Moonlight and Margaritas (29 page)

"So, is this it?  Did I just make the worst mistake of my life making love to you?"

She wanted to cry.  Life wasn't fair.  "I told you I didn't want anything serious."  She turned away, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to see the grief that etched his features.  "And then you, you…" 

"I made love to you, Elena. 
With
you."  Anger and frustration colored his words.  "We did that together, and it was wonderful.  The rest of our lives could be that way if you'd just let me in."

With her head down, she snuggled the throw tighter around her.  "I'm not ready.  I told you that.  I don't want anything serious, but you won't listen."

"Because I don't think it's true."  He turned from her, picking up his jeans.  From the corner of her eye, she watched him put them on.  "You keep saying you don't want a relationship, but that's not what your actions show."

She ran a quick replay of their dates through her mind, looking for any signals she might have sent him.  "Like what?"

He pulled his shirt over his head and then focused on her.  "Like calling me in the middle of the night because you miss me.  Or asking about my family and discussing my future with me."  He paused.  "Or maybe the way you respond to me when I touch you." 

She shook her head.  No, he was wrong.  "I do care about you, Joe."

"Oh, hell, Elena."  He looked like he wanted to punch something.  "It's more than caring."  He trapped her with a hard stare.  "You love me like I love you.  You just won't admit it."

She shook her head as tears gathered in her eyes.  "I don't."  She inhaled a shaky breath.  She was sure she would never love again.  "I can't."

"Can't?  What kind of bullshit is that?  You
can't
love someone?"  He raked a hand through his hair.  "I know you're scared.  Love is a scary thing, and I know you've been deeply burned by it before.  But, please, give us a chance.  We can take things slow, take our time, but don't shut me out."

No.  He might be right thinking she was scared, but she had a right to be.  She had a right to be careful.  She wasn't going to screw up her life again.  And he didn't know the meaning of "taking it slow".  "I can't do this right now."  More tears slid down her cheeks, and she didn't try to hide them.  She wanted him to know that this tore at her heart, too.  More than anything, she didn't want to hurt him, but she couldn't jump into a relationship like he wanted.  Not now.  Maybe not ever again.  Why couldn't he understand?

He finished dressing, watching her, and she knew he wanted a reply.  But what else could she say?

"Okay, then, Elena."  He blew out a breath.  "I'll give you your space.  You let me in an inch and then close the door in my face.  I have no choice but to let you have it your way."  He paused.  "But you're making a mistake."  He waited, giving her time to respond. 

When she didn't, he strode out of the room.  The sound of the front door slamming echoed through the house.

She sat for a moment and then went into the bathroom and tried to dry her eyes.  She wasn't going to fall apart like a wet tissue.  She'd survived worse than this.  Right?  A shock of pain ripped through her heart, making her feel ill.

She forced her emotions back into their leaky capsule and downed a glass of cold water.  She'd be all right.  She took a deep breath.

Everything would be okay.

Oh, god.  Nothing would ever be okay again.

"What were you thinking, Sheri?"  Elena grabbed a pink snapdragon from the hand of her part-time afternoon help.

"I—I don't know.  You said to pick something pink."  The quiet, red-headed teenager looked at her with uncertainty in her eyes.

"You don't put snapdragons in a new-age type of arrangement.  Snapdragons say old-fashioned and homespun."  She walked to the refrigerator and brought back a pail full of bird-of-paradise.  "These will work.  See how they're sharp, angular and vibrant?  This is what we want."

"But, they're not pink."

Elena sent her an irritated look, and Sheri took a step back.  "Sometimes you have to work with what you have."

The bell on the front door chimed.  Elena groaned and then promptly ignored the customer.  These arrangements had to be finished by four.  The mayor's office had given her shop its largest contract this year, and she was determined to make it a success, even if it killed her. 

"See."  She shoved a stem into the arrangement.  "See how this works?"

