Moon Child (22 page)

He frowned at her for a long time, mulling everything she’d told him over in his head. He was relieved to hear that someone knew about his mother, even if it wasn’t the full story. Maybe especially since it wasn’t the full story, he could still hold onto hope. There was still a chance to dig deeper and fill in those empty slots. He still had a chance of finding out who and what his father was.

“Tristan?”

He slowly looked at her, unsure of her tone.

“There is one more—something important you need to know and understand the reason why.”

“Go on,” he said sounding suspicious.

She looked like she was going to hesitate and then just blurted out, “I had Yukihime erase your mind in France.”

Tristan blinked one of those long, thought gathering blinks. It didn’t work. “You—” He put his back to her. He was shaking. He knew this, deep down he was sure something had happened to him he couldn’t remember. After all, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember exactly how he killed Lucien. There were gaps in his memory and it frightened him to think Yuki had been in his head, moving shit around. But to find out that Ash initiated it…

“I did it to protect you.”

“To—” He spun on her, too angry to even see straight. He was panting hard, his face tingling with the rush of oxygen. Fists balled tight enough to hurt, Tristan forced himself to focus and slow his breathing. “O-K,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m listening, very carefully.”

Ash licked her lips, thinking about what she wanted to say, how to say it. In the end, she gave way to speaking from the heart, earnest and without limitations. “There were things that happened to you and things that you did that I wanted to protect you from. I realize that I took that decision away from you in doing so, risked losing you forever. But it was the decision I made for
your
greater good.”

He took a moment to digest her words. Though strong, she was obviously frightened but was going to stick by her choices in life. “I can’t remember how Lucien died, Yuki took that.”

Ash nodded.

“Just what did I do that was so awful that you had to take that from me?”

“You killed Lucien.”

Tristan’s heart was working overtime, pounding hard as the fear overtook him. He killed Lucien, so what? It’s what he was supposed to do. But he’d done it in such a way that shook Ash’s soul. She was afraid of him. He looked up into her eyes and saw it, that fear. Not of what he was supposed to be or might become, but of what he’d already done.

“I remember, after we got back to the room, I was sick and… I don’t know, I just didn’t feel right. But I remember an overwhelming sense of accomplishment, and peace. You said you were proud of me, but I can’t remember why…” Tristan met Ash’s eyes. “You were proud of what I did to kill Lucien and yet, it terrified you deeply enough to have it erased from my mind.”

Ash nodded ever so slightly. “Yes,” she whispered.

“And how is that not messing with fate?”

Ash frowned.

“The way I see it, you’re just like Yuki.”

His words were bitter and cut right through Ash. “I only do what I think is best.”

Tristan snorted at her. “I bet Yuki says the same thing.”

Ash looked away. Because he was right. She knew it was wrong but her love for him pushed her to overact. Maybe it was right to take that memory, but maybe it was wrong too. She’d never know.

Tristan’s anger washed away in the wake of his sudden fear. “What the hell am I?” He took a step towards her, sweating, panting, heart racing, throat closed with fear.

“You are… Uruwashi. And something not human.” She relaxed her stance, tilting her head to the side, considering. “But you are not evil. You are just another creature on this planet trying to survive. And you are the man I love.”

With a gasp, Tristan fell to his knees. “I’m afraid of what I did, Ash. It if was so bad that you had to erase it… Just what kind of terrible monster am I?”

She shook her head. “You are no monster. And what you did… It had to be done. It was my fault, I could not help you, forced you into such a position.”

“No, Ash.” He reached out and she cautiously slipped into his arms. He sighed and pulled her closer, pressing his cheek to her belly. “You saved my life, at the risk of your own.”

“I could not let you die there.”

“Because I’m the last Uruwashi?”
Was
.

“No.” She took a tiny step back, clasping his face into her hands to make him look up at her. “Because I love you. Nothing more, nothing less.”

He sniffled, not realizing his eyes were stinging. “Did I… did I try to hurt you too?”

“No.” It was dry and short, making Tristan wonder if he really had.

“Fuck,” he hissed. After a quiet moment he added, “Next time, don’t run off and have my memories wiped. I understand why you did it, but it was wrong. You are taking away a piece of me and how am I supposed to grow and learn from my past if I can’t remember it?”

She quickly shuffled back from him, lips pursed again in obvious vexation. “If you wish them returned, I can arrange it with Yukihime.” The fact that he’d have to drink the old vampire’s blood for those memories was moot at this point.

He sighed and then sifted to sit in the tall grass. Then laid down, looking up at a sky devoid of stars, masked by rolling clouds that meant to bring rain again. “No, I’ll trust you, this time.” He rolled his head to the side to look at her. “But there better not be a next time.”

Ash straightened. “Understood.”

Again, the fear of what he’d done rushed through him, punching his fear center in the nads. It must have been terrible for her to go so far, seeing as she was livid about Yuki taking her own memories and knowing what it was like to be missing a part of one’s self.
Damn
.

Ash warily slipped down next to him in the grass, sitting with her arms propping her up. “I hope that once we are done here, we can remain for a time. I was poor here, but happy. This was my home, where I was born and died. Where my family line died.”

“What was your sister like?”

Ash smiled at a private memory. “She was kind and gentle when she needed to be, but quick to snap if it meant her pride. She had every reason to be proud, she was a strong pythia. Strong enough to have become an antediluvian if she had not died.”

“If Malik hadn’t killed her, you mean.”

“Yes,” she whispered and fell into silence for a moment.

