given that nine days ago he was adamant he couldn’t love her. “It isn’t like you haven’t been in love before. Surely you know what love is, what it feels like?”

He swallowed and his pleading eyes sought hers. “I thought I’d been in love before. I thought what I shared with Ashley was love, and based on that, I committed to her. When she left after months of arguing and breaking her word, I never wanted to make that sort of commitment again.”

She saw the turmoil in his face.
I’m taking things slowly.
“Are you saying that if you don’t commit, you can’t get hurt?”

He shrugged. “Probably. I didn’t analyze it, but when I compare what I felt for Ashley to what I feel for you, I know that all I had with her was a toxic mess.”

Cautious hope leaped. “What am I to you?”

A smile unlike any she’d ever seen touched his lips. “You’re my best friend and my lover. You’re my sounding board and my confidant. You’re my critic and my staunch supporter, and the idea of living without you by my side is too awful to contemplate.” He held out his hands toward hers, stopping just short of touching her. “I truly love you.”

Her heart trembled. He
loved her. He truly loved her.
Tears of joy threatened to fall, but then her wounded soul kicked her hard and she kept her hands by her sides. She’d been here once before and it had all turned pear shaped. “So exactly what does this mean, Josh?”

His hands dropped to his sides. “That I love you and I live in fear of losing you.”

Her heart spasmed and the protective guards she’d put in place fell away. Yes, he’d been slow to realize he loved her, and yes, she’d been badly hurt by his lack of commitment to her, but now she saw the source of all their heartache. Part of him was convinced a day would come when she’d leave him. “You just told me I’m your staunch supporter.”

“You are,” he said, his voice slightly disconcerted. “I’ve never known anyone to believe in me quite the way you do.”

“That’s because there’s so much to believe in.” She stepped in close. “I love you, Josh, but I’m not sure you believe me, so let me tell you that you’re my lover and my dearest friend. You’ve been my unbelievable rock since Mom died, and my solace when I thought I’d never be able to smile again.

“That said, there are times when you frustrate and annoy me. Also, you’re a hopeless cook and before you say anything, grilling isn’t cooking, plus you’re a disastrous handyman.” She raised her hands to his cheeks with a smile. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to leave you. All of those things are far outweighed by the caring, generous man that you are. I love you, Josh, but is knowing that going to be enough for you?”

His brow furrowed in deep ridges and anxiety hung in his eyes. “And if I get an offer at a big hospital out east, will you come?”

“I’ll follow you almost anywhere.”

“What do you mean by almost?”

“I want to have children, Josh. Do you?”

He gripped her forearms. “Hell yes.”

Thank you.
“Well, I don’t want to raise them in a slum or near a war zone, but that said, I think we should do some charity work in third-world countries. I’ve never run from experiences; it’s why I left Bear Paw and I’ll happily go places for a few weeks with you.” Her fingers stroked his forearms. “This is our life, Josh, and we have to create a partnership. I promise you that if I give you my word on something, I won’t have made the decision lightly and I won’t break it.”

He visibly relaxed. “And what if I decided to stay in Bear Paw? How would you feel about that?”