"Okay."  The girl nodded.  "I'm really sorry."  She was on the verge of tears.  "I was just trying to help."

Elena blew out a frustrated breath.  "Never mind.  I'm the one who should apologize.  This whole affair has me on edge."  It wasn't Sheri's fault that her supplier had shorted her on flowers, again.  Today of all days.  Plus, Sheri was the daughter of one of her best customers, and it wouldn't do to gain a reputation as a hard head. "Go see if Carmen needs help with the customers out front."

Sheri couldn't get out of there fast enough.  Elena didn't blame her.

"A bit harsh, weren't you?"

Elena turned, ready to battle, but softened when she saw Mercedes holding two Starbucks cups.

Mercedes held one out.  "Caramel macchiato?"

"I think I love you."  She snatched the cup and sipped, letting the caramel taste soothe her spirit.  She sighed.  "Thank you.  You're a lifesaver."

Mercedes smiled, looking gorgeous in a revealing periwinkle sweater and white capris.  "So what's going on here?  All of this for the mayor's ball, or whatever you call it?"  She fingered a red ginger flower.

"Yes," Elena said, setting aside her cup.  "I have to have forty arrangements done by four.  Be ready for Cole to pick me up by six, and I'm nowhere near finished."  She ran a hand through her disheveled hair, knowing she made it look worse. 

"That's right.  The mayor's single, rich, not to mention extremely handsome brother did ask to escort you."  Mercedes slid a stool closer to Elena's work area and sat.  "I noticed the big hole in the street in front of your shop is gone.  Did Cole finally manage to pull some strings for you?"

"He says no.  Just out of the blue, the construction company started working twenty-four hour shifts so they could finish the project early.  Maybe someone else on the street has more clout than me.  I don't know what happened.  I'm just grateful they're gone."

"Me, too."  She sipped from her cup.  "What about Joe?  How does he feel about your date with Cole?"

"I don't want to talk about it."  The situation with Joe was a festering thorn in her heart that she had to ignore for the moment, or she'd fall apart.

"Elena."  She tsked and shook her head.  "Don't tell me you broke it off."

Elena grabbed another bird of paradise and stuck it in the arrangement, refusing to discuss her choices.  "Did I mention that I didn't receive my delivery until eleven,
and
they didn't send the full shipment?"  Her hand shook as she picked up a stem of fresh greenery.  "I'm really starting to wonder if someone is trying to sabotage me, and to top it all off, Sheri was trying to put snapdragons where they don't belong."

"Take a breath, chica."  Mercedes leaned over and wrapped a reassuring arm around her.  "It'll all work out."  She glanced about the backroom.  "Where's that nephew of mine?"

"Tico already took the first delivery because Emilio is still out making regular runs.  I don't have enough room to store and transport all of the flowers at once, so he'll have to make several trips.  Of course, that'll cost me time to keep stopping and loading the van."  She picked up her cup and took another sip.  "Is this what a mental breakdown feels like?  I think I'm more stressed than when I filed for divorce."

Mercedes motioned with her hand.  "Slow down, slow down."  She laughed, and Elena's tension slipped a notch.  "Honey, you're not having a breakdown.  This is your first big success, and you're just a little nervous."

Elena opened her mouth, but Mercedes silenced her with another upheld hand.  "Second, filing for divorce didn't seem so bad, because at that time you hadn't held the world on your shoulders, and you were ready to move on with your life.  You'd stopped loving Richard many years before, so it wasn't difficult to walk away."

Elena squeezed her eyes shut.  "I really tried to love him, you know?"

"I know, baby.  He didn't deserve you, and you've paid a huge price for giving him that chance."

Elena grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and dabbed her eyes.  "But I'm better now, right?"  She sniffed.  "I'm mostly healed, and I'm a strong woman."

Mercedes nodded.  "You are.  Every day that I fight my own battles, you are my inspiration."

Her declaration just about sent Elena over an emotional precipice.  "Stop."