“I realize that I am older than I am meant to be, an unnatural creature to pervert the laws of nature, but for the life of me, I cannot remember my mother’s face. Papa, it is almost as if he never existed. I barely remember Lyandros’s name and I haven’t a clue what Eva’s husband’s name was. I think I even only remember Lilith because she used to come to me after my death, unbeknownst to Malik.”

“Come to you, like in a dream?”

“Yes. I was never very far from Malik, so it was easy for her to see me, her being his captive as well. But I wonder now, all these years later… she could have easily freed herself of that man, there is no doubt in my mind. So I wonder, why did she stay? For me?”

“Did you ever ask her?”

“No. I was too afraid. I like to believe she still loves me, somewhere in her all-seeing mind. But then when I saw her before we left Japan… it was like we were strangers.”

Tristan frowned, turning his head to look at her. “She had no eyes, Ash.”

“She does not need eyes to know me. I am of her very blood. I may not have the blood of a pythia in me, the right enzymes to quicken spells, but our very beings still resonate with each other as kin, as family.”

“You were close to her, when you were still alive?”

“Very. We were all we had in that tiny house. Looked out for each other, made a happy life from one that was never meant to be.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about Lilith before? It hurt too much to talk about her? To admit that your own family was working against you for the man who took your life?”

“Perceptive of you, but no. Yukihime did not want me to remember her…”

Tristan sat up, the thoughts behind his eyes like spreading wildfire. “Because, she’s important to what I am?”

Ash shrugged, staring up at the clouds. “I think because she told me who you would be to me and I needed help accepting it.”

“Lilith talked to you about me?”

“At length. The things she told me… I knew you before we had even said a single word to one another. I almost left you that night at the club. I knew when I finally saw you towering over the crowd that I was already a part of you. You did not know me, but I knew you and it was just destined to be. I was meant to be with you, to help you, guide you, love you through the most difficult part of your life.”

He took in a shaky breath tasting of cool night rain. “Was I supposed to die, back there in Malik’s home?”

“Lilith never said, only that whatever your fate was that night, mine was the same. And I wanted to die. By the Goddess, I dreamed, aspired of death after Malik was gone. That was all I had ever wanted.”

“What stopped you, besides Yukihime?”

Ash gave a little laugh. “Yukihime did not stop me, not even after exposing my plan to you. It was you, Tristan. I lived for you. I lived because I wanted to stay with you and you… you needed me just as much as I you. Even if I had not wanted to stay with you, knowing my death meant yours… it was not the way I wanted it to end for you.”

“Our meeting was fated and us falling in love was just… meant?”

“Yes. But I do not love you because fate has determined such. I love you because I do.”

He gave her a worried little look. From the beginning he wondered if the way he felt for her was vampire-Uruwashi physics at play. Now, he wondered if it was all just forced by the way of fate. He hated that the universe thought it knew what was best for him. Maybe it was right. He wasn’t doing such a good job with his own life before Ash.

“Is there anything else?” At Ash’s confused look, he added, “Anything else you’ve been hiding that I really need to know?”

Ash bit into her lip, really thinking. “I am still missing a portion of my memories.”

“You don’t know why Yuki didn’t give them back?”

“No, that only they are perhaps important to what you are.”

“Yeah, but what good would it do for her to keep that from us?”

“Maybe she thinks you still are not ready to know?”

He snorted. “She’s such a shit. When we get back, I’m going to give her a piece of my mind.”

Ash chuckled, rolling to her side and putting a hand on his arm to make him look at her. “As will I.”

He smiled, touching her hand. “Thank you. For telling me, I mean. Don’t think I’m not still mad about the whole taking my memories stunt though. It makes me not trust you a little too.”

Ash frowned, taking her hand back. “I understand. And if you ask for your memories back, I will not argue it. I only ask that you think on it very carefully.”

He swallowed hard, wondering again just what he did. “I will.”

Ash heaved a sigh and the silence that filled in around them was comfortable. The air held a hint of ozone as the storm rolled in, electrifying the atmosphere with energy. The clouds tumbled by fast and with purpose, giving only brief glimpses of the nearly full moon begging to be seen in all its brilliant glory. The bugs were quiet, but that wasn’t for the impending storm so much as Ash’s unnatural presence.

“I have a theory on what else you might be.”

“Yeah?” he asked, sounding distracted. Again, Ash cursed her current state and not being able to read his thoughts. She knew now that her current state was just another manipulation by something greater, to force her into being what she was. A younger Ash would have fought it, but now, after more than three-hundred years of fighting what she thought she should be, she was tired. She was tired and ready to just… be. Whatever form that took that didn’t degrade her moral standing was acceptable.

“It is rather fortunate that Silas has made himself known too, that will help me confirm such a theory.”

Tristan turned his head to look at her finally. “You think I’m half elf?”

“Partially anyway. What else if not elf?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t have feathers for hair.”

She gave him a tiny smile. “There is that. But that does not mean you would inherit such trait, it is a recessive gene when mixed with other races—the feathers. And to say you are part of any of the other shinwa is just—Faerie might be a possibility.”

“What? No way, I’m tall.”

“True, but I am not wholly ready to dismiss the fae. Perhaps your father was half fae. In fact, a half fae, half elf father would account for many traits you possess: height, ferocity, healing…”

Interesting
, he thought, agreeing with her.

She sighed wistfully, lost in thought a moment. Tristan let her think, his own mind having already worked over the same conclusions she was presenting. “I actually thought for a long time, before we met, that you might be part lycan. I do not remember why, only that I had this notion in my head and it got stronger and stronger the longer I searched.”