"Okay."  She smiled.  "I came here to help, not make things worse, but I worry that you're never going to trust anyone again."

"You mean Joe."  Her friend could see through her walls like they were glass.

"He's a good man, Elena.  Anyone can see that."

She sniffed again.  "I'm not ready for a serious relationship, Mercedes."

Her friend picked up another stem of greenery and handed it to her.  "Maybe, maybe not.  I'm just saying men like Joe don't come along every day.  Take it from someone who knows."  She winked. 

"I know."  Talking with Mercedes lifted a weight from her heart.  "Since you're here, you should grab some of those yellow lilies out of the refrigerator and make yourself useful."

"Si, senora."  Mercedes retrieved the flowers and resumed her seat, pushing aside discarded bits of stems and leaves.  "I'm yours for as long as you need me."

"Enough of my crazy life.  How's your therapy coming?"

Her friend smiled, a genuine smile that came from deep within, and it lifted Elena's mood even more.  Swearing off sex for the time being hadn't dampened her friend's spirit at all. 

"It's great.  I feel freer than I've felt in a long time.  There's a lot of baggage attached to sex.  You have to shave your legs every day.  You have to worry if he likes your body, if you please him.  What if he doesn't please you?  And you have to be careful not to hurt him or yourself."  She snipped off the bottom of a lily and handed it to Elena.  "Living without sex is much simpler."

"So true."  Everything in life was simpler when you kept sex out of the equation.  Simpler, but not nearly as sweet.  Her thoughts jumped to Joe.  It had only been two days, and she missed him terribly.  Why did she ever think she'd be strong enough to keep her emotions locked away with someone like him?

"My therapist is impressed with my recovery.  I'm still working through some painful stuff, but she thinks I should try dating again.  But someone my own age, and no sex with anyone that I haven't dated for at least two months."

"Wow.  You are doing well, and that's some good advice."  Some she wished she'd heeded herself.

Mercedes bit her glossed bottom lip.  "I think I'm ready to give dating, real dating another try."

"I'm really proud of you.  I hope you know that."  Elena put in one last stalk of greenery and adjusted the flowers to her liking. 

"I met someone."  The corners of Mercedes's mouth lifted in delight.  "He's tall, dark and handsome.  We found each other at the library of all places.  Can you believe that?"

"You?  At a library?  What were you doing there?"  Elena scrunched her eyebrows together in mock disbelief.

"Excuse me, but I read.  Just because I have a fun side, doesn't mean I don't like serious things, too." 

Elena smiled, feeling more of her stress slip away.  It was good to have the support of a friend to take her mind off things.  "I beg your pardon.  I didn't mean to insult you," she teased.

"We were both looking for books on automotive repair, and he reached for the same book at the same time as I did.  Our hands bumped and the rest is history."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa."  Elena clamped down the chuckle welling inside her.  "Automotive repair?  Since when do you repair cars?"

Mercedes shrugged.  "It's a new hobby of mine.  It's good to learn about new things, don't you think?"  She picked up the finished arrangement and placed it on a side table with several others. 

Elena waited a few moments while they began a new array of yellow sunflowers, purple coneflowers and vibrant red ginger.  Automotive repair?  She didn't think so.  She wanted so badly to laugh, but she refused to point out her friend's white lie.  If Mercedes wanted to continue the farce, so be it.

"Okay, fine."  Mercedes thrust a coneflower at her.  "So, I wasn't there looking at books on cars.  And we actually already knew each other, but it sounds so romantic to tell it that way.  The truth is I was passing as I saw Emilio go into the library, so I followed him inside.  He's always been so nice to me, and I missed talking to men.  He seemed like a safe person to be around."

"Emilio?"  Elena's laugh found freedom.  Once a seductress, always a seductress.  "Well, tell me more."  She was glad to have Mercedes chatter away about her life, distracting her from thoughts of Joe and of the upcoming evening. 

"I was thinking about asking him to dinner.  What do you think?"